Was it really sexual assault if they were under the impression I consented
If I pretended to enjoy it because I couldn't say no
If they even told me multiple times that they can stop if I ever get uncomfortable
Yet every time I told them no and I didn't like it, they just argued with me and told me I wasn't accepting them
Even if I was a little harsh

My sister has been a victim of SA since a young age and most recently as an adult it happened while incarcerated at Coffee Creek Correctional Facility in Willsonville, Or. I want justice for my sister and so does she. Apparently her paper work was “lost” while incarcerated. She has been out for two years and was recently asked by her parole officer to come in to the office and talk to someone. There was a representative from the state who apologized and gave her a deposition. Tony has already been sentenced to 30 years but he can get a 100 more for all I care. My sister says she has tried to contact a few lawyers but they weren’t interested in taking the case, I suspect my sister just opened the phone book and call the first couple lawyers listed. I told her that Reddit is full of helpful people with lots of knowledge and that I would post on her behalf and she said please do.

Does anyone know of a specific lawyers in the Portland, Oregon area that might be interested in helping with this matter?

I hate the thought of my 11 year old body being out there for pervs to jerk off too. Every time I think back I realize how young I really was. I was acting too grown when I hadn’t even gotten my period yet. Having old men jerk off to me before my boobs even came in. I don’t understand what they saw in me that made them want more and more. It felt like I was being eaten alive. I was just a kid and they had me strip down and spin around for them. Played truth or dare with me but made everything so sexual. They tried to make everything a game it felt like a trap and I fell for it every time. I don’t know how I could be so clueless, they were obviously asking sexual questions but it just didn’t click to me. I remember this one guy kept having me take off my jacket and spin around for him and he asked if I wanted his underwear on or off and I thought he was just making a bad joke and I said on and he took them off anyways and I just remembered trying so hard not to look down. Somehow I still thought it was an accident, I thought he didn’t hear me right so I didn’t say anything. I wish I had done something to stop it all. I feel so weak and pathetic. My insides are so rotten i feel like no one can ever truly love me cause all they can see is how broken i am.

15 years ago, I went dancing with a friend, afterwards she invited a friend over. I didn't know she invited him over and while he was a nice enough person I didn't have any interest in him or doing anything with him. She started to have sex with him, I was so uncomfortable but I just froze and tried to ignore them. Then she got up and left the room. He changed his condom, he said "come on", then the memory goes blank, next thing I remember he's on top of me, he's having sex with me and I'm dissociated, watching it happen from across the room. I didn't want to sleep with him. He didn't even ask me if I wanted to have sex before he put on the condom. He was already acting like it was a given. I haven't been able to call it that, for 15 years I just thought I messed up and had sex I regretted, but I never wanted to have sex with him, how did I end up under him, why did he put that condom on when he didn't even have a conversation with me about sex? I'm struggling tonight with that part.

There's an assault case involving a cast member from the latest season of Below Deck. It's getting a lot of traction online as the alleged offender (male) is "on the run".

Here's a list of what you can expect if you read about it or engage in any related discussions. I thought I would provide it on the off chance it helps someone determine whether it may be re-traumatizing.

>!Non-fatal strangulation

>!Suffocation

>!Use of restraint

>!Domestic and family violence/abuse

>!Exposing a child to violence

Please take care everyone. Remember there is support here, and through many different avenues.

This happened about 4 years ago. I was house sitting my parents house with my boyfriend at the time who ill name apple and a friend who came to stay ill name him pear (both male and i am female) so we decided to have drinks and get in the pool and have fun, me and Apple got very drunk and pear didn't have much, talks started happening and a threesome was brought up. (I was still new to the whole sex thing) but I think i agreed? I cant remeber. I do remeber being in bed and obviously doing the thing. My boyfriend finishes and leaves the room. It was just me and pear. I cant remeber much after that but the day after I felt disgusting. I hated myself for doing that. Pear kept making comments about "how I was panting like a dog" ect ect. They would both laugh. I dont remeber saying yes and I dont rember saying no. But when I talked about it to some friends at the time they defended pear saying he is autistic and wouldn't know better. Im still struggling through this and I still break down when I think about it. But I dont know if this is assault or not. Please help

Tldr: got into a threesome, boyfriend left me with the other person. Cant remeber If I agreed and I didn't say no during

There was a lot of SA as a kid in church, and ive wondered if being hypersexual is because of it. Ive never really dealt with what happened back then and sometimes have flashbacks. Is this normal?

I was under the influence and my friend who wasn’t kept asking for me to do a sexual act even though i had said no multiple times. I eventually gave in and did it but i was under the influence and he knew that and went through with it. The thing is , is that after a while of asking i wanted to do it but i was drunk and he wasn’t. Was it sexual assault? He never forced it physically. Ever since that a specific part i remember keeps replaying in my head and it makes me panic

I recently got into, and ended my first relationship recently, but I noticed something that made me really happy when we were dating.

I (21F) was dating my boyfriend (25M) and we would often go out and get drunk together and either have sex or just cuddle and go to sleep. Sometimes when we got home both drunk, I would ask him to have sex and he would say “no” and to go to bed, help me take off my clothes, and come lay with me after taking off his own outside clothes. It may seem harsh but it made me so happy. It showed that he really cared about me and loved me, and cared about my well being. Even when we were sober, if I would ask him to have sex and he said he “wasn’t feeling it” or said “maybe later,” it made me happy.

I’ve spent so long being sexualized, men only wanting me for my body and to have me as an “experience” but never wanting to stay long-term. I miss my ex, and we’re still friends to this day, but he was the first person to ever show me actual love and not just obsession and lust.

I reported my rapist ex boyfriend in June and I’ve gotten one follow up call about that a few weeks ago, came back into the station and did a second statement and they told me it’s most likely going to court and that I should prepare myself for a trial. I am beyond scared I have no idea what to expect or what to do or how to prepare myself for this. Does anyone have any advice for me. I just turned 18 so this has been a lot for me and I really don’t have anyone I can go to for this kind of stuff. The only evidence I have is him saying he raped me over text but idk if that’s gonna be enough proof.

How can I get over being raped and sexually assaulted I can’t do this anymore. I don’t even know if it is rape I’ve been second guessing it I’m sick of this

Hey, I’ve been raped by my ex and it has gotten better. But we were only together for about a year and the Break up was a year ago.
I still think about it a lot tho and it feels wrong because wouldnt every normal Person have overcome their ex After that time? Is that normal After sa? Do you think sa makes the time to heal from a Person longer or is that just because I take Long to get over people? Why does it sometimes feel like I miss him? Is it still CSA when I was 15/16 and he was 17/18?

Backstory:

I was stupid and naive to hang out with a coworker outside of work which lead me to be raped 3 months ago. Before he raped me, he would slowly cross my boundaries that day from trying to hold my hand to groping my breasts. I am very awkward and kinda soft spoken so I have trouble speaking up for myself and he took advantage of that. Before we hanged out he already knew I had a boyfriend and that it was a serious 4 year relationship and he made it seem like he understood. I made it known I wasn't ok with his behavior that day when it was happening before he raped me,but he dismissed it by saying that we are friends or that my boyfriend is not here or that we are not at work. After he raped me he said out of his mouth " I was trying to see if you felt something but now I see you are serious for your man. I see you as a strong woman. Who taught you to become a strong woman?." I told him that we were not friends after that and left. At work he attempted to say hi to me for a day or two after the incident as if nothing happened. Each attempt I ignored him and after that he got the hint he stopped trying to tak to me.I told my boyfriend what happened a few days later since when I told my friends what happened they blamed me for hanging out with the coworker as to why it had happened and not very kind about my situation. As soon as I told him he immediately called the police for me. Long story short nothing was done about it because I didn't go to the hospital on time to get a rape kit done. My job also won't do anything about it since it happened outside of work but I already told them that I don't feel safe and my mental health is declining due to me having to see him when he comes to my department and all they did was send me a work flyer for mental health/counciling.

Wanting to reach out to my rapist:

Basically I've been having a strong urge to talk to my rapist. Ive been thinking about sending him a message saying how I've been feeling and how his actions have impacted me etc even though it's been 3 months since I last talked to him. I think I am wanting to have closure and kinda let go of what happened but I'm not sure if that is a good choice or not.instead of asking you guys if I should reach out to him or not I'm wanting to know your experiences if you guys have reached out to your rapists and I'm just wanting to know what happened to kinda see what I should do. I am also curious why you decided to reach out if you did and if it helped you out or not.

I was raped 3 years ago and since then have gone through all different emotions, healing process and trauma responses. One thing that I struggle with is staying present during sex, and sometimes because of that I might feel violated after sex, even though nothing unconsesual happened.

Now a few weeks ago I went to a guy's house who I met at a club (We went to the same school before and have some mutual friends including my rapist... but I don't know him too well) I was pretty drunk but we had consensual sex and went to sleep. The next morning I woke up with him already inside of me. I was confused and didn't really do anything but just laid there. It didn't last too long and after he offered to take me home, when I told him that I kinda felt weird for what he did in the morning. He told me that I had consented during the night before we went to sleep. Something along the lines that "he is free to use my body as he wants to". And he claims that I have said that, but I have no memory of that what so ever. I don't know if I'm in the right to feel like what he did was wrong, or if this is my trauma brain confusing rape and consensual sex.

I kinda just want clarity with this situation, maybe advice? I can't keep on just ignoring how sick I feel right now.

It has taken me so long to process what happened to me. Mentally I am pretty healed and can grasp and understand that what happened was rape and wasn't ok. I thought it would be ok to have sex again but the second I try anything remotely intimate beyond kissing, I start shaking uncontrollably. I feel so embarrassed. I've tried twice with 2 different people and I can't stop shaking. Mentally I feel fine until the act and I start to get flashbacks and everything reminds me of my rapist. I am fine with not having sex ever again, at this rate. I never wanted to feel vulnerable like that again but my body just shakes and shakes and I can't control it.

TW mentions of SA

I'm 22F, and was sexually assaulted by a classmate at 12. This experience made me think that guys would only like my body, that maybe that's what was interesting about me. For the entirety of my teenage years and until a few months ago that made it impossible for me to go further than dates in public with guys.

Context : Then, last September I moved to a new city for my master's degree and explored myself differently, actively trying to dissociate myself from this constant anxiety that my body was unsafe (it was saying 1st time living alone and away from everything and everyone I've ever known) But it's something I can't seem to really cope with, despite therapy etc. Only sports help me bc they make me feel capable and strong (but I injured myself last summer so it's been hard to go back).

Anyways, in January I met a guy and we started talking, it was good, fun and I enjoyed myself. We had a few dates and I got pretty infatuated (in retrospect, because we're had good chemistry). So as time went by I wanted to go further with him (for the first time I actually commited to my desire). We had intimate moments a few times, but I already carried shame into it and was scared : I didn't want him to know I was a virgin and I didn't tell him I had been SA'd in the past. I also didn't want to be associated to these things.

The last time I saw him (we were not officially dating but acted like a couple) we started kissing but I didn't want to go further, I just felt like he wanted it and it was so much so Quick that I fawned (I remember the transition into this state bc I dissociated) my whole body was saying no. And he picked up something was different than other times but no wouldn't come out of my mouth as he asked me another time if i was okay and if he was supposed to keep going, I mumbled yes. But the whole time I was dissociating.

I didn't rationalize what had happened until the day after where I told myself "this is too much to handle I can't go through another traumatic thing" I was also really confused as to why I couldn't phrase it since I had worked in myself, my ground, my issues, my needs etc (but ultimately was always scared to be seen and heard, because when I was SA'd saying no was associated with more violent aggressions).

Now it's been months, my body is aching everywhere, I've been ill since this relationship (mono) and my pelvic floor and lower belly hurt (i wonder if my body could have tensed up so much that it damaged the area). I've spent the past few months in freeze response trying to get out of this state. And talk therapy doesn't help me right now. I know the things I just can't feel it all anymore it's too much.

If you've faced something similar (is it a trauma flare ?) did you try hypnotherapy, EMDR, or other things ? I just want to feel like me again but I think she's gone and I have another layer of stuff to process six months later. I tried to let it be thinking if I let myself feel the things it would go away but that's just not how it works and I'm coming to terms with that instead of repeating a pattern of resistance.

This whole thing has made me question everything, my sense of self is gone, I feel so strange and distant from my life because I'm no longer the same. I feel like I can't trust myself anymore since I couldn't say no like that when I had sworn to myself I would never let anything happen to me again (ik that's impossible but it was my way to cope with the world and made me really anxious bc it is an everyday mission). But it's so hard to understand that idk how to feel about it, so I feel alienated, lost and self-betrayed.

Thank you for reading up to the end. I hope you're doing great and healing and healthy 🩷

I can't tell anyone what happened because no one will believe a guy in his late 20s could be abused by someone who is 19. I can't tell anyone what happened bc the last person I did used it to hurt me months later. I can't tell anyone bc who is gonna believe me over him? I can't tell anyone bc he will ruin my life and start isolating me from my friends. I can't tell anyone because what if I do and he finds out and he makes good on those threats to crush my head in. I can't tell anyone because he lives in my city now and is probably telling everyone that I'm a groomer and a monster. I can't tell anyone bc WHO THE FUCK WOULD EVEN BELIEVE IT HAPPENED? i can't tell anyone bc even if it did happen, this might be the first sexual assault in the world where it is, indeed, the """victim's""" fault. I can't fucking tell ANYONE I'm all alone in this.

This happened to me last summer when i was 19. i (now 20f) was with my boyfriend (22m and now ex) at his summer home in the next state over from my own house. we were there just the two of us, as his friends would be joining us in a few days to have a fun weekend of partying and spending time together. in our sex life it was known that i liked things a bit rougher, but nothing super intense— things like being pinned down or lightly slapped or having my face grabbed etc. it had never been more than that, and i never expressed interest in anything more intense than what we had been doing for several months now (at the time we had been dating for about 5 months). one day we got busy, he was on top of me and he gave me a light slap like i was used to, and then another. he hit me harder the next time and eventually he was slapping me repeatedly across the face to the point i could feel it stinging and when i got up and saw myself there were marks on my cheeks. i was in such shock that i didn’t say anything in the moment. when he finished he got
up and we got in the shower. the moment i saw him again i felt like bursting into uncontrollable tears but for some reason i couldn’t bear showing him that he had hurt me. he was sensitive and insecure and im supposed to be the strong freaky type i don’t know. but i turned away from him and bit my tongue and swallowed my tears. i couldn’t remember the last time i had felt so small, like a child. i don’t know if this was just a bad sexual experience or if it was assault. i had given him permission to lightly i guess “tap” or grab my face during sex but he never asked and i never agreed to being full on hit hard multiple times especially while feeling vulnerable as he was on top and i couldn’t move. i just don’t know who to tell because i recently came forward with my friends about another experience i had of (real?) sexual assault i had some time ago, and i don’t want to bring the mood down by crying about some other shit that happened to me.

My now ex-partner and I were having consensual sex, but then he came inside me without asking and now I am pregnant, which is not something I ever wanted.

Is this considered sexual assault? I am having a really hard time with this. I felt violated at the time, and even more so once I found out I was pregnant. He has pretty much dodged any accountability for this also.

Thanks for any insight.

i posted this in another subreddit and someone recommended i find one specialized for the topic.

i plan to go to therapy soon but i don’t have a clear idea when i will be able to go, so this will have to do for now. recently, my girlfriend told me something abt her last relationship (it was very abusive & lasted three years). what she described was definitely SA, but she didn’t seem to realize (?). she when she told me, i was drunk, and told her bluntly that it was SA. i feel bad abt it now because i should’ve been more strategic and careful abt how i told her. i have since apologized for my wording (she said i didn’t need too), but i feel like i’ve already made things worse. i’m the only person she has ever spoken to abt this and i need advice on how to support her. she also doesn’t have the ability to go to therapy right now. ever since we spoke about it it’s been bothering her badly and i want to help her.

TW: trauma, CSA, BDSM, rape

Recently, my CPTSD symptoms have gotten worse, and the anniversary of my trauma is coming up, which has brought up a lot of pain and made me replay what happened in my head again and again.

I’m writing this post to… tell my story, I guess. Maybe someone can relate. Maybe someone can give me their perspective. Or maybe I just need someone to listen.

Maybe… just maybe… I still feel guilty. I know that it’s his actions that were bad and it’s not my fault, but I feel guilty that maybe it wasn’t rape. I don’t know.

That evening he came to me. At that time we were long distance and I haven’t seen him for a while. I missed him, we started kissing in bed. But I stopped him.

Previously that day I had a hard time, I think I had seizures (I suffer from PNES). I told him I don’t want to do anything sexual. He stopped.
Here is some important background: at that period of time I was finally getting treatment for sexual abuse I went through as a child, which caused relapse and my mental state was horrible as I was dealing with previous trauma. I did some bad things to regain sense of control of my body: I used bdsm as a way to hurt myself. We were in sado masochistic relationships where he was hurting me (consensually). I he was also choking me (when I was a child my abuser choked me). I felt like if I repeated those actions but this time I gave my consent, it would give me sense of control. In fact, I think it was only hurting me even more. But fore a minute, just a minute, it gave me a sense of control over my body.
But it wasn’t just wanting control. I also just wanted to be abused and hurt. I know, it’s sick. But I wanted it. Wanted to be hurt deeply. At that time my self-harm was very severe that it got to the point that it was just not enough and I needed to be hurt even more. By someone else.

Back to September 26 – I told him that I didn’t want to do anything sexual that night (I really didn’t) and he stopped.
But then I did something that I still blame myself for. I told him that even that I don’t want to do anything sexual, if he wanted to, I would let him do whatever wants to me/use me. And still, it wasn’t like “I want you to use me” because I told him that DESPITE NOT WANTING TO DO ANYTHING SEXUAL. He knew I didn’t want it. Also, he was my dom so in my head it wasn’t like we were equal during regular sex. I was in some other state of mind where I was very… out of control?
He continued. We had sex. And I didn’t stopped him. I could’ve used my safe word but I didn’t. Because I wanted to be abused. Wanted to be hurt. Wanted to be raped.

And he did it.