Hello how are you? I am a lonely alcoholic being in line for transplant (kidney). I am pretty old for internet aka 40yo and i would like to find friends online but i don't know where to look!!! I am so done for being alone

I suppose this will be removed coz this is dumb but...

I have been a fullblown alcoholic for 5 years. Or 6... And before that my alcohol use.. was abuse lol

Lately i have been addimg drugs to the mix.. like . With cannabis alcohol is intensified

Well. I would like to find my kindred spirits.i need connection.

I see people very rrarely. When people are more than 10cm close to me i feel treahtened

I had a seizure a few days after I quit cold turkey. I was in bed thankfully, but I flexed so hard my shoulder muscles broke the bones then ripped off of the bones. Both shoulders. Had surgery back to back days Aug 23 and Aug 24. Non weight-bearing both arms until Oct. 5th. This has been terrible. Multiple 10/10 pain events. Hell the 911 transporters lifted me up by my shoulders/armpits to get me on the cot. I can finally get a fork to my mouth and walk to the bathroom. 52/m. Highly advise against going cold turkey.

My job, my wife, my kid. And for what? This stupid substance. I fucking hate alcohol. I’m terrified to face the consequences. Could always buy more. But then the loop will never end. Now I got to detox. Get through the worst anxiety. Next 72 hours are going to be hell. I’ve got to pull through. Gotta do it for my family. I’m trying not to hate myself. 4 months sober then I relapsed. How do you stop the cravings when everything feels on the up and up? Before I got serious about quitting, I was getting shitfaced almost everyday for 15 years. I don’t know of a life without alcohol.

Fuck I hate the withdrawals . I’m getting fired. And I’m gonna lose my loved ones. I’m so fucked

Cleared out my empties again, in the less than 14 days since I last cleared them out I’ve accumulated over 25 bottles of whiskey, rum and vodka. In a moment of clarity I thought, what the fuck am I doing to myself again? Moment passed, empties recycled, shame hit, drank another bottle. I lost years of sobriety this year, I’m binge drinking myself into oblivion. I’ve been visiting family for the summer so I’ve had to hide my drinking, though it isn’t very hidden when I’m found on the floor, falling downstairs and walking around with black eyes and cuts from whatever I smashed my face into the night before, but this weekend I’m having to go back home to a house I still share with my ex for the meantime, my drinking isn’t hidden and is at its worst, there’s no functionality at all and I’m just so lost.

I’m terrified of reaching out for help again, the thought of detox and rehab again is just unfathomable to me. I’m 31, I’ve been drinking and using opiates (clean from heroin at least) since 13, I’ve been in short term rehabs, long term rehabs, detoxes, outpatient, inpatient so many times, sectioned, even shipped off to a remote farm on the other side of the country by my parents, and finally when I thought sobriety would stick, I’m back at the start again.

It’s my 5th day and I’m really trying to stay positive.. today feels weird. Everything is reminding me of drinking. I’m trying to stay strong and focus on why I’m not drinking. It’s hard.
Sobriety is truly a battle

Hi,

I am new here. I have a problem. I function normally, almost! My elder brother has been a recovering addict from substances for 18 years now. I have been hiding the fact that I drink from the world for years now. I started a few years ago and I am 35 now. I do well professionally. I drink and black out every alternate day alone. I just wish someone can help me out.

Hi,

Someone who loves an alcoholic here (other context: has BPD)

Long post sorry, questions at the end

The beginning half of our friendship was marked by impulsivity . We'd roam the city till the late hours or spending money on any events that could be happening that night as we'd feel understimulated and bored (both adhd mfers)

We also had plenty of fun adventures . She was the spontaneous/impulsive type which excited me but we'd bond over spirituality/shared identities, music, humor, etc

Around this time she was using a bit of cocaine/ket here and there , but it didn't seem to get into a big problem per see and I believe she dropped those

Later on, when she was living in a small town with her parents, we were going to move intogether and she realized she had a problem with alcohol and stsrt3d inconsistently going to AA

And made it clear she'd need s lot of support from me

A couple months pass, as she keeps struggling to stay sober and is in therapy she becomes a much more exhausted perdon and gradually withdraws to her room and we hang less and less. When ñever she did come to me she'd be either only have energy to watch something (so fair) or she'd be really down and needing to talk to me about it . She told me straight up " hey i dont need you to solve my problems I just need you to listen" and initially I struggled with that, but i did try and shift to listening but I feel like I had nothing to say to make her feel understood and heard because... i dont know what its like to have BPD or SUD. She also had symptoms for other things i won't disclose unless its helpful somehow

So a lot of those conversations kinda went nowhereand other tines she would get loudly and aggressively manic (describing not judging) and sometimes then would take us on walks and she'd run around and scream and hit trees and stuff, I would just run around with her and make sure she was safe.

Other times id see her dissappear with a bottle of wine into her room and I didnt do or say anything :(

we continued not seeing eachother more within our own apartment. I was dealing with my relationship/attachment issue shit/drama/executive dysfunction/self-distraction/being disorganized idk

Often felt really clingy to her snd would get insecure with her and I remember thinking id rather die than have someone else to live with

ANYWAYS

A shitty ex friend (for other ressons) told me i was draining her , Immediately asked if we were okay smd that if ther was anything i could do to change i would, she later sat me down and told me we weren't good for eachother and we needed an indefinte break

.... this was like a year ago (damn)

Apparently she's 6 months sober, she's mentioned to a friend that some past connections are triggering

I have so muxh to say to her, but ofc i won't reach out if it would harm her,

We used to call eachither sisters . And we were the first people we considered real best friends

I dont want to drop her forever if theres achance we can come back together again

What

Did I do wrong/what should I have done differently/what should I do now?

I dropped from 265 to 245 pounds. I didn't change my diet or exercise more, I simply quit alcohol.

Now, I have more energy and I'm thinking of going to the gym soon. Things really get better quickly once you quit!

Just want share my latest downfall. I’ve been trying to quit for 2 years, my latest sobriety lasted 2 weeks. Then I went all out for 7 days. Dropped all responsibilities and drank vodka with high alcholic beers as a chaser until I got black out drunk . Didn’t even eat, well not that I can remember. Haven’t been sleeping either. At one point I remember vomiting into the toilet and still trying to drink and hold back the urge to vomit to keep the alcohol in. Like the lines between hangover and drunk were totally blurred. So now I’m coming up to 24 hours sober and can’t sleep , everything still feels blurry

I am wondering if anyone here has some type of solution for this. I’m currently at the point that I consider quitting drinking all together. I have alcohol at home now, and it’s so tempting to drink to stop the nausea, anxiety and shaking.

I literally can’t function, the walks I have taken with my dog exhaust me to the point I feel like I’m gonna faint. Most likely it’s a combination of quitting weed (I was a daily smoker) and going on a weeks bender where I was blacked out a lot. Now I can barely eat, struggle to stay hydrated (even water makes me more nauseous), and I’m paranoid about dying. I know this will probably pass with time, but I’m so scared and have nobody to talk to about this at all.

I can go long periods of time without drinking at all, but recently it’s gotten worse.
I spent a full month drinking on vacation this summer. Non stop. When I woke up as well, since I can’t deal with the hangover symptoms. Then I had a break for 3-4 weeks, and suddenly one night out drinking with friends turned into a bender where I drank excessive amounts again. I’m a 26 year old women, skinny and 5’2 so I shouldn’t even be able to drink the amounts I drank.

I have looked into AA, but I’m not sure if it’s something for me. It seems you have to believe in some higher power, which I can’t get myself to do. The 12 step program also seems difficult to me, so I find it hard to find resources to seek advice. I tried a crisis chat, but they seemed like they had responses on copy paste, and didn’t really help at all.

I’m just wondering how long before this will pass. And my mind is still thinking about drinking again someday when I feel better and have had a break. I have such high anxiety levels and struggle with PTSD, so I isolate whenever I don’t drink.

I don’t really know what I want to get out of this, maybe I just hope some other person can understand me and give me hope that this will pass and be okay. Because right now it feels like this will be forever and it’s unbearable.

I drink almost every day. I need my hit of dopamine. First it was only weekdays, then it was every 2-3 days, now it's every day. I drink while I work, and if I don't drink I'm depressed. I've said to myself I would stop this month, but I woke up fucked up and I needed a drink so I was drinking all day after that. When I start I don't stop. I don't have will to eat or to do any house chores. I'm writing this because now I'm drinking.

I have to stop and to get my shit back together. Worst part is I'm surrounded by alcoholics which treat it like it's normal.

I have to stop

I've been an alcoholic for years on years. I started drinking when I was 11, I'm 27 now and have lost multiple jobs, done time, been in and out of rehab, lost the love of my life, etc etc etc anything you wanna call it. Tonight I watched a roach fall into my last four loko and I tried to get it out and when it obviously just died inside the can (a brand new can and my last) I drank it anyway

What the fuck am I doing

A lot of men turn to drugs trying to escape something they don't know how to deal with. Addiction isn't always about chasing a high, sometimes it's about trying to silence your own mind.

The problem is, what starts as an escape can become the thing that controls your life.

Men’s mental health matters. Deal with what’s underneath before it destroys everything around you.

#MensMentalHealth #Addiction #DrugAddiction #MentalHealth #MensHealth

woke up with only 6 hours of sleep today and i felt really terrible and almost had a panic attack. I was heavily drinking last night as usual so that could be the reason. The only thing i knew to do was grab my bottle and chug. Still feeling anxious but a little better than before. I keep telling myself this is my last bottle but my anxiety has been so bad. Am i a bad person for just wanting to feel okay? It doesnt totally make things better but it helps me. It really sucks because i hadnt had anxiety honeslty at all since last year. But these past few weeks have been hell. It gets to a point where drinking isnt even fun anymore. How do you guys deal with panic attacks and anxiety? I just need to learn how to calm myself down without alchohol.

I feeel so horrible. The way I acted the way I kept drinking that day I just couldn’t stop. I wanted more and more and get has drunk has possible. I’m an alcoholic she wouldn’t understand I need the high. I texted her I’m sorry for putting her in such an uncomfortable position she said it’s fine but I can tell her I pissed her off so much after that. I told her that was the last time I’ll get help and change my ways and I’m serious. It was so wrong to do that. I decided it’s best to take a break from going there. How can I tell her and show her that I’m genuinely sorry. That night was the biggest embarrassment of my life.

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Pressure Doesnt Always Come TO Crush Sometimes IT Builds THE Diamonds Hidden IN THE Dust I Remember Asking Heaven IF IT Still Knew MY Name While Fighting Invisible Battles Nobody Could Explain Every Closed Door Felt Like THE END until I started walking with Faith Countless years of Addiction and Alcoholism I asked God to take the desire and taste out of me I prayed every day and night for it to end. It didn't seem to me that God was listening. But however he was he was putting Pressure on me for me to understand there's a better way and he continued to put pressure to make me feel as uncomfortable as possible.

I continued to fight this demon not knowing why God kept the Pressure on me.I finally figured why and that he was using pressure to make me stronger for when I am Alcohol and Drug free to fight the Cravings Desire and Urge out of me when it presents itself, And It Worked.

Today I am 5yrs free of Drugs and 1yr this October alcohol free and with Grace of God he continues to keep the Pressure on me to keep

me sober. So to those who believe in God lean on him to get you through even when we question if he's not answering he really is he's just building u up...also if I offended anyone with talking about God I Apologize!

So with said when someone says to you you only have one life to live tell them you have 2 the One Im Leaving Behind and The New One I'm Beginning and Thats The Blessing. You Got This Push your way through 🦾🦾🦾💯🙏❤️

I can’t taper off because I’ll just drink more. But quitting cold turkey is tough. Right now I’m shaking and my heart feels like it’s going to explode.

I’m very nasty when I drink. I black out most of the time when I’m out with other people. I caused issues with me and my ex ( part of the group ). Now they all blocked me and told me they want nothing to do with me. Are they right to not want to be my friend because I black out ?

I made a post sort of like this a couple years ago but I feel like I didn’t get an answer that really explained this. I am 27F and only drink maybe once every 2-3 weeks apart so I don’t feel like it’s a withdrawal? However, when I do drink I definitely binge drink quite heavily. Like at least half a bottle of tito’s. I try to drink water throughout the night but the next day gives me crippling anxiety. Not like a “omg what did i do last night? what did i say? does everyone hate me?” it’s not that. It’s more like shaking, racing heart, extreme fear, feeling like i’m not breathing right (but im always breathing fine), but a feeling like I could die. What causes this and is there anything else I can do to avoid this? Obviously I know the easy answer is to cut down on how much I drink or just quit in general. I have a lot of fun when I drink but the next day is almost traumatic. I’m not looking for rude demeaning answers I’m genuinely wondering if anyone else deals with this, what it is, and how I can help it. I appreciate any support. Thanks for reading

EDIT:
Idk how to update a post but I truly want to thank you guys who commented. It was exactly what I was reaching out for to be able to understand what’s happening in my body. Sounds like there’s no escaping this unfortunately and I need to start working on cutting down into quitting. Much love for everyone 🫶

It’s been about a month, zero alcohol.

Some days it would be a beer or two, other days I’d drink a bottle 48% alcohol content(over the course of a weekend)

For me, I can’t say I feel ten times better. But alcohol definitely made me feel ten times worse, groggy, I wouldn’t get hangovers, but I learned that hangxiety is a real thing. My hands would shake the day after. My anxiety would spike.

Before I got divorced, I didn’t drink much. I’d work out often, I’d run 5k’s for breakfast. It took about two years, finally got divorced last July.

My skin, my hair falling out from stress but then I learned that alcohol kills your hairline even faster. Burning money away. Absolutely zero benefits.

It’s sad but my dad drinks pretty heavy. 60s. Daily, from when he wakes up. And we work on things, he just makes the most obvious mistakes, eyeballing measurements, eyeballing if something is leveled. Genuinely feel like alcohol is rotting his mind(and mine) he’s irritable. Blames his mistakes on me. Incredibly frustrating and his family is like “that’s just how he is” basically yes men.

And it’s like looking in a mirror, a real possible future self of mine. He’s been divorced maybe thrice. Long winded way of saying, he makes me not want to pick up another bottle again.

I had my first taste of alcohol at like 12, and now it’s been close to 20 years. I had fun a few times but 98% of the time, just basically self sabotaging and ruining my life.

I think I might be done. It’s a long journey and I’m only a month in.

Sorry this post is all over the place. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this. Feel free to take this down or dm me.

At this point, I’m afraid plain water is doing me more harm than good in terms of my improvement. I had been drinking a ton of it plus decaf iced tea but here I am over 72 hours from the last drink and all of a sudden my legs start cramping up while laying in bed not asleep of course. If you used them, how did you use them to maximize improvement? I don’t think you are supposed to drink over a couple of the liquid IV a day so Gatorade might be the way to go.

i’m currently struggling with binge drinking. i used to drink every day, but i had 18 months sober. unfortunately, i had that stupid thought in my head that i could have just one drink, and ever since that first drink, i’ve been stuck in a cycle of binging again. i genuinely want to stop. i also have the typical “rehab boyfriend” situation, and things went sideways very quickly. he ended up stealing from me and crashing my car, and i know being around that situation has made everything worse. i’m still going to work and functioning on the outside, but the reality is that when i go to work, i’m often either drinking or taking Xanax just to get through the day. i recently started this job, so i don’t feel like i can ask for a leave of absence right now. im still young (f25) i know i have my whole life ahead of me but it doesn’t feel like it.