People usually describe an epiphany, an episode where they were younger and suddenly gained consciousness about themselves at a toddler age. I never really had that, my memories of childhood are quite faint and dreamy but everything I remember about my mind is exactly the same. I didn't change at all, I just learned a lot of words and grammar.

I'm sure there are a lot of differences between each of us, but there has to be a common denominator to cause what we experience. I don't know.

I can think back to institutional, religious, emotional abuse and physical violences directed to me when I was little, but those memories always cut off when someone's about to get me. I remember each of them like a distorted dream sequence, with a few frames of distant thoughts inbetween. My past therapist repeatedly asked me to admit if I suffered CSA, but I just can't remember. Even if I have all the CPTSD symptoms, I can't tell. Then I just act so weirdly all the time and feel guilty because I can't explain my bizarre behaviour.

Another thing others name when citing some sort of cause is neurodivergence, which yes, I also tick off. But I don't know if it is that. Lots of neurodivergent people feel adult. I feel like I will never. Does it happen to only some? Why?

I never felt excited to grow up when I was little. Adults were depressing, sometimes just evil. And then they died. Was I supposed to be excited to drink, crash a car, have a monotone office job? I never shared this experience (of wanting adulthood) with other children either. I feel like I just want the world to freeze, my body to shrink, and to close my eyes and feel dark warmth around me. Then I'd never open them again. I don't dream of anything else.

i have alot of trouble reading and the picture books like the thomas tank engine 5 minute story book had alot of words and was very hard for me and too complex and so was the dr seuss books but i like the preschool and kindergarten books they are easyer for me too understand and follow along and i have a happy time reading them all!!

i have high needs autism learning and cognitive disabilitys low iq brain injurys

the first picture is what we are gonna read this morning so far

the second and third is what we red yesterday

picture 4 is the thomas book i had alota hard time trying too read and understand it so we skipped too the paw patrol book which was a lil easyer but still hard

an picture 11 is a picture of mine best buddy frederick he says hi!!! he look very smart in that picture too cus he is!!

for decades this has been the type of room I wanted and I've never been able to have it. my most ideal-est room ever:

bunkbed but one with desk and chair on the bottom and double bed on the top but with cool sheets like bluey or stars or dinosaurs. everything space or dinosaur themed green and sage green and black and navy blue colours for the room. play bins loaded with my favourite toys and the bins are RGB type colours plastic ones. my soft toys hanging out on a little couch. a big plush rug with that awesome long texture some have like shag or smth. and a closet that's walk in and has lots of space for clothes and other toys and tubs and stuff like my collections for Tamagotchi or furbies or Neopets and stuff like that. and at the desk there's colouring in and art stuff like books and scented markers and stuff like that. also a digital drawing pad. big blackout curtains with stars on one side navy bg yellow stars and a white noise machine, glow stars and planets on the ceiling, lava lamp and string lights for low ambient lighting sometimes, and a whiteboard on a wall I could put pictures or colouring in pages on and write schedule or notes on and work stuff out on and a cool designed shelf for books mostly kids and tween aged ones like the high school musical book series etc.

Es un poco tonto lo que voy a decir y estoy seguro que se burlaran pero de verdad ENVIDIO a los niños de hoy en dia pero antes contexto yo juego forsaken en roblox y hay un objeto llamado bombox es como una radio dentro del juego que puedes ponerle musica con ids

Seguro piensan esto que tiene que ver con que sientas envidia? Pues envidio a los niños que sus papas les compran cosas en los juegos, hoy jugando oi a un nene en micro con sus amigos contandoles que le habian comprado la bombox Y es tonto pero siento envidia de que les compren cosas en juegos a mi nunca me compraron ni me comprarian algo asi

Y seguro pensaran pues compratelo tu (no hay plata)

something about going back to school in the fall always felt really special to me. the leaves changing colors, the cool breeze in the air... it always evoked a feeling and sense of renewal in me that felt really pleasant. ever since i became a grown up, you're always just forced to march on no matter what. it really makes it feel like i'm living life on autopilot...

Since 13, I've been interested in topics I've only seen grown adults interested in. Spirituality, literature, self-help books, meditation, and so on. Also, since 13, I thought with my brain, not with my heart, and always analyzed myself before speaking. People told me I sound much older than I am. But whenever I wanted to start projects, people told me I was too young and just a kid, and were very unsupportive of my ideas and words once they found out my age, and that dimmed down my spark a lot. Did anyone else mature very early?

Now that I'm 18, I feel like in the back of my mind, I'm trying to feel like a kid, because I've never really felt like one before.

Okayyyy, so where do I start?

I went out today with a friend and we went to a shopping center where chrono-kids and their parents were around and... age dysphoria hit me like a tidal wave. I felt immense sadness and for the first time ever I felt like I was trapped in my own skin. It was a very uncomfortable and unsettling feeling and I wish to never experience it again. Even thinking about it is bringing back residual sadness.

Anywho, thanks for reading!!

hi everyone, sorry if this is wrong or seems weird or anything. i never used reddit after making my account. this is my first time

so, i (18m) had a pretty rough upbrining. i went through many bad things that started at birth. i never got to be a kid and had to behave as if i am 18 since around the age of 4 or 5.

and now, i act very very childish. i sleep with plushies which i am extremely attached to. sometimes, i play with them. i tend to enjoy childrens shows, and i really, really want a father figure. but in the way that they are someone i can depend on. to be listened by them, to be held and comforted and taken care of. etc.

maybe its age regression. maybe im stunted. but in such a weird way.

i want to be re-born and have a family that loves me, i wanna be taken care of as a baby, then as toddler, then kid, then tween, then teen. i wanna be taught things. i wanna be kept innocent. it hurts so bad and i feel so weird for it. people my age are daydreaming about having lovers, while this is me. i feel awful.

anyway. thats all, i hope i did this right and this is the correct subreddit. thanks for reading, i just needed to get things out. i dont have anyone to listen to me

I miss my 13-14 range where I could be as silly and quirky on the internet as I want. When my biggest worry was waiting to get my weekly Roblox gift card from my dad. I just turned sixteen three weeks ago and a sophomore and I hate being around chrono-kids my age. Everyone looks so old and they talk about things like dating, driving, jobs and stuff. I still get an allowance from my dad, my mom drives me everywhere. Ever since I was thirteen my mom has had a tradition where every Saturday she’d take me and my younger siblings to chik-fil-a and we’d just drive around and have fun. Now I feel like I’m supposed to be too old for that. I wanna be fourteen forever, I know I’m technically still a chrono-child but it feels like I’m not supposed to be. like I’m supposed to act like an ”adult” and do big adulty things, when I still feel like I’m too young for everything.

I wore my bluey shirt and brought my.bunny plushie with me and the nurse was nice to me about it and she said I was really brave for sitting still during the blood draw and I said I've gotten poked a lot my whole life so I'm used to it

I hate how parents suddenly expect you to grow up at 20

I hate how turning 20 seems to make parents suddenly expect you to be fully grown up and independent.

You don't magically become a completely different person just because you reach your 20s. Especially not me who is an only child and my mum has done everything for me my whole life from cooking to washing and all. As a child I would ask if she needed help in kitchen she said "just go and play. So why she suddenly changed and ask a lot for help when I am doigg something I love to do. Also I never had need for relationship. I feel like a child inside chronological age.

Did anyone else feel this way in their 20s?

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I feel like sometimes being mentally little affects my daily life and my relationships with the people around me. I don’t know if I’d be able to work in something demanding, and I feel like it’s more than just part of my identity—it’s psychological. Do you feel this way too?

I’m using a throwaway account and I won’t give any identifying information. I’m not sure if this is the right community but I wanted to share my experience. I may delete this later but please don’t repost or treat this as a podcast or something because it’s a pretty vulnerable thing for me. I’m not gonna share anything that identifies me as a person (like my face or something)

Explanation:
Growing up, I was pretty normal and average and my growth was on track. I was always very ahead in academics but physically looked and felt my age. At one point of my life, I was exposed to stuff (like hormones and stuff but I won’t specify what because it’s an illegal product.) I’m not sure how to explain but I guess it altered my body and since I wasn’t really at puberty stage or maybe at the beginning of it back then, I kinda stopped there. I went into a “system shock” due to hormones and stuff that contained in the product I was exposed to. My pituitary gland has shut down my own natural hormone production to protect myself and my puberty was paused. A visit to the doctor confirmed my bone age is young (ik what specific age I don’t want to share but it’s a preteen age) and my growth plates are still open. I haven’t really grown that much though because I guess they’re sleeping or something. If I normally got puberty, it was supposed to mature me mentally as well but that didn’t happen because I didn’t fully hit puberty. I’m still in tanner stage 2 (puberty stage, tanner stage 5 = full grown) at my big age which is extremely rare for my age. It’s a puberty disorder (Secondary Hypogonadotopec Hypogondalism) and I also have something else which I don’t want to specify that causes me to not hit puberty. There’s more details which I don’t want to share and most of it is medical stuff, but to summarise my body is functionally (physically + neurologically) frozen at preteen as of now.

Physical effects:
I’m in my late teens (but still a minor) but my body’s puberty has been paused and I haven’t aged at all. My shoulders are narrow and small, I’m short, I have almost no breast development I only have buds, my waistline is barely there and my hips are straight, my voice is a kids voice, I have chubby cheeks and I have a kid’s face that even Roblox puts me in the 9-12 age group. I’m overweight and my fat distribution is more “not-adult-like.” I have fat in my upper arms, face, and stomach instead of my breasts or butt or hips which stayed completely flat. My body is still that of a child and I guess my mind is too in a way. My mental age matches my body age. I can write maturely at times and I thought I was mature because I can write at a good writing level sometimes, but in terms of interests or stuff like that I’m not quite there yet.

My life:
Shopping is pretty normal for me. I normally get 11-12y or 12-13y at Zara depending on the style. Even though I’m overweight and I need to size up, I found that a Zara women’s XS jacket doesn’t fit me because it’s too big for me. That sucks when I want to try a more grown up style. Otherwise, I can wear women’s XS T-shirts but not certain styles because certain parts hang loose. For bottoms, I can only get junior’s elastic waistband because of my big stomach. Adult jeans that fit my stomach doesn’t work because it’s too long on me and it keeps drooping down since I don’t really have defined hips.
Socially wise: I still get kid treatment everywhere and pay kid prices and people are generally friendly with me. Also, I’m not trying to sound pick-me but I keep mistaking my actual peers as adults and I keep seeing them like “cool older girls” without thinking.
Friend wise: I have big online friend groups since I do homeschooling and I get treated younger there too and nobody believes my age.
How I feel: I do feel like a tween and I sometimes wonder what I would’ve been like if all this didn’t happen. I feel out of place because I don’t belong with my chrono age group and they don’t even see me as a peer. I do wish I had a normal life instead and I grew up normally and went to school normally. I kind of enjoy where I’m at right now but I hope I won’t be here forever because I want kids but I can’t have them right now because you need ovulation if you want kids but I never ovulated yet before.

Stuff I like about this:
-I want to dress cutesy sometimes (what people call childish) and I can still find unicorn clothes or cutesy dresses that fit me, and I can still find more older styles that fit me since they also sell adult style clothes in preteen sizes so I can alternate styles
-I can dress cutesy and get no stares or judgment (but sometimes tweens do judge but nobody else really does)

Stuff I don’t like about this:
-I can’t get cute bras my peers get because as I said I only have buds. I do not have breasts yet so the only thing I can get are the ugly step 1 training bras.
-Making friends is hard
-Being short
-cute adult clothes not fitting me right because my frame is too small for them and a trench coat I tried was touching the floor and looked like a bathrobe on me.
-trying cute clothes but not looking as good as the older girls

Idk what to name this section:
I know treatment options exist but I’m not sure if I’m ready for that just yet. Maybe one day…

Also, I relate to Shauna Rae a bit but we’re different because I don’t have a form of dwarfism. I just literally paused growing.

If you read to here thanks for reading! This took me like an hour to write. Also, I might not answer some questions if I’m not ready to or if I don’t wanna share because I didn’t share every detail and I left out a lot in my story because I don’t want to share. And no, my body was affected but I’m not in any physical pain. Omg im scared to post this and please don’t judge but yeah I hope my crazy ahh life story helped someone if you’re going through the same. If you want, you can answer: would you want to be in my position or not and why?

before the internet became a much more common thing in homes, i loved playing these old computer games. life was so good back then... i really didn’t think i’d be this unhappy as a grown up. i took those days for granted, and i really wish i could go back so, so badly...

I've shared before how sleep isn't easy for me. Anxiety gives me insomnia, and I have to use a scary CPAP machine at night 🥺

I got that cute hose cover in one of my favorite colors, purple!! That'll brighten it up! And then a book about a baby bear who has sleep troubles too 💜😴

Hey there! I need help finding a care facility for someone with mental and physical disabilities. I'd prefer if it's in New York ☺️

I am currently undiagnosed but it's very obvious I have both physical and mental chronic illnesses/disabilities. I'm not sure what they could be since my symptoms match so many different things and I'm not gonna self diagnose (there's nothing wrong with **educated** self diagnosis, I just literally have no clue what I could have)

I'm looking for somewhere I could live at and receive help with daily things until I'm ready to move out and live on my own or hire a Caretaker to come by and assist as needed

I struggle greatly in everyday life both mentally and physically. I do work 2 jobs and have graduated from high school. But my overall health is progressively declining and it's been getting harder and harder to keep up since I have no support system in any sense... My mental headspace is young enough that almost everyday I cry, have a meltdown, and sometimes even end up having a tantrum (only alone in my room though, I would never let anyone see that)

I don't mean to sound rude when I say this, but I'd prefer to not have advice in the comments. I really just need recommendations for care facilities in New York. I do apologize if that's rude, but it honestly really upsets me when people compare their lives to mine or just state their opinion rather than actually help me. I've deleted Reddit twice now because people ended up just coming after me for the littlest things...

(If this post is not allowed here please let me know where I can share it to get help)