My boyfriend has been in a really depressed and suicidal lately, Im really worried about him.
When he used to be depressed before he used to say that i really helped him out just by talking to him and listening to him about it.
Recently he told me that he feels alone and I wish i knew why, I have been trying to ask him why he feels that way but he doesn’t have an answer but it could be because he has gotten distracted from his friends, but i never want him to feel alone I love him so much. I tell him that Im here for him, i love him allot and we are in this together and will figure it out. He says that there is “nothing for him to live for” and that he has “nothing good in his life” and i hate hate it SO much because i cant help but take that personally and its a shitty habit. But i really wish i could convince him otherwise. he says the only thing that helps him or that he enjoys is vaping and drinking, I’ve been trying to stop him but he lies about it. I wish i could take all the pain away and help him. I cant and it breaks my heart, I don’t know how to help him anymore. We cant meet each other, only in school and he isn’t regular i wish i could be there for him in real life. I hate that i feel responsible for it because it sometimes gets too much for me. Please dont recommend “breaking up” I love this boy allot and im willing to stick by his side, id just really appreciate some advice.

There is a possibility in the future that my family stops supporting me and leaves me to be forced to work. I know that I will kill myself if that happens cause I am incapable. I have also been denied disability and the appeal 3 months ago.

Why does this gap in the system exist? Am I literally doomed to kill myself? The government may have killed me if my family leaves me stranded. I wonder how many people have killed themselves from the same situation. How has this not been addressed??

Disclaimer: I AM SAYING IN THE FUTURE THIS COULD HAPPEN, I AM NOT SUICIDAL RIGHT NOW. I AM SAYING THIS FOR trying to understand my resource purposes

I decided to end this today not because I'm selfish but because i feel enough, I'm exhausted and very tired. I just found out that the man who courted me and decided to end it on a random day while i was having my exams was getting back together with his ex. Mind you his ex cheated 3 times already and he just keeps forgiving him. I feel so used and lusted I don't know how to process stuff anymore I'm so fed up with everything that happened. I'm stressed at school in life and after finding out what happened It just keeps getting worse and worse the only way I know is to make it stop. To be free to not feel at all

Asking this because I have been having difficulties with breathing during my crisis.

So Im in a CMHC grad program in AZ. To preface, I have 3.5 weeks left until my program is supposed to be OVER. Im scheduled to graduate next month. Already paid for the $150 grad application, all my regalia, I told all my friends and family.
The last year has been quite difficult, dealing with lots of grief, undiagnosed adhd, working part time, pmdd, unmedicated bc I cant afford it, while trying to balance a very time-consuming internship. Needless to say, Ive been very very overwhelmed in this last year.
As much as I hate to admit, I lied about a few direct hours here and there. I was very stressed and pressured to meet my hours, so I lied, thinking nobody would notice.
This morning, I get a message from my site supervisor that she has pulled an audit of my hours and can see 26 hours did not match up. (I didnt realize I lied that many times…) I know. Its horrible.
Anyway, she told me she had to contact my school. So in a panic this morning, I contacted my school, and they told me its more of a faculty supervisor concern. So I contacted my faculty supervisor (my teacher of internship II course) & she said she will get back to me tonight.
I have been having panic attacks since 8am this morning. I feel so ashamed. So so embarrassed. I have 23 days left of this program and Im behind 26+ direct hours.
I know what I did was wrong. Trust me Im beating myself up enough for it. Im like dissociating. Im spiraling. & Im just curious if this has happened to anyone else? or if anyone has any advice about failing so horribly and making a huge huge huge mistake. I just want to know life goes on & one day Ill look back & not be in this horrible state of panic.

also lmk if youve done something so horrible and embarrassing so I can feel better. thanks!!

Was having some good days and wanting to connect again and turns out the meds weren't working properly for me. So upset. 3 weeks to get off them with no substitute until I'm off fully off the original medication. This sucks. I want to connect with folks and it's nearly impossible when you're so depressed. It's written all over my face. I look tired and beat down because I am. On top of that I feel like I could never talk about this. Im not looking to be that dude who's like I'm so and so I have depression but what the fuck do I do if I want to be in a long term relationship one day. Thanks for listening.

I have bipolar disorder, bipolar depression is slightly different to unipolar depression in how it presents itself and how it is treated but maybe some of you will get it, it’s a progressive disease even if you treat it

I spent some time in a psychiatric hospital this year and when I was first diagnosed I always promised myself if it got to that point of hospitalisation then I no longer want to be here, I don’t have any fight left in me with this illness any more and I’ve made all of my arrangements for when I’m no longer here

Being hospitalised was beyond traumatic and that even being remotely a possibility again for me someday is not a future that I want, especially after seeing how bad it can get for other patients

I am at total peace with my decision to die, I am ready, I have had a really good life all things considered, I’m surrounded by people that love me and nobody can say I didn’t try my hardest, my only issue is when to do it

It always seems like something comes up like a birthday or something that it would be cruel of me to take over with my passing, before I know it it’ll be Christmas and that’ll be horrible on my loved ones too

I also don’t want to traumatise somebody I love even though nothing will change my mind, it seems like it’s never a good time

I’m just ranting I think

everyone dismisses me and always wants me gone. i make every room i walk into uncomfortable because i never have anything happy or nice to say. no one wants me out, so i just hide in my room unless i need to eat. no one realizes. no one cares. no one even knows i exist. they’ll all know their faults one day when they find me

If there was nothing there would be no pain for anyone

I don’t know what I’m doing or what I even want by writing this. I’m exhausted, even though I just woke up, and my stomach rolls with nausea. I’m shivering hot and freezing cold all at once, numb and yet entirely in pain. It’s not an ache I can point to or pin down; it’s just this deep, suffocating weight trapped in my chest, my heart hammering like a trapped bird against my rib cage, stealing the air right out of my lungs. I just want this abstract agony to live somewhere real, somewhere I can touch.
I could try to explain, but I can't. Not really. Because I know once I start, I won't stop, and I'll just watch the lines multiply and grow. I’m terrified of making that first cut, mostly because I'm terrified of how much I know I’ll like it. Even now, I can picture it with terrifying clarity: the cool weight of the blade, the initial press of steel against skin, that sharp jerk of shock, and then the sudden heat as blood swells until the surface tension breaks, trailing a slow, metallic path down my arm.
I need to stop this sentence. Stop this fantasy before it bleeds into reality. Let's talk about something else. My mind is spiraling, spinning out to the end of things. I can’t remember the last time I actually cried. But I remember the last time I almost did—I was folding laundry, and I couldn’t find a matching sock. It’s so stupid. I felt the tears hot behind my eyes and choked them back because there are so much bigger, heavier things to weep over. Who cares about a lost sock? And yet, when it comes to those real, catastrophic things, I just feel completely, hollowly numb.

I am on meds that are supposed to help me … now I no longer know if it is the meds or it is me . It’s antipsychotics that am taking I am numb i don’t know how to explain to you that I am going insane i don’t wanna talk to anyone I just wanna stay at home in my room and not hear what anyone life feels like . Cause every life is better than mine around . I’d like to add that I am literally creating a personality in my brain just so that we would talk to each other . I have never in my life thought that I can go crazy … like even if you told me that 5 years ago I’d literally laugh … but now I fantasise about the time I was doing good and talk through it like I am still there I literally even fantasised being 6 years old cause I always feel too young to handle things . Then I went back to reality and it all just fall apart . I wish I know how to handle being crazy feom now on .. idk if I need a therapist or my psy but I need to tell them that I am going insane. Idk if it’s anxiety my personality everything the medication…. I know that I am going a bit off of the life script. Main prblm was because of untreated anxiety . So what do I do

I feel like I’ve reached a point in life where I don’t know what I’m living for anymore. I have no goal, no ambition, no direction, and sometimes not even the strength to imagine a future. I don’t have close friends, I’ve never experienced being truly loved or dated someone, and it feels like life has passed me by while I’m just standing still, watching everyone else move forward.
I feel so empty that even having feelings has started to feel exhausting. If someone asked me what I would want to be in my next life, I think I would say, “A stone.”
Not because a stone has a beautiful life, but because it doesn’t have to feel anything. It doesn’t have to feel lonely, unwanted, behind, confused, or afraid. It just exists—quietly, without expectations, without heartbreak, without having to wonder what it is supposed to become.
Right now, I don’t want a perfect life. I just want this unbearable emptiness inside me to stop.

I don’t even know where to start, so I’ll just start because I genuinely can't take the constant pain and stress anymore.

I’m 19 years old. I’m Egyptian, currently living in Qatar, but I’ll be returning to Egypt soon for my final year of college. And I’m terrified.

I’ve been carrying trauma for as long as I can remember. My father was physically and emotionally abusive throughout my childhood. He called me insane, made me feel like a failure, and encouraged behaviors that fed into my struggles. He’s still in my life, and he still makes me feel small. He controls everything: money, decisions, even access to basic things, and I’m forced to depend on him while I finish my degree, he made me feel guilty over almost everything bought

My aunt and grandmother in Egypt were just as bad. They shamed me for my medical conditions, tracked my showering habits like I was a prisoner, threw my belongings out illegally, and blamed me when I reacted to their abuse. When I tried to explain my mental health, I was called a baby, told I was crazy like my father, and completely dismissed. My grandmother sided with my aunt, and my father’s sister is no better, she’s a snake who has caused endless pain in our family.

I’m diagnosed with severe mixed depression and hypersexuality. I’ve been on multiple medications for years. Some turned me into a zombie; others barely kept me afloat. I’m currently on a new combination, and it’s helping a little, but I still feel broken most days. I struggle to pray. I struggle to focus. I struggle to feel anything but exhaustion, anger, and grief.

I’m also dealing with intense sexual desires that I have no halal outlet for. I try to manage it, but I relapse sometimes to masturbation, sometimes to porn as relief especially in the past and it leaves me feeling empty and ashamed and months ago I’ve realized I’m deeply attracted to Black women, specifically a Sudanese girl I’ve had good interactions with, and another girl named Sakina who I’ve been following online. I don’t even know if they notice me. I don’t know if I even have a chance.

I’m about to go back to Egypt for 8–9 months, and I’m terrified of being trapped there again and cut off from the internet as it's limited and expensive in Egypt, from the outside world, from the few things that keep me sane. I’m scared I’ll lose myself completely.

I have a plan to move to Qatar permanently after I graduate and cut off my toxic family for good. But even with all of that, I feel empty. I feel like I’m fighting alone. I don’t have friends who truly see me. I don’t have a partner. I don’t have a safe home.

I’m not writing this for sympathy. I’m writing this because I need someone, anyone to know that I exist. That I’m not just a diagnosis, a trauma case, or a failure. That I’m a person who is trying so hard to survive, but I’m running out of reasons to keep going.

If you’ve read this far thank you so much. I don’t know what I’m looking for tbh. Advice? Validation? A sign that I’m not alone? Maybe just to be heard I really am not sure

I know my life DOES have good things in it, and I am extremely thankful for God for everything he's given me but I still wish I wasn't born as I'm very afraid of death anyway and been quite far from my religion (Islam) and that hurts too.

If you’ve been through something similar, or if you have any words of wisdom, I’d really appreciate it.

Then I wouldn't have to worry anymore. About my life going nowhere, about my job I hate that I can barely go to anymore, about the things I want to do in life that I can't.

Feels like nothing's worth it when I can hardly feel anything at all. I don't want to put in the effort to get better. I don't even have the energy to do so. I just want to close my eyes and be done with it all. To never wake up again.

Hello everyone, I'm sorry if the drags too long. I don't know what to do anymore. My wife lost her job in December because of health issues and a couple months later I had to have emergency neck surgery putting me out. I am currently recovering and during my recovery my employer let me go because they had no work for me that met my work restrictions. I do have long term disability but it isnt enough to support me, my wife and our two kids. I just had some utilities shut off today. I need $205 just to get jt turned back on. I've tried everything. Our local trustee refuses to help and I have sold anything i have worth money. I dont know what to do anymore. We have no family and its just us and I'm just lost.

i just started high school this week. I think for the longest time in my life, I had no dreams, or ambitions to become anything, really. I’m kind of nervous of what will happen after I graduate from high school. My entire life, I hated school. Not because of bullies or the teachers or because it was too hard, no, I just didn’t want to do anything. I didn’t lose interest, I just never had it. I don’t want to do anything, I don’t want to study or finish homework or work for my future. I want to do nothing but rot in my home and my bed for as long as I can.
I have nothing in mind for my future, I think I’m just THAT apathetic to the point where I don’t even care about anything anymore. I don’t care about my grades, or my weight, or my hygiene.
I don’t know what I want to do in my single chance of life, and I don’t care.

I’m a sex addict and I am not really feeling much, not sure but am guessing it’s depression. I have lost interest in the things I used to love, the outdoors and enjoying nature. I no longer enjoy the little things like beautiful flowers or birds flying in and out of the bushes, children laughing, walks and motorcycle rides to no place in particular. Just being with friends. I feel lost, uneasy, and not sure what to do next, it feels like I have just quit on everything.

like the purpose of living or a reason that makes you live everyday. Really struggling with the purpose and my will to live wayyy lost. Ive tried changing things around but it reverts back. What makes you keep living? sorry if i sound offensive.

i've been a nihilistic neet for 6 years now and i'm not having any forward motion because i feel no motivation to keep going. i don't find enjoyment in anything really and im just existing. on top of that there are domestic issues going on in my family mixed with money problems and i just find myself either sleeping or maladaptive dreaming. ive been sleeping to cope with what i guess is depression for so long that my life essentially stopped at 16 during covid. no license, no social life, no irl job, never even gave college a thought. i havent even been to the doctor since my mom set up my last appointment for me at 15 (lol i took none of those covid shots) and im 100% sure i dont even have health insurance. but im gonna try to get insurance somehow and get anti depressants because nothing else is working. i cut off the porn, i start working out and then things get hard and instead of enduring it i just give up and sleep+eat to avoid the feelings of shame and humilation. medical intervention might be needed at this point. my mom said somethinf about her side having a genetic history with depression but i think my sadness and alathy comes from my lived experiences and not what's in my dna

I don't why the time flies by, and I feel like I'm too old.

I can't stop thinking that I'm aged, socially isolated(ofc never dated a girl), and failed myself.

I should have realized that the time is the most valuable thing before 20s. I'm actually in my tears while I'm writing this post. I regret deeply about the past.

I was diagnosed with depression when I was around 8 years old. I’m 27 now.
I was abused and mostly ignored growing up. I didn’t have many friends and spent a lot of time at home playing video games because real life always felt painful.
From a very young age, I started noticing how much appearance seemed to matter. I watched other guys my age get attention from girls, be treated better socially, and even seem to get more positive attention from teachers, while I mostly felt invisible. It didn’t help that I was extremely shy and skinny.
I remember often coming home from school, putting a chair in front of the mirror, and just sitting there looking at myself. I genuinely believed that if I had simply been born better-looking, everything would have been easier — making friends, being treated like a normal human being, getting attention from girls, feeling wanted.
This was long before all the current internet obsession with looks became mainstream.
At some point, I made it my mission to become more attractive. I got heavily into fitness, not because I loved training or cared about the sport itself, but purely for cosmetic reasons.
And the fucked-up part is: it worked.
For the first time, I started getting some attention, respect, compliments, and admiration. Nothing else I had done before seemed to change how people treated me as much as something as stupid and superficial as building a better body.
It wasn’t anything crazy. I didn’t suddenly become popular or desirable to everyone. It was more like going from complete invisibility to finally getting a little bit of attention.
And over the years, I kept seeing things that reinforced this belief.
You meet some guy who is 6’4”, handsome, tattooed, confident, and suddenly he seems to have friends, women, attention, admiration — all the things I desperately wanted. I would hear people talk about attractive people in exactly the way I wished someone would talk about me.
I wanted that admiration. I wanted to feel chosen. I wanted to feel like I was finally enough.
And it never really stopped.
I’m still obsessed with appearance. It makes me jealous and miserable, but in a strange way it also gives me hope. Because part of me keeps thinking: if I can somehow reach a certain level of attractiveness, maybe then I’ll finally be enough. Maybe then I’ll finally be chosen. Maybe then someone will actually love me.
Obviously I know personality matters too. But sometimes I wonder: how are you supposed to develop this healthy, confident, lovable personality when your entire foundation was neglect, rejection, insecurity, and constantly feeling like you weren’t enough?
I feel like people carry their childhood with them for their entire lives. I’ve met people who are 50, 60, 70 years old and you can still see how much of their personality was built around things that happened to them when they were young.
Maybe that’s what scares me the most.
That I can change my body, my hair, my clothes, my face, my career, my social skills — everything on the outside — and still have that same kid sitting in front of the mirror somewhere inside me, wondering what he has to change before someone finally thinks he’s worth choosing.
Sorry for the ramble. I just needed to get this off my chest.

I’m exhausted and tired of pretending that everything is ok when I’m dying inside. I’m tired of always being there for other people and getting ignored by friends when I reach out to them for support. It feels pointless. I need to work on building more of a support system I guess.

My girlfriend and I were in a car accident in July. I survived and she didn't. I have struggled with depression for as long as I can remember and I was very open with her about it. She made me feel so loved and validated and seen. She made life worth living. Her and our three cats were why I wanted to stick around. Now she's gone and I'm trying so hard to keep going because she would want me to and the cats need me and I love them so much. Still, life feels so empty and dismal without her. I'm sobbing everyday and I have thoughts of going through with ending it for myself. I just don't know how much longer I can stand feeling like this. I just wish she was still here man. I'm completely devastated

Life sucks, i hate myself and nothing makes me want to get up in the morning anymore