Sometimes I drunk the sandwich in the soup and it makes me happy. Like a child.

When I was in 4th grade, I would sometimes go to the bathroom and pee a little into my hands - about a teaspoon I think. I would then slurp a tiny bit and spit it out into the toilet. I honestly don't even know why. I didn't even enjoy it. I was bored and it felt like kind of like I was challenging myself.

Watching Dave farina exposing the

DI ( Discovery institute) reminded that I'm living in one of the worst kind of governments out there (theocracies) the fact that almost everyone in my family would fucking despise if I came out as an atheist and bisexual and even if they expect me it's still illegal and could get me in jail also the simplest criticism of the fat chud Prince/government could also get u in trouble ( imitation crab with lettuce and lebneh with my wife)

I'm living in Philippines 🥀, I had to bring most of the stuff on the lower floor to my room upstairs because it got flooded so I got to use our living room tv on my desk, Im watching kpop idols reality show to not feel alone & stranded in my house while my whole family is on vacation. I'm living my best chudlife right now, still an incel but I'm happy for the time being

- Filipino Tapa

- Rice

- Vienna Sausage (Air fried)

- Noodles (Pancit Canton)

ps: My heart goes to my fellow Filipinos & Nepali who's having a hard time against the calamities we're facing.

There is no salvation for us truecels, either you get settled for or you get absolutely nothing. Do not listen to women, they do not know their own nature. They will lie and try to give you hope, to keep you struggling and keep you at bay.

They will never be into you, short men are not attractive to them at all. Just look at how easily they throw themselves at tall men. It's not even close.

It doesn't matter what you or I think. The taller guys are consistently being picked. This is not in any of our imagination, short guys consistently lose to tall guys, literally regardless of any other trait they might have or lack. Tall guys are picked first, short guys are the second choice.

The overwhelming value of being tall is outright ridiculous. That if a shorter guy was in better shape, was a better guy, was making good money, he'd still get edged out by someone who was simply taller and wasn't too abusive (and even then).

Sirloin tip steak (medium well) with pan fried taters and homemade Texas toast.

Well, I saw a therapist for the first time in my life. It was one of the best decisions I've made. She gave more perspective on my issues that I didn't have before. It was great to finally open up to someone about all of my problems. On my last post here I was really down on myself, but y'all's comments and speaking to the therapist made me not hate myself as much. In trying to build a better life, it's just going to take a bit to get there. I also have a job interview this week. Things are looking up.

It's a relief as a short guy knowing my brain is adapting to the circumstances. This is an over time thing, but it brings me comfort knowing my sex drive is dying... Something I've despised for a long time.

Meal i made after crying my eyeballs out

Rules:
-Nobody gets to call this a tik tok meal
-Nobody gets to call me a larper

I know i can never fully understand how someone feels no matter how envious I am I can never know the stories they don’t tell or the ones they don’t even tell themselves.

I understand that not everyone’s baseline is the same.

But for some reason everyone agrees that I don’t have the right to suffer.

Im a lazy pig , an arrogant selfish asshole, an avoidant son, and too complicated for anyone to understand.

Even for myself, I cant seem to understand that brain of mine. Its a foggy convoluted mess.
I wish there was one answer. One moment I could point to and say, “thats where everything went wrong.”
But it really isn’t that easy. Most people take the digestible thought of blaming It all on childhood, shift the blame onto parents, bullying or trauma.
And sure the way we grew up shapes how we are today, but also the bad decisions we made along the way the choice to never heal but to surrender to the feeling.

Maybe It’s nobodys fault
Maybe It’s everyones
Maybe It’s my love for the feeling, the self absorbed love for myself
Feeling sorry, giving up, failing as a person instead of fighting to be better.

They can all talk and insult me, complain about every single time they fell short with me, It hurts more than they think.

Because I know *better than anyone else* that what they say is true. i am a waste of space, potential, money, effort and love.

Worthless, Im no one worth dwelling on.

Despite all that I love myself even If im the only one who even tries to give me the chance to feel the way i feel, the only one who knows how hard I try, the only one who stayed up with me all those sleepless nights, the only one holding me together telling me to keep going, the only one who catches me when I fall.

Im still not sure what to really think of me though I think its better to just hate myself rather than having a false inflated ego.

Literally messing up basic algebra because of the brain fog. Mother is in different country having a blast. She offered to take me but I said no because I thought I would focus on studying. now I have to pay for my own food using my child labour money. (my perfectly legal part time job) Yogurt bowl with raisins, cinnamon sugar, and bananas.

I shouldn't even think of a female woman as an Asian, neet, incel. I know women will be disgusted by me.

And to be a "pure incel" is to not simp after females. ✅

I wish I was consumed by a powerful woman for once 🫩

Lunch today

Hb added random girl while after I called him, and for the entirety two hours of cooking and eating they completely ignored me and spoke of sweet fantasies to each other. I was not only too encapsulated by their words, but also too aroused to leave. Spahget w a butter cream sauce.

Lately ive been feeling so alone, before this i would just be scared and totally refuse relationships because after my last (and first) relationship of almost 3 years, i got totally destroyed, he abused me and manipulated me and etc and i thought that was love.

Now that I opened my eyes ive been thinking maybe i should be aroacw by choice for my own good cause im too scared to ever depend on anyone ever again or to feel the way i felt before, but lately i've been craving love, i want to be loved i want to have a partner but at the same time im still a bit scared, what if no one likes me? What if i find another sick person who just wants to hurt me and use me?

I feel like a pussy and also while i thought i was aroace i declined my best friend's offer because she wanted to be my girlfriend and i told her i didnt wanna, also i dont feel attracted to her so im not gonna have a relationship with her and give her hope, the last thing i wanna do is hurt her.

So im also scared to tell her that maybe im not aroace.

At this point i dont even know what im attracted to anymore my last relationship fucked me up so much he manipulated me into saying i was gay and while i was fully aware i liked women too, i do like boys too but after that i feel disgusted by the idea of having a male partner, idk this is all so confusing and by the way i dont hate either males or females im just throughly traumatized.

i thought that everyone wanted to hurt me but i just saw a video of a girl saying how she broke up with her girlfriend cause she dederved better and that everyone is allowed to set up boundaries and while watching the video i realized that maybe i should fear less cause at the end of the day its up to me to choose to continue being in a relationship or not and that there are probably people out there that might actually care for me and not abuse me or hurt me or possess me.

Anyways if you've read this thank you so much for caring enough, I love you 🫂💛