r/oneliners • u/wewearallblack • 11d ago

Being a couch potato doesn't make me fat, it makes me a carbohydrate.

16 Upvotes
0 comments

r/oneliners • u/sunilkumar273 • 11d ago

Ice is just water going through a hard time

42 Upvotes
1 comment

r/oneliners • u/the-vile-horrendous • 11d ago

Im no expert on masturbation.... but I hold my own.

32 Upvotes
5 comments

r/oneliners • u/Alone_Opinion_8769 • 11d ago

At the airport, I am an iPhone, my outfit is my airplane mode.

0 Upvotes
1 comment

r/oneliners • u/ChristFollower155 • 11d ago

I bought a new window fan, it just stands there and applauds my house

4 Upvotes
0 comments

r/oneliners • u/breck • 12d ago

If together is your goal you'll need to get her.

5 Upvotes
2 comments

r/oneliners • u/wewearallblack • 12d ago

My wife and I decided not to have kids, but we haven't decided on how to tell them.

84 Upvotes
10 comments

r/oneliners • u/breck • 12d ago

Envelopes carry letters but without an address it takes one to no one.

20 Upvotes
2 comments

r/oneliners • u/Daroev • 13d ago

I once bought deodorant that advertised “push-up bottom”, couldn’t walk straight for a week.

21 Upvotes
1 comment

r/oneliners • u/breck • 13d ago

Heads and heads are two sides of the trick coin

0 Upvotes
1 comment

r/oneliners • u/JMR4th • 14d ago

If She-ra is He-man’s twin sister, is Shesus Jesus’s?

0 Upvotes
3 comments

r/oneliners • u/simpgar • 15d ago

A lot of people don’t know that Thor had an equally powerful screwdriver.

11 Upvotes
4 comments

r/oneliners • u/PabloLuapo • 15d ago

According to my neighbor's journal, I am devious, untrustworthy, and have serious boundary issues.

49 Upvotes
3 comments

r/oneliners • u/2fits • 14d ago

My bird wings are broken and I’m flying, because they’re not fixed in place.

0 Upvotes
1 comment

r/oneliners • u/Brave-Ostrich-76 • 15d ago

Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one but not everyone's matters.

0 Upvotes
7 comments

r/oneliners • u/jsradford • 17d ago

When you have a tough choice, make sure you bring a raincoat because you're in for some nasty whether.

17 Upvotes
4 comments

r/oneliners • u/pacaaz • 17d ago

When I was a Germanaphobe, I couldn't stop washing my Hans.

37 Upvotes
5 comments

r/oneliners • u/2fits • 16d ago

I’m going places, since I’m not moving anywhere from my library.

0 Upvotes
0 comments

r/oneliners • u/breck • 17d ago

Don't lie when telling dating apps your height because you're taller standing up

7 Upvotes
7 comments

r/oneliners • u/breck • 18d ago

I write my r's with a single stroke to make them one line r's

48 Upvotes
2 comments

r/oneliners • u/dunderthrowaway3 • 19d ago

My wife told me that I can be an idiot sometimes, and I think it is cool that she gave me permission.

84 Upvotes
2 comments

r/oneliners • u/Rinsetheplates_first • 19d ago

I trained my cat to speak English but don’t ask meow

27 Upvotes
2 comments

r/oneliners • u/dave_is_afraid • 19d ago

This is an anagram for shit

35 Upvotes
2 comments

r/oneliners • u/EmpireStrikes1st • 19d ago

A trumpet in the wrong hands can be a weapon of brass destruction

29 Upvotes
3 comments

r/oneliners • u/iShitSkittles • 20d ago

I'm so addicted to seaweed, I must seek kelp!

27 Upvotes
2 comments