My boyfriend and I were playing around and having playful banter when out of nowhere, he got really serious and said, “I’m on my last straw with you.”

I didn’t realize he was being serious at first, so I playfully grabbed the back of his neck because he was looking down at his phone and I wanted him to look at me. I asked him, “Wait, on your last straw with what?”

He slapped my hand away, then grabbed my neck back much harder and started pressing the sides of my neck. That immediately shook me up. He got upset and asked why I was grabbing his neck like that. I instantly apologized because maybe I grabbed him harder than I intended to.

But then I told him I didn’t grab the sides of his neck and press/squeeze them the way he did to me. He insisted that I did, and I genuinely swear I didn’t. At that point I felt like he was trying to make what I did sound exactly the same as what he did.

Then he kept telling me, “Go upstairs, bro.” I kept asking why he was telling me to go upstairs and what I had done because I was confused and had already apologized.

He got up and started walking upstairs, and I followed him because I was still trying to understand what was happening. He started yelling and asking why I was following him.
As we were going up the stairs, he waited for me to get in front of him and pushed me from behind while I was walking up the steps.

That’s when I started crying because I felt like everything had escalated way beyond what happened at the beginning.
I went into the bedroom and he went back downstairs. Then he came upstairs with a bottle of water and splashed/threw it all over my body and the bed. He called me a “dumb ass,” said I was antagonizing him, and walked out.

The part I’m also confused about is him saying I was antagonizing him. Before he suddenly got serious, we were literally joking around, play fighting, and going back and forth like normal. So when his whole demeanor changed out of nowhere, I kept questioning him because I genuinely didn’t understand what had just happened or why the situation suddenly became so serious.

I wasn’t following him around trying to make him angrier or trying to keep a fight going. I was asking what I did, why he was suddenly so upset, and why he was telling me to go upstairs because the switch from us playing around to him being genuinely angry was so abrupt.

Nothing like this has ever happened between us before, which is also why I was so confused and kept trying to understand what was going on.

I know grabbing the back of his neck was wrong, even though I meant it playfully, and I apologized for it. I’m not trying to act like I did nothing wrong.

But now I’m genuinely questioning myself maybe I’m missing something?

My birthday will be coming in less than a month, and this specific birthday is a big milestone, so I expected my parents would put at least a little bit of effort this time, but it doesn't seem to be the case.

For context, last year, around the time of my birthday my dad was away because he was abroad for a couple of months to find a place to rent since my parents wanted to move, which means that he wasn't there for my birthday last year, but that's not exactly the problem, since he didn't really have a choice back then.

The issue is that last year when I woke up on the day of birthday I went on with my normal morning routine (during which my mother was already) since it was a school day, and through the whole process she never acknowledged me or wished me a happy birthday, she just sent me a text later on while I was at school saying how she forgot because in the morning her head isn't clear or whatnot. Same thing for my dad, he didn't text me until late afternoon.

This year, apparently my dad had some business to deal with abroad (AGAIN), only that this time he could've decided to go a couple of days later to get present In my birthday for this year at least. But when I suggested that he said "why would I post-pone it and stay abroad one more weekend to catch the flight back when I can just do it earlier?", Which means that this year he won't be there again, only that this time he had a choice.

Then there's my mother. Apparently her and my dad decided that for my birthday they'll pay for my drivers licence. Now, I don't want to sound ungrateful, but I would've prefered if for a birthday this important they bought me something I WANT and not something I NEED, especially since I overhead my mother talking to my sister saying that the only thing that she'll do is buy me one of those 15€ corner store cakes and nothing else for the actual day.

Am I just being ungrateful like they keep saying? I feel like I'm going insane

I sent a message asking this person to pick up a Wii game I put on hold at the library. I put this Wii game on hold for them as this is a specific game they asked for from the library so they know I did this. Today was the last day the library would put the game on hold for me and I didn’t have time to pick it up before work so I asked them to do it. Then you see what they said.

This isn’t the only person that just sends “?” To me. I don’t get it. Am I stupid? Everyone I message whether it’s friends or coworkers or anyone will always just send “?”. I don’t understand what this means. Are they confused about something? If so, what are they confused about? Does it mean they don’t want to pick the game up? Every time I just get a question mark after explaining myself I tend to just ignore it now because they won’t tell me anything else even after asking to elaborate, everyone just sends the same thing again. A question mark. What am I missing here?

I have asked everyone I know not to send me this and just say why they are confused or if they have a question about something I said.

AIO for just ignoring people after “?” Now since they won’t tell me what it means?

Does anyone else have this problem?

Clarification for the last text seen: They asked me how therapy was because they knew I was coming from that. I didn’t say anything though because I was just upset I don’t know what “?” Means.

First, for the sake of clarity, let’s call my girlfriend (28MtF) Pam and her friend (20sMtF) Sarah. I’m (25FtM).

I met both of them at the beginning of last year, in a WhatsApp group for kinksters in our town. At the time, Pam and Sarah had some sort of FWB situation going on, but when my girlfriend and I became official (around a year ago), that stopped. Pam’s friendship with Sarah has never bothered me. She has always assured me that she doesn’t have any sexual feelings for Sarah anymore, and I trust her.

When Sarah’s birthday came around last year, I was already dating Pam. Pam was invited, but I wasn’t. The explanation was that Sarah had a lot of friends who didn’t get along with each other, and she didn’t want any drama at her party. I was okay with it, since I hadn’t known Sarah for very long at that point.

Now, my girlfriend just texted me saying that she was invited to Sarah’s birthday again, and that she was planning on going. I asked if I was invited as well, and Pam said that this year’s celebration was for close friends only, so no.

I told her she was more than welcome to go, but I found it weird that I was being excluded for the second year in a row, especially since the reason seemed to be different this time. I asked if Pam thought Sarah had a problem with me, and she said her friend just seems “closed off” when it comes to letting new people into her circle.

I just don’t know what to think. I have no intention of telling my girlfriend that she can’t attend, but I haven’t been able to hide how anxious this makes me feel. I know Sarah and Pam talk practically every day and are very close friends, so I’d really like to know if I’m being unreasonable for feeling so weird.

AIO for being bothered by the fact that my girlfriend’s former FWB has excluded me from her birthday party two years in a row or I’m reading more into this than I should?

I have a situationship going on for like a year and a half. 3-4 months ago he started texting his girl friend like everyday, he compliments her, texting she's pretty, sending each other selfies and so on. I don't like it, makes me feel very irreplaceable and I've communicated my feelings but he says that she's just a childhood friend. When we're watching something on his phone and she texts him, he hides notifications instantly. He said that I have no say in what or whom he texts, as far as I know they've known each other for years.
I've asked him to compliment me from time to time because I like being told nice things and he said he just does not do that, but he texts her that she's pretty or beautiful. When I expressed my feelings he said that he just ragebaits her but it does not look like that to me.
He says that I am a bad person and that nobody will ever be with me, it seriously lowers my self esteem. He tells me that because of my body count (10) no man will ever be seriously interested in me. That I'm not pretty, I'm not smart, I'm fat, I smell bad...
If he can say nice things about other women, why can't he do the same for me?
I just don't know if men text their girl friends on a daily basis, compliment them and encourage, check on them etc. is normal? AIO when I don't think that's okay when you're in a relationship/situationship?

My boyfriend (30M) and I (27F) recently broke up after about a year together, and even though I was the one who ended it, I’m struggling with whether I overreacted.
I love him very much, and there were a lot of genuinely good parts of our relationship. I was at the point where I was seriously thinking about marriage and whether this was the person I wanted to build my life with. Early last week, he even mentioned going ring shopping.
The biggest problem throughout our relationship was his trust issues. He’s been cheated on in previous relationships, and I’ve always tried to understand where his fears come from. But over time, I started feeling like I was paying for things other women had done to him.
Over time, completely normal things started becoming reasons for suspicion.
If we weren’t spending the night together, he would sometimes randomly FaceTime me late at night. It wasn’t a normal “hey, what are you doing?” call. There would often be this suspicious, slightly angry tone that made me feel like I was being checked on or almost scolded. I would usually answer immediately, but eventually those calls started giving me anxiety because I felt like I had to demonstrate: See? I’m home. I’m alone. I’m where I said I was.
If I happened to scroll Instagram before texting him, he could get upset that I was active but hadn’t messaged him yet. If I wasn’t responding much during the workday for a few hours, his mind could go to the possibility that I had someone at my apartment. Meanwhile, I work in corporate. I’m in meetings. Sometimes I don’t text for three hours because I have a job.
Another time, I was out with friends and didn’t answer his text for a few hours. Once I responded, he FaceTimed me from the club. I immediately answered and showed him where I was. I got home about an hour later, and because one friend wasn’t in the Uber with me, he questioned whether I had secretly stopped at another man’s apartment between the time we FaceTimed and the time I got home.
One night he became desperate and frantic to go through my phone and at one point said, “Fine, let’s break up, but show me your phone.”
I initially refused because I didn’t want to establish a relationship where I was guilty until I proved my innocence. I eventually gave him my phone and obviously, he found nothing.
We also shared locations, and I started becoming hyperaware of things I never used to think about: how quickly I answered, whether I’d been active on Instagram, whether my location was displaying correctly, how long it had been since I’d texted him.
Beyond the anxiety, it honestly hurt and offended me. I was telling this person that I loved him, wanted something serious, and wanted a family and marriage. Meanwhile, I felt like I was repeatedly being treated as though I might secretly be living another life behind his back.
I didn’t want that to become my normal.
About two weeks before our breakup, I went to Hawaii with two friends and one of their moms. It was an incredibly wholesome trip. We were waking up around 6 AM and usually in bed by 11. But if I put my phone away for even an hour to enjoy myself, he’d question why I wasn’t responding, what we were doing, or whether we were meeting people at the resort. He’d repeatedly FaceTime and ask who was around me or why I hadn’t answered immediately.
The last night of the trip, he was FaceTiming me again to see what I was doing and I had enough. I was so frustrated that I finally answered almost specifically to show him how ridiculous the suspicion was. There I was, exactly where I’d said I was, sitting with my two friends and one of their moms and made him say hi to him.
He actually seemed embarrassed once he saw everyone and apologized to me saying “I don’t know why I think this way.”
When I got home, I had a conversation with him. I told him what happened while I was in Hawaii couldn’t happen again. I shouldn’t have to spend a spa-like vacation constantly reassuring my boyfriend that I’m not secretly cheating on him.
I told him clearly: if this happened again, I couldn’t continue the relationship.
About a week later, it happened again.
I had been sick for two days. He spent the first night with me but couldn’t spend the second night. The next day he came over, and instead of believing I was actually sick, he became suspicious that I was lying and that someone had come over the night he was gone because I hadn’t been answering for long periods of time.
It escalated to him going through my trash looking for evidence.
Something in me just broke.
It wasn’t only the trash (even thought I thought it was kinda crazy)- I had literally just told him after Hawaii that I couldn’t keep living like this, and within about a week we were right back in the same place, except it had escalated further.
I started thinking beyond the immediate argument.
I’m ready for marriage and a serious life partnership. How am I supposed to make huge, life-altering decisions with someone who, after a year together, can still become convinced I’m cheating because I was sick for two days?
So I broke up with him in person.
He was devastated. He begged me to give him another chance and promised he would change. He was extremely upset that I wouldn’t give him “another chance,” but I’ve communicated multiple times how terrible this made me feel, how much anxiety it caused me, and how much I just wanted trust. Plus, I had explicitly warned him after Hawaii that I couldn’t do this again.
That’s why I’m struggling now.
I don’t think he’s a bad person. I understand where a lot of this comes from. I think he’s terrified of being cheated on and of not being enough. I still love him, and I miss him terribly.
Part of me wonders whether I should have stayed and given him the opportunity to actually work through it, especially because he was begging me not to leave and promising that this time would be different.
But another part of me thinks I would have been hurting myself while waiting and hoping he’d eventually become capable of trusting me. I don’t want to marry someone based on who I hope they’ll eventually become.
After the breakup four days ago, I sent him a long message telling him I love him, that I wished I could stay, but that I couldn’t keep doing this and hoped he would heal.
He didn’t respond for two days. Then his only message was that he wished I’d been there to see him play pool at a bar we used to go to together. He didn’t acknowledge the breakup or anything I’d said. I don’t really know what to make of that.
I’m heartbroken. I miss him enough that I keep questioning a decision I felt very sure about when I made it.
AIO for ending the relationship after the final incident instead of giving him another chance to change, even though I still love him and he was asking me to stay?

For some context, me (f27), m(35), has had a time where we were broken op for two weeks, and we have been together for four years. in that time we were broken up, he spend a lot of time with a woman. My boyfriend has a rough time at the moment, as I do too, but he’s coming with parties, drug, etc. when we aren’t together.

In those days we were not together, he spend many days and nights with a woman, sitting an giving her stuff for a crazy ammount of money, she has stolen from him, etc. He’s living in a room right now with a roommate who is always home, and it wouldn’t be able for him to do something with her in a sense of a sexual perspective. But sometimes he is away for some days, or hours, and she has been there too. He has said that it was mainly the woman company that was filling an empty space when we weren’t together.

I can’t blame him for what he did when we wasn’t together, and it’s also pretty naive to think that it just was in a friendly way. After we tried together again, i he told me about it, they cut their strings since he found out she had stolen from him.

Today when I was at his place, she called him. He talked normal/kind to her, and I overheard him saying (yeah we had a good time). Whether they have done anything or not, I feel like this is so disrespectful. He is excusing it with him trying to get his things back, but when she was being a bitch to him (as soon as she found out we were together) he said he was happy she was out of her life. But as soon as she calls acting all sweet she is suddently worth making all this shit for?

My problem isn’t if they’ve done anything. And they probably did. And I have always felt like I could trust him, but his friend group is always with her, and now she is calling him, being with his friends again, and I should just feel like it’s okay because it was “platonic”, and because she is with he’s friends that he’ll probably be in her company again?

I don’t know what specifically to say in this situation

the pictures attached are a screenshot of his instagram story that he posted 3 hours ago. we literally talk constantly through instagram, i dont know why he wouldnt assume that I would see things like this. he has posted other shady things in the past that seemed directed towards my mom too.

for context, they have been together for 6ish years(?) and they met at their shared place of work. since then, my mom had developed some health issues that no longer made it safe for her to work there, and so for the last year and a half her only source of income has been doordash and uber because most jobs are too physically demanding and she can't get any offers. our car that we've had since I was little had a lot of issues also and so he (ill call him jack) gave his old car to her to borrow until we could get it fixed or get a new one.

the first few years of their relationship I was very fond of jack. he was very sweet, caring, had a lot of the same interests as me and we would talk about them a lot, and he would always bring home food to make sure my mom and I were eating. even though they weren't married I always considered him my step-dad, and would introduce him to others as such. my mom never talked bad about him until about a year ago. I didnt really think much of it at first because I always seen him as a nice guy, and my mom tends to be a bit of an over-reacter, but it became clear after awhile that she was telling the truth with how often it was happening. it started off with anytime he was upset with her, he would ghost her. for days. literal weeks sometimes. what 40 something year old gives the silent treatment? he constantly belittles her and makes her seem stupid. any time she would make even a minor mistake he would blow up in her face and tell her how dumb she is. some of the things she told me he said to her absolutely enraged me.

my husband is moving me across the country soon to live with him as he's in the military. my mom is extremely upset about this because I am honestly the only person she talks to besides jack. I feel terrible about leaving her but we plan on moving her with us when we know where we are staying indefinitely. the other night she expressed this to jack, said that she was crying to him about how she would miss me, and the best thing he could think of to say was "Why dont you just adopt another kid then" .......

this felt very insensitive to me. why would my mom just replace me when I go. why would that be the thing she wants to hear when she's sobbing about me leaving. another thing he said on the topic of this was "Why don't you just move with her when she leaves next month instead of waiting? at least I would have something to look forward to."

my mom was in tears when she told me he said this. it became clear to me in that moment that he really was the huge asshole my mom was telling me about. it absolutely disgusted me, how can you say that you can't wait for the person you're supposed to love to leave?

there are plenty and plenty more things that I could use as examples but the last one ill use is one of my own.

my husband and i's engagement party was a few months back, and we invited literally everyone from our family and friends so that they could meet each other. jack was invited because none of this had come to light yet. the party was great! everyone seemed to get along, and I was frantically going around introducing everyone to each other. I introduced jack to everyone as my step-dad, again, as I usually would, and I thought nothing of it. but when I got home, my mom told me that as soon as I would walk away he would turn to the person and say "im not apart of the family im just here for the food"

words escape me even now on how this made me feel. for years I have considered him family, looked up to him, I was always excited to get him gifts for christmas and his birthday, and you think youre 'just here for the food'??? apparently he thinks me and my husband are a joke as well. he told my mom that we're morons for getting married this young and that we're throwing our lives away and we're gonna divorce in a year. says the man who lives at home with his mom and works a dead end job that he hates 🫩 thanks for the encouraging words

because my mom has been having trouble finding a traditional job, she has asked for a little help from jack here and there with bills. obviously we dont expect him to just throw money at her but he used to be so willing, and now any time she would ask he would bitch and whine the whole time and make her feel worthless. he eventually told my mom last month that he isn't helping us anymore. it would make sense to me if she really did have money or the means to make it, or if she was using his money to buy things she didnt need, but she's desperate just to keep the lights on in the house. she is behind on so many bills and she can barely afford to eat. so I guess his reasoning for treating her this way is he is sick of giving her money. but if you seen the person you "love" struggling like this, wouldnt you want to help them???

at this point my mom said that the only reason she stays with him is because she's lonely and she has no car. I spoke with my husband and we decided to buy her a car so she can hopefully get the courage to leave. I scrounged up every cent of my savings and with a little extra help from my husband I got her the car for her birthday. she was ecstatic, but we have to wait to give jack's car back until she can afford to get it registered and insured. my mom has begged me not to say anything negative to him until its over, but im really really struggling not to chew him a new one. do you think im over reacting? as i talk about it out loud I feel like I sound a little intense, but I dont know. I love my momma to death and she does not deserve to be treated this way.

Texted my fam and she seemed to be extremely dry normally she’s a lot more animated with texts like emojis exclamation marks etc
I don’t know if I’m being overly sensitive ! But it definitely seems out of character for her send a dry response

Perhaps I should ask -- DID I overract or was my husband trying to poison me, as this took place in 2020. Due to a lengthy divorce (all items finalized only last year), it's taken me a long time to to feel like the marriage/divorce trauma is behind me. Sorry that this is long, but I thought some context was necessary.

I (now 43F) was served with divorce papers by my now ex-husband (48M) 1 week prior to my state going into lockdown for the Covid 19 pandemic. Due to the timing, we were unable to secure a hearing with a judge to get any temporary orders in place addressing important matters like who must move out of the marital home, and who has custody of our daughter. So, for 4 months, my ex and I were forced to live under the same roof (average 3-bedroom home in the suburbs) despite a tumultuous divorce already being in the works.

About 3 months into the pandemic, I began baking/cooking a lot. Here is where things got weird and I became increasingly more paranoid that I may be in a dangerous situation. After months of very little communication outside of our attorneys, my ex husband began taking an interest in what I was drinking. An avid Pepsi drinker for our entire marriage, I had switched to a diet version of the soda in a misguided attempt to consume less sugar. He noticed. Sometime shortly after that, I enjoyed a full sugar version again and he commented on the switch again. Later that same day while my son and I were watching a movie in my bedroom, he came and offered me a Pepsi - a fountain drink from the local gas station. This wouldnt seem odd when we were in a happier stage of our marriage as we both drank gas station fountain drinks regularly. But, this was after weeks of practically no in-person communication and certainly no positive interactions between he and I. He set it down on the dresser, and I basically forgot about it as I already had beverages that I was drinking next to me on the nightstand (water and a soda). He came back to our room a bit later and asked why I hadn't drank it, so I explained that I had already had an opened soda when he offered, but thank you for the gesture. So without saying anything to our son or on any other topic, he grabbed the cup, walked out and said "I'll throw it out for you then."

Not long after that I was baking in the kitchen and had a 20 oz bottle of soda (with cap screwed on) sitting on the kitchen island next to my cookbook. I went to the bathroom and returned a few minutes later to the cap screwed off of the soda and sitting next to the bottle. I thought I was simply misremembering whether I had opened the top of it at the time, but my ex once again came into the kitchen and said "aren't you thirsty? you've had that soda for awhile, it's going to waste." I literally shrugged and told him I'd probably get to it eventually but wasn't super thirsty right then and that I had my hands full with what I was doing. He left the room only to come back maybe 15 minutes later, and sees the still-unconsumed soda. He got visibly irritated and yelled at me for "being so wasteful" and said something about how if I wasn't going to drink it he'd just throw it away for me, and then continued to pour my bottle of soda down the drain and take the empty bottle with him out of the room (instead of discarding it in the kitchen trash).

He offered me an additional soda one more time, which I simply declined to accept given how I was feeling about the situation. Some of my friends had told me to be careful about anything I eat or drink while in the same home. I wish I had been smart enough to accept and take it to be tested, but I wasn't at the time. Thankfully we were able to see a judge and create a temporary agreement for the main issues including moving and custody. I moved out on the last day of June 2020 and we've shared 50-50 custody on set schedule ever since.

Clarification: The people who were close to me were guessing that my ex was trying to poison me to either A) get rid of me entirely, or B) somehow paint me as unsuitable to share custody. No, there was no abuse on my part in the marriage. I was not an alcoholic or addict, and I always maintained a full time career until Covid layoff. Despite it being a clear-cut case for 50-50 custody, from the get go he asked for full legal and physical custody without visitations for me. That's why my friends took the odd behavior as his attempt to get rid of me. He also placed a tracker on my car (discovered by my now-husband much later), and put at least one camera in my bedroom - which became clear when he would text me about things I was doing in my bedroom with the door closed. Both of these items were used against him in our divorce trial. So, Was I Overracting when I became paranoid about living in the home with him?

So, we have a long history of “bothering” each other with my downstairs neighbour, and because I am very anxious and non-confrontational, I admit it took me too long to talk to her about it.
It all started last summer, when it was the third week in a row that they started talking very loudly. They always started after midnight, and at 6 a.m. they were still going strong. On that particular night, it was my third night not sleeping properly, and at 4 a.m. they started to sing, so I took the broom and knocked really hard on the floor (it’s kind of a way to signal to your neighbour here). That made them shut up for the night.
But after a few months, she started knocking on her ceiling, but I was so confused because it wasn’t always immediately after something I did. For example, it would happen when I got up from bed, or when I opened a drawer or a door. It got to the point where I was very anxious about moving around in my home after 10 p.m. (the silence curfew), but I was genuinely trying to be very quiet and opened and closed everything carefully.
So I left her a note saying I wasn’t sure if she was the one knocking and if it was meant for me, but I reassured her that I tried to be very quiet and wasn’t doing any loud activities at night.
Then, after a few weeks, a strongly worded response came that she had been patient with me, but if I didn’t stop doing housework after 10 p.m., she would be required to take steps.
I finally gathered the courage to directly reach out to her, as I was genuinely confused about what she was hearing. Turns out the noise that she had confused with me doing housework was my cat (3 kg) jumping off the furniture. My cat sleeps when I sleep, but as I am a night owl, she was often awake with me after the “curfew”.
So we exchanged contacts and told each other that we could message whenever one of us was bothering the other, and she offered me the same.
But she has this habit of talking way too loudly, like she gets too carried away on the phone, and she always has guests over after 10 p.m. They get so carried away, and usually always on weeknights. I messaged her a few times asking her to be quieter. She always asked me if it was alright like this, then when I confirmed it was, there was quiet for a few minutes. Afterwards, they started to get loud again and kept talking until 4–5 a.m.
Once, I was really passive-aggressive and told her I hoped this wouldn’t go on until 4 a.m., and that was the only time they went quiet for the whole night.
She has been gone for the summer, and today she came back. But we are having major layoffs at my company, so I am already really anxious, and it’s more important than ever for me to get a good night’s sleep.
And the thing is, when they talk normally, I don’t hear every word, only distant murmuring. But they get so carried away and get louder, you know, borderline shouting, like when you are in good company, and I can hear every single word.
AITA, or is it reasonable to expect them to moderate themselves and have in mind that it’s a weeknight and it’s night, and they should try to talk normally, not so carelessly?
Would I be overreacting if I reached out to her again more firmly, saying that from now onwards, now that she is back, I won’t be able to tolerate it, and she should moderate her guests and not expect me to text her if it bothers me?
Because I think this is not a simple case of the walls being too thin. They are too loud for the night.

I need an outside opinion, because this is the first time this has happened to me in my life and i don't know how react for this. I am a F(40 yo), my partner a M(40 yo). We met 3 years ago and living together for 2.5 years. We have 7 months old baby, and i also have a child from my first marriage (10 yo), he loves him and raises him as his own son. Our characters are similar - he explodes easily, but quickly calms down, I am also impulsive, but if there is a quarrel, I need more time to cool down. Despite our two hot-tempered characters, we have a fairly peaceful relationship, after quarrels we discuss everything, apologize if necessary, seek a compromise, because we understand our shortcomings. Every day we have a lot of laughter, jokes, dances, games... And over these years we have had only 2 big scandals, and what I will describe below is the third. English is not my native language, I have been living in this country for 4.5 years, and I came as a refugee because there is a war in my country. I will note right away that finding a relationship and staying in this country was not my goal, because I have everything I need for a good life in my country, it is just extremely dangerous there, and here I really fell in love and in fact he and now our child are all that keep me here.

So, he often makes me notice that I look at my phone when we have time together. I don't think so, because if I need to do something on my phone, I do it (reply to a message, look up a product, make notes, add to calendar something, translate a word I don't know) because later I will simply forget to do it. It doesn't look like 1 hour together, I spend 40 minutes on my phone, more like a quick glance, reply to a message, maybe longer if I have to choose what to buy. Because with two children, everything flies out of my head very quickly. In addition, I try to stay in touch with friends who stayed in my home country. And my morning ritual is coffee, news and if there was shelling, then a messages to my friends whether everyone is alive. He is also constantly on his phone, playing mini-gsmes, although not when he is next to me.

Two days ago we were going to visit friends. I was cleaning the kitchen, while chatting on messenger with friends we were going to about plans, food, bbq, etc. When it was time to feed the baby, we had a conversation:

Me - can you feed the baby because I haven't finished cleaning the kitchen yet.

He - you didn't clean the kitchen because you were staring at your phone too much?

Me - don't make such remarks to me, because I will remind you about staring at your phone.

He - what are you talking about?

Me - yesterday when you were putting the baby to bed, she fell out of bed while you were playing games on your phone. So which one of us is staring at the phone? In 7 months she fell out of bed 3 times, and all of those times were with you.

Then he just exploded and started screaming at me like crazy: "Fu..k you, fu..k, you fu..ing cu..t, fu...ing tw..t, fu..k you...Why did you say that, you know I'm blaming myself for the fact that she fell. My little girl fell, I'll never forgive myself for this....When she fell, you took her from me and didn't give her back, as if she needed to be protected from me...You said that specifically to hurt me..." and so on. He broke down and screamed this while sitting in front of the child, he scared her and she started crying. Then he came up to me and screamed this in my face, until saliva was flying, he hit the wall, his eyes were bloodshot, he seemed possessed.

I note I don't blame him her fell. First time was after the birth, we both were exhausted and she was sleeping on his chest and rolled over. The second time was about 10 days ago when he didn't put the blanket around the bed to make a nest and went to talk on the phone and the third time was two days ago. Every time she fell on the carpet and apparently nothing happened to her, her behavior did not change, she ate and slept as usual. I understand that this can happen to anyone, and it happens a lot with children. I wasn't going to judge or blame him, but it looked hypocritical he was making a remark to me, but it was his staring at his phone that made her fall out of bed.

About 10 minutes later he came over and tried to apologize. But an apology in the style of "forgive me, but you..." and then shifting the responsibility for what happened to me. I don't consider that an apology. AIO? I was shocked by his reaction, no one has ever treated me like this in my life. Can a person insult and humiliate their loved one with the most disgusting words? Did I really say such a terrible thing to him and his reaction was appropriate? I'm overreacting that i don't want to accept his apologies?

So me (20F) and my roommate (21F) have been living together for just about 10 months. When we moved in we had an agreement to buy everything together and split the cost so when we move out whoever takes what will pay the other person their half. For example if the microwave was $20 we both put $10 initially and if i were to take the microwave when i move out i’d give her $10 back.

A few months into living together our washer broke. My boyfriend’s parents gave it to me along with a dryer for free. Her dad agreed to buy us a new one. It was $500, he paid $300 and my roommate and i both agreed to pay $100 each on the condition that she would get to keep the washer when we moved out. Flash forward to about a month ago she gets back from a trip with her boyfriend and mentions that they discussed moving in together when our lease ends. I was okay with it because I just got a new, better paying job and could afford to move out on my own in October when our lease ends. She also wasn’t always the greatest roommate (not doing household chores and leaving trash and other belongings in the common areas). We decided to have a conversation about who is keeping what and the washer comes up. She said since her dad bought it I wouldn’t get my money back and we kind of just moved past it. I told her she could keep the dryer though because my future apartment already comes with a washer and dryer.

When I had the chance to think about it a little more I realized that wasn’t fair. So i brought it up again and she told me “no, that’s not what we agreed to”. I told her she never told me that the washer was the exception to our initial agreement about splitting shared household items. We argued about it a bit more and it got kind of heated. I said it was only fair and the right thing to do since i was going to let her keep the dryer but since she won’t give me my money i’m going to take it and she’s going to have to buy another one for $100+ anyway. I walked away but I was still not happy with the conclusion. The dryer is probably only worth like $30 if that. It’s really old and kind of makes a weird knocking noise when it’s on. The next day I send her a text saying I don’t want to fight any longer and that I never agreed to her thing. I mentioned how $100 would really help with my move out costs and since it was her idea to move out it was only fair.

For context, her dad owns a fairly successful bar. She’s in school and he pays for all of it. I don’t have that support from my parents. My mom died when I was 13 and i’ve been estranged from my dad since i was 17. She knows this about me and has been sympathetic the whole time. I lost my job earlier this year due to some mental health issues but I had money saved up and was interviewing every week. I eventually went back to my high school fast food job until I could find a better one. I always paid the bills on time and never asked her for help. I mention this because we got into a VERY heated argument about the dryer and she insulted and disrespected me on a very personal level. Basically she tried to tell me she remembers me agreeing to these special circumstances regarding the washer. It’s not in our text messages and I don’t recall ever hearing about this. She told me that’s what her and her dad agreed to but didn’t show me proof. I asked to speak with her dad and he said he doesn’t want to talk to me. I felt like this was really unfair and super shady so I was understandably getting frustrated with her. I raised my voice slightly (was not yelling or aggressive) and demanded that they give me my money. She started saying “calm down” and “you’re really freaking me out right now” in a really mousy voice and I proceeded to tell her I am calm i’m just frustrated. I just couldn’t understand how this made any sense at all. She went into her room and started loudly crying and I called her a child for not having a conversation with me like an adult and then went into my room. Not even 2 minutes later she barged into my room and started screaming at me. She said things like “don’t call me a child when you’re literally younger than me” and “you’re the one who didn’t have a job for two months you’re the child” and just straight up insulting me calling me lazy and such. I yelled back and said things like “i’m not the one who sits around all day and doesn’t clean up after herself” “i hate living with you you’re disgusting” and a lot of other stuff like that lol. It baffled me that she would say all of that stuff about me being lazy when even when I was living off my savings I fronted the bills when she hadn’t gotten paid yet (she makes more an hour than I ever had btw).

I sent her a text calling her and her dad entitled and selfish and told her to just keep the money. I told her that she showed me exactly how she sees me and what kind of person she is. I mentioned how she buys toys online and door dashes food three times a week and has the audacity to call me a child. I said she should be embarrassed that someone younger then her is more responsible and independent than her. She replied and was being super nice and apologetic. I told her I’m not going to forgive her for what she said because i’ve worked so hard for what I have just for her to say all that stuff about me. I told her we’re no longer friends we’re just roommates for the next couple of months.

She came up to me last night and told me I can just sell the couch and keep all the money even though we split it initially and I just said “sure”. There was some drama a while ago where one of her old friends called her a narcissist and I just thought it was some petty insult but I’m beginning to think that they were right. So am i overreacting?

I'm going to start by saying I didn't know how to title this but to give context I (21F) and my fiance (27M) have an apartment with 2 cats, a ball python and a guinea pig. He works as a produce production at a grocery store full time, hes in a freezer cutting, juicing, and all the fun stuff that ends up out front. Hes usually a 12pm-9pm shift with occasional 4am-12:30pm shifts.

I am a part timer at the same place but as a cashier, I go to school ft in college, and have an internship which I need to dedicate 20 hours weekly on top of a minimum 30 hours at work to help pay bills with him. My degree is veterinary so I'm always having some where to go.

Before I had my internship and an apartment with him, we were long distance and when we got an apartment he couldn't move just yet so I took it upon me to clean everything around the house, because it was me at the time. I didn't have cats either so it was just my snake before my parents gave me my guinea pig I had to leave behind for college. When he moved in, we split chores up equally-ish as he was working full time and I was part time still with part time school as it was winter/spring and was figuring out community college stuff. I would cook, care for mochi(snake) and then my guinea pig because they were my responsibility. I would also clean our living room, dining room, laundry, and main bedroom floor, and occasionally tidy up main bathroom (we have a 2bd 2bth apartment)

His chores consist of, keeping his desk clean in his game room, dishes after dinner, and trash. Even then, he has me put dishes up because he says he doesn't know where things go, even though we have been living here for a year. And has me refil the trash because he takes it out. I started trying to tell him to refil the trash can because it's his job to do the trash fully that includes putting a new bag in but because it was simple I rather not argue over something small so I just suck it up and do it. Same with the dishes I suck it up and put them away.

Hes always wanted kids and still does and I don't mind it if we get a proper home and I'm not busy with school. We got 2 cats because he's always wanted pet cats and I love cats and can use them as my testers when I want to learn or visually see something for my studies. I just had a rule because to get him used to it because if I'm pregnant I cannot do a liter box clean as it is a risk to pregnancy. The cats are his responsibility, which include feed them 2x a day, liter (we have a auto liter box so basically needs emptying every 2 or so weeks) and water when our fountain says its out with a bright red light. Before the automatic liter box we had a normal one and I would have to keep reminding him every week to empty it out and he would complain saying he needs help because it's heavy. So I asked dif this would help a auto liter and he said yes he will be better with it.

To this day I would have to remind him to refil it, and every time I would tell him "hey liter box is flipped(meaning it's closed and cats can't go in) and needs to be empty" and he always says "didn't know or see I'll do it rq" and does it. He barley feeds them himself, theoretically in a week time that's 14 times to fill their food bowls, 10 of them would be me and the other 4 are if I'm closing a shift at work and have him feed them at night. They get fed at 11am-12pm and 8-9pm as they eat slower at night.

When I started to get frustrated with the lack of household help was when we did a house reset because school was about to start and I want a clean home while I'm very busy. We split up all the places and things to do evenly. In the end he spent a whole day either eating on the couch, or walking around, and when he did something he goes to saying "we should work together and tag team this" even though I spent the day cleaning 3 rooms, without food or a break, and even knocked out part of his chores. When his chore was to clean the liter box and vacuum the liter that was tossed he said "ok liter box done can you vacuum since I don't know how to use a vacuum" I almost flipped and when I said its his job he got upset saying we should be working together.

Now that school started, nothing has changed chore wise, I have to beg him to clean dishes and even then they still overpile even when I haven't cooked in a bit, I feed cats almost daily, and even after 3 reminders of fill liter box, when he does it he never changes it out so he goes to work and I'm doing liter. He shrugs it off everytime and I feel like now that I'm roughly doing the same amount of work outside the house, or just straight busy, we should be equaling out chores more but he doesn't agree with it because he works 40 hours and just says "welcome to my world but I got to get up at 3am sometimes"

Am I overreacting to getting mad at that or does something need to change?

AIO about guy I’ve been seeing cancelling our plans?

So I’ve been seeing this guy about 8 months now… don’t have an official label or anything but talk every day and see each other pretty much every week consistently. Usually when we see each other though, it’s us going to drink somewhere. Lately I’ve been a bit upset in my head because it felt like I was always the one initiating plans, I brought this up to him and we talked about it and it seemed like after that he was trying to do a little better.
Fast forward to last week, there’s this place about 30 minutes away I’ve been really wanting to visit and I asked him and he said he’d go with me. I was super excited because this was finally a day time thing that wouldn’t just be us having drinks. I bought the tickets and was so excited to go, and then he ended up telling me a few days later he’d pay me back for the tickets but we have to wait and reschedule (with no time frame) because he’s going to go a day earlier to see his mom (who he sees it feels like every week) so we can’t go now. I of course expressed my disappointment, and then he was like “it’s fine let’s just go. I’ll change plans and see my mom the next day” but of course in my head I’m like change plans???? From when we already had plans set for that day??? And I don’t even want to go with him anymore because it feels forced.

AIO? He’s been saying shit like “I want to go! I never said I didn’t want to go” but at this point it just feels like he’s saying that so I won’t be upset, and I’d much rather go with someone who actually wants to be there.

I really need an outside reality check because I feel like I don’t know what is real anymore.

Every time my ex and I get back together, things are amazing for about a month. He acts loving, supportive, and tells me he’s changed. But then the mask slips, and it always ends up back here with me being blamed completely for everything.

Some background: Our relationship originally involved going to sex clubs and swinging. We have a great sex life, and I enjoy sex a lot. He has a kink where he likes me being with other men, but I have explicitly decided I don't want to do that anymore. He flips back and forth on it constantly saying he doesn't want it either, then changing his mind and saying he wishes I were "sluttier." I even told him he could see other women to fulfill that need, but I want out of it.

I work hard to show up for him sexually. Even when I have literally begged him to wait for a painful UTI to clear up, I still haven't turned him down for sex. But last week he started playing mind games. He told me he "wasn't feeling sexual anymore" to see if I'd be supportive. When I said I would be, he admitted a day later he was just "messing with me" to test my reaction, complaining that he has "done everything I wanted like dates and cuddling" as if affection is a transaction.

I know I am going through a lot right now and it’s a lot for anyone to put up with. I am a mother of three, I work a physically demanding day job and I'm facing over $10000 in rental arrears, and my mother’s health is declining fast.

He has helped me out a lot financially and I admit I have emotionally dumped on him in the past, but since we’ve been back together, I have kept my problems entirely to myself and focused purely on listening to his.

Yesterday, I hit a breaking point. I was completely exhausted, experiencing severe physical pain in my stomach and ovaries, and had a terrible headache. I texted him setting a clear boundary: I didn't want to talk about my problems, I didn't want to talk about sex, and I just needed to lie down and be alone for the night.

Instead of respecting that, he completely ignored my boundaries. He started making explicit sexual demands over text, telling me to "open my legs for daddy" and demanding I tell him how much I love him right now. When I told him I wasn't ok and needed space, he literally texted back: "I'm not giving you any space." He then started making ominous threats, telling me things were going to get "much worse" if I pushed him further.

When I brought up my stress, his response was completely cold: "I asked you what happened yesterday though, not about all your stress." To top it off, he sent me a news article link about a mother who killed her three children due to postpartum depression, comparing my emotional breakdowns to a horrific tragedy just to make me feel insane and dangerous.

When I finally got angry and yelled at him for refusing to respect a single boundary, he flipped the script. He told me he has "given me grace," called me self-destructive, and claims that I am the abusive, controlling one.
I feel so stupid. I genuinely thought he changed this time around.

This has been really hard for me and because I keep going back my friends and family don’t want to hear about it anymore and call him a narcissist. I don’t know if that’s completely true as I know in some capacity he does feel genuine love for me but I don’t know anymore.

Am I in the wrong here? Is it reactive abuse, or am I actually the problem?

I will attach some screenshots I’m the green text box

I’m 20F and my friend is 19F. We’ve been friends since high school and used to be really close. She moved to another state, but we stayed in contact and FaceTimed often, so I decided to visit her this summer.
I was really excited, but once I got there, she seemed annoyed that I was there and was constantly rude to me. I was also dealing with relationship problems at the time, which she and her family knew about, so I was already emotionally drained.
One night, I was exhausted and I was sunburnt bad, to the point that it hurt to sleep or even wear clothes. I didn’t want to go out, and she ended up crying to her mom about it.
(She made me feel really bad for not going but I stood my ground and stayed in )
Later that week, she was talking rudely and down on me so I asked her not to talk to me like that, she loudly was like “BITCH FUCK YOU” I told her I didn’t appreciate being spoken to that way and walked away to her room to scroll on my phone instead of arguing. (She said me walking away is disrespectful and childish)

Throughout the trip, we’d talk about our disagreements, and whenever I expressed how I felt, I felt like she would invalidate the way I felt or tell me why I shouldn’t feel that way. Meanwhile, whenever she told me how she felt, I would acknowledge her feelings and apologize that she felt hurt, even if I didn’t necessarily agree with her perspective.
She then brought her mom into the conversation, making it feel like a 2-vs-1 situation.
At that point, I felt so unwanted and uncomfortable that I booked an earlier flight home, costing me $450

Her parents even asked if she was going to take me to the airport, and she said no, so I paid another $60 to uber to airport. What hurt most was that she didn’t even say goodbye to me. The friend who came with me did, though, and honestly, I’m glad he was there because it made leaving easier.
I know my friend didn’t technically owe me a ride or a goodbye, but combined with everything else, it made me feel like she genuinely didn’t want me there.
I went there because I cared about our friendship, spent money to visit her, and ended up spending even more money just to leave because I felt so uncomfortable.

I should mention we having talked since the night of our argument when I booked the flight home early.

Am I overreacting for being this hurt?
Would you try to repair this friendship or just distance yourself?

I can’t tell if I’m just being oversensitive or if this is an actual issue, but whenever I suggest any change to my appearance (hair colour, piercings) my boyfriend really shits on it. One time I pranked him that I went blonde (which I’m planning to do anyway - now brunette) and he genuinely got MAD. I’ve brought this issue up to him before but he says he’s just being honest and doesn’t want to lie to me and just be the yes man, but I wouldn’t have thought that you would have to lie to be supportive of your girlfriend. Anything he suggests about himself of the same nature I am super supportive and it’s genuine too.

Is it good that he’s being honest and I’m just overreacting, or is this an issue?

I (26F) have been living in what feels like a constant emotional hellhole. Current issue: my mother (56F) has went on another "silent treatment" weeks with me because of my behavior towards her.
According to her, she doesn't deserve to walk on eggshells in her own home, and I'm going to reap what I SOW.

Context: Since I was maybe 10-11, I have vivid memories of my parents arguments and physical fights. Sometimes, it would cause my sibling and I to be displaced into another household to be taken cared of by my grandparents while they "figured themselves out". Since l was a victim of “touching” by my grandfathers friend, who he remained in contact to constantly invite over- l was never comfortable even there.

As I got older, the fights got worse and started to include my sibling and I. There were moments were I was involved as both my parents had been confiding in me for emotional support, grace, patience, and the one to
"absorb" their angry if Parent A was too drunk or parent b disappeared for days. It got to a point where I was either being verbally assaulted for being too quiet when coming home, or physically assaulted when I screamed at my father to not turn off the house's power while I'm studying/ writing reports. (He did this to spite my mom as he "controls the bills.)

These behaviors lead my mom to lean on me more than a mom should I guess. I dealt with her severe mania moments, where suddenly we would hop on a plane and not come home for what I remember to be months, or staying up with her during her crying phases. I was labeled as her "angel" as I apparently kept her hopeful and stable that things were going to get better. She didn't trust my sibling for a while as he sided with my father's actions a lot, even referring to her as a "c*m dumpster".

My sibling was HEAVILY regarded as a prodigy that I needed to live up to be like, by our teachers, peers, and family members. At home, he'd often take joy at screaming at me as a joke, and humiliating me if I actually had tried to make friends. He'd reveal very intimate details of my first period, blame the death of my hamster on me(she had asthma), or physically assault me if I retaliated. He'd either slap me, drag me down stairs, or throw me to the ground and repeatedly kick me in the stomach. From ages 12-22, he decided I wasn't worth being around so I was just coming home to a sibling that ignored my entire being, until something set him off.
My parents knew this put pressures on me that I couldn't handle at moments. I'll give credit that my mom let me choose my highschoo! to try to make myselt my own name. Though, it was hard.

As I was her emotional support, I continued to struggle socially. Couldn't maintain friends, or healthy relationships, and eventually by my school, I was forced t go to therapy twice a week or I would be removed. I'd often be caught disassociating on the stairwell, or crying hysterically at random times. I'd always feel severely overstimulated or overwhelmed. And I'd never want to go home.

Now- I'm older, and still struggling socially but not as much. I have a very loving partner (25M) who's extremely patient but does not like at all what my house is like.
My brother in the last two years has been trying to be
"nice" to me- fixing my car occasionally, and he said "I'm corry" during a church mace funeral service.

According to my mom, I should've been able to put my feelings aside about the past and look forward to a future, to stop expecting apologies, and just choose to be happy and make up with my brother. And guys- I really tried.
But everytime | look at them, or I try to enjoy the brief moments of good like laughing over drinks,
I'm reminded :

that I buy myself a birthday cake each year.

I never celebrated my highschool or bachelors degree, cause everyone didn't bother to ask or notice or care enough.

I was heavily shamed for deciding to cut off my father after he left.

I'm still VERY much an emotional support for my mom and now occasionally my brother when he wants to vent.
I was still left in the presence of people who let me get “touched”

But it's ME who has to release this and just move on with no apologies and keep everyone around cause we are family?? I church apology that consisted of two words magically heals everything and I'm being difficult?

Last straw was when my brother refused to let my mom use one of his three cars to get around when her car broke down. So they decided that my car was to be the car for my mom to use while my brother looked for parts to repair her car.

My mom, like always, agreed that it was imbalanced and unfair- but yelled at me to comply like usual.
My car was returned with mold, and I lost it. I started screaming at my mom about how she's used and exhausted me before I could even learn that I've been what feels "neglected and over looked" my entire life.
I'm tired of everyone's shitty decisions affecting me, and being called crazy and dramatic for pointing out how it's physically HURTING me at this point.

And that's where she said the whole
"You're not going to have me walking on eggshells in my house" and truly I find it ironic. I responded that I'm tired of taking care of her emotionally, but he gets to treat me and her like shit. Fixing our cars does NOT equate to anything for me, especially when he charges us to do it.

But she's already made it clear of how embarrassing it is to defend me in any case as it puts "pressure" on her she didn't ask for.

She's been on this kick of ignoring my presence and so has my brother, and th- I don't even care what his reason is now.

TLDR; I swear I'm in an abusive household that my mother believes I negatively contributed to because I refuse to comply and act like the abuse didn't happen.

Am I overreacting for real on this?

A music artist my gf is a fan of a has announced a tour for this year. They’re not playing new us so she would have to travel to a different city for the night, 

It’s not an artist I’m a fan of but her best friend really likes them and said to my gf she would go with her. My girlfriend said she thinks I should be going with her. I pointed out I’ve been to a lot of concerts with her for people I don’t like because she doesn’t have anyone to go with but now she does. 

It’s the weekend after gta 6 comes out so  I pointed out to her it’s a win win since she gets to se the artist and have a night say with her friend who she doesn’t get to see that often and I get the weekend to myself to enjoy gta without feeling bad. 

My gf just sis I should be considering going with her. I pointed out she doesn’t need me there and it’s weird she’s wanting me to waste money to see an artist I don’t want to see when her friend is wanting to go with her, 

AITA for not going to the concert?

My husband (28M) and I (22F) have been married for a little over a year. About 7 months ago, he started sharing his location with 20+ of his friends. They can essentially see where he is 24/7.

I’ve told him that this makes me uncomfortable. It’s not that I necessarily think he’s doing anything wrong by sharing his location, but I don’t understand why so many people need to have constant access to his whereabouts.

His reasoning is that it’s for “safety.” My issue is that many of these friends live in completely different states or have jobs/families of their own, so realistically, most of them wouldn’t be able to immediately come help him in an emergency anyway. There have also been a few occasions where his friends have asked him why he was at a certain place because they saw his location.

What bothers me more is what feels like a double standard around privacy.

He has told me that he believes our marriage should be private and has said to me, “The sanctity of a marriage lies in the beauty of its privacy.”

We were previously on the verge of divorce, and during that time I spoke to two close friends about some of our marital problems. I also brought them with me as witnesses when I met with an Imam about our issues. He was very upset that I had discussed details of our marriage with them because he felt our marriage should remain private.

At the same time, he shares his physical location constantly with 20+ people.

He also refuses to post us on social media because of “privacy” and the evil eye. He isn’t comfortable with me posting him/us on TikTok either, even if I’m wearing hijab and the post is otherwise modest.

I understand wanting privacy in a marriage, and I don’t think couples need to broadcast their relationship online. What I’m struggling with is why our relationship is considered too private to share publicly, while his literal whereabouts are shared with dozens of people 24/7.

I just don’t understand why he seems to have such a strong standard about keeping our marriage private while being completely comfortable with so many friends knowing where he is at all times.

AIO for feeling like this is a double standard? Or am I making the location-sharing thing into something bigger than it actually is?

I recently started a teacher assistant job at a small preschool. I was really excited about it, and I genuinely loved working with the kids. I still feel kinda guilty about leaving them, and I miss them.

The problem was my lead teacher.

Every day I went in knowing with 100% certainty I was going to make a mistake and my teacher was going to try and be patient with me until she decided she could no longer work with me anymore.

It felt like she expected all the kids to behave all the time. 

The confusing part is that she could be genuinely wonderful at times. Some days were great. She could be kind, encouraging, funny, and a really good teacher. A good day was when she was mostly nice and only a little condescending once or twice.

A bad day was when the entire classroom environment became scary enough that I wanted to quit, and that fear would linger into the next day even if she was nice again.
I went to HR multiple times, the principal twice. I didn’t know what to do anymore because while they kept repeating they were taking my words seriously, they didn’t do anything that I could see, except have chats with my teacher about her tone. They were giving a lot more grace to her than my teacher was giving to me or the kids she was responsible for.

During my first week, before the students started:

She spent several days telling me I was doing well and then pulled me aside after shutting our classroom door to tell me that nothing was done to her standards.

Some of the things she said included:

“Tell me what you’re good at because clearly none of the work I’ve given you.”

“HR told me you’re a newbie and to train you but I don’t know if I can.”

“I’m trying to be honest with you here. I’m trying not to cry. I feel like I’m doing everything alone here.”

“I’ve only given you easy tasks so far but nothing has gotten done.”

I was unable to respond at the time because I was blindsided and I don't handle sudden emotional confrontations well.

The first day of school:

There were multiple instances where she told me, in front of students and in loud tones, that she didn't want certain children in her classroom or that she would talk to the principal because the kids' behavior was unacceptable, mainly because they were crying.

One child was crying because the teacher had raised her voice at another student. Another child also became upset. My teacher kept being mean to them, saying “stop crying!” which obviously didn’t help.

During a drill, she physically positioned one of the crying children in a way that made the child cry more. The kid then urinated themself, as not all of the children are potty trained, and my teacher was loudly discussing having to call another staff member and repeatedly said she couldn't have this kid in her classroom.

This kid eventually withdrew from our class because her mother said the kid had developed some kind of fear about school she couldn’t understand.

There were also things I witnessed involving other students:

• She called one child (a non-english speaker, who is just now learning english with us) a “very very bad girl” multiple times, loudly, for not putting her feet on the floor while sitting in a chair. She also loudly said in front of the kids multiple times, “Something is wrong with her. She has something, I just know it. She needs to go get tested.” She's often loud and rude to this kid (“Oh look, she’s going to throw another tantrum,” or once asking another kid who sat beside this child, “Are you really sure you want to sit THERE?” In a negative tone). This child does not listen to directions well-- not out of spite, but because the child's mind seems to wander a lot and makes it hard for her to focus on us. 
• My teacher repeatedly told me, “I feel like I’m doing everything around here.” I was trying. I didn't just stand around when I saw there were things to do. I never sat down with nothing to do except during my break.
• She told me multiple times, “I'm trying to be patient with you,” or would take a long breath and exhale with her eyes closed when I made a mistake, like she was trying to find it in herself to handle the situation.
• She repeatedly talked about not wanting one of the students back in her classroom, saying things like, “She's the one who kept on crying, remember?” and “I hope she doesn't come back, imagine how she'll mess up the classroom.”
• One day, a child kept crying and she was VERY loud with him. Like, yelling at him in his face while wearing a mike. My teacher told me she couldn't deal with him anymore and couldn't have him in her classroom. I took him out and calmed him down. When I brought him back, she said, “No—take him anywhere but don't bring him back here. I don't want to see him.” She was very loud with him, asking him, “Are you going to cry?” repeatedly until he started crying again. She said loudly enough for the children to hear, “I can't wait until he's done with this class,” after he had an accident in the bathroom.
• She repeatedly told students “I don't care!” loudly enough that they started repeating it to each other.
• She asked students multiple times, “What is wrong with you?” when they didn't immediately listen.

I had already asked HR whether I could be moved to another classroom, but they said that if it didn't work out with her, they weren't sure where they could put me.

So I quit.

Sometimes the kids would look at me like they wanted me to do something, and I couldn't. I could only step in where I could, or be extra nice to students after they got yelled at by her. I could handle everything else about the job, but I didn't want to feel like a bad person or pretend I was alright with how my teacher talked to the kids. After school everyday, I felt dis-regulated and off, because I was around someone who was just so high-strung all day. My teacher always felt like she was teetering on some edge, like one bad moment from snapping.
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AIO for quitting?

We’ve got builders at our house this week and I’ve been bringing them tea/water and checking in every few hours.

I work completely from home for a US company, so obviously I’m around the house all day. Today my brother went into his office and my dad was at work, meaning it was just me and my mum at home.

I took one of the builders some tea and out of nowhere he asked me in Hindi, “Kaam nahi karta?” basically, “You don’t work?”
I was about to say, “Yeah, I work from home on my laptop,” but my neighbour walked past at that exact moment, they started saying hello and my response got completely lost. I just went back upstairs.

It’s a tiny thing, but it mildly irritated me afterwards. Being at home during working hours doesn’t exactly mean someone is unemployed. They could work remotely, be off that day, work nights, etc. And even if someone doesn’t work, it seems like a slightly personal question to randomly ask.

Am I over reacting in thinking that he tried to disrespect me and I should call him out when he comes tomorrow?

Hey everyone, so a bit of background context:

I’m a 30yr old woman in a relationship with a 30yr old man. When i was younger (child/teen), a lot of trauma happened, a lot of creepy old men etc etc, I’m not going to go into detail on here but i just feel a certain way about creepy old men, always will. It boils my blood.

My bf has a brother who’s 45. He has been struggling to find the “right one” for ages now and tbh after yesterday, I kinda know why.

There’s a house opposite ours that has a lot of young teenage girls coming in and out constantly. They all look around anywhere between 15-20 ish.
My bf’s brother was out in the front garden yesterday and he was talking to me through the window. Next minute, a young girl who (IMO) didn’t look older than about 18, walked down the road and went into the house opposite. My bf’s brother noticed her and then ran up to the house and popped something through the door. I didn’t think anything of it and just carried on with my day.
When my bf walked in the room, he noticed his brother running back from the house with a smile on his face. My bf’s instantly got up and smiled and asked him what he was doing over at that house and his brother replied back saying “Just popped my number through the door. Saw a really really hot girl who was about 20” and my bf laughed and walked away.

I had a certain look on my face and my bf asked me what was wrong. I tried explaining to him that i found the entire thing creepy, considering his brother is old enough to be this girl’s dad. I was clearly “triggered” a little bit by this and my bf knows about my past. He seemed to think what his brother did was okay and this bothered me.

I know it’s all legal, and nothing “illegal” is happening. But i just can’t help but feel his brother has gone down majorly in my opinion of him. This sucks because i wanted to start a whole art stall with him and i’m just feeling a bit ergh about it.

AIO?

At some point we had 3 cats who lived together.

Our first cat to go was a miniature cat, who came up to us scared when she was a kitten. After about 3 years, she started throwing up due to anxiety, she was the definition of a scaredy cat. My mom would hit her with a belt every time she threw up and eventually drove her somewhere left her and didn’t tell me or my sister where.

Our second cat we rescued from the rain when she was a kitten. We raised her for 6 years, I had to live elsewhere, but where I lived I couldn’t have pets so my mom had to care for her. After a year when I saw the cat again she was very matted and when I said I couldn’t take her, she made me pay to have her put down or she would take my car so I had to pay.. she was second to go.

The 3rd cat is current, he is also about 6 years old and he started throwing up recently, I think due to only eating hard food for most of his life which I stated. She is tired of it so she made him an outside cat and she does not allow him in. He has never experienced being outside. She is hoping nature will take care of him so she won’t have to deal with him any longer. It is my little sister’s favorite cat who she has to watch him stay at our door outside and not be able to have him in her bed like she used to. She has to listen otherwise our mom would hit her. I live in a different town now so not much I can do.

I believe all the cats have experienced getting hit with a belt at some point as well.

But I am not sure if i’m overreacting for not having any feelings at all for her or caring about her wellbeing anymore due to her just being a careless person in general and in several ways throughout my whole life. But the animals is the final straw..