This is inspired by a story from my friend I saw yesterday. She and her new squeeze were waiting to have sex, as they're in their 30s but are trying to approach relationships differently. They've been dating for a few months now, things are going well, and so they finally gave in and "broke the seal" lol her words, not mine.

But she was talking about how it's been a few times now so she's gotta start figuring out a birth control plan since Plan B after every time is not fun, or sustainable. Apparently her last experience with an IUD was not great on her moods, mental health, and period symptoms. She'll make him wear condoms going forward, but that's not always enough and birth control adding peace of mind is needed in this case.

I just feel like this is such a common thing. The weight and burden of preventing pregnancy (which is caused by TWO people), always falls on the woman. It's so much more rare to hear about guys even pitching in on that effort, or at least being chill with condom use. They get the easy pass all the time, while we wreck our bodies to prevent pregnancies. But god forbid you suggest a man takes some of that responsibility into his own hands, including a vasectomy.

My mom is also in the dating pool, and this is a grief of hers as well. Men are so quick to reject the idea of a vasectomy, even the ones that she meets - in their 40s-50s, no longer wanting to have kids. Like bro. Fkin snip it. You'll be fine.

For their entire lives, women are just expected to bear the entire burden of pregnancy prevention. No matter what it does to our hormones, bodies, mental health, etc. they have to initiate the "talk" about contraception, combat condom pushback, all that so he can get some and probably do a mid job at attending to a woman's sexual needs anyways.

Just tired and venting about this issue being so one sided, when pregnancy is a two sided responsibility. The normalcy of this is what's upsetting, yk?

CW: Mentions of SA

I, 17F, find myself becoming more scared of men day by day. Not exactly in the sense that I'll run away or start screaming If I happen to see one in public (although, if I were alone at night, I'd definitely take caution). More in the sense that, from what I've seen, most men have an underlying maliciousness that they're either comfortable exposing online behind some random 'user7291718' account, or a maliciousness that exposes itself later in the course of a relationship.

Regarding the online side, I've seen men insert themselves into conversations of women sharing their horrific experiences caused by men. I've seen men invalidate these experiences, demean them, say the woman 'deserved it' for whatever reason or 'it's not all men'. The latter is particularly jarring to me; of course it's not all men. everyone knows that. But the average person meets/ interacts with around 40,000 men over the course of their lifetime, and I can assure there are plenty more than 40,000 hateful, misogynistic men making themselves known on the internet. So, yes, there is a mathematical chance that a majority of the men someone meets in their lifetime do possess such resentfulness, particularly against women. How do I know if a man I open the door for, who makes me coffee, who I might pass isn't the street, isn't online telling women to 🔑 themselves, threatening r*pe or worse?

This unknown is what has ruined many people's lives. I've seen thousands of women engage in relationships with men who appeared entirely normal - 'one of the good ones'. Ah. That is until you discover your husband of 50 years who you've loved dearly has been s\*x trafficking you to other men in your sleep (Gisele Pelicot's experience). Until your loving boyfriend of a year starts beating you up in a drunken haze because his favourite sports team lost a random game. Until you reach puberty and your father can't distinguish between his own daughter and a s\*x object. Millions of women have suffered experiences like these at the hands of men. And when we beg and plead for men to address things, we are met with defensiveness and retaliation. We're simply telling the reality of the world we live in.

I'm very thankful to live in a country where men and women can walk on the street semi-equals. I know that many women across the world suffer from much harsher patriarchal oppression (for example, Afghanistan), and have s\*xual violence used against them as tools of war (DRC). What's scary is that many men amongst the western societies we praise for not being like those, would happily commit the same acts if it was socially acceptable.

I'm not trying to come at all men. There's a reason I've consistently said 'many', 'majority', instead of all. I simply want to know how I can find someone who won't assault me on the first date or quite literally kill me later on. And please, for the love of God, don't say 'Just avoid the people who seem sketchy'. They *don't* seem sketchy. That's how they have the opportunity to do these horrible things in the first place: They gain people's trust. So yes, I have a reason to be paranoid. I simply want to know the indicators for in which situations I can let my guard down a little and open up to a man. I want to date, and I think I want to get married, but from what I've seen, in a room of 10 heterosexual women, 2 are in a happy relationship, 6 have been emotionally traumatised by previous partners and 4 have been either killed or 🍇. Please. I just want to navigate my love life without worrying something *literally* horrible (not just a few tears or a break up) would happen to me. How do I know he's the right one - not just for the first year, or the first ten years, but forever?

i know i'm not saying anything new here but it's never fails to astound me how men think they are are just entitled to pretty women. just because they want them.

this is the equivalent of going to a porsche dealership, lusting after 911, and asking the dealership to give it to you...just because. just because you want it. That's it. No other reason. Not because you have the money to pay for it. Not because do a promotional exchange for the car (eg, be a spokesperson, film a video promoting the car, etc). You should just be allowed to have the car because you want it.

Astounding.

Okay, some background. I was on anxiety and depression meds for years and it numbed my body and killed my sex drive. I also gained 100 pounds! But, I moved out of state, and my doctor saw right away that the meds were bad for me, and advised me to get off of them. So, I did. I have never felt better. I have lost those 100 pounds, and naturally, I have my mojo back.

My husband seems to not appreciate my new found sexuality. He says he does not want to have sex with me (or anyone else, either, he says) but is secretly masturbating. When I called him on it, he says that masturbating does not imply he needs or wants sex. He says he has done it all of his life. Is it just some necessary biological release or something? I don’t get it.

I hate spending money on pads, pain killers, panty liners, wipes and tampons every month. I hate getting cramps a few hours before my period starts. I hate that very first feeling of blood coming out of my vagina. I hate the wet feeling of a pad. I hate wearing tampons with the constant fear of me staining myself. I hate having to pee in public toilets when I’m on my period. I hate sleeping with a pad on. I hate waking up to a wet pad. I hate the smell of my period blood when I’m sitting on the toilet. I hate how painful my cramps can get. I hate the blood trickling down my ass crack. I hate wiping after I poo or pee when I’m on my period. I just hate it. I absolutely hate it.

hello im 20F and i dont know if this is the right subreddit to post but if you have had a cystectomy or a c section, pls advise.

not pregnant nor had a baby but my OB cut me up like i had a c section because i had my ovarian cyst taken out. my aunt who had a c section before told me she couldn't walk properly for MONTHS and im so scared. i think im too young for this. i dont know what to do. i keep crying rn because im scared that if i move it might harm the incision. this is my first time going under operation and i have a belly binder on to help with the cut but im still scared.

pls advise how i can manage or how i can help make the cut heal faster.

im a working student and my job gave me 2 months to rest, my uni gave me 1 month.

thank you.

I've become weirdly skeptical of anything marketed as something that's going to simplify my life. Half the time it just becomes another thing that needs charging, cleaning, organizing, or finding a place for.

These days I appreciate things that quietly do their job without needing attention. Maybe that's part of getting older, but I'm becoming much harder to impress with anything that promises to completely change my routine.

Sometimes the simplest option really does end up being the one I stick with.

So I (F28) went to a bachelorette weekend party. I recently got married to my husband (M28), less than a year ago. I told him when we were planning that we might hire a stripper or go to a strip club. He didn’t say anything probably cuz he trusts me.

Then he got added to the groom’s bachelor party group. Who by the way is his friend only through my friend. And he told they’re just doing a one evening thing, which involves a strip club too. And my immediate reaction was I mean you don’t do anything there okay, just go for him (also cuz that’s what I was doing for my friend too- didn’t wanna be a spoil sport but wasn’t myself gonna do anything). He said no no anyway I don’t think clubs in Toronto are safe bla bla. So I thought ya we are clear we won’t get involved.

Cut to tonight when I got back. I told him what all we did showed him pics bla bla. Then he told about strip club. So apparently he went to those room thingy. And I was like taken aback. I said why did you go. He said “everyone was going”????????? By that time he didn’t realise my tone had changed. And he described as when he went inside she was doing whatever and said “you know you can touch me right”, and then he said to me that he realised it wasn’t hygenic there either way so he didn’t do anything. I mean, not cuz of me, but cuz not hygenic??? I was so freaking annoyed and disappointed and angry all at the same time.

I stopped replying to him properly and incomplete responses and he’s like what happened and all. The. I said dude I also went to a strip club full of hot guys with abs and all. All my friends touched or took a lap dance. I wanted to experience too but I just couldn’t do it thinking about you and what our relationship means to us. Also the people he went with all are unmarried so it’s not fair of him to say everyone was doing so he had to.

Then later he came back saying sorry and all but I feel like he’s just saying it cuz I got upset. He didn’t even feel like he did anything wrong.

im 18F, everytime i post a video i get grown men commenting weird things or hating on me (not to mention the amount of message requests i get from them). i dont even try to present myself in a male gaze way, i just put on makeup and im always covered up. the thing is i have never had a boyfriend and i’ve never gotten attention from men, but when i post on tiktok suddenly all the weird and rude men comment.

I barely get women interacting with my videos, and I hate it. I try and dress up cute and do my makeup cute to fit the female gaze more, but it doesnt work.

i barely even get comments, and when i do its men being like this, it actually makes me feel horrid. what do i have to do so less men view my videos and more women do?

I'm a senior in college, and I'm a virgin, and maybe I'm ovulating or something, but I want to sleep with this guy. I think I've let society and this religion that I've finally freed myself from convince me that I should wait till marriage, but I want to feel good, and I know that it would only be this guy I'd sleep with. I really want reasons that this isn't a bad idea. I know I won't catch feelings, and I do plan on being safe.

Hi! I (29F) currently work in an office as a Program Coordinator, but I find the work to be soul sucking (as we all do 🥲) and I want to change my career. I live in Vancouver, BC if that’s helpful

I’ve recently discovered that I have a passion for working with/helping women specifically. My first thought was to become a naturopath that specializes in women’s hormones/health, but my partner and I are planning to start trying for a baby as early as next year so it feels like too big of a commitment to commit to naturopath school for 4 years

I’m wondering if anyone has recommendations for jobs where I can work with 95% women - preferably something health-based and not beauty-based.

Here are a couple careers I’ve looked at to give you an idea:

- naturopath
- doula
- holistic nutritionist

Even better if you work in a women-based career and can tell me about your experience!!

I’m honestly just looking for some support from other women right now, especially if anyone has been through something similar or knows someone who has.

I recently found out that the man I was supposed to marry was cheating on me while I was pregnant with his baby. Dating apps, sleeping with women, pursuing other women, talking about women with his friends, all of it. He even suggested the name of one of the women he was cheating with when we were picking names for our baby, which is something I still genuinely cannot wrap my head around.

The pregnancy ended and was extremely traumatic for me, and I really don’t want to get into the loss itself. I’ve also found out that the cheating continued in different ways afterward.

I think I’m just coming here because other women feel like the safest place for me right now. Which is kind of ironic because after going through his phone, the amount of women who knew about me and still encouraged or participated in it was honestly astronomical lol. That has been its own really upsetting thing to process.

But I still have faith in women, so hi. If you’ve survived something like this, I would really love to hear from you. I feel very alone right now.

My last period was July 21, and there’s no chance of pregnancy. Around Aug 12–14, I started having very light slimy brown/red discharge, around when I expected to ovulate.

Since then it’s gradually become more bleeding and less discharge, but it’s still very light — one pad can last the whole day and it never becomes a normal period.

I’m also getting small clots, ranging from tiny pieces to about dime/nickel-sized, sometimes dark brown/black and sometimes red. They can come out at different times of day, sometimes when I pee/bear down, and sometimes I get a small gush when I get out of bed.

It’s been 2+ weeks now.

Has anyone had something similar? Did it eventually turn into a normal period or stop on its own?

Why its always like if you are in this deep hole they say like oh you'll get over this you'll be better and i believed that, but then I get into other hole and its just gets darker and depper, like bro wtf, i do everything that I can but its just one happy day for a month of anxiety and depression.

Like its this constant pain and loop, like try fail and repeat.

And things just gets harder and i feel so selfish if I try to say out loud the whole thing.

I must say it was never easy, I was born months earlier than planned so my healthy was never good, my dad is straight bullshit, it was rough but manageable because my mom will always cheer me up, but since she passed it is so hard nothing makes me happy, I have trouble sleeping and I dont mean like oh yeah I spend till 2 am last 2 weeks.

I mean its been almost 5 years and I still can spend 3 hours just staring at the ceiling.

I just miss her so fucking much, she was my reason.

Almost a year or 2 ago my sister tried to scape home, and since then she just keeps making stuff that affects us.

Last week I found out the last partner my mom had, and a pretty important person to me was sick and he couldn't explain a lot, because he was not allowed to have his phone with him and i haven't heard from him since.

I feel like a zombie with no path.

Does anyone have felt this way??

(I, early 20s, F) had my first visit with a new gyno and I'm not sure if the problem is me or her. I've seen a gyno before, but this was my first time having an exam/Pap smear. This doctor has great reviews and everything I've heard about her says she take time to listen to patients' concerns and is very caring and helpful. I...did not get that experience.

For starters, I arrived on time but wasn't seen until a full hour after my appointment time. Doctor walked in and immediately started asking questions. The whole visit felt really rushed and there wasn't really time for me to ask her questions. She left and had me undress, and then came back with her nurse. I understand why a nurse needs to be there? But I wasn't expecting that beforehand and it was SO unnerving to be in a vulnerable position and have an extra person come in unexpectedly. Having to spread eagle for a doctor whom I barely knew, plus a total stranger, was the worst. The procedure was really quick but it just felt like "here's what it looks like, you're going to feel xyz, some bleeding is normal, ok bye!" And then I was by myself again before I'd even processed anything that just happened.

I was actually looking forward to this visit, because this is a doctor I'll have for a long time and I was looking forward to establishing care and trust with a a gyno. I did not leave with a feeling of trust toward her. I like her? Sort of? But I felt like she looked more at her laptop than she did at me (I barely saw her face) and she left me a pamphlet that was not in my primary language. On my chart, she listed both a diet and a health issue I have not had for over a year, and I feel like I was pretty clear that I don't have that diet + issue anymore. I felt like she cared more about my uterus than me as a person.

She did order extensive lab work for my hormonal/hypothyroid issues, which was great. But I just left feeling really confused. Am I expecting too much? Are gyno visits normally like this? Was I just nervous and reading things wrong? Advice from you wise and learned ladies welcome.

Three years ago, I broke up with my long term boyfriend because he cheated on me with a colleague. It was long distance at the time and for months he swore there wasn’t anything between them but I had that feeling. One night he went out with her and some friends and the rest was history. I told him to go ahead and date her at the time but we shared a lot of mutual friends, so I think the social pressure deterred him then. It was an absolutely brutal time for me but I thought I’d moved past it.

A friend told me he posted a picture with that woman and they are now together, 3 years later. I knew he had girlfriends before and genuinely was not bothered but this made me feel sick. I think it’s bringing up a lot of insecurity or past feelings I thought I was over? I don’t find him attractive anymore or want a relationship with him but I still find myself feeling hurt again? Like I’m still apart of a joke I’m not in on? I’m not sure exactly what I’m feeling but it’s not good.

I’m a big ruminator so just wondering if anybody has gone through something similar and how you’ve changed your thought patterns or any techniques that helped you let it go. I know part of this is ego driven but I don’t know how to break that down further or just accept some people suck and move on. Genuinely, any advice would be great!

i’ve always been a very skinny girl growing up and even now. (i’m currently 20 yrs old 5’4 and around 95lbs.) i can’t gain weight no matter what and family members have made comments about how skinny i am. in general i did/do like that i’m skinny but since i got my first bf (dating for little over a year) my insecurities about my body just kind of got worse. i’ve always had friends with bigger breasts/butt, and once, one of them made a comment about me being the opposite, and that did rly mess with me. but not enough for it to be something that i think about all of the time. but now that i have a boyfriend, a part of me is always thinking that my body isn’t good enough or that i look child like or something since i don’t have those qualities. i go back and forth a lot about whether i like my body or don’t. i mentioned that id like to go to the gym and start being active again, and my bf agreed and in the nicest way possible said that it’d be good for my health but also because i could grow a butt since having one is something i’ve expressed i want but he said he’d like it too. he has said that he likes my body the way it is but i feel like once you have those feelings of insecurity it’s hard to just brush it off. does anyone else feel the same kinda way?

I’m 23 which I know in theory is young but In college I never went out to bars or anything and I didn’t have much friends I feel like I missed out on using my “prime” years I know all this is most likely due to society (what’s new) but I still can’t shake this feeling especially because I don’t think I’ve ever felt confident to go out and do those things let’s be honest here people treat you better when you’re slim and pretty and that just hasn’t been my experience

:)) the title sounds funny but I had this discussion with a guy and he said that for him the grossest thing in the world would be to have a dick in his mouth, and semen, just the thought of that makes him sick

and i say 'me too'

he laught and said 'but you are a woman'

and i said 'aand? i am still a human. just because i am a woman it's by default that i love dicks in my mouth?'

some women like it, some doesn't, and it's ok. but it feels that if you are a woman, you are supposed by default to like that, or to do it like it's what you're supposed to do.

and i am so mad because some really do it for their partners, not because they like it sooo much

i personally don't do it and it's fine, i don't like it, but many expect that just because i am a woman i should like it, and do it

and i saw on this sub too, some women say that they don't like it and the comments are like they are broken or something, like try that, or that, or tell him to eat this and that.. just why?

it's perfectly alright to not like it

don't you agree?

(sorry for my english)

I am really confused. My mom and siblings have always told me that I was a really unattractive person and really ugly but outside I get called pretty by strangers, by friends, boys have had crushes on me. To be completely honest I think I’m not pretty at all I hate looking in the mirror or see myself in photos but I still ask myself why I get this attention when the woman who gave birth to me thinks I’m hideous. Soo how do you tell if you’re attractive or not ?

TW: Mentions of weight

I'm unsure if this is the right subreddit! So please forgive me if its not.

Ik that societally, slimmer women are deemed to be the attractive physique. I used to weigh 57 kg, jumped to 71 and now I'm down to 63. I've noticed that I got approached a lot more when I was bigger than when I was slimmer.

Ik that thinsg are different now, but when I was growing up curly hair was deemed "ugly" and "unhygenic". It made me feel insecure so I used to straighten my hair. When I stopped and embraced my natural hair texture, I got approached more often.

When I struggled with acne versus when my skin cleared up, I got approached more by guys before my accutane journey.

I wanna clarify that I never changed my appearance for the approval of anybody. I wanted to lose weight because I have joint problems, wanted to clear my skin because my very unstable period caused me to have acne which made me feel insecure, and I stopped straightening my hair cuz I had enough of heat damage.

I noticed that when I didn't fit societal beauty standards at all I was approached more often by guys. Meanwhile, when I moreso fit into the beauty standard, I got approached less by guys, and complimented a lot more by women. Has anybody else experienced this as well?

Hey guys i posted a bit ago about needing my period gone because i didn’t want it for uni. Turns out it was implantation bleeding and i’m pregnant 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ Anywho thank you guys for all the tips anyway

I'm a 28 year old woman and I never really had a serious relationship. I never had any luck finding men within social IRL spaces so I'm left with no choice but to hop on the dating apps such as Tinder and Bumble. I recently go on there today during my break and I swiped right on a few guys and we matched. Not long after I swiped right on this one guy, he immediately messages me and starts off by saying "Hi OP! I'm M!" (For privacy reasons I will be using initials) "I think you're really pretty!" Now, that comment I don't mind. I was really flattered when he was complimenting me. But, then when I tried to ask him how he was doing he proceeds to say "Oh I'm doing really good now especially since we've matched! You really brightened up my day!" And then as we talk and get to know each other he proceeds to keep saying "You have been the biggest breath of fresh air for me like oh my God you're so gorgeous and I would love to give you my number so that I can take you out and have you be my girlfriend and ugh I just need someone so pretty like you!" So basically, he's being overly sweet in these messages. I've heard of love bombing before and I cannot help but be super anxious over this because this is how narcissists trap their partners. He then proceeds to ask me where I live and he wants me to give him my number. Like, I don't a part of me feels like he could be a nice guy and I'm just too avoidant or is he being too forward? like the way he's talking to me is like he's known me for years. I feel like he's moving too fast for me.

Edit: He also sent me a message at 2am while I was asleep in hopes that I would reply back to him right away. He also told me that women hardly swipe right on him and he says that he's really grateful that a beautiful woman like me gave him the time of day.