hi everyone! I wanted to post this in case it is helpful. I found posts like this and it helped me come to a decision about which steps to take for my care. I have had pelvic floor dysfunction/vaginismus for years.

I finally started treating it with pelvic floor therapy. After a couple months, I was fortunate that my therapist referred me to a study being done on the effects of Botox on vulvodynia/vaginismus.

i’ve heard great things in general about Botox as a therapy for this, so I decided to move forward and fortunately qualified for the trial. A few days ago, I had my first round of injections, and i have to say- it was not nearly as painful as I expected.

I took Tylenol about an hour before, and they numbed me about 15 minutes before the injections. It felt like sharp pinpricks occasionally, but overall it really was not bad. The pressure from the Nurse’s fingers bothered me more. I’d say like a 4 out of 10, sometimes a 5 out of 10 pain level.

I laid in bed for a few hours afterwards, and have not had any bad side effects or significant pain besides some aching and soreness afterwards.

it takes at least seven days, sometimes more for the Botox to kick in, so I don’t have much to say about that yet, but I thought I would post this in case anyone is concerned about the pain of the injections, like I was. I go back for my second round of injections in a few weeks. I will try to keep this updated with any results.

if you’ve been exploring this option, I highly recommend calling any centers that do it and ask if there are any ongoing trials. I am able to get Botox for free because of this!

I wanna post this to encourage my fellow ladies on here that struggle with vaginismus.

Today I had my first ever pelvic exam and Pap smear. I told the nurse beforehand that I have had issues with penetration my entire life. (Originally, this appointment was just because I had some abnormal bleeding during attempted intercourse) and they said I would probably do a pelvic exam. I agreed and prepared myself the best I could (I was so nervous) the exam started out fine, and the nice woman doing the exam talked me through the entire thing. (it turned out to be a friction issue btw)
They used a pediatric speculum, and yes it was uncomfortable, I won’t lie, but she talked me through breaths and relaxing my muscles and I was able to get through it with very minimal pain. She asked if she could go ahead and do the Pap smear since the speculum was already in and open, and I said yes.
The swabbing felt weird, and I did feel the tiniest tiniest pinch once, but it barely hurt, thank god. The finger exam was mostly fine, just felt a little uncomfortable.

Overall, I survived, and I had a very pleasant doctor and not a terrible experience.

Yes it’s nerve wracking, but honestly, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be, and the deep breaths throughout the entire experience helped me to relax a little, which made it less painful.

So if y’all are nervous about having a Pap smear, just trust me that it’s all going to be okay, and it sounds scarier than it is. Make sure the nurses and doctors know about your issues and anxiety toward it, and hopefully (I’ve heard some horror stories) you get someone who understands. I encourage you to pay attention to if they seem like they care about the issues before you have the exam, and that will tell you right there how they’ll act during it.

Good luck! Stay healthy!

Hi all! Looking for a stellar female gyn in NYC who is knowledgeable and sensitive to vaginismus. I have bounced around to different gyn's over the years and never really found one I loved - now that I'm in my 30s and would like to maybe explore topics such as egg freezing, I really want to establish care with someone I can stick with for a bit who doesn't just try to mindlessly talk to me through a pap smear to distract from the excruciating pain and actually has good bedside manner and education specifically for people with vaginismus lol, I have Fidelis insurance which is not the best so unfortunately anyone recommended so far has not been in network. Thank you in advance!

I'm happy for you I swear but I can barely get a man to hang around long enough to tell him I have vaginismus, and the only times I've ever been able to tell a man I have this condition they've never been even slightly interested in hanging around

I promise I'm happy for you guys but damn. Where did you find them? I feel so unattractive and alone

So this is a very specific question.
Basically im using a dilator set right now and the biggest size is in my opinion not big enough, i’d rather go another size up. However i cannot really seem to find cheap dilators that will sell only one size. I tried to order the intimate rose size 8 online but with shipping its a little more than 70 dollars (~60 euros) to my country in Europe… a little too expensive for me!!
Does anyone know a good dilator set that sells them one by one that is affordable? Would be much appreciated :) any other tips are also very welcome (such as good and reliable websites to order from)

5 years back my gynaecologist told me I had this condition. Started practicing with dilators. About 3 years ago I got pregnant. It was the first time we had sex. Then I stopped practicing altogether. Then had a baby and got busy with baby care. Since last week I've been open to trying again. Today we had a bit of alcohol and we managed to have proper sex (without any resistance at all). This is the first time it has been that easy. I wouldn't say I enjoyed it but I didn't feel any pain, that's a win. Maybe I would enjoy it when I stop focusing on relaxing my pelvic muscles and be more in the moment.

Hey everyone, I'm curious to see if anyone here has the experience of dating someone from a different culture and isn't fluent in your same language - have you been able to successfully communicate your condition to your partner?

For some context, I'm in my 40s and have never had PIV sex - for multiple reasons, but one is that I suspect I had undiagnosed vaginismus for many years. I completed pelvic floor therapy earlier this year and my therapist advised me to consult with her again once I found a partner I would like to have PIV sex with.

I am now dating someone I would like to have sex with, but I've had a hard time communicating what vaginismus is to him. I am from the US and speak English, and he is from Mexico and speaks Spanish. We both speak the basics in each other's languages, but not enough to have a serious conversation about a topic as complicated as vaginismus. Because we haven't had PIV sex yet, I feel he takes it personally when I tell him I am not ready yet - I would really like to get there, but for my own peace of mind, I know I can't rush it.

Besides the language barrier, there are of course cultural differences. Again, I think he takes me saying "not yet" as a rejection and that hurts his ego - but I'm really not saying "no," I want to do it! I'm at the point now where I'm not sure if this is something that can be clearly communicated and understood by him, or if he just doesn't care or have the patience for it. It makes me sad because we really hit it off and I care about him a lot and I'm just not sure what's going to happen from here.

Thanks for taking to read my slightly unorganized thoughts and questions, and best wishes to you all on your vaginismus journey. ❤️

Hi, I have been using dilators for a little while now and am currently using one with a width of 33mm. Inserting it takes time, but it’s possible with mild discomfort at the widest part. However, when I try to move the dilator out of me, it gives a certain pain at the top of the hole, and I kind of have to pull at the dilator to actually get it out. The pain is only there at the top of the hole, and it feels the same as the pain from when my muscles are too tense. Is this pain and roughness due to lube drying up/vaginal dryness, the silicone material of the dilator, or could it be that the top part of my pelvic floor muscle is just tense? I use a lot of lube, but I do suffer from vaginal dryness and eczema, and I don’t get wet very easily. The pain is only there when moving the dilator out of me, not when I reinsert it. I don’t have this problem with smaller dilators, and I always stretch and do breathing excercises before dilating.

Also, could it be from maybe pushing on my urethra or something?

hey!! I’m wondering if anyone can relate to this or has any tips or info about it.

I have recently started dilating (I have a 10 piece set from Vwell). I’m finding that I an having an issue with getting the dilator in deeper, but not with how wide it is. ive been using the first three dilation the set and I have no issue with all three inserting them, all but to a certain point. there’s no pain with the width/thickness of the dilator, just simply how far in it can go. i can only get them about half way in!

Hellooo! Im a 25 year old bisexual assigned female birth and i have vaginismus, it’s something that i struggle deeply in my sexual life, i only had sex with women and i always top, been looking at this subreddit for comfort to feel less alone but i’ve seen many people claiming to be virgins for not having penis vagina sex but did do other sexual things, which made me really sad, i am not calling out any specific person and yall got all the right to feel how you feel and express it, but it made me question my entire sexual life and im not sure what i am anymore
Idk what’s the point im here just venting aaa bye

Hi everyone, im a 22 year old girl who has suffered from severe vaginismus since i believe 19 years old when i had my first boyfriend. I dated my first boyfriend and we tried to have sex for the first time and he was unable to penetrate, this caused a lot of stress and anxiety for me. We broke up 1 month later, and I have always wondered if it was due to not being able to have sex, this really took a toll on my mental health and low self esteem, especially as i thought not being able to have a penis inside me was abnormal and that I am the only girl in the world unable to have sex! (which i know is absurd but i honestly thought that, i thought i was the only one with this problem and that it could not be cured). However, my current partner who is loving and understanding has been supporting me through my vaginismus journey! it has been one hell of a journey! we have been together for almost two years (I didn’t start to get help until early this year due to fear of being judged my healthcare professionals + shame of getting help because of having trouble penetrating). Approaching and seeking help from a pelvic floor physiotherapist has been one of the many things that have improved my anxiety surrounding penetration and sex. She has helped me understand my body and my reproductive system and how multiple things can impact your pelvic floor muscle! I have recently started dilation therapy, and have been taught the proper way to do it by my physio! I have seen massive improvements with being able to smoothly insert it without feeling like theres a blockage in my vaginal canal!!

Im here to say to those that think there isnt a light at the end of the tunnel, that there is! you are never alone and i know it can feel very daunting getting the help you need but trust me this is normal! and a lot more girls you know are probably experiencing the same thing! you’ve got this!

My goal with pelvic floor therapy is to be able to do gyno exams specifically pap, transvaginal ultrasound, and eventually IUI.

I'm only just starting with dilators but I have a fear in the back of my head. For pap smear the nurse said they cannot use lubricant and it was hellishly painful. I've found so far that dilators with lubricant dramatically change the experience. But for the exam, no lubricant allowed ...

Any advice/thoughts/strategies when it seems like the worst pain happens when no lubricant is permitted?

As above, able to PIV only with lidocaine cream but worried this would reduce chances of getting pregnant. Any positive stories?

Hello!

I am suffering from vaginismus since I can think, but at least, since about 3 years, sex is possible. But still often painful...

Now I am in therapy (for anxiety disorder) and I realized that I even feel more ugly than I ever realized. In my mind, I still look like my 15 year old self, slightly overweight, ugly clothes, frizzy hair. Objectively, I am quite attractive now (I am 30 years old), but this is not my self image. Sounds weird, I know.

The thing is: Even when I have sexual fantasies, I am never involved in that fantasy. Because it turns me of to think of my body (or my "old" body).

So during foreplay, I have trouble blocking out negative thoughts. My boyfriends loves me and shows me that, but in my mind, I am not worthy of love. And that's why it takes ages for us to get to the point of me coming or even penetrative sex.

Does anyone have the same problem? And ideas of how I can block these negative thoughts and enjoy foreplay more?

I’m a virgin. I’m married to my first boyfriend and have never dated anyone else before him. We’ve done sexual things but he knows I have vaginismus so we never tried vaginal penetration. Once when we first started doing sexual stuff, he put his penis against my entrance a little bit. There was another time we were doing sexual stuff and his penis accidentally went against my entrance. Both these incidents made me feel very sick and nauseas with a headache. I almost threw up on the second incident.
Has anyone else experienced that?

Hi, I'm considering getting the botox injection for vaginismus but am worried about choosing the wrong clinic. I'm in the UK in the south.

I was just wondering which clinic people had gone to on this group and whether their experience had been positive- did it help at all?

I've been using dialators and have seen some improvement but not enough to have piv intercourse, which is frustrating. I'm hoping having the injection may get me over the final hurdle. I'm very wary of setting myself up for disappointment.

does this count as vaginismus? im not sure if im just an anxious person or if i have vaginismus. im a virgin btw.

Hi everyone,

I’m hoping someone can help me understand what might be happening.
I’m able to use vaginal dilators without too much difficulty, and I know where my vaginal opening is. However, when I try PIV with my boyfriend, I have a really hard time getting his penis in. It feels like it doesn’t go in at the right angle and sometimes seems to bend or push against something instead of going inside.
I also really dislike the feeling of condoms. I find them frustrating and uncomfortable, and I’m wondering if that could be making me tense up without realizing it.

Has anyone experienced something similar — being able to use dilators or fingers but struggling with PIV? What helped you?
I’d really appreciate hearing about your experiences.

I am just curious whether anyone here has any really positive stories of straight men in relationships with women who struggle with PIV - i.e. someone who would be content to stay by their side, even if they never had successful PIV.

This is something I have thought about a lot but the consensus seems to be filled with so much despair. I feel that our society is so obsessed with sex that it's considered really rare to come across a story where someone has a positive experience in a relationship, where they don't have to worry about "disappointing" their partner. A situation with no fear involved.

Thanks!

For the past 4 years, I’ve had UTI like symptoms. It feels as if my vulva is raw and very dry (confirmed by pelvic floor therapist). And it burns a lot of the time. These signs come and go and usually get worse if I’m wearing tight clothing or sitting in a certain position. My therapist at the time did confirm I had a hypertonic pelvic floor as well. I did test positive for ureaplasma around that time and took doxy I believe and never re-tested again. I’m wondering if it could be ureaplasma again? I order the microgen kit to test with PCR. I didn’t love the internal work with the therapist but I’m wondering if I need to see a physical therapist again…. I’m just thinking of the things that could cause this. I’ve had a kyleena IUD for 3 years now but I believe these signs started a little before then.

Have struggled basically all my life and had a deep fear of dilators too. I have made enormous progress over the last few months, and am now able to get up to size 4 (size 3 is very comfortable, 4 is still a little uncomfortable but I'm able to get it in). I feel like I have been stuck at this point for at least a month though. Size 5 is still not possible, and I tried PIV with my husband and that didn't work out either. Have any of you got into a slump like this? What can I do to get out of it?

For those one who have achieved PIV sex how did you transition from dilation to sex and when did you knew you were ready? I’m currently in my size 3 of dilator I practice first with size 2 and have light movement and the I go in with size 3 my plan is to try to have PIV sex when I get to size 4 but I’m not sure if I have to do something else to stop me from failing since I still take some time to completely insert my size 2….also I s it normal that it take me a few seconds and I can’t just insert the whole thing at once?