Recently I've been really looking at my past self since I finished highschool, noticing my patterns and the way I interact.

I tend to focus on how I perceived my crushes and it confuses me, my idea about love in general, because sometimes I feel like I might be clingy or actually show love in more ways that I usually don't feel comfortable showing to people I know whether it's family or friends, and sometimes I think I can never be in a relationship because I somehow feel like I'm meant to be alone.

I genuinely can't socialize for so long, and that can go on for days.

I can be out of energy to text my friend for a few days but since she understands that she just gives me the time I need and she doesn't take it as a rejection, that's why our friendship is still going.

I grew up in a house that makes me both crave love and feel uncomfortable when someone shows, I feel weird that someone might actually be interested in me, not that I'm not confident but I don't think that someone might actually choose me like...really you think you wanna get to know me ?...even with my friend I think like that.

Also my crushes usually last for a year or even more with no contact, I get so attached to one person stalling their socials and constantly thinking about them even tho I haven't talked to them ever, I wonder why is that because I usually go through something like a break up but there wasn't even a talking stage lol, it's like I keep repeating this self-destructive attachment style and I can't like someone casually.

I feel messy and confused so if someone makes something out of this or has any advice please go ahead.

I usually steer clear of the main mbti sub but came across this and some of the comments are as absurd as you'd come to expect. Only click if you can brave it.

I did this a few months ago and it was pretty successful and people were still adding to it even recently, so I’m back to ask how all my fellow ISTJs are doing - with work, life, summer ending (if you live in a place where that happens), etc?

So ISTJs, what’s going on in your world?

So I don't think ISTJ's are as cold as they seem. I believe my partner is ISTJ. He suits the characteristics of liking predictability, rules, needing explanations for a reason to believe or do something or understand something and relying on facts. But, he is a very silly person especially as he is comfortable with me. I think maybe with strangers he could come across as a bit awkward or distant? But I don't know if cold is a word I'd use to describe him. Perhaps when he is arguing or trying to get a point across. It confuses me because, that's a lot of the stereotypes I've seen about ISTJs but a lot of the people irl I've typed as ISTJ actually joke around a lot and are silly. They do take the facts incredibly seriously at times which can sometimes be annoying but it's also always nice to know I can rely on them for that kind of thing. But yea what's your experience? Thanks in advance!

Introversion and social anxiety are two different things even if people confuse them.

A lot of people think I'm an extrovert because I talk to strangers, try to form relationships, basically being cordial for some reason is interpreted that way.

Most of the time when there's more than three of us I sit quietly, not because I'm shy, it's just that I'd rather listen to others or have nothing interesting to share. My quiteness is often misinterpreted but I might make another post that

Going on a tangent here: I've found that my social anxiety (stuttering mainly) changes depending on the person. Some people I spend more time with than others but I stutter with them more (somehow?)

Me (INFP, 30) and my boyfriend (ISTJ, 31) have been in a relationship for 5 years. This is both our longest relationship and I’m quite happy to have him in my life.

Last night during a videocall, I was working overtime (WFH) while he was driving home from the gym. We were talking normally, I asked him about his day and his gym session, then we fell into (what I thought was) comfortable silence. He asks about my work then says we don’t get to talk properly anymore.

I asked him what he meant, because we’re constantly on video call everyday, morning and night. He goes silent before saying that our conversations have become dry, he feels I’m too busy to answer his calls, and that I don’t check in on him during work hours. He says when work is done, he can’t get a conversation out of me because I’m not yet done with work, and he feels we don’t see each other on weekends anymore.

I was so speechless and didn’t want him to feel invalidated that I just kept apologizing and kept saying I’ll make more effort that he doesn’t feel these things and that I’ll be more attentive.

I didn’t see a reason to defend my side if that’s how he felt. But in my head I was so confused because we were constantly video calling day and night, though there might be moments where I’m still asleep and couldn’t answer, or I’d have fallen asleep already.

I do make sure to call him when I’m done with work, and ask about his day.. I guess my confusion stems from why I have to be the one to make the conversation not dry when he himself isn’t contributing much to the conversation 😭 Or more like, at times I can feel he’s also too tired and that’s why he goes silent, but I think he’s expecting me to fill in that silence in our calls and gets frustrated when I just bask in it..? 😭

I also don’t get the part where he says we don’t see each other anymore because we literally see each other every week. Don’t take this the wrong way because I would LOVE to see him more than we do now, but he’s schedule is also packed at night, he does sports with friends and goes to the gym every night. I never pass up on a chance to see him when he asks to hang out, so I don’t get why he’s unpacking this on me..

Regarding checking on him during work hours.. I guess I never really got the hint or he never gave an indication that he wanted to be checked up on? I always reply when he messages, so I also don’t get this part.

For context, it wasn’t always like this. For the first 2.5 years in our relationship, we admittedly had quite the avoidant-anxiously attached dynamic. He grew up in a very strict household under his mom (his parents are separated) and his family isn’t very emotionally open/expressive, which reflected in his avoidant nature. As a (previously) anxiously attached person, I dealt with this horribly—always asking for reassurance, constant fear of abandonment any moment I got jealous, or any moment things didn’t go my way.

I was in and out of therapy because of this, but now I feel much more secure in myself, in our relationship, in my hobbies and interests. It also helped that I moved out of my parents house and now have my own adult things to worry about.

I’m feeling more secure and at peace in the relationship, but perhaps my contentment has made him feel neglected in a way? I’ve always known ISTJ’s to be highly self-sufficient and independent so this behavior of his is quite new to me.

Help me understand please 🙏

I'm a gal and I do 95 percent of the cooking. We purchased a condo with a generous galley kitchen. We are discussing remodeling it.

My hubby wants to open up most of a long wall of the kitchen to capitalize on the world-class view. I prefer to not be on display while I'm working and to not have to talk while I'm concentrating. Also, I never notice my surroundings while doing any tasks.

We are at an impasse. Are my feelings normal for this type? FYI I scored perfectly on the Introverted dimension.

Its kind of annoying and confusing, as I live with an ISTJ.

I can't tell whether this ISTJ is thinking his thoughts out loud or whether he's directly talking to me , engaging in conservation, because the tone of voice used is exactly the same for both.

The moment were in the same room together, the ISTJ does this. Is this a sign the ISTJ is uncomfortable with silence perhaps.

The ISTJ asks dumb questions he already knows the answer to.

All the online descriptions I have seen describe Si related to memory and details. But Carl Jung described Si as subjective interpretation of reality and sensory objects. What does that mean? How do you interprete the objects and everything subjectively? Is this the same as seeing something which then reminds of some series, or a movie scene you watched or something you read? Or is this something else? I would like to understand Si better ig.

Since you all have inferior Ne, that acts like negative possibilities which can occur as the future isn't clear. Can you pls give a real life example how that happens? Like do you think, for example you are to choose a Major, will you be looking for a Major so that you don't have any regrets later? Or you will be considering negative possibilities, what can happen if I take this Major and all?

Hey guys, taking a little courage here to ask the ISTJs how I, a young INFJ who has felt a strong urge to get to know an ISTJ in my social circle better, for a long time now, can do it, we both are very flexible socially but tend to be very socially awkward with each to the point we can barely initiate conversation despite being in the same physical proximity most of the time. I am in a situation where it is almost now or never, I am not sure what I want in a relationship and have been hesitant cause of I wanted to be sure of myself, but what I do know is that I want to have a connection with no longer to them, may not be romantic but something meaningful and not awkward cause I am honestly drained by that now and any kind of drama. This has gone on for over a year now, any advice.

I’ve been struggling with insomnia all summer, and I’ve done everything in my power to solve it (talked to my doctor, identified triggers like blue light, researched mind techniques for sleep, etc.).

I only got two hours of sleep last night. I woke around midnight and was unable to fall back asleep. I went downstairs and started sobbing. My mom heard me and asked what was wrong. I told her I was sick of feeling depressed and fatigued during the day because of insomnia, and that I haven’t felt like myself all summer.

I know crying isn’t a bad thing, and that it made sense to react that way after months of dealing with insomnia and trying to find solutions. I also know insomnia makes me more emotional, as the lack of sleep fucks with my brain chemistry.

My parents are also one of the few people in my life I feel comfortable being vulnerable with. But I still can’t help but feel weak, embarrassed, and dumb after breaking down crying. Can any other ISTJ’s relate?

For context, i went through an incident recently, which broke my trust in a friend, and yeah for a few days I was down, also made a post here, thanks to everyone who commented and consoled me.

The thing is, i got to know about this from someone else, and I have come to the conclusion that I am not gonna confront my friend about it, and will slowly maintain a distance, neither I am gonna do some sort of revenge, meaning, no rudeness against them or something, i will just not entertain them as much, and not invest my emotions and time towards them.

This has been how I have lived my life till now, whenever I am wronged by someone, I just cannot confront them, thinking about getting revenge or doing wrong to them is out of this world to me. My friends/most people I talk to, never support this idea of mine, they want me to confront them, take some revenge, give them back. But i just can't do it, i am scared of all the chaos, all the shouting, all the negativity it's gonna generate. I am happy, letting things be, not addressing them, but this also comes as weakness or like i have come to terms with it, and the stuff they did does not affect me, but it definitely does, I get hurt, I feel like crying, i feel like shouting my heart out, but not at them.

I recall a few instances, in my childhood, in recent life, where i confronted, where I was right, and either it lead to a heated argument, or the other person did not get cared about me, and that hurted even more, so now I only have this one response to situations like this, which i sometimes think is not right...

I don't exactly know, if I am seeking advice about this, or just wanna know how you all respond in such situations, just felt to write about it and share, with people, who might understand.

TLDR :

I was hurt by a friend, but instead of confronting or taking revenge, I’ve decided to quietly distance myself.

I avoid confrontation because past experiences showed me it often leads to more hurt and negativity.

I know this may seem like weakness or avoidance, but I genuinely don’t want revenge or conflict.

I’m an INFJ who’s in a loving relationship with an ISTJ. How are you ISTJ’s going along with INFJ’s and do you guys have some relationship dynamics you guys like to share?
How do you guys find INFJ’s in general too.

Do any other ISTJs really struggle with asking for help especially in your closest relationships? I feel like it comes from not wanting to be a burden or inconvenience them since I myself hate to be inconvenienced. Also when people offer their help sometimes I struggle to see the sense in it because the way they have chosen to help me isn't the most optimal way they could manage/prioritize the way that they are helping me.

There is also a fear of a loss of control. I can't control how other people react, but maybe I try to more than I realize. If I ask for help there is a possibility the person I love could grow to resent my needs.

I had told my bf I also want to consider him when he offered to help me with something and going out of his way for me, but he said something to the effect of giving him the joy of getting to do something for me. That really made me realize how he sees things totally different than I do, and that I need to be better at receiving love. Relationships go both ways, I can't just be the only giver, I have to be vulnerable enough to allow myself be given to. he's ESFP, btw.

Hey everyone! I'm currently doing a research proposal about personality theory and would love to hear from the people in this community. What is it like being your personality type? It can range from your work/school life balance, romantic life, everyday decision making, and maybe something nobody really thinks about when it comes to your type that you may know. Anything is both helpful and interesting to me so don't be shy! :)

Anyone else finding it ironic how obtuse and brainnumbingly rigid others' understanding of ISTJs is?

I'm not bothered by the uninitiated/beginner tier. I'm talking about supposedly seasoned multi-nuanced gurus of the intuitive-kind.

I like to choose things for myself, and I take pride in my own decision-making. If I make mistakes, then I’ll know what NOT to do in the future, but I can be at peace knowing I didn’t make those decisions to please anyone.

When people give me unsolicited advice, I feel like this process is disrupted, and it annoys me. It bothers me even more when the unsolicited advice is something I’ve already considered or done.

That said, I admit that sometimes the unsolicited advice is valid, and I’ll begrudgingly accept at least part of it.

Curious because that’s not a traditional dynamic and I heard ISTJs are more traditional when it comes to relationships.

I created a group in telegram for people interested in personal development and open-minded, based on a post where people were already looking for friendships.

Hi everyone, I'm looking for people interested in joining an international group chat with shared interests and goals.

I'd like to create an environment free from toxicity or envy - a harmonious space where everyone is interested in personal growth and perhaps even supports each other. This is a major interest of mine (psychology, personal development, spirituality) and basically a hobby - well, one of many (horseback riding, macrame, hiking, reading...). It would be great to have people with whom I can exchange ideas and thoughts, talk about mindset, self-love, and the positive things in life, or simply offer support when someone is having a bad day 😊

Everyone 25 and older is welcome! If you feel very mature, younger is fine too. I'm 31 myself, but in real life I have friends in their 50s and 60s. If we keep the age range open, we can all learn from each other ☝🏼

Feel free to send me a DM if you're interested, and let's shine and grow together! 💫

(Oh yeah... and your MBTI score doesn't matter here.)

It takes a lot of years and effort to build trust with a person. I went outside my comfort zone, showed my actual feelings and emotions (you all know how difficult it is), became an open book, my mistake? I expected the same from the other person.

I don't feel anger, maybe not sadness too, it's confusion, I am not able to process my feelings. I don't blame them, I am blaming myself for being so dumb, not understanding the signals, not being critical.

It's ruined, now I am always gonna be paranoid, not sure if i will be able to show this level of trust in a stranger further in my life.

I am always gonna be scared.

And this wasn't even a romantic relationship, it was friendship, which I thought was too close, turns out, it wasn't from the other end.

And ykw I still wish the other person the best, I don't have any hate for them. And this is what causes the confusion of how to process this. If i have anger and resentment, it's towards myself, for being so delusional, and so understanding.

(Edit) This is the 3rd set of lines I wrote. Going silent, processing emotions is too real. I am just doing my work, and i don't wanna do anything else, talk to anyone or anything. I wrote about it 2 times earlier, it helped, was personal and full of context so did not post. Posted this, because I just wanted to let it out, probably to someone who might understand.

So I know this guy who is istj, we come from same class since 7th grade (in my country we don't change classes so we were together in one class for 5 years) and at first we got close on 9th grade and shared interests but then he started buying me things that corelated with my interests and we always used to play sports during PE with all our classmates but one day I decided that today I wasn't gonna play and he stood beside bench that I was sitting on, it was empty only I was sitting but he didn't sat he just stood there and asked me if I was okay than he bought me food from cafeteria, and during our regular walks home as we talked about gym and stuff and when we had to part our ways instead of our usual handshake he hugged me for a bit longer than you'd normally hug someone, then 12th grade started and we are as usual but on every break somehow he's always there talking to me about something and always touching my hands, we got assigned seats together for English project teacher said she is pairing people who are already pretty close friends so we ended up sitting together and he said I have beautiful hands and he reached to hold it and during prom literally everywhere I went he was there and he had to leave early and before he would go he held my hand and made a long eye contact like this ain't even feeling real ATP💀🙏we finished school but we didn't loose contact we text each other pretty often and hand out sometimes, he told me that next hang out will be quite different but I really don't know how to react (I do like him alot but I'm very very bad at articulating my emotions correct to the situations and I'm afraid I might f up) and I don't know what to say or do cuz I'm really anxious can y'all give me advice on how could I potentially handle this