I wake up feeling disappointed at how I look and the first ever thing that I think of is my appearance for the first 5mins before getting out of bed. Then, I go to the mirror in my room and see my appearance. Then I go to the bathroom and look in the mirror again for the 100th and feel pure disappointment at what I see. After that I change my clothes and feel anger and disappointment at how I look and that I have to see myself. Then I go to work and in the drive to work all I think about non stop is my abhorrent flaws. Then I arrive at work and compulsively look in every reflection possible. Then I see every person that comes in and out of the building and obsessively analyze their body until my head hurts. Then when I have to get up from my desk I feel extreme embarrassment at how everyone sees my ugly figure even though I am wearing oversized clothes. Then I look out of my window at people who pass by and analyze their appearance and feel so much anger at myself for how ugly my body is compared to theirs

Then I zone out for half of the day because I can't stop thinking of my appearance. Then when I get home, on the drive there I can't stop thinking about my appearance. Then I arrive home and look in the mirror again at my appearance. Then I eat and think of how ugly my figure looks from eating. Then I shower and think of how ugly my appearance is and feel so done with having to see myself. Then I change my clothes and feel pure disgust that I have to "touch" my ugly body and I feel like my clothes are stained with my ugliness. Then I go to the bathroom 10-15 times just to keep starring at my ugliness because I can't believe I look this way and each time I hope I'll see something different.

Then I go to sleep and before sleep I zone out thinking about my body again, my measurements, weirdly specific anatomy. Then I fall asleep and have a regular dream until at some point I see a mirror and vividly see my figure, and feel pure disappointment which makes me wake up, or the dream is regular until I see a woman walking by and I begin analyzing some hyper specific part of her body and wake up. Then I wake up feeling disappointed at how I look and the first ever thing that I think of is my appearance for the first 5mins before getting out of bed.

My personal "interests" consist of studying human anatomy in hopes of finding answers as to what is wrong with me, studying weird hyper specific angles and lengths of different bones so I can keep hyper focusing and zoning out even more about what is wrong with me, overthinking every physical ache/pain as proof that there is something indeed wrong with my body and that's why it looks deformed, frequenting fitness and posture forums as if I care about my health when the only thing I want is answers to is my ugliness, and obsessively searching databases of endless measurements,weights, heights wparts, lengths, of humans body parts

I feel ashamed when I get up from my chair at work because everyone will see my ugly flaws. I am ashamed to shower. When I go outside I analyze hundreds of women that pass by me and feel embarrassed about being outside. I constantly weigh myself and measure myself in about every way possible and compare it to databases to know where I stand and feel embarrassed and ashamed. I obsessively look at clothing charts and characterize myself in numbers and statistics and databases because I don't know what I look like

When I can't fall asleep I daydream of getting an x ray scan so I can get all the hyper specific angles of my anatomy so I can compare them to the anatomy knowledge I absorbed, or I daydream about a list of all the surgeries I'll get done, or being operated, or I once again think about the millions of statistics to characterize myself in again until my head hurts so bad that I want to vomit

I feel as if I am programmed in some way to only ever think of how horrendous I look and endlessly feel embarrassed and categorize myself and others in hyperspecific categories, I am obsessed and have no life or interests outside of BDD

In photos my skin looks horrible, my face shape looks horrible, my body shape looks horrible, my hair texture, hairline and color is horrible, my sideprofile is horrible, my nose and eyes are horrible, my double chin is horrible, i look horrible because im fat but when im slim I look still horrible. Even my very good lookin clothing turn horrible looking when i wear them.

I would really enjoy takin selfies and outfit pictures but i just look way too strange and ugly on photos especislly outdoors.. bright lights are my big enemy

And unfortunately idont think its BDD. Its real

Just wish had money to fix this all

i always thought that maybe i just have body dysmorphia or am comparing myself to other women too much, but its starting to really sink in that i am just not a pretty girl. my dreams of dating, having a fun life and taking lots of pictures, even doing social media are gone and im already 21. i don't know how to come to terms with the fact that i can never have these things with the looks that i have.

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Hi everyone,

I’ve been struggling for a long time (around 2 years, worse in the last 2-3 months) and I’m really exhausted. I need some outside perspective.

**Main issues:**

- Almost constant focus on my head, face, and hair. Sometimes front, sometimes sides, sometimes mid-head.

- My face and hair feel like they don’t match. Sometimes my face looks okay alone, but with hair it looks weird. Sometimes face looks big, hair looks thin/weird/rough.

- Strong “safety switch”: the moment I start feeling normal or try to do work/study/go out, thoughts come “you look weird, hair is bad, face is big” and focus returns to my head.

- I keep checking (touching hair, styling multiple times, looking at phone screen/mirror). After checking it usually looks worse.

- Low insight a lot of the time – the thoughts feel 100% true.

- Head pressure/tightness and sometimes pain on the sides.

- Difficulty feeling present. Sometimes I feel detached when outside.

- Sleep is often disturbed because of the focus and thoughts.

- This has badly affected my studies and daily life.

**Recent trigger (last night):**

I went for a haircut. The barber just said my hair is becoming thin. He didn’t pull any hair out, he only said it. My mind completely latched onto this one comment. I couldn’t look in the mirror. Since then the thoughts are non-stop: “hair is thin, I look weird.”

**Hair fall details I noticed:**

- On my pillow I usually see only 1-2 hairs.

- In the shower (noticed once) around 8-10 hairs.

- When I run my hand through my hair, usually nothing comes out. Sometimes one hair comes with a white bulb.

- My friend’s hair fall fills the wash basin, mine does not.

- I have cousins with hair loss (family history).

- For the last 2-3 months my focus has been mostly on my head and I rarely feel relaxed.

I can’t afford a dermatologist right now. A psychologist/psychiatrist I spoke to earlier said my symptoms are very similar to BDD and suggested sessions.

**My questions:**

1. Does this sound primarily like Body Dysmorphic Disorder?

2. Can the constant stress + 2-3 months of intense head focus cause telogen effluvium (stress hair shedding)?

3. From the numbers I mentioned, does it sound like heavy hair loss or more like normal shedding + BDD magnification?

4. Has anyone experienced the “face looks okay alone but weird with hair” mismatch, or the safety switch when starting to feel normal?

5. Any advice on how to stop the checking loop after a barber comment?

I’m really tired. Any experiences or advice would help a lot.

Thank you

I went swimming today. I figured, what's the big deal? I went yesterday, too, and it wasn't as bad. But yesterday wasn't as warm as today, which means there were much fewer people...

I feel disgusting... I am disgusting.

On my way back, I was throwing up.

The worst part wasn’t that others saw me, but that I “saw” others. I hate it, but I immediately compare myself to them. And I notice everything. I call it my “bdd eyes.” When I see someone I think is beautiful, I get jealous. When I see something I don’t want to have, I’m afraid that I look like that, too. I hate that I think and judge this way. I hate these eyes. I hate that my mind works like that.

I feel like my body dysmorphia is getting worse and worse as I get older. It doesn’t matter how much weight I lose, what I do to my face, how much filler I get in my lips, chin, or jaw, my lash extensions, Invisalign, going to the gym, or the amount of compliments I receive from strangers in public I always find a way to feel ugly, gross, and fat.

Right now, I’m spiraling looking at old pictures of myself and thinking, “I was so ugly.” But then I look at myself now and realize I’m even more obsessed with my appearance than I’ve ever been. I lost 17 pounds, going from 156 to 139. I was skinny-fat before, and I lost a significant amount of weight in my face. People I know at the gym and even my family have commented on how much weight I’ve lost, yet I’m still not satisfied. I still want to lose more. I want to look slimmer.

I’ve gotten lip filler, jaw filler, chin filler, Botox, lash extensions, Invisalign, permanent lip blush tattooing, I do lash extensions, I get my nails and toes done regularly , I straight my hair all the time, I’ve gotten micro needling done on my face, I use prescribed skincare so I can achieve glass skin, I take spironolactone for my skin and my hair, I changed my eyebrows from thicker to thinner because they look better on me. I have naturally curly hair, but I damage it almost every day because I hate how I look with my natural hair. I’m never satisfied with myself.

The only time I really feel good about myself is when I get external validation, especially when strangers compliment me. I tell myself that if a complete stranger goes out of their way to compliment me, they must genuinely see something attractive in me because why would they bother otherwise? But even when I’m in public and people look or stare at me, I immediately wonder, “Are they looking at me because they think I’m ugly?” Then someone will randomly compliment me, and I’m right back into the cycle. I’m so tired of it.

I want to lose more weight. I want perfectly straight teeth, which is why I have Invisalign. I want to permanently straighten my hair because I hate how I look with curly hair. I want to go back to my injector for more jaw and chin filler and get cheekbone filler for the first time because the filler in my jaw and chin has worn off. I keep thinking that if I could just fix one more thing, maybe I would finally feel perfect.

But I know perfection doesn’t exist, and knowing that is so frustrating because I feel like I’m constantly chasing something I can never reach.

I genuinely don’t see what other people see when they look at me. Sometimes I want to cry and hide because I’m so self-conscious. You would think that doing all of these things to myself would eventually make me feel happier and more confident, but it hasn’t. If anything, I feel more miserable because every time I take a selfie or someone takes a picture of me, it completely distorts how I see myself. I can look in the mirror and feel like I look good, but then I see a picture and suddenly I think I look horrible.

I wish I loved myself. I want to get more done to my face, but I don’t have the money for it right now. It would cost around $3,000, and I’ve already spent money on permanent lip blush and lip filler. Thankfully, the lip filler hasn’t worn off, but my jaw and chin filler have, and now I’m sitting here thinking, “What is wrong with me? Why can’t I just be satisfied?”

People tell me I look good. Strangers compliment me all the time. My family and people at the gym have noticed that I’ve lost weight. Yet none of it seems to reach the way I see myself.

I’m exhausted. I feel lost. I feel like I’m constantly chasing a version of myself that doesn’t exist, and I’m scared that no matter how much weight I lose, how much filler I get, or how much I change my hair, my teeth, my face, or anything else, I’ll never actually feel happy with myself.

Okay so, I know that my personality isn’t the best because of my mental issues that project into my behaviour. Although I am trying to work on myself, I am not here to excuse my behaviour and this question isn’t really about my behaviour.
When I get confronted many times, instead of people discussing what I did wrong with me, which I’d rather appreciate, but also understand it’s not happening many times because u tend to be manipulative, I get called ugly instead. This may seem shallow of me, and maybe I am, but I do get comments like “You’re not even that pretty” or “Looks at yourself first” pretty often and that really makes me wonder where I stand with my physical appearance. I’d like to remain anonymous, so I’d rather not share my pictures or anything similar, but there is many who just comment my looks or call me ugly.

Posted a pic to show a visual representation of my concern. Got downvoted, told that my lip filler looks horrible, told to put down the mirror, told to go post on a body dysmorphia sub because my face is “normal” and to stop bothering them.

And didn’t get any helpful advice about my original question!

I actually love(d?) my lip filler and didn’t think it looked bad at all. but now it’s just another thing to add to the list. It’s been a long couple of months obsessing about what I actually look like. I guess I have no idea what I look like. It’s kind of scaring me.

my bf thinks i avoid him purposely when its time to take pics but the thing is hes not understanding that whatever he clicks just triggers my BDD more and more and ive had public meltdowns over it and still he makes me feel guilty for making him feel like an unskilled photographer and that i make others take pics of me i do that because their phone camera makes me look slightly good and i feel good about that but my bf thinks im making it intentionally towards him. and im seriously on shambles right now i cannot breathe i have been crying non stop about a pic that my bf took and put a story of it because its our anniversary. In the pic my jaw looks chopped my tummy rolls are showing and my arms are bulky im not venting i just dont know how to convince him that i feel very different about myself and its very very triggering for me. he thinks im making everything about himself when im not im trying to protect my sensitive emotions towards my body. How do i deal with this??

I put a tldr before this heavy rant.

I got married at 20 and it didn’t end well but we got through (not well, but survived) my issues and divorced after 10 years for different reasons out of my control. Now, I’m in a relationship just over a year but engaged and living together etc., and my BDD is almost certainly going to ruin this one. Mine is related to my hair - and ofc god hates me so I have severe TE alopecia disorder that comes up after severe hormone shifts or stress.

I was growing my hair out and after 5 years felt confident - started dating my ex, and at 19 I took BC (unaware of disorder) and most of my hair fell out. I tried to dreadlock it to save it enough for a festival wedding photo but spent 20-27 just basically hiding in my house borderline staying alive. Then my hair got long enough for me to be comfortable and I did my in-person portion of college, graduated, got a dream job, and life got better. He (TW- abuse) last June strangled me nearly to death and went to jail.

I then met my now fiance happenstance a month later (I was trying to leave for a couple years), and after 1.5 months I guess the stress from the incident (3 months to the day) cropped up and my hair started falling out. I explained that I can’t live through this again, tried to get him to not come over etc (I gave him a key - stupid me) and he basically made me stay around. That was last September - my hair was the only thing I liked about myself at all - I now am in bed crying as I’m typing this with a hoodie over my head and an ugly grown out pixie cut barely making it through the day and hiding and hating life.

My hair was to my tailbone and it hid everything I hated. I have abnormally large breasts and I wasn’t comfortable in public until about 6 years after it fell out when it passed my bra strap. I live in FL and wigs are horrible in this heat and I can’t even fool myself. I don’t feel like I belong in this body. (Also sensory issues I cannot ignore and the cold on neck ears/movement of my hair drives me insane constantly.)

I don’t feel human anymore and my fiancé is a trooper and loves me but I can’t handle it. I’m literally spending almost all day every day trying to “find a way to fix this” and I spent my twenties doing the same thing. He’s 25 and really should leave me but he won’t. I’m terrified of a wedding and everything is horrible. So I regret getting in both relationships but I wasn’t aware the BC could do this for the first one - and I avoided it like the plague but plan b and severe stress did me in. It was the best month and half of my life but since then I’m dead inside.

Sorry for the rant I’ve been barely keeping myself alive this week I hate it. Plus I’m in a red state and I look very “butch” and people are treating me rudely in public. It’s depressing.

Yes I’m in therapy. No it’s not helping. Wigs don’t feel real. I hate the sensation of my short hair moving and can’t stand showers without my hair or anything. I avoid mirrors and cannot find any reason to let the world see me I’m literally disgusted by myself and yeah. Any advice welcomed but I can’t really afford extensions and I have curly hair that’s barely 4 inches long on top and it seems hard to match. Advice definitely welcomed but even scarves hats and veils don’t really help me at all. I hate people staring at me. When I wear a wig in public people treat me significantly better and women aren’t nervous around me. :(

TLDR - Hair fell out at 19, hid in house and hated self married at 20 and finally did in person college and started living normally at 26/27 (hair long enough to cover my face and breasts). Ex abused me badly and 3 months later (1.5 month after getting with fiance) the stress made my TE alopecia strike again and it fell out again. I’m not okay. That was last September. Nothing helps. I love advice but I’ve tried everything and I’m so close to losing my mind. Idk what to do. I’m scared and exhausted and just wish I never had to wake up to my nightmare being true ever again.

i guess its a vent and maybe hear from people having a similar issues like i do

I got diagnosed with a stress fracture in the knee and light Cartilage damage 2 weeks ago after two years of pain that i thought were just me doing exercises wrong (my trainer didnt correct me and i didnt know any better)that started to escalate really badly for the past two months ish. i stopped doing at least a year ago lunges and Bulgarian squats just because i was hurt but didnt know the actual reason for the pain back then.

Today i do therapy for the knee but i had to lower and even stop doing some type of leg exercises so my knee wont have too much pressure and wont get worse. It mentally hurts me, I feel so weak, from doing heavy lifting i had to lower by 80% of my weights. I look at other people doing something i could do with a proud face and now im basically nerfed. The place i workout at is a boutique studio with limited amount of people per workout (one hour with the trainers program) Im not saying im ego lifting but i worked so hard for two years to come to where i was and now i start from zero. It just mentally hurts me its not even about the surrounding looking at my strength but im jealous , i gained weight and every single time i go to workout im trying to not leave crying because i cant push myself like i used to.

It all probably sounds ridiculous but i have such a low body image and i tried to make myself active and now i pay the price

I  have been over weight but I have never been curvy. Bdd made me think if I lost weight I would finally be hot. Lost weigjt... Turns out my body is just not made to be hot bdd didnt dissapear but got worst. I still have tummy but have no ass or hips I feel manly and the cherry on top is that I found out my bf follows 3 channels of the same overweight girl who has huge curves. I feel horrible. I feel I will never be enough. I hate that he lies to me because he cant have those women

I feel like this is a big part of my body dysmorphia. I'm a girl, but I have so many traits of my abusive dad. People say I don't look like him, but I have his thick neck and eye bags and wide nose, and all I see when I look in the mirror is my dad with long hair and makeup. I can't stand it. I'm especially fixated on my neck at the moment and it's awful because there's nothing I can do to shrink it - when I touch it, it's bone and muscle that's making the width, but it's so huge from the side. Even when I was anorexic and underweight, it still looked huge and disproportionate to the rest of me. I can't stand it, I'm never going to like myself because the things I hate are impossible to change.

for me having BDD means that every now and then i get hit with the realisation that I will never truly be satisfied with my appearance.
Today I came across a girl who, literally goes to the same school as me, with the exact features I wanted. She was what ive been chasing my whole teenage years and to see her walk past me I realised that the gap between me, who has to try hard and a naturally pretty girl it sucks and it was such a crude moment
plastic surgery does help but the satisfaction is only momentarily and I dont know any more solutions. Plastic surgery gives you hope, but once you get it you get hit with reality - that theres limitations to what it can get you. its not magic, and often the changes might be dissapointing. and i learnt that the hard way.
i wish i could forget about this and actually enjoy being with my pretty friends, like hanging out with them without obsessing over appearances but im trapped and i honestly lost all hope that ill ever live my through my youth without this disorder

I hate my body, yes I know I can change my body by working out or dieting. I have, I did, it didn't work, and I've gotten busier in college so I don't have the time for it anymore.I thought it was getting better, it wasn't, it's hard to even know what I actually look like. In some days I look at my reflection I look normal, good, and healthy, I'm not skinny by any means. I'm a little chubby, but most times I look in the mirror same outfit and everything I look bigger, same with any pictures taken where I looked fine in the outfit then I look in the photo and I'm wide, too wide. It varies, to the point I think I look obese, I look round, I look big. I look in the mirror multiple times, I never look the same, on some days I look fine, on some days I'm bigger, on some days I look too big. Once went out to buy pants and when I tried them on I thought they fit with just a little extra room. Went back home to try the pants again and it was way bigger than I thought around 3-4 inches on the waist. I feel uncomfortable in my body, I've been doing what I can to be positive about it. But I'm slowly wanting to drift back to my old habit during my senior year of just water diet of just fasting. I've been doing what I can to control what I eat but there are times where stress gets to me and I overeat and then look in the mirror again and see how big I got (even if I just ate on the same day).

I don't know how to make my mental thoughts about my body more positive. I can't stop thinking I'm very wide or fat. People do tell me what they see but I don't believe them, "you look healthy", " You look fine, " But I don't feel it, and I don't see it that way at all. I've gotten a lot of negative comments too which probably contributed to this whole ordeal.

i used to put so much effort into my appearance but i can’t even bring myself to do that anymore i feel like im useless as if something is wrong with me , that im broken as a human being bdd has ruined me

I'm having an extremely rough time with BDD and it's gotten to the point where it makes me physically sick to look at myself because I get so fed up and sick of the horrendous flaws I have and even thinking of them makes my stomach turn. Can anyone else who also has BDD and understands the struggle of it and won't make me feel ridiculous for how I feel please listen to me I can't take it anymore

Because WHY TF according to most size charts do I have a large waist and medium hips and small chest?? Why am I large in the places where you’re supposed to be small and small/medium in the places that are supposed to be large? What kind of deformed creature am I??!? I just want a normal looking body why do I gotta be so weird shaped?? Having BDD and hating how I look is hard enough as it is, then size charts come along and are like “hey so you’re an actual monster”.

I'm not scared of chronological aging but the physical signs terrify me. It's the shadow of my nasolabial folds, festoons, the pallor of my skin. I guess really the only thing that keeps me going is scientific progress working to reverse aging. Not that I'd be able to afford the treatments but the hope keeps me alive. I never discovered the root of this fear but I think it's just the world I live in. Maybe I'm shallow. Maybe it's the one thing I have. I have nothing else to contribute, so what do I do when it slips away? I can't even keep a job long enough with my bdd. I feel like a bipedal cockroach. I've tried therapy. The therapists can't help me. The meds quiet the thoughts a little. I've tried EMDR, but I don't have trauma, not that I recall. I feel weak because I have no reason to think this way. I even want to look like a tween again even though I'm 26. Maybe it's because how youth is valued. The feeling of having more time before my looks fade. I used to worry still but I felt more carefree. Everyone says I have to accept I will look older eventually. It will happen but I know I won't accept it. Then I guess I can end things on my own terms so I can stay forever young.

I’ve had bdd since I was a kid. I’m getting a rhinoplasty soon and I know I’ll go from below average to average looking. Then I’ll dye my hair blonde and wear blue contacts and get filler on my face. I guess i feel sad about my face structure. I have low cheekbones and big round eyes and my chin isn’t rlly forward. I know that those features don’t make you ugly but I don’t like how my face isn’t naturally what’s trending. Like I get my nose I’ll fix it. But I hate how I don’t have siren eyes and high cheekbones and a better maxilla. Im gonna tape my eyes up and stuff to have narrower and more attractive eyes but I hate how I have to do so much. Like even my non ugly features need to be fixed. I don’t like my round eyes and my cheekbones, chubby cheeks at all. Like larping putting eyeliner on my waterline so they look smaller and taping them up really sucks but I have to do that to be perfect. Meanwhile other girls naturally have high cheekbones and stuff and their face shape is better than mine. It really sucks and makes me feel depressed knowing that I’ll have to get cheek implants

Hi guys, has anyone here dealt with BDD before? I’m starting to wonder if I might have it, and honestly I don’t know what to do anymore.
I’m extremely obsessed with the way I look. I can spend basically the whole day thinking about my face, my features, my body, my skin, my hair, etc. I constantly compare myself to other guys, especially when I see someone I consider really attractive. Sometimes I’ll literally put their picture next to mine and compare our features, and if I feel like they’re more attractive than me, it can completely ruin my mood for days.
The weirdest part is that I actually get hit on and complimented quite often. People tell me I’m attractive, handsome, etc., but my brain just \*\*cannot process or believe it\*\*. I automatically assume they’re lying or just saying it out of courtesy, even when there doesn’t seem to be any reason for them to lie.
I also constantly check myself in mirrors/cameras, ask my siblings how I look in pictures, compare myself with other people, and think about things I could change. I have a whole list of treatments/procedures I want to do because I genuinely believe that once I fix everything, I’ll finally be satisfied with how I look.
I’m especially triggered when my boyfriend finds another guy attractive. I immediately start comparing myself to him and thinking that he’s better-looking than me, and it can make me feel horrible about myself.
Has anyone experienced something similar? If you have BDD, did you ever feel like compliments couldn’t get through to you because you simply didn’t believe them? And what actually helped you get out of this cycle?

Its not like its always visible. But even when I look a little bit down it appears. My side profile looks atrocious then and i feel so fat and ugly.

I havent been able to function this day because the only thing i was thinking about is my chin. I had to work today but I started crying and I quit the job.

Its so stupid how this mental disease is ruining my life. I hate my chin so much and I wish I didnt have fat there. Im so ashamed and I hurt myself.

I never even noticed i had it. But it sometimes just appears and its prominent other day its not.

I dont understand why this is bothering me so much. I just want to enjoy life man. Not quit my job bc I dont like my chin.

It doesnt make sense and I wish this upon no one.

I (24F) live with 3 other girls that I have been friends with for over a year. I have struggled with BDD for years, and I was finally making progress before I moved in with my friends. I’ve been struggling a lot recently because one of my friends is constantly sharing her concerns about her body, how she feels like she is getting fat, and how she doesn’t want to be perceived as fat. She wears XS/ S and I’m in the L/ XL range. I know I’m big and I often struggle with spiraling thinking about how I look bigger than I am. So I understand her struggle. I know body image issues can affect everyone in any size. But somehow, regardless of the empathy I try to have for her, I can’t help but be offended. As someone objectively bigger than her, it makes me assume that she thinks I look horrendous. Thinking about how distraught she would be if she was my size makes me feel like I should be even more distraught about my size. Then when the body negativity comes back everything starts to unravel and I’m back to wearing baggy clothes, avoiding pictures and mirrors because they can ruin my entire day, and avoiding and new clothing. I don’t know how take care of my struggles while respecting hers. It doesn’t help that she lacks a lot of empathy for others, and she gets genuinely offended when people are feeling insecure and don’t want to be in a picture with her. She has genuinely said “Did you just ask me to delete a photo of you off of MY phone? That’s MY camera roll, that’s MY property.” To one of our other friends that she took an unflattering photo of. So she’s not the kind of person I can ask to be respectful of my struggles and to tone down her body negativity around me.

I have 10 months of the lease left with her and she’s making body focused comments several times per day. I’m mad at her for what feels like fatphobia (even though I know it’s unintentional and coming from an ED point of view) and I’m mad at myself for existing and being the way I look and for being upset by the way I look. I’m mad at my other roommates when they tell her “don’t worry you don’t look fat!” because why would it be so bad for someone to be fat? Of course I say that as a fat person who hates being fat, but somehow it feels like a personal attack when it’s very thin people saying those things. There’s no way that I can avoid these comments, but I need to find a way to be at peace with her struggle and her comments and not letting myself take them personally.