Sometimes I drunk the sandwich in the soup and it makes me happy. Like a child.

There is no salvation for us truecels, either you get settled for or you get absolutely nothing. Do not listen to women, they do not know their own nature. They will lie and try to give you hope, to keep you struggling and keep you at bay.

They will never be into you, short men are not attractive to them at all. Just look at how easily they throw themselves at tall men. It's not even close.

It doesn't matter what you or I think. The taller guys are consistently being picked. This is not in any of our imagination, short guys consistently lose to tall guys, literally regardless of any other trait they might have or lack. Tall guys are picked first, short guys are the second choice.

The overwhelming value of being tall is outright ridiculous. That if a shorter guy was in better shape, was a better guy, was making good money, he'd still get edged out by someone who was simply taller and wasn't too abusive (and even then).

Spaghetti

I shouldn't even think of a female woman as an Asian, neet, incel. I know women will be disgusted by me.

And to be a "pure incel" is to not simp after females. ✅

I wish I was consumed by a powerful woman for once 🫩

When I was in 4th grade, I would sometimes go to the bathroom and pee a little into my hands - about a teaspoon I think. I would then slurp a tiny bit and spit it out into the toilet. I honestly don't even know why. I didn't even enjoy it. I was bored and it felt like kind of like I was challenging myself.

Lunch today

yumyum instant noodles chicken flavour

Sirloin tip steak (medium well) with pan fried taters and homemade Texas toast.

Well, I saw a therapist for the first time in my life. It was one of the best decisions I've made. She gave more perspective on my issues that I didn't have before. It was great to finally open up to someone about all of my problems. On my last post here I was really down on myself, but y'all's comments and speaking to the therapist made me not hate myself as much. In trying to build a better life, it's just going to take a bit to get there. I also have a job interview this week. Things are looking up.

Rules:
-Nobody gets to call this a tik tok meal
-Nobody gets to call me a larper

I know i can never fully understand how someone feels no matter how envious I am I can never know the stories they don’t tell or the ones they don’t even tell themselves.

I understand that not everyone’s baseline is the same.

But for some reason everyone agrees that I don’t have the right to suffer.

Im a lazy pig , an arrogant selfish asshole, an avoidant son, and too complicated for anyone to understand.

Even for myself, I cant seem to understand that brain of mine. Its a foggy convoluted mess.
I wish there was one answer. One moment I could point to and say, “thats where everything went wrong.”
But it really isn’t that easy. Most people take the digestible thought of blaming It all on childhood, shift the blame onto parents, bullying or trauma.
And sure the way we grew up shapes how we are today, but also the bad decisions we made along the way the choice to never heal but to surrender to the feeling.

Maybe It’s nobodys fault
Maybe It’s everyones
Maybe It’s my love for the feeling, the self absorbed love for myself
Feeling sorry, giving up, failing as a person instead of fighting to be better.

They can all talk and insult me, complain about every single time they fell short with me, It hurts more than they think.

Because I know *better than anyone else* that what they say is true. i am a waste of space, potential, money, effort and love.

Worthless, Im no one worth dwelling on.

Despite all that I love myself even If im the only one who even tries to give me the chance to feel the way i feel, the only one who knows how hard I try, the only one who stayed up with me all those sleepless nights, the only one holding me together telling me to keep going, the only one who catches me when I fall.

Im still not sure what to really think of me though I think its better to just hate myself rather than having a false inflated ego.

This digital age is so heavy. I remember being 12 and using Reddit and Discord for the first time and all these years later, here I am, with you. I've spent so much time on these sites I think I've bonded with technology for far longer of a time than I have with any family member or friend. It's so strange how I had to learn about sexuality and hygeiene through the internet rather than any human. So strange how the internet was the "place" where I had my first kiss, most impactful crushes, and the earliest feelings of arousal and parasociality. Not to mention how many people's role models are just people that make them feel less alone, because we're all so alone. And sure, I could blame myself for living this way but honestly? I blame everyone else. I blame my parents for not being around much, I blame this sick society for perverting our nature, but most importantly I blame everyone around me for treating me like I don't exist. I give people nothing but kindness and they decide it's better to ignore or reject me. Women can't even bare to make eye contact with me and I'm tired of them treating my feelings and existence as a nuisance, lol I'm so fucking sorry I don't look good enough for you or entertain you as much as your Instagram feed or a romance character. It's like nobody even wants to do anything.. Why would they when they could just go watch YouTube and feel less alone and more engaged. The outer world, the humans.. none of it feels real anymore. Everyone feels like NPCs or zombies, just brainlessly soothing themselves and waiting for cooler things to have. Whatever, everyone already has someone, I'm not here. Maybe I'm the NPC, people seem to go deaf when I speak, can't remember basic things I tell them, and really have no interest in learning about me, even though with me it's the opposite and I tend to almost obsess over humans. It's like I'm a computer program.. or an annoying popup ad lol. On forums, it's different. It's like I get to exist for a moment.. anyways, I hope everyone has a good September.

Tldr; *reddit alien snoo noises*

I try to make my meals look nice because it's the only thing I can control anymore.