Why in hell did i never look up for a subreddit of this. I'm gonna be reading all your posts, all night. I can't write much now for i'm in tears of relief and joy.
I already stopped once, for a few monthes. So I know i can. Lately it's been one bottle of vodka every evening. So far i havent drank today and it's the evening now, the worst moment. I usually cant restrain myself going to the fucking nightshop at some point. I'm wondering if i should stop brutally or get just a small amount tonight, but we all know where this leads, and i dont want to.
Fuck it, tonight i'll try

Reached 3 years since deciding that I need to cut alcohol out of my life. This year had the biggest temptation of going on a cruise. The entire vibe is drinking and partying. I had a great time, coming to this group to read posts about accomplishments or relapses is always a big help. The support in this group has made this possible. Thank you!! IWNDWY

Time is moving so fast. I'm glad i'm present for every day!! Much ✌️💛 to everybody!

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I turned 44 today, and decided to give up alcohol. I suppose I’ve been a functioning alcoholic for about 13 years now. I don’t drink to blackouts and I have probably only been out of control a handful of times in those 13 years, but several pints of beer a day has become my routine. Years ago about four pints in I would start slurring and would drink energy drinks to correct the slowing of my brain functions that the slurring was a symptom of. It worked to a degree; at least enough my wife no longer noticed. The drinking started as an attempt at self-medicating my depression. I know taking a depressive drug is pretty much the last thing a depressed person should do, but it was successful at taking me out of my own head. My depressive spirals that occupied my mind in those days would dissipate into a cloudy indifference but generally upbeat stupor when I poured alcohol into myself. Hell, my friends and family unintentionally preferred the drunk me that was talkative and attentive to a conversation than the stewing me that often couldn’t focus on anybody because I was trapped with constant depressive thoughts. For the past couple of years I have actually received medical treatment for depression, and my depression gave way but it was unfortunately into anhedonia. Yes I wasn’t depressed, but I wasn’t really anything. Alcohol’s role changed for me at this point. Drinking could push me into some sort of agency when I was indifferent to everything because success or failure meant nothing to me because they both felt the same. At least after drinking I would attempt to do something. It took a while but I think ultimately I was just trying to drink myself to death, because it is a slightly more respectable way to go in a family riddled with historic alcohol problems; plus I could pass the blame onto something other than myself. So I decided to give sobriety a go today. Honestly, I just want to be healthy again and stop poisoning myself with my supposed “medicine”. I have nothing to lose. Thanks for letting me rant.

Every morning I wake up sober is officially the longest I’ve been sober in about 23 years. Someone asked me the other day if I enjoy being sober. Well…

I enjoy not feeling like shit. But I miss leaving my brain. I miss the weird irony of being able to drone on and on about the things in life that were making me miserable, and simultaneously numbing myself to not deal with them.

Raw dogging life has been annoying. Now it’s just me, dealing with my feelings constantly. And having to process them and be constructive about them. Which sounds great from a personal growth standpoint, but is ultimately just exhausting.

Anyways, for me this is the real reason people have trouble staying away from alcohol. It’s not the taste, or the habits, or the “fitting in”. All of that stuff is manageable. It’s the weight of being human all the time.

Thank you for listening to my Ted Talk.

If I touch my back where my liver is, it hurts. I can feel it’s swollen. I can’t stop throwing up. I haven’t slept in days. I cried at self checkout cause the lady yelled at me for typing the produce number instead of scanning the sticker. I balled, she hugged me. She’s the only one who has hugged me. My mom sits here and watches me struggle everyday and instead of hugging, she threatens the cops on me cause I’m in my room alone crying. I cannot go on like this. I sincerely fucking hate life and myself. How does it get better. Why? My cats are my reason to live but then everyone says do it for yourself. I love my cats 1000000 times more than I love me. I am soooooo sick. I’m so fucking sick. I’m so sick. SOS. Im so fucking sick.

edit:

Im overwhelmed with the love here. Im sorry I haven’t replied but know I’ve read every. single. message and comment and it means the world to me. The shame can be so loud, so to be met with love in such a dark place is incredible. This is when I stop digging, I’ve reached rock bottom.

As you saw in my comment, I did call 911. The nice fellows took my vitals and they were near perfect haha I’m like that can’t be right, I think I’m dying. Blood pressure stayed steady at 113/83 and my blood sugars were at 80. I got fluids, and now I’m home. They said detox isn’t necessary for me because I’m not an everyday drinker and my vitals were normal and stable, but it was a really, really bad binge. And to follow up with a primary care for the liver stuff. I don’t have health insurance so I declined testing at the ER, but my dad said he’d help me pay for a doctor. Oh also my Mom is loving and supportive and she knows now, and is helping. She has always been a good mom, and I feel bad I put her through this. She slept thru the paramedics coming to the house haha she felt bad and has been helping me since she woke up. I called 911 about 5am it’s now 10am and just got back a little bit ago. So a nice quick little trip down wake-up call alley.

Idk how it could get worse than this to need full blown detox so my heart and love is 100000 times bigger for any of you who have had to go through that all the way.

I’m back home cuddling with my cats now (cat tax, current status https://imgur.com/a/FbkuDNS).

It really became so real when the paramedics were in my house with the stretcher thingy and I’m like wow this is all cause of a beverage. How silly huh Shout out to my local FD, ain’t no one ever said fuck the fire department in a song, that’s for sure!

I love you all. IWNDWYT or ever again!

edit 2: ummm so the reason my liver back area hurts is cause I fuckin fell off my chair last night and nailed my back into the arm of the chair. I have a massive bruise and it’s swollen. How fitting that it’s exactly where my liver is.

so i can remember every moment of watching my boys grow up. woke up to “365” balloons and a cheesecake on the counter from my lady

I, 36 male, used to be a heavy drinker and I came from a family of heavy drinkers so I always thought I would be drinking forever. I started going to hot yoga and managed to quit my drinking. It’s been over 5 years since I’ve had any alcohol. I have grown a lot and developed new coping mechanisms.

Has anyone taken this long off and then started drinking again and was responsible? I hear horror stories all the time how if someone has one drink and they become uncontrollable.

I’m not sure if this is the right place to post it, but I don’t have anyone in my life on a similar journey, I think I’m the only person I know who has quit drinking. I never went to AA or anything, I just stopped one day and never drank again. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.

Edit: thank you everyone who posted. Your words helped me more than you can imagine. I feel a lot better. I’m going to continue to not drink, and do some soul searching to find what I’m trying to avoid.

31yr male, long time abuser. Prob 750ml vodka/day for as long as I remember.

Woke up Sunday morning and threw up once - all the food I had eaten 8hrs prior. And right after that from 11am-9am Monday I was throwing up and shitting nothing but black/dark and bright red clotted blood.

Getting a transfusion today and feel better than I have in months. Shoutout these hospital workers from the techs, nurses, drs etc. Looks like I could be ok. But I’m done. There has got to be way better ways to die than watching your body fail through your ass and mouth.

3 days sober. IWNDWYT

I just wanted to let you know my experience as of late. I am a heavy drinker but active as well. I play adult ice hockey for 3 teams throughout the week and drink before, during, and after the game. I also drink while watching hockey and soccer throughout the week and on weekends. Been doing this for 30 years. There probably is only 1 night a week that I am not drinking at least a six pack of beer. So my wife just bought me an Oura ring for my birthday and this might be the game changer that I needed. It’s humbling to see what heavy drinking and terrible sleep do to your body. Your stress levels, glucose, and heart rate. Anyways, I have gone 3 weeks without a drink and I am addicted to getting good results with my Oura ring. I hope this continues to motivate me and I wanted to share this with others cause maybe this could be a motivator that you need to help you as well. Take care and God bless.

I had my first day of my masters program and it was so exciting! I loved my classes and I’m hopeful I’ll make friends. I got some groceries after class and realized then I had to carry it a 20 minute walk 😭 It was okay and I made it through and was excited about the calories I probably burned.

But it was 3 pm when I got back and I was exhausted and wanted to get my usual 3 shooters. I resisted in every way I could and I haven’t drank. And I didn’t. The cravings were SO bad for like a full hour, but subsided after awhile. I’m glad I didn’t give in. I’m still on day 4 and I’m proud of myself

IWNDWYT

I've been lurking this group for 10+ years. I am 45 (elder millennial) and sober 510 days from alcohol after drinking hard most my life from ages 18-43. The longest I was would go without getting wasted was about a month, all my life. Alcoholics run all through my family and the majority of my friends are too. Alcoholics are my people who I click with and enjoy being around.

This is what I have learned and my experience on how I actually did it:

I started therapy Jan 2025. I was miserable, depressed, full of anger and resentment. I avoided feeling emotions most my life and so did my parents. I had 3 friends die from booze in 2023. I was getting older and drinking and life was really kicking my ass. I felt a feeling of quiet desperation most of the time. I would often blackout or drive wasted. I used up 99.9% of my luck and it was clear to me I was going to die soon.

I figured I would finally give therapy a try since what I was doing was clearly not working. Best move ever. I kept it simple, very honest, and promised her I would do whatever she told me to do. My family kind of sucks emotionally and I just learned how to wing it on how to handle life. After building a relationship with my therapist and talking out many things... we discussed my drinking. She told me she thinks I am an alcoholic, and to go to a AA meeting. So I just didn't overthink it, and I did. I went to a beginner group nearby and just walked in. And I have been going back since.

I usually attend 2 meetings a week, sometimes 3. It's my main friend group. I found a sponsor and did the steps... an older buff guy who has been sober since the 80's who is a lot like me personality wise. He's wonderful and the first older man I have been trusting with since my Dad died in 2005. I did the steps. I had a spiritual experience. It worked. I take things one day at a time and do what the big book says to do. I finally just accepted I was an alcoholic, and I didn't choose this life... it's just the way I am. I also learned I am super sensitive guy who has been cosplaying a tough insensitive guy most my life.

When I drank, it felt euphoric. The best I ever feel and often the only time I would feel emotions besides while dreaming. I feel a rush run up and down my spine into my brain that feels intense. Even from a little bit of alcohol, I get this feeling. This isn't a normal response to alcohol, this is what makes me an alcoholic. I didn't choose this.. it's just how my body responds... and it's what made me keep coming back to the misery. Now, I get a similar feeling from my meetings. I often don't want to go, similar to the gym, but when I leave... I always feel SO much better. I don't know why it works like this for me, but it just does. It relives the stress that builds up inside me. Thank god I found a solution besides insanity.

I look totally different now. I am healthy. I noticed this year that legs have color for the first time in 20+ years.. instead of being milk white with dry skin... they are tan and healthy looking. Many of my AA people have healthy legs too.. even the old ones. I don't have horrible acid reflux anymore. My feet and hands don't go numb all the time. When I get stressed out, I journal and mediate. I have a morning routine. I am 1000% better and it feels so much better than booze ever did.

I have a 25+ year friend in the hospital right now puking and shitting blood. He has more bands installed on his throat. I have been talking with him a lot. This would have been me soon if it wasn't for finally taking action and going to therapy. Which led to AA. Which led to me having a completely different life... one day at a time.

I can't reply to each and every one of your replies but you are a lovely bunch. Thank you so much everyone for the birthday wishes and the support with my sobriety 💛. I'm so grateful for you all 🫶🏼.

IWNDWYT 💛

Time flies when I'm NOT having to explain my way out of the last fuckup, dealing with a hangover, or trying to figure out how to "get away with it" again.

Turns out that when drinking/drugging I was playing life in hard mode. I was convinced it was what I had to do to make it through the day - days starting with feeling like a big spider died in my mouth during the night - days avoiding and explaining - coming up with the lies I told myself until I believed them - and then reconfigured on my boss, wife, children and people who didn't care about all my "reasons".

Life in long term recovery isn't always easy, but I can handle it. For most things I am flexible, able to see shades of grey - but with drugs and alcohol it's all or none. Tried all. Nearly killed me. None works great.

You can do it - just for today - can turn into a whole lot of days before you know it. And they are good days, days I look forward to.

I'd just like people to post/list their "pros" and things they enjoy now that they've stopped please.

I have 8 more hours to 1 week and today has been tough. I want to look forward to things.

I'm 4 years sober today.

Longtime lurker, infrequent poster - reading this sub pretty much daily has helped me stay on track, no doubt about it. Reading all of your thoughts, sharing in your struggles, your wins and fails, learning from your strategies and tipps on how to deal with the question "Why don't you drink?"... all of it has shown me time and time again that I'm not alone.

Thank you!

I mentioned to my wife yesterday that 1460 days ago I'd had my last drink - we both agreed that it felt way longer than that. We assume it's because this is my identity now - I don't drink.

Occasionally the thought crosses my mind that I might just indulge for once, usually when there's a particularly special occasion on the horizon - a wedding, a reunion, an anniversary... But I know - from experience, both my own and the one shared here every day - that it would not be an exception, but the beginning of a relapse. So I inhale... I exhale... I remind myself of what most of us here have come to accept: Some people just can't drink every once in a while - and I am one of those. The moment usually passes quickly, and I feel fine.

There is also the idea that it is not just an individual disposition, but the nature of alcohol itself that is responsible for this addiction. I personally think this is presented very well in the book This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. I'd be remiss not to mention this here, as it was this book that I opened on my Kindle in the middle of the night 4 years ago, after having woken up at 3:30am for the umpteenth night in a row, sweating profusely, a moldy taste on my tongue... and started reading the words that just might have saved my life.

This worked for me - your way might be different: maybe AA, Smart or another program; maybe out- or inpatient therapy; maybe a different self-help book. If you're considering quitting at all, if you're subscribed to r/stopdrinking but are still drinking... then you just know that your consumption is unhealthy - and you're the only person that can start the process of recovery.

Not every day is great, btw. Sobriety doesn't magically get rid of all of the parts of life that are messed up otherwise. Depression is real and being an adult can be tough. However, my life is so much better now than it was in the depths of alcoholism, it's not even close.

Most importantly: I'm showing up - both figuratively and literally - for my wife and kids, for my job... and for myself.

If you consider showing up, I'd encourage you to start doing so today.

I will not drink with you today!

Bottle contains about 5 shots. Honestly the only thing that keeps me from not doing it is I am trying to lose weight. If it wasn’t for that I would drink rn. I am super vain and gained over 20lbs that I think is from depression drinking over the past few years. This year I have been the most well behaved and have abstained the most out of my whole life but still went on a few week benders.

I am supposed to be helping them clean over here. I really want that drink. Posting for accountability.

Update: will just copy what I posted below

Thanks everyone. I poured it out…

I am safe for right now but can’t say the same for tomorrow when I come back to do more cleaning 😂 for those of you saying don’t do it cause you’ll have to drive- I already thought that out and walked to my parents with my dog (about 20 minute walk) cause that’s how committed I am to having a plan to drink- prepared a water bottle and a route…

Thanks for your support. I think I will post here any time I’m about to drink- truly saved me from experiencing more regret. And thank you to everyone who commented on the weight things as well. Glad to not feel alone

Officially hit one year of sobriety today. Life has changed so much for the better in the past year and if I can do this really anyone can. If you read this and are struggling it truly does get better if you stick with it. IWNDWYT

Today I’m 100 days sober. I’m feeling great, I’m a better employee at work, I’m hanging with friends more. Reading and gaming has been the biggest help and distraction. I love feeling like this and to anyone who is struggling keep your head up and stay strong. We all got this!!

365 days free and clear from drinking. By all other metrics it was a normal Monday. I got up, I went to work, and I came home. Yet I did it with a clear head and a clear conscience. No hangover, no shakes, no anxiety.

I truly never thought that I could go this long without a drink. A year ago was one of my many absolute rock bottoms and I finally felt right about saying enough was enough. Some days have been easier than others, some days I’ve had to downright scratch and claw my way through without falling back to the familiar false solution that is alcohol.

The first month of my sobriety I was reading posts on this sub for hours everyday, just white-knuckling it day by day hoping for one sentence or one paragraph from somebody here to keep me going. Now I’ll stop in and read a few every week. I’m incredibly grateful for this community and I’m proud of everybody here- sober or not quite yet. And I’m really damn proud of myself.

Thank you all. iwndwyt

I’ve made it through the summer sober. To be honest, I didn’t really have the best summer. Not the worst but I’ve had more fun in the past. But I also know that it’s better that I had a somewhat boring summer and stayed sober and didn’t keep fucking up my life. I’m hoping the longer in my sobriety I get, the more fun I’ll have and sort of learn ”how” to and what I like to do. I’ve not been doing well mentally either so I understand it has a lot to do with that too.

Haven’t been to any concerts this summer which I don’t think I would’ve minded doing sober, it just hasn’t happened. Maybe that’s something I should prioritize next year? In the future I might be able to go to clubs and events and have fun sober there. It’s either felt too early or I haven’t had the right kind of friends to attend with. I have friends who don’t drink much but they haven’t been able/wanted to go with me, and I have not wanted to go with my friends who drink more.

Actually feeling kind of happy summer’s over. The pressure of constantly having fun and going out isn’t there in the same way and I’m hoping to enjoy fall now by doing more cozy fall things.

How was everybody’s summer?

Proud of everyone who’s been sober over summer, wether it was your first or many years down the line! And if you didn’t, you’re welcome to join us in a sober fall🍁🍂

Damn it feels good to be sober. 😎

IWNDWYT

i got the girl of my dreams and into my dream school within 2 weeks of each other. i’ve partied from teenager to adulthood and i sadly must admit that i am an alcoholic. i’ve been drinking for six years, poorly for three, and bender for one. i am happy to say that my usage is only a few drinks per night. tonight will be three drinks. tomorrow will be two, next day will be one.

pray for me :)