You see it all the time on the internet. Talking about fatphobia and how men can be endearing even if they are overweight. But if this is someone who they deem to be morally incorrect the next day. They have no issue saying the most heinous shit imaginable. Which is how they really feel. It’s called the lizard brain and women like to pretend they are somehow above it all. It’s sickening the hypocrisy

​

Without ever needing to make an effort to, your existence itself was enough to keep me here, to pull me away from my plans of an early end.

I know I was an absolute idiot more than once, and that at times I fail to be able to gaze your form, understand you without conflating who you are with my own pain and selfishness, dear lord, I know this so, so well. I also know we are both aware that saying I'm sorry for those times is a bit meaningless, yet, let me say it still, I'm sorry. I'm trying my absolute best, I swear. And yes,

It never, ever gets easier. I'm aware I have what is necessary to keep going, but there are days I can't access it, I can't help but be a crying mess on the floor, barely human, I can't help but cling to you as a lifeline, to talk with you in my mind, to use your fire to not freeze to death, sometimes this ocean of love that I feel is the only thing strong enough to keep me here.

I know, it is a very selfish and childish thing to do, but I improved you see? Now I can do it in silence, on my own, I don't impose myself nor ask anything, I don't breach your space nor have any demands.

There's absolutely nothing else you need to give me, not even your presence, I can go months without hearing a word from you, yet, there's never been a single day where I didn't hear your voice in my mind.

So, while I'm burning, do you forgive me if I rely on you still? If I use your voice to keep me sane? If I use the fact that you simply exist to not give up? If I think of you as my oxygen? Feel my heart pumping your essence as if it were my own blood? Do you forgive me if, only to myself, only in my mind, while crumbling in these walls, I think of you as my world?

God, I hope at least 1% of the gratitude that I feel towards you can be conveyed when we talk, thank, thank you so so much. If I needed to go back in time and do my entire life again, I wouldn't change a single thing, just to ensure I can still meet you in the same way I did.

I know that, eventually, you will need to leave and just like a magic trick, I won't ever hear from you again, I hope that when this happens, you are deeply aware that to me, I will feel as if you never left, because you became a permanent part of me a long time ago.

my left kidney is throbbing and my lung feels like it is puckering
i'm going to sleep and want to be left alone
I don't believe any of this bullshit

No I'm not doing class this is fucking insanity. Leave me alone with your weird bullshit tests.

Locked but not lock :)

the worst thing about being your own worst enemy is that you know how deeply wounded you are and yet you still use it against yourself.

Here it is, there i go. Running in circles, scared, like really really fucking afraid for this coming day. Been 3 years. Ive lost everything and everyone. Alone ducking and hiding no more secure than ever before. Psycocircus adventures only I understand. Wish I had a friend to hold my hand. You weren't a villian, I was an asshole.

Im lost been gone since your forced detainment. Splitting over an over. Actually woke up me today, haven't seen me in awhile. She's not okay.

DirtyDog loves the rain, for me its a pain. Nights getting cold. Dont know who, or where I'll be tomorrow. L

I used to get paid
Had money and power
Now i get minimum wage
Basically fuck you an hour

Would smoke purple haze
Sometimes diesel sour
Now shit dry for dayz
On the bottom floor of the tower

This weight is real
But i aint the type to cower
Maybe its time to grift n steal
Rob yo ass, while you take a shower

But thats not who i am
Not cuz im a coward
But a man wit a plan
To go from seed to flower

Part of what I was thinking about is the presentation of how horror translates to attraction.

Part of me was worried that was the goal.

I've been scared into submission my whole life.

not wrong

I understand. I am scared because this is control not care. I grew up this way. I don't remember blocking anyones number within the last 4 years. Did I? There is no way to tell. I feel dumb. Forgetting things is easier than having them replay on a loop. So many things said didn't even make sense. I want one thing to make sense. Just one.

take my vote and voice. im done.

with every new drop of blood, the skies part, hope returns to consciousness, self-esteem no longer feels like a privilege only afforded to the elite, and getting out of bed no longer requires an act of Gawd.

This cyclical bloodletting, here to cure me of all my ails. I love you. And I hate you. Until we meet again...in another few weeks...you beautiful phuckin betch. 🖕❤️‍🩹🫂❤️‍🩹🖕

I'm sorry for your hurt.

I'm sorry for your pain.

I'm sorry for your isolation.

I'm sorry for anything you go through.

I don't know you, but I love you. I feel for you. My journey through this life has been so hard. And its nothing compared to what you've probably gone through. This life will beat you down... but I will always have your back.

I wish I could hold you and comfort you. I wish I could tell you everything will be okay. I wish I could comfort you at your lowest. Because you deserve it...

I love yall... hmu to talk anytime. Peace be with you. May god be with you.

We're married. We're good together. Why won't you be with me physically? I've tried it all. I do everything you ask. Why? There's always a reason, some "good reason" why we can't. I can be patient. I can be understanding. But do you realize how long a year is? Do you even notice?

It's so hard to be that couple, smiling and laughing together, being strong for our friends and kids, when you won't touch me behind closed doors. The few people I've told tell me we need therapy. We've tried that. Or they say I need to communicate better about what I need. I've been doing that for so long I feel pathetic. Why is it always on me? Why can't the things I want ever be a priority?

I love you. I want you. I wish you wanted me too.

I remember when you said that sometimes an unexpected, unannounced visit could be an acceptable idea. Being spontaneous with you, instead of always needing a formal invitation and a planned gathering. Of course, we were friends then, and I was still comparing myself to one of your guy friends—not in a healthy way, but with jealousy and fear. I wouldn’t dare put myself out there because of the possibility of rejection and the humiliation I’d face, standing outside your front door.

But I did it. After months of no contact, I dropped by your house, ready to surprise you and the little one. Hopeful and optimistic about what might unfold for the three of us that day. I came prepared, with no expectations, just as you always told me to do.

You weren’t there.

I knocked and waited. Rang and waited. Waiting turned into more waiting. I watched kids ride bikes down the street, saw people working on their yards, and noticed that one house where all the car work happened. I saw the next-door neighbors had put their house up for rent. I thought about calling you, but instead, I called an Uber and went to the Cheesecake Factory, where I enjoyed cheesecake alone and then took myself to the movies. I wandered around downtown Fort Worth for a while, soaking in the nightlife and the company of strangers. I didn’t mourn the failed unannounced visit; I didn’t let it ruin my day. I told myself I’d put myself in an uncomfortable position to allow any possible outcome. I didn’t try to call or text you on the way back home. I let thee attempt be enough. I left, not even knowing you’d move out of Texas unannounced as well.

That unannounced visit would my last chance to see you before you both left.

This crosses my mind, and again, it’s just for me to let it out. I don’t expect to find you here on Reddit, just as I don’t expect to find you at what was once home. I just needed to give my unannounced thoughts a place to visit. No expectations, just release.

Why are you finding it so hard to answer simple texts. We went from talking all the time to basically not at all. The I love you, to nothing at all. The trying to nothing at all. I still understand why it’s the way it is but fuck, could we have eased in maybe? Or at least stop treating me like a sex object if you couldn’t care less about me. This fucking sucks.

I was living in a tent in my friend’s backyard since May. It was the only choice I had to get away from an abusive ex who mentally, verbally, emotionally, and physically abused me. When I still had a vehicle, I would sleep in it to get away from her. I’d open up to people and tell them about it, all they would say was “just leave”, like it was that easy. It was simple, yes, but not easy. Of course I was dumb and did something with my vehicle and ended up losing it.

I had to leave the tent the other day, my friend got cited by the city and had to take the tent down, now I’m living in a hotel that’s right next to where I work at. I told the owner of the company I work for about my struggles, they told me to give the hotel his business card and to have them reach out to him to work something out. I’m willing to take a pay cut in order to get more hours, and potentially work every day of the week.

I’m just trying to get my life back together so I can be in my daughters’ lives again. I’ve been struggling with mental and emotional issues after going through a midlife crisis at 40 years old.

Playing music and the hope of seeing my daughters again are the only things keeping me alive.

revenge

To Milk Chocolate

We never addressed your parents by their last names. We simply called them Mr. Steve and Mrs. Michelle. I can’t even recall the name of the daycare. I remember leaving abruptly, due to a misunderstanding involving the whole “daycare bus fire.” Your parents and I mutually agreed to part ways. I didn’t think it mattered that we didn’t do the same ourselves. I imagine you’d chuckle if you read this.

I realized then that my sexuality was a significant issue, but I didn’t realize yours wasn’t. I wouldn’t say I was crushing on you then, but I liked you. I cherished waking up from our naps, sharing snacks, and playing with the Bratz dolls until it was time for me to leave. We always had options, and we chose to play together, except when the arcade room was open.

I would pick the boys’ Bratz dolls, and you would choose the girls. We would play for hours, creating imaginary lives for them. Their relationships and lives were easier to manage than ours. We would sneak kisses to each other after a long day of “work” or whatever imaginary fight we would imagine.

I wasn’t good at picking up on subtle cues back then, and that hasn’t changed in adulthood. I simply never saw you that way. Even though we were playing together, expressing ourselves in our “Bratz World,” we couldn’t do the same in the “Real” world. I enjoyed those times and many more we had playing together. I wish I had known then, but I’d rather blame the unawareness and scare tactics of your big brother and sister.

If I could go back in time and change our last time together, I would have kissed you before the lighter flame was extinguished (that’s a jab at our mutual departure). You were definitely worth more than teaching Cody how to light a lighter.

You’re a grown woman now, and you’re more beautiful than when we last spoke. I don’t think you remember me, and that’s okay. You might stumble upon this post as I stumble upon you again. Don’t worry if you do. I’m simply writing down memories of my life as they come to mind. I’m putting them out there in my mind and sharing them here.

U/Omegashba

I don't know where you are. And honestly it's none of my business.

I got really angry, and I was really hurt when you said those things live.

Honestly it's been several months now.

I'm sorry...

Anger isn't an excuse. But I can't excuse what you said about me and my mom.

The only thing I really cared about was you.

When you left so suddenly it destroyed me.

And then when watching another streamer, when you popped up and waited till I was offline to tell them a lie about me. That sent me into a rage. One thing after another to get me to quit existing,

Doxxing me, calling my workplace, calling the police, like wtf.

Please just.... Let's end this.... You know where to find me

Let's talk like adults. Oh.... PS. The discord account you knew has been deleted because I couldn't handle it.