I'm sorry for your hurt.

I'm sorry for your pain.

I'm sorry for your isolation.

I'm sorry for anything you go through.

I don't know you, but I love you. I feel for you. My journey through this life has been so hard. And its nothing compared to what you've probably gone through. This life will beat you down... but I will always have your back.

I wish I could hold you and comfort you. I wish I could tell you everything will be okay. I wish I could comfort you at your lowest. Because you deserve it...

I love yall... hmu to talk anytime. Peace be with you. May god be with you.

What are you waiting for Carlos Mora

Can I call u tn?
Im missing you like hell

You see it all the time on the internet. Talking about fatphobia and how men can be endearing even if they are overweight. But if this is someone who they deem to be morally incorrect the next day. They have no issue saying the most heinous shit imaginable. Which is how they really feel. It’s called the lizard brain and women like to pretend they are somehow above it all. It’s sickening the hypocrisy

It's why I avoid everyone at all times.

The reason I chose to be alone.

I don't want friends to lie to me

I don't want the one I love to roam.

I deserved to be chosen for me.

I'm one hell of a person to know

But all of the times getting blindsided by people I trusted. Left my feeling broken and empty

Fuck I don’t think I will never not love you. You probably think I’m doing this to avoid confrontation but the truth is it’s because I will continue to love you long after I leave. You’re such a special soul it’s crazy I don’t know if you notice. You didn’t see me fall for you which is crazy because I’m fairly certain everyone else around me noticed. You probably did too.

​

Without ever needing to make an effort to, your existence itself was enough to keep me here, to pull me away from my plans of an early end.

I know I was an absolute idiot more than once, and that at times I fail to be able to gaze your form, understand you without conflating who you are with my own pain and selfishness, dear lord, I know this so, so well. I also know we are both aware that saying I'm sorry for those times is a bit meaningless, yet, let me say it still, I'm sorry. I'm trying my absolute best, I swear. And yes,

It never, ever gets easier. I'm aware I have what is necessary to keep going, but there are days I can't access it, I can't help but be a crying mess on the floor, barely human, I can't help but cling to you as a lifeline, to talk with you in my mind, to use your fire to not freeze to death, sometimes this ocean of love that I feel is the only thing strong enough to keep me here.

I know, it is a very selfish and childish thing to do, but I improved you see? Now I can do it in silence, on my own, I don't impose myself nor ask anything, I don't breach your space nor have any demands.

There's absolutely nothing else you need to give me, not even your presence, I can go months without hearing a word from you, yet, there's never been a single day where I didn't hear your voice in my mind.

So, while I'm burning, do you forgive me if I rely on you still? If I use your voice to keep me sane? If I use the fact that you simply exist to not give up? If I think of you as my oxygen? Feel my heart pumping your essence as if it were my own blood? Do you forgive me if, only to myself, only in my mind, while crumbling in these walls, I think of you as my world?

God, I hope at least 1% of the gratitude that I feel towards you can be conveyed when we talk, thank, thank you so so much. If I needed to go back in time and do my entire life again, I wouldn't change a single thing, just to ensure I can still meet you in the same way I did.

I know that, eventually, you will need to leave and just like a magic trick, I won't ever hear from you again, I hope that when this happens, you are deeply aware that to me, I will feel as if you never left, because you became a permanent part of me a long time ago.

I remember when you said that sometimes an unexpected, unannounced visit could be an acceptable idea. Being spontaneous with you, instead of always needing a formal invitation and a planned gathering. Of course, we were friends then, and I was still comparing myself to one of your guy friends—not in a healthy way, but with jealousy and fear. I wouldn’t dare put myself out there because of the possibility of rejection and the humiliation I’d face, standing outside your front door.

But I did it. After months of no contact, I dropped by your house, ready to surprise you and the little one. Hopeful and optimistic about what might unfold for the three of us that day. I came prepared, with no expectations, just as you always told me to do.

You weren’t there.

I knocked and waited. Rang and waited. Waiting turned into more waiting. I watched kids ride bikes down the street, saw people working on their yards, and noticed that one house where all the car work happened. I saw the next-door neighbors had put their house up for rent. I thought about calling you, but instead, I called an Uber and went to the Cheesecake Factory, where I enjoyed cheesecake alone and then took myself to the movies. I wandered around downtown Fort Worth for a while, soaking in the nightlife and the company of strangers. I didn’t mourn the failed unannounced visit; I didn’t let it ruin my day. I told myself I’d put myself in an uncomfortable position to allow any possible outcome. I didn’t try to call or text you on the way back home. I let thee attempt be enough. I left, not even knowing you’d move out of Texas unannounced as well.

That unannounced visit would my last chance to see you before you both left.

This crosses my mind, and again, it’s just for me to let it out. I don’t expect to find you here on Reddit, just as I don’t expect to find you at what was once home. I just needed to give my unannounced thoughts a place to visit. No expectations, just release.

Why are you finding it so hard to answer simple texts. We went from talking all the time to basically not at all. The I love you, to nothing at all. The trying to nothing at all. I still understand why it’s the way it is but fuck, could we have eased in maybe? Or at least stop treating me like a sex object if you couldn’t care less about me. This fucking sucks.

I thought better of you than this. Thought we had something kinda special.

We both shared something so deeply personal, the part of my life I keep most private, I've never shared with anyone else online before, because I trusted you with my feelings. 

A shared life experience, and now you're ghosting me, and I know you're online.

Almost 5 months of daily contact, now nothing for 2 days...I don't get it.

Trust issues back, walls back up, WTF man.

I was just thinking about how I should read some viod posts and see if I could possibly find out what it is that “I’ve” been up to . And really I can’t even imagine what I’ve been reading could be remotely in relation to me . I can’t own really any of it because I know where I am
. I know that I wake up , brush my teeth , clean up my face , feed my dog put coffee on . Walk my dog sometimes down my street most times down to dog park and back to keep me from becoming mush . Drink some coffee,eat the shortbread that I bake because It’s my favorite as well as my dogs .
I clean up after myself. I do whatever chore I notice. I sometimes drive my mother to the office in town and help to pick up or drop off things . The rest of the day til I go to get her is more of the same.
Take nature walks and try to keep my dog calm and train her to walk with me and not pull her leash . I make positive comments on social media and like posts that give me a hope. I take my vitamins . I do think about a lot of the things I’d like to do and accomplish. I think about trying to have conversations with people but they only message me once and then I don’t hear from them really. I’ve been treated as if I’m some sort of problem and need constant supervision.
I’m not able to really get in touch with anyone because I’ve try and my mother asks me why I need to talk to friends. That’s my day . I have shown some people that I would like to have them in my life but no one seems to be in the position.
So though I would love to own some of these posts I really can’t . I want my identity back from whoever likes to use it . You may need to be yourself . I don’t know if it’s worth mentioning that I tried to make clear what my preference is when it comes to sexuality as well as what I am looking for in a relationship. Through out this process of my day I definitely feel like I’m trying to put out a god vibe but my dog makes it very hard to talk or have normal interactions .
I do feel like I haven’t been at all confusing to anyone besides them allowing themselves to think or believe whatever instead of just being themselves and trying to be supportive and successful together by putting forth good intentions and motivation but never seems like I can get reciprocal energy at all .
Anyway just screaming into the void .

the worst thing about being your own worst enemy is that you know how deeply wounded you are and yet you still use it against yourself.

I used to get paid
Had money and power
Now i get minimum wage
Basically fuck you an hour

Would smoke purple haze
Sometimes diesel sour
Now shit dry for dayz
On the bottom floor of the tower

This weight is real
But i aint the type to cower
Maybe its time to grift n steal
Rob yo ass, while you take a shower

But thats not who i am
Not cuz im a coward
But a man wit a plan
To go from seed to flower

revenge

I’ve never paid for it in cash but I’ve picked or asked and paid in some other ways

fml

I've been praying often recently to just go, to just die and go away. I don't see the point of it anymore. Life has become so fucking meaningless, nothing to fucking look foward to.

Why wake up the next day, for what? What is the point. No one to talk to truthfully, no one to share joy or struggles, no activity satifies me.

I have been just fucking slaving away, working, studying, investing, accumlating wealth, postponing my life so someday it justifies it all. But maybe it has problably been an escape, to keep hopes up, but the truth is. What if I have the money, what the fuck i am going to do with it? Nicer car? Nicer house? Travel? Meet people? Have children?

No matter what i do, or where I go, there I will be, dreading every moment, every meaningless moment.

I feel so frustrated, what I want never comes my way and on the rare occasion it does, I either fuck it up or realize I never really wanted it in the first place.

I feel so distanced from everyone and everything, like an observer never allowed to take part in the joys of life. I can never be present.

I think my best days are behind me and that is so fucked up to say, cause those were not great days, and I haven't even reached thirty.

I feel frustrated by the things I never did, for being scared, like a fucking PoS

I feel like my life has gone to waste, I was supposed to live something I did not. And I can not live it anymore.

Whenever I try to connect to people, they look at me like I am a fiend, an anomaly, its like they can see a blob full of potential that never took shape, never truly "lived", whatever the fuck that means. They don't curse at me, or are violent, I am just brushed off, just a fucking piece of a puzzle that got too fucking broken or bent it cannot fit anywhere anymore. Its like it's written on my forehad.

I don't know man. Im just rambling, maybe I have some mental problems, maybe I always had, maybe I am "neurodivergent" or whatever someone like me would be called, maybe its the fucking world thats fucking upside down, maybe its my fucked circumstances, upbringing, or maybe I am to blame, cause at the end of the day I am the only one that can fix this, maybe I have been too "lukewarm", too scared, too cowardly, I just don't know.

I have decided that next year will be my hail mary. I'll sell my car, sell all of my investments, quit maybe? Pay for some fucking therapy again. Maybe move states, idk. I just know I am going to put myself out there and try to experience new shit, whatever it is, and see if it sticks. We'll see.

If not, idk

"Maybe it's just not my world"

please hmu if you thoughts to share, it'd be nice

I love you still. I've tried so hard to let you go. I don't know what I have to do. You're never coming back. You told me that you wanted to ruin it for the other women. I didn't understand why you'd say that. Loved you more than anyone else ever. I gave you everything, my heart, soul, attention, money. I wasn't the one for you. You got married 1 year later. My happiness is knowing that you are truly happy. Still hurts, I don't want anyone else. I'm not capable of a relationship. I don't care if I live. Not suicidal, just no reason to live. I know I have choices, but all I can do is keep trying to find happiness. Seems impossible. I quit trying to find a companion to enjoy life together. Still want to be loved, that is the only thing I want. Too much to ask for. My whole life has been that way. Almost 60yrs old. Giving up that thought of having that feeling. I know how to live alone. Thank you God for giving me the opportunity to feel that love. If only I could feel it for the rest of my life. Sincerely.

So don’t be ironic. I’m being for real with you.

Things mostly swirled around
Once in a while
A small plopping sound
The color was white and hershey brown

There was an amazing rush
Shortly after came a flush
Having not needed any thrust
The load was simply robust

She wiped her chin and said goodbye
A twinkle in her glazed-over eye
No romance needed, no reason why
Just true multi-tasking on the fly

I pulled up my pants and gave her a glance
Titties still out and the stank of my shants
Never again will I take such a chance
But damn, what a time for a bathroom romance

Bc if you knew anything about me you’d know that my I suffer from nipple poking through the shirt as well even with a bra. And recently some said something about it. Who trolls a troll ?

Omg they’re following me everywhere ? Across the platforms this is crazy

Locked but not lock :)