I (18F) am going to go on an outward bound trip for 72 days. Leaving September 26th
I did not exactly choose to do this, both my dad and grandmother did courses and loved them. My mom works for outward bound, and so I get to do the course for free. I really am not sure about this, as she signed me up for it and has kind of subtly guilted me into doing this.
That being said, I love nature and being outdoors. But I also have a few worries. Those are:
-physical difficulty
I am not a physically unfit person, I definitely have more muscle mass than fat on my body, but I am still skinny. I am also 5’0 so I’m generally just a small person. As much as I love being outside, I have also been pretty lazy. Most of my exercise is the equivalent of walking (I work at chipotle so lots of going back and forth on the line) And not much heavy lifting. I’d say most of my strength is in my legs, so I worry about a heavy backpack.
-my relationship
Outward bound does not allow any contact to the outside world (friends/family) as far as im concerned. I worry about missing my friends and family too much, especially my boyfriend. Everyone says that outward bound permanently changes you, and you come back a different person. I’m worried that I’ll forget about how much I love my friends and boyfriend. I dont want my relationship to fall apart afterwards because of the shock of leaving and coming back. Our 2 year anniversary is during my course, so we wont be able to celebrate it which is crushing. Does anyone have experience with such a long course and not being able to talk to their partner/spouse?
-depression/anxiety/adhd
I’m not currently very depressed, but have my bouts of depression in the past. It heavily runs in the family. I also tend to rely on friends and family to help regulate my mood, so I worry that having nobody that I know will throw me off, especially because I am more of a strange person and I’m not sure I’ll get along well enough with the people on my course. I also have had multiple teachers and doctors and close friends tell me I likely have adhd, it runs in the family. I cannot pay attention at all and even when driving I will forget what I’m doing and just become one with my thoughts. I have been scolded for this my entire life but I really have no control over it. I’m worried that that will impact my experience because I am not diagnosed, and they might just think I dont care so I’m ignoring them on purpose.
Overall I’m just worried that my trip will be filled with anxiety, fear, and sadness. If I could do a shorter course I would, but its too late now. I already feel like I want to go home. I cant back out of this because my mother would be extremely mad and would likely bring it up for the rest of my life and also be incredibly disappointed and sad.
If anyone has relationship/anxiety advice please do share.
And if you see this and somehow know my mom, please do not tell her because I do not want to hurt her feelings.