An apology I should have sent to you before I was blocked.

“🌲, when you asked what else I had to say, I apologized again without really apologizing to you. I talked about my own pain, and you still had to explain what I had done. I’ve sat with that, and I’m sorry.

I was scared of being found out and physically hurt. Instead of telling you, I panicked. I said I might like cucking, ended things, and blocked you. That wasn’t true. I was ashamed that I was cheating, and I let fear and shame make the decision instead of being honest with you.

I deleted messages because I was embarrassed by what I had said. That didn’t undo anything. It only left you with more confusion and no honest explanation from me.

Then I came back, said I wanted to come back, and pulled away again. My actions made it seem like you only mattered once my relationship failed. Even when I finally asked to talk, I still made it about my feelings. You shouldn’t have had to explain the harm to me.

My fear was real, but I still chose what I did. You were right. I should have slowed down and talked to you. Maybe we could have worked through it and maybe we couldn’t have, but I took that chance away by running.

I’m sorry I lied to force an ending. I’m sorry I blocked you, deleted messages instead of owning them, and kept pulling you close only to push you away. I treated you and what we shared without the care you deserved.

I don’t expect forgiveness or an answer. I won’t delete this or block you. If you respond, I’ll read everything before I react. If you don’t, I’ll respect your silence and leave you alone.

You deserved this apology much sooner. I’m deeply sorry, 🌲.”

Thank you for caring for me. Thank you for being patient with me. You were there willing to wait, willing to work things through with me. I will never regret meeting you. One day I will see Mount Washington with a kinder heart and in honor for the brief connection we had. I will go to Romania and participate in the Bear Dance. The places where we would have gone together, will be where I can celebrate our brief connection.

Thank you, 🌲. For being the best part of my life.

I've never told anyone this. It's something I have always kept private. I think I am making this post just to finally tell the world without the shame of everyone knowing and judging me for it.

I was born and raised in a highly religious family with strict rules around sex. No sex before marriage, nothing other than vaginal sex etc etc. My religious sect was also highly restrictive with friendships, meaning I wasn't allowed to have friends outside of the church. Despite this, I didn't have many friends in the church either and was bullied a lot by the other kids in the church because I was a little different. I don't know if I have autism or something, but I am just a little strange compared to everyone else. I was home educated and never really experienced the social life aspect of school.

I was in this religion until around the age of 23, when I left. Despite this, I still held onto archaic views around no sex before marriage, so was quite happy when I partnered up with a Christian girl who said she had the same values. I had never been in a relationship before, so didn't really know how it was all meant to work. But we were together for a few years in a relationship with no sex. I attended her church with her (less strict Christian sect than what I'd known) and we presented the image of a good Christian couple. She left me after 2 years or so. I found out from some mutual friends that shortly after she left me, she lost her virginity to a guy at a nightclub. Just a random one-night stand after how much we had talked about losing it together. It really did break my heart and make me feel really unimportant.

As the years went by, I abandoned religion completely, and started to question why I still held onto these archaic values around sex. I tried dating apps and hookup apps to meet people. I just can't seem to get people to stay. I don't know if it's my social skills or my looks or whatever. I'm not a particularly ugly guy, but I'm not astoundingly good looking either. I'm probably dead on average. I train at the gym and am in good shape, but my social skills and confidence leave a lot to be desired. I really struggle with eye contact, and I think I often come off a bit weird when trying to be funny as many of my attempts at jokes don't land.

After years went by, I'm now 33 and have never had sex. My friends don't know I'm a virgin, but they do know I've been single for a long time. I tell them I'm just focusing on my career and am not interested in looking for anyone and am just waiting for the right person to come along. This is a lie to mask my shame. Truth is, I really want to have a connection with someone. I hear all these conversations around sex and wish I could be part of that. I see hookup culture and wish I could be part of that. But I can't seem to do it.

And finally, recently I had the opportunity twice to have sex. Once with a girl I met at meetup event. And once with one of the bridesmaids at my friend's wedding. Both times I pulled away as things started to get intimate and made an excuse as to why I couldn't. The meetup girl I told her I felt like throwing up because I had drank too much, and the wedding girl I just said I had a headache and wanted to go to bed. Two opportunities I had that I fumbled with girls I genuinely found attractive.

I don't know if it's a self-esteem issue, or something. When I was in those moments a sharp feeling of anxiety hit me. And it was like fight or flight. I just wanted to get out of that situation, even though I genuinely wanted to do it. As I've reflected on it the past few days I think it's due to a lack of experience and a fear of dissapointing these women as I don't really know what I'm doing, as the only sex I have experience with is porn. And people have told me what you see in porn is very different to real life, but I don't really understand how as I have never had a real experience. I have so much anxiety and shamed tied to my sex life now that I think I am too damaged to ever have that intimacy that I crave.

That's all I wanted to say, because it's been the main thing destroying my self-esteem and making me depressed recently.

I have had tics my entire life, I don' think its tourettes as they aren't consistent enough however they have never fully gone away. I have never been diagnosed with anything but I highly suspect its adhd for reasons I won't explain here

Up until I was 14 they never even acknowledged that there was nothing I could do about them. They would just tell me that there wasn't anything wrong with me and that I just needed to try harder to stop as I was embarrassing to them. I was often left in tears by this.

I've never felt capable of opening up to them about anything that genuinely mattered because I always had this fear that they'll just dismiss it.

I feel like this lead to me being a more quiet and reserved person which just made my social skills worse overall.

I feel like I'm incredibly behind all of my peers in terms of emotional maturity.

I always just try my best not to say anything controversial and I think I'm just a people pleaser generally.

I even feel like a bitch talking about this on reddit and I don't know if my complaints are even valid in this sub.

I love my parents for the most part but damn I wish they just cared a bit more about this one thing.

hi everyone. lately, i’ve been feeling completely overwhelmed whenever I think about my present, it's like i don’t even want to be here anymore. i feel constantly down because of an overwhelming sense of nostalgia. i can’t stop thinking about the past as if those years were beautiful times that I should be living forever, rather than staying in a present where I feel so empty. movies, songs, memories… everything from my past that I come across now triggers a wave of emotional pain. it's like I’m constantly asking myself, why can't I still be back then? why does time have to keep ticking away without anyone being able to stop it?

i just wish i could look back at the past and remember the good times without letting this intense nostalgia destroy me and make me feel worthless.

the future scares me, but at the same time, i hope it will be happier than my life right now. maybe when i'm older, i'll look back at this time the same way i now think about 5 or 10 years ago.

perhaps this strong nostalgia comes from the fact that my mind regrets no longer being as happy as it used to be. before, i was a free child, with almost nothing to worry about. but ever since adolescence hit, the stress, the lack of friends, and the pressure from the outside world make me feel like my life is ten times worse than it was back then.

is anyone else going through this?

I think today is the most difficult day of my life.

I had been jobless for a long time, and then I finally found a job in July. I joined as a content writer, and I was working so hard for this particular job. I was trying to meet all my deadlines, and the CSMs, the client service managers, and the clients were approving my work. Everything was going crazy good.

But my manager started pointing out issues. She said there were quality issues with my work, and then she introduced something called a “redirect plan.” It is a US-based company, and apparently, this meant that I was put on a PIP. They were going to review my work for two weeks and then decide whether they wanted to continue my contract or cancel it.

Before this happened, I had been experiencing a terrible toothache. I was not able to get it fixed earlier because it was going to be costly. Once I got my first salary, I scheduled my tooth extraction for a Saturday. But Saturday was supposed to be a national holiday, so my dentist asked me to come one day earlier, on Friday.

I got my tooth extracted that Friday. It was pretty painful, but I continued working throughout the day. I completed my work, and everything was fine.

Then, late on Monday evening, my manager got back to me and told me about this redirect plan. Basically, I was put on a PIP, and they were going to review my work for two weeks before deciding if my contract would continue.

I worked my ass off that week.

On Thursday night of the same week, my father had to be rushed to the hospital because he was experiencing pain on the left side of his chest. At that time, my gums were literally still bleeding from the surgery. My two-year-old daughter was also sick and running a fever. I had nobody around me to take care of any of this.

My husband and I rushed my father to the hospital. We went from one hospital to another. The entire night, we kept looking for a cardiologist or a specialist in different hospital emergency wards, but we could not find anybody.

I was sitting in the car and getting my assignments and deliverables done.

The next day, we came back home because his ECO test was still due. We had to take him for that test, but before that, he experienced chest pain again and had to be admitted to the hospital.

Within a matter of a few hours, he was sent for an ECO and an angiography. Within around ten minutes of him entering the OT, I was told that I had to decide whether we wanted to get him operated on because there was a blockage in his heart.

I had around two minutes to make that decision.

Then the insurance woman came to me and started intimidating me. She told me that I had to sign an undertaking saying that if the insurance was not cleared, I would have to pay the entire amount myself. It was a huge amount. It was at least five months of my salary.

I knew I was on PIP, but I still agreed. I could see the screen. I could see his heart pumping, and I could see the blockage. So I said yes and signed the undertaking.

Thankfully, he came out of the OT and he was fine.

But then my toothache continued, my laptop broke, I got a fever, and so many things kept happening throughout that week. Even then, I completed all my deliverables much before time.

Somehow, the same manager who had been calling it a redirect plan suddenly started calling it a PIP. That was when I knew things were going south.

The next weekend, I tried to relax, but I was full of anxiety. I was so anxious that I was not able to do anything.

And today, they fired me.

They only had good things to say about me while firing me. They said they appreciated my efforts. They appreciated how hard I worked. They said I was kind. They said many good things about me.

But then they said that this was not the standard of work they expected, so they could not move ahead with me.

Now I have lost my job.

And the most difficult part is that I now have to go and fetch my daughter from my parents’ house. I do not have the guts to look them in the eye. I do not have the guts to look at my daughter either.

I do not know what I need right now. Maybe I need someone to tell me how to face my parents without feeling like I have failed. Maybe I need some advice. Maybe I need a job lead. Maybe I just need people to understand how much I tried before everything still fell apart.

I just need something right now, and all I am getting is comments from the team I worked with - comments like how they loved my work!

I had a few friends in highschool. After that everyone went their separate ways and I am in college right now. I live with my boyfriend and I absolutely love him, he is definitely my best friend and honestly my only friend. Don’t get me wrong, I am a social person. I talk to people in my class, ask questions, answer questions..so on. But I don’t engage on conversations with someone long enough to turn them into friends. I am totally okay with it. I love being on my own. I don’t like constant communication I would have to maintain to keep a friendship. I am just not ready to accept someone with their quirks if that makes sense? Eventually maybe I would want to have friends? I don’t know. I work in customer service so I am pretty good at talking with people. It drains my energy alot of times lol. I would choose to be by myself, watch series, movies, paint, cook, take a nap, study, research about something interesting any dayyyy.
Sometimes I do wonder if this is wrong. But it is working just fine for me so I guesss I am good for now.

My boyfriend is exception though hehe. I love spending time with him. He never drains my social battery. But I am also talking about me being able to love only MY own company.

Hello everyone.
Not sure if this counts as the content warning but I didn’t want to trigger anyone so.
My apologies if I made any grammar mistake, English is not my first language.

This summer, I went to my grandparents’s house and as I put on the bikini I had just bought and absolutely loved, my grandmother made a comment about how I gained weight and I could « lose that belly ». Mind you multiple people have told me that was a perfectly normal and healthy weight. Needless to say I barely wear this bikini anymore and I feel awful going to the pool or the beach.

I have never been on the skinnier side, but this year was rough for me and I have relied on food multiple times to get me through tough times. So I indeed have gained some fat I guess.

As soon as she told me this, I have lost my usual appetite. I can’t eat without feeling guilty and I usually skip dinner if I feel my lunch was too big and my day too sedentary to deserve dinner. I went to the gym, I ran, I did all I could to lose that fat. I lost all confidence I had. I cried because ice cream made me feel so so guilty.

I have managed to lose the extra fat in a month or so, and a lot. My mother told me I had « melted in such a short time », like she was worried, but something sick in me tells me that’s good.

Now my biggest fear is gaining the weight back. It makes me cry and go into panic attacks to be in front of foods I used to eat and can’t anymore because my brain tells me I’ll be too fat. My friends have come over and bought me some pastries for breakfast and I couldn’t even touch them. Right now I’m feeling sick because I ate chicken curry two days in a row and I feel ashamed and like I don’t deserve dinner because of that.

I have basically gone from a girl who loved to try many foods to someone who’s panicking over my plates and it’s killing me. I don’t even know what a normal portion is supposed to be anymore. Whatever I put on my plate feels like too much. I feel guilty for enjoying the foam on my cappuccino. All I think about is the fat, the fat, the fat.

We’re celebrating two of my friends’s birthdays in a few days and I’ll be taking care of the cakes. I don’t even know if I’ll be able to eat a slice. It makes me nauseous just to think about it. My own cakes I used to love.

I realise this is such a privileged issue to have because some people can’t even afford food but I just needed to talk, at least to write this somewhere where my words won’t just be taken as ingratitude for the good things I have going on in life.

I deeply thank anyone who has had the patience to read this until the end.

I was out walking my dog this morning and got a call from the sheriff's office to inform me that my ex-wife (divorced 16 years ago) was arrested on a failure to appear warrant from a previous DUI. For some reason I was still listed as an emergency contact, which is strange. We haven't spoken in 6 years, when she called me to ask me to return her COVID relief check that was sent to me to cover some of the massive back child support she owes.

I used to feel a lot of animosity towards her, but now I just feel nothing. Since we divorced she's probably seen the kids maybe 8 or 9 times, only for a few hours at a time. They're both off in college now, and I'm not sure if she even knows. When we ended things she filed a bogus DV claim against me, which gave her access to our home and children for a week until I could get it thrown out, and since then, she's been mostly no contact, aside from popping in here and there for visits with them, always supervised. She's never really worked steadily, and from what I know, she's been homeless for a good part of the time. What's worse, she lived with her mother for a good year a few years back, who's only maybe a 10 minute drive from me, and not once did she ask to see the kids. I didn't even find out she was there until after the fact from her sister.

It's just a weird feeling. I don't plan on telling the kids. I mean, they barely know the woman, but it's still their mom. No point in this post really other than to get this out of my head. It's just weird.

i’m a 19 yr old trans man, and me and my girlfriend of a little over a year broke up on tuesday. i haven’t felt anything about it and honestly i was a little relieved it was over. i know this probably makes me sound terrible but i don’t think i’ve felt genuine love for her in a very long time. we had a lot of problems but it was hard to end the relationship because we were living together. a little bit of context, probably just to make me sound like less of an avoidant asshole, we got together when i was still living at home and closeted. when i was kinda forced out of the closet, my parents kicked me out and i was homeless for a month and a half before me and her moved in together. we were basically scraping by the whole time and i knew if i were to cut things off, i wouldn’t be able to afford living on my own and i was terrified of being homeless again. i still have two months left on the lease now that she left but my friend is moving in with me until then so i’ll be okay.

the thing is, me and her used to work together and her aunt and two of her cousins also worked there. her family is very nice, still nice to me even after the break up, but i got to get very close with her aunt and one of her cousins specifically. once i felt that i was falling out of love with my ex, i started feeling something for her cousin. it was subtle and i just chalked it up to me wanting to still attraction to someone and ignored it. but now that we’re broken up, it’s becoming stronger and harder to ignore. i was talking about to her to my friend and they said they’ve never seen me talk about someone like that and that my whole face was lighting up. i feel so stupid and helpless. i’m also leaving this job soon, because i’ve found a better one, and somehow the thought of leaving and never seeing her again is worse than the break up between me and my ex was. also, she has a boyfriend and i don’t know that she’d date a trans guy. i keep telling myself these lies like “the breakup was smooth, it’s not like there’s bad feelings left” and “she doesn’t even like her boyfriend and i could be better” but i know it’s wishful thinking.

i just have this gut feeling that if i let it slip by, ill regret it forever. i could genuinely talk about this girl for hours, i could talk to her for hours. i’ve never felt this strong of attraction to someone. i’m on the asexual spectrum and i usually don’t catch strong feelings, especially this quickly, so i just keep thinking that it’s going to stick with me for a while.

unfortunately for me, i trusted a fart once back when i was in 1st grade.

i was in the computer lab minding my own business and i felt something rumbling in my stomach. maybe it was going to be a simple fart, right? to my huge surprise, it definitely wasn't. it came and leaked straight into my undies and i didn't know what to do at that moment. i was very nervous that i sat there like a fool and waited until i went back to the main teacher's homeroom. shortly after the computer lab class was over, i asked my teacher if i could use the bathroom and she said yes so i went and speed-walked all the way into the bathroom stall.

i pulled down my pants and tried to clean myself up but of course, my undies was still covered in shit stains no matter how many times i tried to wipe it off and the smell was horrendous. i just hoped for the best and quietly walked out of the stall, washed my hands and went back into my teacher's class.

the teacher and kids were standing there and fooling around not doing really anything important and then... someone yells "WHAT IS THAT SMELL?!"

right there and then, i was dying on the inside praying that nobody figures out the horrid stench was coming from me. more of the kids started complaining about the smell and told the teacher about it. i was standing there, staring out the doorway wishing that i could leave the class and never come back.

there was a kid who was standing in front of me as i stood there and he turned around to look straight at me, telling me to face my back to him. it's pretty obvious that he knew where the smell was coming from but he didn't call me out for the entire class to hear at firsthand.

me being the shy and quiet person in school, i refused and the word no randomly flew out of my mouth and he was so surprised that i actually spoke, making a huge deal about it, forgetting about the repulsive smell (?)

a few minutes later, (which felt like forever) everyone started to calm down and at that point, the smell started to slowly dissipate. i'm just super glad that i somewhat got away with that entire fiasco, lord have mercy...

Stop trying to make others happy. Confront or cut off the people whom you decide aren't good for you. Walk your own path without listening to the influence of others. Let yourself be a difficult person to deal with if they won't listen to your needs. I can't believe the lengths it takes to protect one's peace. But now I'm so untethered and euphoric.

I used to use Reddit to get advice and talk about my hobbies. It quickly became apparent to me that discussions about anything that aren't about the hive mind majority opinion are out of the question. As a legitimate user I found this extremely frustrating as I wanted to be a genuine participant in communities.

Along with that, there are fake professionals who tout their doctorates and certifications and many users are too gullible to really fact check them. As a licensed therapist, I find this very frustrating. I have no doubt it stems from the common practice of feeling the need to be "smarter" than someone, which is STILL a very common practice here. If someone DARES to ask a question, maybe its obvious, usually it isn't for most people, its fairly common for at least one person to pipe up and sound snarky.

So I just said fuck it. Quite honestly messing with people gets more attention than anything serious I've ever posted. Most of the time people are too gullible to check my profile for 5 seconds to verify anything I said. If you actually believed I was a therapist, please don't believe everything a rando says to you on the internet for fucks sake.

And hey! If someone couldn't hate this platform more, THEY WENT PUBLIC!!! So I'm sure the heckin wholesome investors have the best intentions for this shit hole. Everyone is a doctor, the teenagers sub is full of 30 years olds, and everyone is a genius! To the people who humbly give real advice, thank you.

Is life difficult, or i am not trying my best ?

I entered the university during corona pandemic period , i studied computer science and i chose it at that time because of the trend and because it guaranteed a job after graduation with a high salary, and how the working from home was a luxury back then and i believed that. So i chose to learn front end web dev in 2021 as a side skill alongside my university major but i felt it was difficult and not my field so i gave it up. In addition to the difficult time i went through at that time, I studied very difficultly at university because my father went bankrupt and changed his profession, then we moved from our place of residence to another, my family was separated, and many difficult things happened that affected my mental health and then my physical health.

Then I decided to return to the field in 2023, and that's when AI came along, many employees were laid off, and I read about many who lost their jobs and became jobless and homeless, it became frustrating for me and I didn't want to try again, so i focused on university, hoping to finish it, graduate, and look for another path.

But right after graduating, i decided to give web dev a chance, so i started learning all over again. Now I have experience in HTML/CSS/JavaScript, Git/GitHub, and I'm on my way to learning React.

And now we are almost in the end of 2026, i graduated about a year and a half ago, and unfortunately i couldn't find a job, i searched a lot, but unfortunately, my country is still virgin in the tech field, and we don't have many companies or institutions that need employees. So i still depend on my family financially. Altho i have a goal, which is to establish my own company, but the way towards it will be so long.

24 years old seems like a very old age for a girl, but I still have many questions about my life at this age, i don't like comparing my life to other people's lives, but the majority I know who is my age is married, and some of them already have children and are parents,

as for me, i still don't know if i want to get married anytime soon, Or if i wanted to have children in this scary world with its horrible economic conditions and AI occupying all human jobs.

I just wanted to get this off my chest, although I hope the future will be better for me.

Thank you all for your time and for reading this.

I don’t think it’s weird to be single in my 20s and focus on more interesting things like my hobbies and career. Most of my friends are single too. But, I do think my parents are worried about me. It’s strange because I was raised to not trust the intentions of men who pursue me, but now that I’m an adult and am indifferent to relationships, they have started to push me to date their coworkers, coworkers kids, etc.

One of my hobbies is oshikatsu, which is collecting merchandise of one character that I really like. Sometimes I’ll go out to cute cafes with my other friend who also does this and we’ll take pictures of our photocards, standees, or whatever goods we brought. I explain all this to say that the last time I was talking to my mom, I was scrolling through my camera roll and she saw my photos I took and sighed. She complained that I was pretend dating a fake boy over looking for an actual boyfriend.

It sort of hurt my feelings because the fake boy in question is actually a character that has really helped me feel less depressed, but that’s beside the point. Even besides that interaction, they keep asking me if I’m gay or reminding me about “using protection” like they want me to at least hook up with someone?? or think I’m fucking around and that’s why I’m not dating. I don’t want to have sex and I don’t want to date. So what if I’m on a “fake date?”At least that character actually makes me happy lol. But I also don’t like feeling like a disappointment to my family over my life choices and wants.

I feel awful. I suggested we play some roblox roleplay game for fun cuz its a nostalgic game we used to play as kids and my boyfriend seemed to be having fun for most of it until he suddenly got reallyyyyy embarrassed and left the game...

He claimed it was because it reminded him of his older self but I'm not even sure what that means. I really tried to not invalidate his feelings or anything but now he's really upset and doesn't even wanna talk to me. Im giving him space at the moment but I just feel so awful. I don't even understand why it even happened in the first place. I can't wrap my head around what's got him feeling so mortified with himself just for having some fun on a roblox game??

Maybe its some manly macho thing that's got him feeling like this?? I have no idea...