Well, pretty much what the title says. I, 30F, decided to stop having sex with men who didn’t deserve access to my body.

Let me preface this by saying I love sex. I have a very high sex drive, and I miss it so much. But I have also had a slew of bad men. To the point where I don’t think I’ve ever dated a good man.

I’ve had the works:
• The 34 year old engaged director who thought it would be fun to take advantage of the 19 year old who didn’t know any better.
• The “relationships” that were really just situationships until something better came along.
• The one guy that flies off the rails because you didn’t feel like having sex that day.
• The guy that wants a relationship until you’ve had sex with him and then get ghosted.

And then one day, I just stopped. Every match on a dating app that would bring up sex too early or inappropriately, I would wish them well on their search.

At the one year mark, I thought it would be okay. But now, I think I keep every man at an arms distance now, and I don’t really know how to stop it. And even I find it weird, so I know men would too.

Sometimes I wonder if this will be me from now on. I haven’t told anyone in my life, so I guess you Redditors can enjoy my dive into accidental celibacy.

The title says it all. The person who I thought was ignoring me has been dead the whole time. She chose to get euthanasia in Schaffhausen. She didn't tell me. Idk all the details and it's hard to get answers. She was in her early 40s. Just wanted to get that off my chest.

My ex gf(27f) and I (28m) broke up in April of 2023 pretty amicably.After our break up I locked in got a new job and got my mental health together as I was struggling mentally and financially cause of reasons outside our relationship.Fast forward to now I’m way better off and in a better headspace.I was chilling on day and I got a text I from a unsaved number I responded with “who is this?” and they respond with its Sam(ex gf) so I continued to converse out of nicety.As the conversation continued she then said she was having problems with her car and ask if I could help as I’m mechanic.
I agreed to help here as that’s the type of person I am.When I arrive at her place I saw a beaten down Camry in her parking spot as the last time I saw her she had an accord.When she came out she looked the same as the last time I saw her.So I found out what was wrong with car and I fixed it, I then asked what happened to her accord and she said the reposed it and I was stunned to say the least she then went on to say she was glad I fixed the issue as she couldn’t afford to take her car to shop and I felt bad.I want to help her financially but I can’t as that would put me in a worse position and especially since we aren’t together any more it’s not so I just checked her car as through as I could and I went about my day.

I was out walking my dog this morning and got a call from the sheriff's office to inform me that my ex-wife (divorced 16 years ago) was arrested on a failure to appear warrant from a previous DUI. For some reason I was still listed as an emergency contact, which is strange. We haven't spoken in 6 years, when she called me to ask me to return her COVID relief check that was sent to me to cover some of the massive back child support she owes.

I used to feel a lot of animosity towards her, but now I just feel nothing. Since we divorced she's probably seen the kids maybe 8 or 9 times, only for a few hours at a time. They're both off in college now, and I'm not sure if she even knows. When we ended things she filed a bogus DV claim against me, which gave her access to our home and children for a week until I could get it thrown out, and since then, she's been mostly no contact, aside from popping in here and there for visits with them, always supervised. She's never really worked steadily, and from what I know, she's been homeless for a good part of the time. What's worse, she lived with her mother for a good year a few years back, who's only maybe a 10 minute drive from me, and not once did she ask to see the kids. I didn't even find out she was there until after the fact from her sister.

It's just a weird feeling. I don't plan on telling the kids. I mean, they barely know the woman, but it's still their mom. No point in this post really other than to get this out of my head. It's just weird.

I literally cant go a day without eating cheese.

cheese.

I think today is the most difficult day of my life.

I had been jobless for a long time, and then I finally found a job in July. I joined as a content writer, and I was working so hard for this particular job. I was trying to meet all my deadlines, and the CSMs, the client service managers, and the clients were approving my work. Everything was going crazy good.

But my manager started pointing out issues. She said there were quality issues with my work, and then she introduced something called a “redirect plan.” It is a US-based company, and apparently, this meant that I was put on a PIP. They were going to review my work for two weeks and then decide whether they wanted to continue my contract or cancel it.

Before this happened, I had been experiencing a terrible toothache. I was not able to get it fixed earlier because it was going to be costly. Once I got my first salary, I scheduled my tooth extraction for a Saturday. But Saturday was supposed to be a national holiday, so my dentist asked me to come one day earlier, on Friday.

I got my tooth extracted that Friday. It was pretty painful, but I continued working throughout the day. I completed my work, and everything was fine.

Then, late on Monday evening, my manager got back to me and told me about this redirect plan. Basically, I was put on a PIP, and they were going to review my work for two weeks before deciding if my contract would continue.

I worked my ass off that week.

On Thursday night of the same week, my father had to be rushed to the hospital because he was experiencing pain on the left side of his chest. At that time, my gums were literally still bleeding from the surgery. My two-year-old daughter was also sick and running a fever. I had nobody around me to take care of any of this.

My husband and I rushed my father to the hospital. We went from one hospital to another. The entire night, we kept looking for a cardiologist or a specialist in different hospital emergency wards, but we could not find anybody.

I was sitting in the car and getting my assignments and deliverables done.

The next day, we came back home because his ECO test was still due. We had to take him for that test, but before that, he experienced chest pain again and had to be admitted to the hospital.

Within a matter of a few hours, he was sent for an ECO and an angiography. Within around ten minutes of him entering the OT, I was told that I had to decide whether we wanted to get him operated on because there was a blockage in his heart.

I had around two minutes to make that decision.

Then the insurance woman came to me and started intimidating me. She told me that I had to sign an undertaking saying that if the insurance was not cleared, I would have to pay the entire amount myself. It was a huge amount. It was at least five months of my salary.

I knew I was on PIP, but I still agreed. I could see the screen. I could see his heart pumping, and I could see the blockage. So I said yes and signed the undertaking.

Thankfully, he came out of the OT and he was fine.

But then my toothache continued, my laptop broke, I got a fever, and so many things kept happening throughout that week. Even then, I completed all my deliverables much before time.

Somehow, the same manager who had been calling it a redirect plan suddenly started calling it a PIP. That was when I knew things were going south.

The next weekend, I tried to relax, but I was full of anxiety. I was so anxious that I was not able to do anything.

And today, they fired me.

They only had good things to say about me while firing me. They said they appreciated my efforts. They appreciated how hard I worked. They said I was kind. They said many good things about me.

But then they said that this was not the standard of work they expected, so they could not move ahead with me.

Now I have lost my job.

And the most difficult part is that I now have to go and fetch my daughter from my parents’ house. I do not have the guts to look them in the eye. I do not have the guts to look at my daughter either.

I do not know what I need right now. Maybe I need someone to tell me how to face my parents without feeling like I have failed. Maybe I need some advice. Maybe I need a job lead. Maybe I just need people to understand how much I tried before everything still fell apart.

I just need something right now, and all I am getting is comments from the team I worked with - comments like how they loved my work!

Stop trying to make others happy. Confront or cut off the people whom you decide aren't good for you. Walk your own path without listening to the influence of others. Let yourself be a difficult person to deal with if they won't listen to your needs. I can't believe the lengths it takes to protect one's peace. But now I'm so untethered and euphoric.

My Husband, The Local

I’ve just found out my husband has accounts on local adult hook up websites.

He says it was just a “fantasy” and “we’ve been having difficult times”.

Yes, things have been difficult. Always my doing, I am emotional, dependent..

I’ve said he could hook up with people, if he just told me. Sex is difficult with us because we don’t have it.

I am a CSA survivor, and it’s led me to having intense anxiety around being touched.

I know this about myself and always told him, if he needed to, he could look outside. Just tell me.

He always said he would never.. but now I find this.

I am confused and hurt.

So I (22f) had a night out recently where I got pretty drunk. Not blackout but enough to do something out of character. I decided to spend the night at a friend’s house after the bar. I asked to share their bed cause I didn’t want the couch. We grew up as friends and have shared a bed before, we’ve never cuddle though. Once we’re in bed, they jokingly turn to me and hover their arm around me calling me the small spoon. They pull away but I decide to play along so I turn around and put my arm around them. We laugh at ourselves at first but at some point it wasn’t a joke anymore. We ended up falling asleep with our arms around each other and their face in my neck. At some point during the night we separated but I remember feeling very cozy, warm, and safe. I don’t think there were any ulterior motives as we see each other as family. We’re both pretty touch starved so I can see how we ended up drunkenly cuddling.

Anyways, since I’ve gotten home I’ve been an emotional wreck. I went to bed last night wishing I had someone to hold me like that again. I’ve been trying to analyze in my head why I’m so affected by this. I have CPTSD from childhood trauma. I coped by secluding myself and dealing with my issues on my own. I stopped trying to confide in my parents when they brushed me off so I just stuffed everything down. I still don’t go to people for comfort nor do I seek out physical affection. I only hug people when saying hi or bye. The only time you’ll see me cry is when I can’t control it. Otherwise I can only let go when I’m alone. I think this is making me confront the loneliness I’ve been forcing myself to ignore. It just felt so nice to finally be held and feel cared for.

I don’t think it’s weird to be single in my 20s and focus on more interesting things like my hobbies and career. Most of my friends are single too. But, I do think my parents are worried about me. It’s strange because I was raised to not trust the intentions of men who pursue me, but now that I’m an adult and am indifferent to relationships, they have started to push me to date their coworkers, coworkers kids, etc.

One of my hobbies is oshikatsu, which is collecting merchandise of one character that I really like. Sometimes I’ll go out to cute cafes with my other friend who also does this and we’ll take pictures of our photocards, standees, or whatever goods we brought. I explain all this to say that the last time I was talking to my mom, I was scrolling through my camera roll and she saw my photos I took and sighed. She complained that I was pretend dating a fake boy over looking for an actual boyfriend.

It sort of hurt my feelings because the fake boy in question is actually a character that has really helped me feel less depressed, but that’s beside the point. Even besides that interaction, they keep asking me if I’m gay or reminding me about “using protection” like they want me to at least hook up with someone?? or think I’m fucking around and that’s why I’m not dating. I don’t want to have sex and I don’t want to date. So what if I’m on a “fake date?”At least that character actually makes me happy lol. But I also don’t like feeling like a disappointment to my family over my life choices and wants.

I(24M) have never dated anyone my whole life, and the core reason being, I feel uninvited/like a creep approaching someone I have no common grounds or context with. So any sort of connection I had were all either acquaintances, friends and/or colleagues, and none of them ended very well for me. I feel extremely confident hitting on someone initiating conversation (with intentions) with someone I have a common purpose with, but I can't take that energy to a complete stranger. I am otherwise a moderately extroverted person and genuinely been asked how's it that I'm single.
Right off the bat, the first thought that comes to my mind is "Am I intruding?What if they find me creepy?" I constantly feel like they don't wanna interact with me, no matter how active they are on it, and I should withdraw. And that's what I do. I tried working on it myself but it's very awkward and I stop functioning. I feel like it's a disorder at this point.

I feel like this is going to be the reason I die alone.

I (18F) am not a virgin, lost it at 15, now I'm with my (20M) boyfriend- he, on the other hand, is still a virgin. I told him about this before we got together and he said he didn't mind.

However, after some time he started bringing it up, it kept getting worse and worse. I got called impure, he even admitted to seeing me as lower value because of this. He brings it up every chance he gets, even during disagreements not related to this, as a gotcha moment, to remind me that I have no right to be mad at him because I'm not pure anymore, as if it's the most heinous crime one could ever commit.

For context, my body count is 1, I lost it with a guy I was in a relationship with, a shitty one may I add. He never cared about my opinions and eventually, I got tired of it and left. This was tiring enough and now I also get shamed for having been in the relationship, which makes me feel awful and guilty about my past. It's impacted my mental health a lot and it hurts knowing the way my partner thinks about me simply because I trusted the wrong person once.

I don't want to break up, I love him a lot, but it feels inevitable if nothing changes.

Hello everyone.
Not sure if this counts as the content warning but I didn’t want to trigger anyone so.
My apologies if I made any grammar mistake, English is not my first language.

This summer, I went to my grandparents’s house and as I put on the bikini I had just bought and absolutely loved, my grandmother made a comment about how I gained weight and I could « lose that belly ». Mind you multiple people have told me that was a perfectly normal and healthy weight. Needless to say I barely wear this bikini anymore and I feel awful going to the pool or the beach.

I have never been on the skinnier side, but this year was rough for me and I have relied on food multiple times to get me through tough times. So I indeed have gained some fat I guess.

As soon as she told me this, I have lost my usual appetite. I can’t eat without feeling guilty and I usually skip dinner if I feel my lunch was too big and my day too sedentary to deserve dinner. I went to the gym, I ran, I did all I could to lose that fat. I lost all confidence I had. I cried because ice cream made me feel so so guilty.

I have managed to lose the extra fat in a month or so, and a lot. My mother told me I had « melted in such a short time », like she was worried, but something sick in me tells me that’s good.

Now my biggest fear is gaining the weight back. It makes me cry and go into panic attacks to be in front of foods I used to eat and can’t anymore because my brain tells me I’ll be too fat. My friends have come over and bought me some pastries for breakfast and I couldn’t even touch them. Right now I’m feeling sick because I ate chicken curry two days in a row and I feel ashamed and like I don’t deserve dinner because of that.

I have basically gone from a girl who loved to try many foods to someone who’s panicking over my plates and it’s killing me. I don’t even know what a normal portion is supposed to be anymore. Whatever I put on my plate feels like too much. I feel guilty for enjoying the foam on my cappuccino. All I think about is the fat, the fat, the fat.

We’re celebrating two of my friends’s birthdays in a few days and I’ll be taking care of the cakes. I don’t even know if I’ll be able to eat a slice. It makes me nauseous just to think about it. My own cakes I used to love.

I realise this is such a privileged issue to have because some people can’t even afford food but I just needed to talk, at least to write this somewhere where my words won’t just be taken as ingratitude for the good things I have going on in life.

I deeply thank anyone who has had the patience to read this until the end.

Literally what the title says. I have been attempting to find a partner because I have been feeling lonely. Not that I have anything against being alone. I love my space, but sometimes there is this part in me that yearns for the quiet calm that I can get with someone I love and trust.

I’ve met a few people in the last few months and it feels like every conversation that I have with them, they eventually turn to intimate relations. And I have nothing against intimacy. I love intimacy. But I want something more with them.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, even though I go into every one of these encounters with full consent, I just feel empty inside. I guess that’s the reality of casual relationships. But I’d also wish that people would straight up tell me what they are looking for when they meet me on the app, instead of saying that they want something longterm, get to know you for months and eventually disappear once the deed is done.

I’m tired. Not looking for any advice or anything. Just taking it off my chest.

My boyfriend who I thought was the love of my life just broke up with three weeks ago. I'm not at a good place right now. Breakups are extremely hard for me. And my closest friends ignore me.

I only had a few but long relationships in my life and my first and five year long relationship was traumatizing and ended with a four month long affair and leaving me for the affair partner. I was suffering from severe depression afterwards and it took me at least 2.5 years to get over it.

The next partner also left me for another woman, never broke up, just ghosted me and changed his profile picture into one with his new girlfriend.

I only had another talking stage after that, also ended with ghosting after months of talking 24/7.

I didn't want to date for a long time and had huge fears that I'd get hurt or left again.

My recent relationship was perfect and made me extremely happy. Everything was great , super healthy and we had the biggest compatibility. We were both really happy with each other and it felt like a match made in heaven. I couldn't believe I was this lucky and it was finally my turn. I'm 30 and was already about to give up the thought that I'd still find a love like that. It was someone who I already had a crush on for a long time ten years ago until we both moved away. Him coming back into my life felt like destiny and really hoped I'd marry this man one day. He was my closest friend and made me so happy.

He left me three weeks ago out of the blue and I haven't heard from him since.

I have two close friends from school who I've known since I was 13. We (used to?) tell each other everything. We all went through some rough times in life and we always supported each other and whenever someone wasn't doing well, we'd be there for them.

One of the two girls, she got married last month, asked me something in our group chat and I replied and told them that my boyfriend just broke up with me (that was three days after the breakup) and that I'm not doing well. They both replied "oh no I'm sorry " with a sad emoji and then changed the subject to something else.

It made me really sad. I don't know anything about your friends but in our group, when something like that happened, we'd reach out to them immediately, ask them what happened, if they wanna talk, anything.

I remember when one of those two girls went through a breakup a few years ago and didn't feel well, we drove all the way to her place, which was hours away, to support her. Also supported her months after when she needed someone to talk or feel less alone. Or whenever something happened, we called each other.

We never had to say "can I please talk to you guys", a "I'm not doing well" was enough and we'd call each other or ask questions in our group chat.

They didn't ask. And it made me incredibly sad.

They know how this breakup is something that I was so scared of and that it's so so hard for me. But they didn't ask. And it really hurt me.

I waited a few days until I texted them again in the group chat to ask when's the next time that they're in our hometown. They have family there so they are there pretty frequently. I was hoping they'd spend some time with me. They both read the message and haven't replied since. That was two weeks ago.

I get that everyone's busy but something major like this, like it used to be a major thing, is something where I expected that they'd have some time, even if it's a day later. I understand that they've both been in long term relationships and maybe my dating "drama" doesn't seem very important to them because they've just forgot how extreme the pain of a heartbreak can feel like.

But since they know how much I struggle mentally with breakups, I just hoped they'd be there for me.

It hurts because I feel like I was giving them both so much, always supported and helped them no matter what it was and that was something that was still a thing in our friends group until last month. So it's not the case that we just don't have much to do with each other anymore.

And it hurts because they're my closest friends. Sure their closest friends are now their partners but I just really needed to feel like someone cared for me.

I can't really talk to anyone else. I'm not close with my family and I could never tell them about my relationships or how I feel.

It makes me so sad how unimportant I am to friends I thought I was close with. I feel like now I don't have anyone left who cares for me.

I feel very lonely and forgotten.

Even the closest ones, I thought they’d remember. Even though I make sure to remember theirs and wish them, although I was late last year for my best friend, I did apologize to her, but this year I was prompt enough. Even for others I make sure or at last try, a message, that’s all it matters. But already 12 hrs in on my birthday. I guess it says a lot about me as a person, maybe I was never that significant, I never really was actually. Just a background prop in everyone’s life. Maybe I was right to think that connections are not substantial at the end of the day. On top of that I’m not even going through a good time since last week due family troubles, I don’t know why this year, I wished someone at least send a message around 12 to at least make me feel a bit special. But I guess that’s life. I’m tired of larping relationships at this point. I was never good at maintaining them, though for the past couple of years I made conscious effort to maintain them and keep close, and no matter how much, I still feel alone at the end of the day. Maybe that’s part of late adult life around 30s, that nobody warned me about.

Just sharing here. I will probably never tell this to anyone, because asking feels too much.

unfortunately for me, i trusted a fart once back when i was in 1st grade.

i was in the computer lab minding my own business and i felt something rumbling in my stomach. maybe it was going to be a simple fart, right? to my huge surprise, it definitely wasn't. it came and leaked straight into my undies and i didn't know what to do at that moment. i was very nervous that i sat there like a fool and waited until i went back to the main teacher's homeroom. shortly after the computer lab class was over, i asked my teacher if i could use the bathroom and she said yes so i went and speed-walked all the way into the bathroom stall.

i pulled down my pants and tried to clean myself up but of course, my undies was still covered in shit stains no matter how many times i tried to wipe it off and the smell was horrendous. i just hoped for the best and quietly walked out of the stall, washed my hands and went back into my teacher's class.

the teacher and kids were standing there and fooling around not doing really anything important and then... someone yells "WHAT IS THAT SMELL?!"

right there and then, i was dying on the inside praying that nobody figures out the horrid stench was coming from me. more of the kids started complaining about the smell and told the teacher about it. i was standing there, staring out the doorway wishing that i could leave the class and never come back.

there was a kid who was standing in front of me as i stood there and he turned around to look straight at me, telling me to face my back to him. it's pretty obvious that he knew where the smell was coming from but he didn't call me out for the entire class to hear at firsthand.

me being the shy and quiet person in school, i refused and the word no randomly flew out of my mouth and he was so surprised that i actually spoke, making a huge deal about it, forgetting about the repulsive smell (?)

a few minutes later, (which felt like forever) everyone started to calm down and at that point, the smell started to slowly dissipate. i'm just super glad that i somewhat got away with that entire fiasco, lord have mercy...

I've never told anyone this. It's something I have always kept private. I think I am making this post just to finally tell the world without the shame of everyone knowing and judging me for it.

I was born and raised in a highly religious family with strict rules around sex. No sex before marriage, nothing other than vaginal sex etc etc. My religious sect was also highly restrictive with friendships, meaning I wasn't allowed to have friends outside of the church. Despite this, I didn't have many friends in the church either and was bullied a lot by the other kids in the church because I was a little different. I don't know if I have autism or something, but I am just a little strange compared to everyone else. I was home educated and never really experienced the social life aspect of school.

I was in this religion until around the age of 23, when I left. Despite this, I still held onto archaic views around no sex before marriage, so was quite happy when I partnered up with a Christian girl who said she had the same values. I had never been in a relationship before, so didn't really know how it was all meant to work. But we were together for a few years in a relationship with no sex. I attended her church with her (less strict Christian sect than what I'd known) and we presented the image of a good Christian couple. She left me after 2 years or so. I found out from some mutual friends that shortly after she left me, she lost her virginity to a guy at a nightclub. Just a random one-night stand after how much we had talked about losing it together. It really did break my heart and make me feel really unimportant.

As the years went by, I abandoned religion completely, and started to question why I still held onto these archaic values around sex. I tried dating apps and hookup apps to meet people. I just can't seem to get people to stay. I don't know if it's my social skills or my looks or whatever. I'm not a particularly ugly guy, but I'm not astoundingly good looking either. I'm probably dead on average. I train at the gym and am in good shape, but my social skills and confidence leave a lot to be desired. I really struggle with eye contact, and I think I often come off a bit weird when trying to be funny as many of my attempts at jokes don't land.

After years went by, I'm now 33 and have never had sex. My friends don't know I'm a virgin, but they do know I've been single for a long time. I tell them I'm just focusing on my career and am not interested in looking for anyone and am just waiting for the right person to come along. This is a lie to mask my shame. Truth is, I really want to have a connection with someone. I hear all these conversations around sex and wish I could be part of that. I see hookup culture and wish I could be part of that. But I can't seem to do it.

And finally, recently I had the opportunity twice to have sex. Once with a girl I met at meetup event. And once with one of the bridesmaids at my friend's wedding. Both times I pulled away as things started to get intimate and made an excuse as to why I couldn't. The meetup girl I told her I felt like throwing up because I had drank too much, and the wedding girl I just said I had a headache and wanted to go to bed. Two opportunities I had that I fumbled with girls I genuinely found attractive.

I don't know if it's a self-esteem issue, or something. When I was in those moments a sharp feeling of anxiety hit me. And it was like fight or flight. I just wanted to get out of that situation, even though I genuinely wanted to do it. As I've reflected on it the past few days I think it's due to a lack of experience and a fear of dissapointing these women as I don't really know what I'm doing, as the only sex I have experience with is porn. And people have told me what you see in porn is very different to real life, but I don't really understand how as I have never had a real experience. I have so much anxiety and shamed tied to my sex life now that I think I am too damaged to ever have that intimacy that I crave.

That's all I wanted to say, because it's been the main thing destroying my self-esteem and making me depressed recently.

I met a friend a month ago, and we just clicked. Nothing romantic but now I remember what it feels like to let myself have feelings for a woman, even if I don't act on it, and it feels good...forgotten how good it felt, hope has been restored... Time to better my life... that's all.

hi everyone. lately, i’ve been feeling completely overwhelmed whenever I think about my present, it's like i don’t even want to be here anymore. i feel constantly down because of an overwhelming sense of nostalgia. i can’t stop thinking about the past as if those years were beautiful times that I should be living forever, rather than staying in a present where I feel so empty. movies, songs, memories… everything from my past that I come across now triggers a wave of emotional pain. it's like I’m constantly asking myself, why can't I still be back then? why does time have to keep ticking away without anyone being able to stop it?

i just wish i could look back at the past and remember the good times without letting this intense nostalgia destroy me and make me feel worthless.

the future scares me, but at the same time, i hope it will be happier than my life right now. maybe when i'm older, i'll look back at this time the same way i now think about 5 or 10 years ago.

perhaps this strong nostalgia comes from the fact that my mind regrets no longer being as happy as it used to be. before, i was a free child, with almost nothing to worry about. but ever since adolescence hit, the stress, the lack of friends, and the pressure from the outside world make me feel like my life is ten times worse than it was back then.

is anyone else going through this?