Whatever this is compels me inexorably. We are going to speak to each other again. If I was going to just "get over it", I would have done so already.

I don't really care about the outcome or nerves or whatever anymore. I just need it to happen. I just need to talk to you, even if it's about utter nonsense

Or maybe we can speak only with our eyes and skip the small talk

telepathically snuggling with u rn do u feel it

I miss you every day. I don’t know what it is about today that has made it even worse. You know what I miss most? Your eyes. The way you looked at me. The way you looked into me. The way you made me feel so seen. It felt like you were looking into my soul, or at least trying to. Do you realize your eyes changed when you looked at me? Your whole face changed. It was at once both more relaxed and more intense. I can’t explain it but I know no one else has ever looked at me with the intensity you did. I think that’s why I can’t get over you. We may have only been together briefly but it was intense. Looking back I can’t remember anyone else ever looking at me the way you did. The way you kept your eyes locked on mine when we made love. It was the most intimate and intense sex I’ve ever had in my life. I miss it. I miss you. I miss your eyes. I want more than anything to have you look at me that way again. It is taking every ounce of my strength to not call you but I know you don’t want to talk to me. You’ve made that clear with your silence. I won’t reach out again. But I’m here. Just in case. I’m here.

There’s so much I want to say to you. So much I want to share with you. I want to reach out to you, but I know it would hurt. I know you’re angry and maybe we are just in different places emotionally. There are times I am angry with you, times I miss you, times I think about all that we’ve been through together. All the little things I got to love about you so much. You’re in every place I go, every thing I do, there’s little memories of you there.

I’ve tried to tell myself I can hold on to the best memories of us and you can just exist there, where we were happy. It’s like a small piece I get to carry with me forever. Maybe that could be enough? I know it won’t be because you’re who I want to be with, and you’re far away, but in some small way, if I can carry you with me, and remember you, remember us, it can be some untouchable thing that exists and I can cherish it.

I want to tell you all this, but you wouldn’t believe me. You’d shut me down. You’d probably get mean. But the funny thing is I miss that too. I would resign myself to more time with you even if it meant you being mad at me.

I’m not going to let that part of us go. I’ll hold it close. The string be stringing I guess.

I love you.

Right person, wrong time

You know, maybe it would have been less traumatic, had I not let myself romanticize our involvement, from the very first time that we began whatever we turned into. How we looked at whatever "it" was, was vastly different for the both of us. I called it out early, and suggested we say farewell kindly, respectfully. But you had not yet gleaned enough from my soul, so you wanted to hang a bit longer.
I was easy to persuade, since you promised all that I was longing for. That promise, was the first in a long string of intermittent lies. The truth showed up soon after. Devastated, yet still pliable. Exploitable too. Exploited my feelings for you, and my compassion, so that you could continue on your path, while resting in the assurance that I'd look out for you no matter what.
I used to think that you were just so troubled. I finally stop lying to myself for you, and faced the truth of the matter, which is that you are calculating, and have no capacity to love someone. Nor do you hesitate to take what you want, regardless of the damage done to others.

Give up! He/she isn’t worth the pain, stress, heartbreak, hopeless feelings… Do you honestly think if they love you they would have you waiting around like some shmuck in a damn DMV line?? People who love you don’t fucking use you, don’t fucking play you, manipulate, lie, steal, string you along, keep you guessing, play games with your heart, cheat, none of it! Love is showing up the minute your breaking down cuz they can’t stand to know your in such pain, it’s doing everything in their power to make sure it doesn’t get to the point where they’ve made you feel this way, it’s building something together… not trying to show them what yall have built so far and trying to convince them it’s worth sticking around to finish the project… so take my word cuz I’m in exact spot too atm….. take all their bullshit excuses and everything else that makes you feel like you are nothing or not good enough, and show them you don’t fucking need them and they’ll regret ever leaving you in misery alone in the dark… if they left it’s cuz they doubted you THAT MUCH!! Take their stones of doubt they cast and in return build monoliths so high and great that it blocks out the sun, so the only thing they receive back is the shadows of your success they are now forced to live in…. FUCK EM!!!

If I called would you answer and stay with me for a bit?

Quit talking to yourself, and unclench your jaw. Its a cute jaw.

I guess I’ll never know the answers to my real questions, but sometimes you can feel like you already know the answers,but just scared to realize it. Yes, you are always on my mind as well but some things we need to let go unfortunately. You never did anything wrong. It was me. That’s just something I’m gonna have to live with. The distance I created between us, was of course done on purpose. Although we really never knew each other that well I still feel close to you somehow someway.

i hope our paths cross again. i believe people come into our lives for a reason, and that feels true with you. honestly if it was up to us, we probably wouldn't have interacted given our differences but I believe that’s what so special about it..but leaving things unfinished is hard for me, but I believe it's what’s best. maybe we need to grow apart and find our own paths for now. i don't want to say goodbye forever, so I’ll say see you later.

take care of yourself :)

In fact he asked me not to. But you should know the truth- what he’s like.
But we broke up because he cheated on me.

Not once, not an oopsie poopsie I’m so sorry I was drunk it won’t happen again.

He had an affair. With the person I told him I was insecure about. With the person I asked him to set boundaries with.with the person he said we would all be friends.

I know he’s your best friend, but you became my friend too.
He’s lying to you. This wasn’t mutual.

He broke me. This broke me.
I hope you and I can be friends.

But him- I can’t. He shattered me and I have to pick up the pieces- and I can’t do that with him.

If you have questions I have the screenshots.
I’ll miss seeing y’all.

i really want to cuddle today

“I love you, I want to be with you, and I'm willing to put in the work to have a healthy relationship with you.”

But you gave up on us.

And you also said:

“…holding that back would feel disingenuous to me, so I'm always going to be…direct and open and honest.”

And the reason we aren’t together now is because you weren’t direct, open, and honest.

Especially if it's really, truly forever - could we please have one conversation so we can voice the hurts and the questions and give ourselves a real chance to forgive each other? I truly thought we'd never speak again in real time, and things are so... IDK, precarious (maybe? at least for me) at the moment. If I have to let you go again, and if it is really, truly the end, I want it to be with closure. For both of us. Maybe it's not that we owe anything to one another as much as it is about letting go with love. This could legitimately be the last time we'll speak until one of us dies. Please think about it.

I’m sorry for everything. I know you always said anyone who cut you off was dead to you but I didn’t mean it. I want to fix this so fucking bad. I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m so fucking sorry. I’d give anything to bring you back. Fuck everything else, fuck everyone else. I miss you like crazy. I’d take it all back if I could. Please come back. Please give me one last chance.

Hi, I love u so much. I miss u shit tons. Always.

Having a moment where we just talk and joke around, no stress, no tension, no awkwardness.
Just 2 people yapping about random stuff, I actually enjoyed it, it made time go faster. I also like that every now and then you throw in something personal about yourself, kinda makes me feel better that you’re comfortable enough with me to do that, or do you do that with everyone? I dunno, it doesn’t matter, it was nice anyways.
I guess I just wanted to say thank you, and if you ever need a listening ear, whether it’s for serious, personal or just a chat about randomness, I’m always here.

I can’t not love you. I know we have be apart for a while but I just can’t stop thinking about you every waking minute. We stopped talking months ago and I want to text you so bad. I truly have not been happy without you. Do you still feel it? Do you still feel me? The future is coming fast.

Don’t go backwards trying to change their memory.

Move forward.

Went through the bullshit which was both of our bullshits but alot of your bullshits!! Came out still loving you'd open your eyes and realize it...I'd say theres not much more to go through at this point...wouldn't you...guess who stands tall for you...guess who still wants ya riding shotgun...guess who's legitimately in a place to help you if you would take it??? Guess who wants to help you so you'll thrive babe...guess who wants to see ya do good for you and your kids...

Same person that always has!!

Know that i miss you

I absolutely do not miss you at all! Your wicked ways and devilish grin shall taunt me no longer! Fuck you!!! Sexy bitch.

Time to go

Please save me