r/comics • u/megettingkilled • 7h ago

What if it doesn’t happen

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We have to consider the possibility…

38.9k Upvotes

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3.4k

u/NilliaLane 7h ago

Devastatingly, you’ve perfectly reproduced his voice. I feel bad for both of us being burdened with such a clear sense of how he talks.

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u/GankedGoat 7h ago

It's like high humidity in speech form.

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u/cap10wow 7h ago

Damn, that’s spot-on

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u/HFentonMudd 3h ago

I'd add inside a port-a-potty

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u/GenericRedditor0405 7h ago

I am stealing this description.

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u/AManWhoJustSignedUp 5h ago

Happy cake day!

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u/U_L_Uus 5h ago

With his ego he will suffer a nervous breakdown way before that, the moment there is no one anymore to interact with him in any meaningful way his mind will just go full Kars

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u/Zosima93 6h ago

Have you considered a career in poetry?

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u/SentientSeamoth 6h ago

Holy shit, what an amazing description lol. Poetic af

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u/NilliaLane 6h ago

So apt.
90% humidity and 10% mosquito

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u/mhyquel 6h ago

Is that what Trudeau was referring to when he said we shouldn't be speaking moistly?

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u/SomeDumbDoggo 5h ago

Chef's kiss

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u/Aureon 4h ago

You, sir, are a poet and should be awarded the title of poet laureate

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u/EmptyRook 3h ago

Florida just pours out of his mouth

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u/AnotherDamnTransAlt 6h ago

Right up to thermodynamic equilibrium. Can you really imagine him getting through that correctly? I struggle.

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u/Aunt_Llama 6h ago

My immersion broke when he mentioned Kelvin. Not in a million years. Maybe, "Kelvin. You know, that comic in the newspaper with the boy and the cat." But yeah, certainly not thermodynamic equilibrium.

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u/Shotgun_Mosquito 5h ago

I rewrote it

You’re gonna see, believe me, a tremendous, very big thermosdynamite equal librarian okay? The best equal librarian. With entropy, totally maxxed out, maxxed out like nobody’s ever seen before, and, frankly, no free engergy, none, it’s all gone, folks. Sad!

edit - yes, engergy

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u/SureTrash 4h ago

You left out the part where he goes on an incoherent tangent about librarians afterwards.

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u/Shotgun_Mosquito 3h ago edited 2h ago

Fuck you for making me do this at work...but....

Let me tell you about librarians, because nobody talks about librarians anymore. Nobody. And I know librarians. I know a lot of librarians. Very good people, some of them. Tremendous people.

But we have a problem.

You walk into a library, and what do you see?

Books.

Everywhere. Books on the walls, books on the shelves, books on tables. Frankly, too many books. You can't even find the exit because there are so many books.

I know about books because I've written several books. Good books. "Art of the Deal" folks. Art of the Deal. Number 1 on the New. York. Times. Best seller list for 48 weeks. More than the Bible. Almost two years.

And then there's the librarian.

Very serious person. Very serious. You walk up and say, “Excuse me, where's the book about business?” And they look at you like you've committed a federal crime.

They say, “What classification system are you referring to?”

Classification system!

Nobody knows what that means. Nobody. I say, “Just give me the business book.” They say, “Well, sir, that's a very broad category.”

Broad category! It's a book! Give me the book!

And they're always whispering. Always whispering.

“Sir, please keep your voice down.”

I'm not loud. I'm enthusiastic. There's a difference.

And you know what else? These librarians know where everything is. You ask them for a book published in 1947 by some guy nobody's ever heard of, like some president named Herbert something, and immediately they know exactly where it is.

Shelf seven. Third floor. Row B. Behind the encyclopedia.

How do they do that?

Nobody knows.

Frankly, librarians may be running the whole country. I'm not saying they are. I'm just saying, you have to look into it.

And they have those little cards. Thousands of cards. They stamp things. They scan things. They tell you when something is overdue.

“Sir, this book is 17 days overdue.”

Seventeen days?

I say, “But it's a very good book.”

They don't care.

They want their book back.

Tough negotiators. Very tough.

And then there's the fine.

“Sir, you owe us $1.35.”

One dollar and thirty-five cents!

I say, “That's ridiculous. I'm a very important person.”

They say, “The book is still overdue.”

No negotiation. None.

I'll tell you what: librarians are tough. They don't get enough credit. They have discipline. They have organization. They know everything about everybody's books.

So maybe I'm being too hard on librarians.

Maybe we need more librarians.

Good librarians.

Great librarians.

The best librarians.

And we're going to have beautiful libraries. Libraries that are so beautiful, people will say, “Wow, that's a library.”

And nobody will be whispering.

Because America is going to speak loudly again in the library.

Edit : feel free to add your own accordion hands as appropriate)

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u/hamoc10 3h ago

They’re eating the books! They’re eating the magazines, folks!

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u/moak0 5h ago

It's a reference to when Trump tried to praise Frederick Douglass (who died in 1895) during Black History Month:

"Frederick Douglass is an example of somebody who's done an amazing job and is being recognized more and more, I notice."

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u/ImmaLiveIllegal 4h ago

first of all, he would think it was a person named Kevin, and then he'd proceed to mutilzationize the name into 'Melvin Apple' or some shit. I welcome the void

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u/Ardnabrak 2h ago

He'd call him Kevin.

Lord Kevin said the universe would get sooo cold. That's someting. Everything would stop working. But not me, I'll be working to MAKE AMERICA GREAT FOREVER.

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u/nipplesaurus 1h ago

My immersion broke when he mentioned Kelvin

He would 100% say "Kevin"

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u/SpotweldPro1300 6h ago

I'm sure it took him most of the 22nd century. Won't Duck Dodgers be thrilled?

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u/NilliaLane 6h ago

Well that’s part of the joke, right? It’s absurd to think that somebody who talks like that could use those words correctly.

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u/rocket_randall 4h ago

Thermos.. And you know, this is so important folks. So, so important. Thermo...nuclear equation. That's right. I told them "Iran can never be allowed to have a nuclear weapon" and they don't. They don't have a nuke, thanks to me, but I never get credit for that, and that's okay. Some people, many people, think that I should receive a prize for that. No one else was able to do it, folks. They gave Hussein Obama a prize, and for what? Nothing. It's a scam and I have been treated very unfairly. Very unfairly. By Norway, who could have done the right thing but they didn't.

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u/AnotherDamnTransAlt 4h ago

Now that I can hear just perfectly.

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u/moak0 5h ago

He'd probably use some combination of a malapropism, his idiotic political talking points, and the phrasing that his handlers used to explain it to him.

"He said it's gonna get real cold. Unbelievably cold. The thermostats - they're gonna go way down! And we're gonna run out of energy! And I said, that's why we needed to build more clean, beautiful coal power plants."

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u/Kescay 2h ago

"Celestial object" already seems implausible.

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u/BearysWorkRedditName 6h ago

Also, nailed that pussy neck.

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u/GraphicDesignMonkey 2h ago

Nussy.

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u/BearysWorkRedditName 2h ago

Nasty, crusty, neck pussy. Nusty nussy.

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u/BrianWonderful b.wonderful 5h ago

"Big, strong stars came up to me, tears in their eyes, and said 'Oh Mr. Trump, Oh Mr. Trump, can you please save us from supernova?' Did I tell you my uncle was a celestial construct? Very good genes. Top of his field..."

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u/United-Scholar-9821 4m ago

Why do i hear his voice when i read this 😭

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u/superspicycurry37 5h ago

Except Trump would never use big words like “Celestial” and “Equilibrium”

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u/03263 5h ago edited 5h ago

Lord Kelvin used those words. He's a very smart man, really at the top of his field. Nobody's ever heard about it before. This is really cutting edge science, "SPACE" technology, like you've never seen.

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u/Lukewarm_Sushi 6h ago

I feel like there are two many scientific terms that shouldn’t be in his vocab

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u/PeanutConfident8742 5h ago

Theres no way in hell he knows the words "thermodynamic equilibrium "

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u/eabevella 5h ago

English isn't even my first language but I can hear this comic and it's not fun.

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u/D13_Phantom 4h ago

Yes although his vocabulary was a bit too bigly compared to the real one lol

THERMODYNAMIC ΕQUILIΒRIUM, WITΗ ENTROPY MAXXED

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u/Daveo88o 4h ago

"I do the voice, I do the best voice, nobody- nobody does the voice better than me"

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u/BowlerNearby6302 6h ago

I went so many years not knowing what he sounded like. I was happy just to see a transcript of what he said, but it's just impossible to avoid it with modern social media.

The internet was just all text with some images in the past and I was happy with that...

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u/Silentlybroken 3h ago

Being deaf has its perks. I usually instantly mute if his voice comes on anywhere and I have my hearing aids in 😂

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u/running_on_empty 1h ago

I literally couldn't help but read this aloud in my best impersonation. Very good job!

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u/Prestigious_Ask_7058 1h ago

It is unfortunate how funny he sounds