People usually describe an epiphany, an episode where they were younger and suddenly gained consciousness about themselves at a toddler age. I never really had that, my memories of childhood are quite faint and dreamy but everything I remember about my mind is exactly the same. I didn't change at all, I just learned a lot of words and grammar.

I'm sure there are a lot of differences between each of us, but there has to be a common denominator to cause what we experience. I don't know.

I can think back to institutional, religious, emotional abuse and physical violences directed to me when I was little, but those memories always cut off when someone's about to get me. I remember each of them like a distorted dream sequence, with a few frames of distant thoughts inbetween. My past therapist repeatedly asked me to admit if I suffered CSA, but I just can't remember. Even if I have all the CPTSD symptoms, I can't tell. Then I just act so weirdly all the time and feel guilty because I can't explain my bizarre behaviour.

Another thing others name when citing some sort of cause is neurodivergence, which yes, I also tick off. But I don't know if it is that. Lots of neurodivergent people feel adult. I feel like I will never. Does it happen to only some? Why?

I never felt excited to grow up when I was little. Adults were depressing, sometimes just evil. And then they died. Was I supposed to be excited to drink, crash a car, have a monotone office job? I never shared this experience (of wanting adulthood) with other children either. I feel like I just want the world to freeze, my body to shrink, and to close my eyes and feel dark warmth around me. Then I'd never open them again. I don't dream of anything else.

i have alot of trouble reading and the picture books like the thomas tank engine 5 minute story book had alot of words and was very hard for me and too complex and so was the dr seuss books but i like the preschool and kindergarten books they are easyer for me too understand and follow along and i have a happy time reading them all!!

i have high needs autism learning and cognitive disabilitys low iq brain injurys

the first picture is what we are gonna read this morning so far

the second and third is what we red yesterday

picture 4 is the thomas book i had alota hard time trying too read and understand it so we skipped too the paw patrol book which was a lil easyer but still hard

an picture 11 is a picture of mine best buddy frederick he says hi!!! he look very smart in that picture too cus he is!!