i really don't want to be robbed. my family's house is easy to sneak into, and even though none of my dad's employees would ever rob us, i just need to.

there'll be 10 locks. goodluck breaking it.

I'm pretty good to my girlfriend, especially in the bedroom. But once in a while when she pisses me off, I don't feel like I owe her an orgasm. So, I get mine and then tap out before she can have one. It's actually pretty funny that I know when she's about to bust, then I change it up so I have mine and go "Whoa! I'm tired!" and roll over to fall asleep. Is this a good punishment or should I do something else? I mean, I'm close to her younger sister. She's always had a crush on me, so I could probably hit that to make my girlfriend jealous and realize she better act right or she could lose me.

I'm thinking of buying a sports car. The trouble is that I'm not very good at sports. Never have been. What's an easy sport to get into so I can buy the car? Or should I just forget it, and buy a car based on what I do best, like an SVU?

My hand itches. I'm pretty sure it's a mosquito bite but I want the doctor to check it out. I don't want to wait an hour to see the doctor. I want see them now! How do I get myself first in line so I can be called to see the doctor next?

The odds don’t stay the same all night. That is impossible. I’ve been watching the tables and there are certain periods where everything starts lining up at once. Cards, roulette, even machines across the room start hitting in patterns.

I think most people leave right before the casino enters what I’ve been calling the “open cycle.”

Tonight I’m bringing $500 and I’m not leaving until I catch it. I wrote down the times from my last three visits and there’s definitely something there.

If I suddenly stop updating this post, assume I figured it out.

You’re on the thrown, mid-poo, and you hear some emergency like someone collapsing, neighbor chopping hand off with chainsaw, massive car crash right outside: how much do you wipe before rushing to help?

And how do I find friends to share my new hobby with?

My son wasn't even playing in the game but for some reason he thought it was funny to take off all his clothes and run naked around the bases yelling "I'm the weiner". Anyways, the people in the stands were not nice and said mean things about my son. I wanna give them a piece of mind. How do I tell them to go fudge themselves politely?

Are they worth trying?

imagine seeing a chopped girl, but you look down and she has large boobs and a nice, round ass. SWEET!

you go up to her and ask for her name. she tells you her name. you ask to fuck because yea, ur that much of a shit head.

she says, "i-i'm biologically a male, and I haven't had surgery to have a pussy yet."

you walk away, upset.

yes that happens to me a lot, and i started telling guys that i'm biologically a male, and ask if they want to pay for my surgery so i can fully transition.

is it worth the experience

My profession has dried up, it was the only thing I was passionate about and it really doesn't exist anymore.

For a while I was engaged in some less than moral work in lieu of my passion. It was close enough and I made a ton of money, but now I've lost it all. I just blew it.

As for my love life, I tend to be attracted to women a few years younger than me. I've lived with a few, but ultimately scare them away.

All I want to do, nay, what I need to do, is go fishing. Just hang out with some buddies.

And I'm not getting any younger. I just feel like I'm a victim of bad luck and worse timing in life.

What should I do to fix this?

do people just not read the subreddit name? Is the stereotype that Redditors take everything too seriously true? Should I eat the pretty red mushrooms I got from my backyard?