​

Without ever needing to make an effort to, your existence itself was enough to keep me here, to pull me away from my plans of an early end.

I know I was an absolute idiot more than once, and that at times I fail to be able to gaze your form, understand you without conflating who you are with my own pain and selfishness, dear lord, I know this so, so well. I also know we are both aware that saying I'm sorry for those times is a bit meaningless, yet, let me say it still, I'm sorry. I'm trying my absolute best, I swear. And yes,

It never, ever gets easier. I'm aware I have what is necessary to keep going, but there are days I can't access it, I can't help but be a crying mess on the floor, barely human, I can't help but cling to you as a lifeline, to talk with you in my mind, to use your fire to not freeze to death, sometimes this ocean of love that I feel is the only thing strong enough to keep me here.

I know, it is a very selfish and childish thing to do, but I improved you see? Now I can do it in silence, on my own, I don't impose myself nor ask anything, I don't breach your space nor have any demands.

There's absolutely nothing else you need to give me, not even your presence, I can go months without hearing a word from you, yet, there's never been a single day where I didn't hear your voice in my mind.

So, while I'm burning, do you forgive me if I rely on you still? If I use your voice to keep me sane? If I use the fact that you simply exist to not give up? If I think of you as my oxygen? Feel my heart pumping your essence as if it were my own blood? Do you forgive me if, only to myself, only in my mind, while crumbling in these walls, I think of you as my world?

God, I hope at least 1% of the gratitude that I feel towards you can be conveyed when we talk, thank, thank you so so much. If I needed to go back in time and do my entire life again, I wouldn't change a single thing, just to ensure I can still meet you in the same way I did.

I know that, eventually, you will need to leave and just like a magic trick, I won't ever hear from you again, I hope that when this happens, you are deeply aware that to me, I will feel as if you never left, because you became a permanent part of me a long time ago.

You see it all the time on the internet. Talking about fatphobia and how men can be endearing even if they are overweight. But if this is someone who they deem to be morally incorrect the next day. They have no issue saying the most heinous shit imaginable. Which is how they really feel. It’s called the lizard brain and women like to pretend they are somehow above it all. It’s sickening the hypocrisy

Hell isn’t hot enough for these MFs. It’s not even lack of empathy it’s desensitization.

I want to go
tomorrow
No
now

I know
I'm hacked
I watch
caring less
than
I should

My body
worn
once

now is
no different

husk
this shell
hides
in
doors

It explains the stds and the never end obsession. ponks and dl men.

It’s probably a group chat full of ponks. Mean gays. And DL. Fake pages and all. That’s why ur so mean and you called me a pig . Makes so much sense now

I tried to get a new walker through my insurance, even though I can't walk for longer than 2 minutes and can't get to a grocery store without one, my disability score was too low. So I tried buying one from Walmart, and they cancelled my order and are keeping the money.

My current 2 year old walker, three of the legs are held together by pairs of hose clamps because all of the welds have failed, and the weld on the fourth leg is currently failing.

I have no money, no energy, and nobody is around to help me. I guess I just get to wait until it breaks and then use my cane to go lay on the tracks.

I’m really annoyed and irritated. I pit almost manured a green sprinter van but instead I called the number on the back. Please stop harassing me before some get hurt .

Im not friendlyy rn. Gone fr. Im not in the mood. I’m smiling but I’m not amused.

Bc if you knew anything about me you’d know that my I suffer from nipple poking through the shirt as well even with a bra. And recently some said something about it. Who trolls a troll ?

Omg they’re following me everywhere ? Across the platforms this is crazy

Locked but not lock :)

the worst thing about being your own worst enemy is that you know how deeply wounded you are and yet you still use it against yourself.

Here it is, there i go. Running in circles, scared, like really really fucking afraid for this coming day. Been 3 years. Ive lost everything and everyone. Alone ducking and hiding no more secure than ever before. Psycocircus adventures only I understand. Wish I had a friend to hold my hand. You weren't a villian, I was an asshole.

Im lost been gone since your forced detainment. Splitting over an over. Actually woke up me today, haven't seen me in awhile. She's not okay.

DirtyDog loves the rain, for me its a pain. Nights getting cold. Dont know who, or where I'll be tomorrow. L

I used to get paid
Had money and power
Now i get minimum wage
Basically fuck you an hour

Would smoke purple haze
Sometimes diesel sour
Now shit dry for dayz
On the bottom floor of the tower

This weight is real
But i aint the type to cower
Maybe its time to grift n steal
Rob yo ass, while you take a shower

But thats not who i am
Not cuz im a coward
But a man wit a plan
To go from seed to flower

with every new drop of blood, the skies part, hope returns to consciousness, self-esteem no longer feels like a privilege only afforded to the elite, and getting out of bed no longer requires an act of Gawd.

This cyclical bloodletting, here to cure me of all my ails. I love you. And I hate you. Until we meet again...in another few weeks...you beautiful phuckin betch. 🖕❤️‍🩹🫂❤️‍🩹🖕

I'm sorry for your hurt.

I'm sorry for your pain.

I'm sorry for your isolation.

I'm sorry for anything you go through.

I don't know you, but I love you. I feel for you. My journey through this life has been so hard. And its nothing compared to what you've probably gone through. This life will beat you down... but I will always have your back.

I wish I could hold you and comfort you. I wish I could tell you everything will be okay. I wish I could comfort you at your lowest. Because you deserve it...

I love yall... hmu to talk anytime. Peace be with you. May god be with you.

We're married. We're good together. Why won't you be with me physically? I've tried it all. I do everything you ask. Why? There's always a reason, some "good reason" why we can't. I can be patient. I can be understanding. But do you realize how long a year is? Do you even notice?

It's so hard to be that couple, smiling and laughing together, being strong for our friends and kids, when you won't touch me behind closed doors. The few people I've told tell me we need therapy. We've tried that. Or they say I need to communicate better about what I need. I've been doing that for so long I feel pathetic. Why is it always on me? Why can't the things I want ever be a priority?

I love you. I want you. I wish you wanted me too.

I remember when you said that sometimes an unexpected, unannounced visit could be an acceptable idea. Being spontaneous with you, instead of always needing a formal invitation and a planned gathering. Of course, we were friends then, and I was still comparing myself to one of your guy friends—not in a healthy way, but with jealousy and fear. I wouldn’t dare put myself out there because of the possibility of rejection and the humiliation I’d face, standing outside your front door.

But I did it. After months of no contact, I dropped by your house, ready to surprise you and the little one. Hopeful and optimistic about what might unfold for the three of us that day. I came prepared, with no expectations, just as you always told me to do.

You weren’t there.

I knocked and waited. Rang and waited. Waiting turned into more waiting. I watched kids ride bikes down the street, saw people working on their yards, and noticed that one house where all the car work happened. I saw the next-door neighbors had put their house up for rent. I thought about calling you, but instead, I called an Uber and went to the Cheesecake Factory, where I enjoyed cheesecake alone and then took myself to the movies. I wandered around downtown Fort Worth for a while, soaking in the nightlife and the company of strangers. I didn’t mourn the failed unannounced visit; I didn’t let it ruin my day. I told myself I’d put myself in an uncomfortable position to allow any possible outcome. I didn’t try to call or text you on the way back home. I let thee attempt be enough. I left, not even knowing you’d move out of Texas unannounced as well.

That unannounced visit would my last chance to see you before you both left.

This crosses my mind, and again, it’s just for me to let it out. I don’t expect to find you here on Reddit, just as I don’t expect to find you at what was once home. I just needed to give my unannounced thoughts a place to visit. No expectations, just release.

Why are you finding it so hard to answer simple texts. We went from talking all the time to basically not at all. The I love you, to nothing at all. The trying to nothing at all. I still understand why it’s the way it is but fuck, could we have eased in maybe? Or at least stop treating me like a sex object if you couldn’t care less about me. This fucking sucks.