I was recently diagnosed with BPD and am still learning how to cope. My boyfriend broke up with five months ago, unfortunately it ended on very bad terms due to my own actions. This is actually what pushed me to go back to therapy, where they diagnosed me with BPD. Anyways the breakup was so bad I am blocked on everything and even though a lot of time has passed I still am not over him. I am pretty positive he was my FP while we were together, which is contributing to why I am struggling so hard to get over the relationship. That being said, this is all very new to me and I am looking for advice and support on how to get over your FP when they no longer want to be in your life because of your own shitty actions.

Sorry for the long post! Hi! Me (nb23) and my partner (m23) have been tossing around the idea of having a kid, quite frankly both of us have been completely childfree and not wanting one for pretty much our entire life until recentlyish. Im not entirely sure whst changed but both of us are really looking forward to eventually taking that step when we're both ready. However, I would be the one carrying as hes trans we're discussing options, including getting a surrogate if i cant carry. But the thought crossed my mind today that me having bpd might effect the pregnancy with hormone changes and everything. And even later affect our child raising it ( i'm starting therapy and we'll definitely be going on a major healing journey. Before we get serious about having a kid) but still im worried. Do any of you have a partner or even yourself have bpd and have carried/raised a child? How did it affect you?

I mean our brains didn't develop this mechanism for no reason rightt? I know it's a maladaptive coping strategy but it sometimes really protects me from the abuse, from being used, from evil people

I crashed out and lost the absolute love of my life. We managed to get to about 2.5 years and a lot of it was really amazing and happy and yet I still succumbed to giving up on myself and failing to find the right therapy etc etc.

We always had problems, but a year a ago I had to move away for work and we had been long distance with a lot of visits, but the loneliness and isolation were really getting to me, and I couldn’t communicated effectively how much I missed her, and I really neglected the shit out of myself.

So when I did visit for her birthday I was almost entirely non communicative and fled, having a full text meltdown. So she left me and it was right, I can’t blame her. she’d been trying with me for a long time and asking me to improve.

We are on good terms, and we texted for a few weeks after the split, but have now gone full no contact until we’re both ready to talk again. We talked a lot about getting back together if I improved but the more I think about it, I think she was just trying to let me down easily and I don’t know if she ever could love me again.

However, she really was the one, easily by a hundred miles, I have had sad breakups before but always been a little relieved? Ive also been more emotional for other breakups because I barely made it to 3-4 months before breaking down, but she stood by me and really put effort in to learn about BPD. So now, I’m devastated. Yes the relationship was far from perfect, we weren’t exactly two peas in a pod at times we were different but we complimented each other so much. I genuinely thought we’d get married, have a family and just walk through life arm in arm.

I am coping by doing all the things I wanted to do for her before but never felt I could, like learn her native language and write her a musical.

My questions are:

1. should I keep on doing these things for myself and in hope of the future? I worry if I don’t then I’ll just go back to my old ways and won’t have proven to myself that I can see something through. They are giving me energy to do good and be creative. But I worry they will be pathetic and I’ll be ashamed of what I’m doing later on.
2. Do I need to move on and convince myself she isn’t the one for me? I’m getting older so I’m scared I’m moving backwards not forwards, I just dont even know if I can trust my own heart?

Any advice helpful here!

i usually never block those close to me sure i’ll leave group chats often and come back but im able to just ignore them to isolate myself. but i saw them all hanging out without me on a game and i couldn’t control the need to just get rid of them. i don’t know how i’m to pop back in and say sorry now, especially when they’re all too busy having fun and haven’t realized i blocked them. i feel really bad for not being able to regulate my impulse to block

I (M23) and her (F25)

We were together 8 months, on and off in intensity the whole way through. I have BPD. She’s actually the one who pushed me into therapy and found me my therapist in the first place, and I’ve been in DBT for a while now. Honestly it’s helped, I know my worth more, I’ve gotten better at self love, I can regulate and stay calm in situations that used to send me into a rage spiral. It’s been a long time since I actually had a BPD rage episode, that part I’m proud of.

I used to tell everyone (despite me getting cheated on in my previous relationships) that this is the most secure I’ve ever felt in a relationship. ….One thing that fed my insecurity and i never recovered from it was finding out about a very close male friend of hers about half a year in, name and everything. She’d always mentioned “a friend” like 2 or 3 times whenever she talked about him before that throughout the relationship, so I didn’t always realize it was the same person until it she name dropped him randomly when we were talking about our best friend’s birthdays during a date. For someone with BPD, that kind of slow reveal about closeness with someone else hits a lot harder and faster than it probably would for most people, even when nothing romantic is actually going on.

The relationship itself was rough on both sides too. I did things months back I’m not proud of. I’ve owned all of it, taken responsibility, apologized more than once. But lately it’s felt like I’m being punished for it on repeat. Old stuff dragged back up in every fight, cussing that went past anger into really personal territory, and she even said it herself at one point, that this was tormenting me. Every recent fight ended with me just begging for one moment of kindness, for her to be nice to me for once, and it never came.

We ended things for real this time. She deleted all our pictures, everything, actual goodbyes. Before ,
everytime we broke up or had a fight and got blocked, I used to do anything possible including making new phone numbers, social media accounts to reach her , begging , apologising…
Recently we had a fight and when it started getting disrespectful I started proposing space and drew boundaries to what is acceptable anymore which eventually led to a breakup ..And for the first time in 8 months, when it ended, I didn’t chase. Didn’t call repeatedly, didn’t make a new number, didn’t spiral after her online, didn’t beg like I always used to. I just let it be quiet.

But I still have all our pictures. I can’t delete them, I don’t want to. She erased it like it never happened and I’m just sitting here holding onto what’s left.

I love her, I want her, and choosing myself instead of chasing has been the single hardest thing I’ve ever done. I’m in this miserable, dark place where I know logically this was the right call, but everything in me wants to undo it. I try to act normal, pretend everything is fine but it just lasts for a few mins, and I break down crying again.

Anyone been through choosing yourself over someone you still love, especially with BPD making the wanting feel so much louder? How do you actually survive the part where your head knows one thing and your heart is screaming another.

I feel helpless even tho I’ve gotten better with reminding myself that I have my own life and it doesn’t revolve around another person.

Me and my partner (24 and 25) have been together for a year tomorrow. We both got the day off weeks ago from work, haven’t really made any plans, but all I said was it’d be nice if we had some money put aside so we can go out. A week back already my partner’s money ran out for the month and I’ve been paying for stuff from the money I put aside. That already made me a bit upset.

We’ve had it rocky. My BPD has been very triggered, in good and bad ways, and I’ve done a lot of maturing during this year. My partner is very ADHD and this is his first really serious relationship. We moved in together about 4 months ago - it has it’s amazing sides (hanging out together a lot, we have an apt we love, splitting bills) and it’s crappy sides (uneven split of chores, I constantly feel like I’m the one on top of everything in our house). All in all, I would say I like being with him but some stuff has been happening that’s made my trust in him rocky.

I feel like recently when I bring something up that’s emotionally difficult for me or I need support in, I can tell he holds a grudge. He does what I ask, and says nothing about it, but a few days ago we had a big argument when we were out. During the argument he said some pretty messed up things including:
- He feels like all I do is sit around on my phone on the couch while he does most of the stuff around the house (not true. I 100% know I do way more than he does around the house.)
- He feels like his life is going somewhere meanwhile mine isn’t (I work a retail job and I’ve built myself up from the ground to be a tattoo artist. I work around 20 h/a week from my studio on top of my 20 hr a week retail. He works at a restaurant job 20-30 h a week that he hates and has stopped looking for other work even though previously he said he can’t keep working there because it’s so mundane.)
- He said he takes care of me so much it counts as him doing housework. This hurt my feelings so bad because I’m a capable adult and I take care of myself and us just as much as he does… I’m on top of everything in my own life and manage myself and my chores and finances really well.
- He said emotionally, I’m on the level he was in middle school. This one fucked me up because he can often be very emotionally immature and lacks communication and repair skills. 85% of the time I’m the one who initiated the repair and conversation, no matter if it was him who hurt my feelings. He also stonewalls me a lot if something happens.

I might have BPD but we’ve had to work through so much of his jealousy and self esteem issues it’s been exhausting. And with this kind of talk I just feel he uses my emotional volability as ammunition - never says anything that’s wrong or that he feels should be fixed until I come to him with a problem. (For example: we got two shelves from his mother. When I came home, I was surprised with 2 big boxes of old comics we did not have place for. He said it was his bad for not being able to say no to his mom and that’s why he took them. He said he would sort through them and figure it out. They sat in the kitchen for 2 months, in the boxes. I asked him maybe 3 times if he can get to it, and that I can help. Nothing. A few weeks ago i finally moved them in front of his clothes so he can see them clearer and would get to it. He just got upset that I moved them. The boxes are still there, 4 months later, his clothes just piling up on them. When I finally brought them up one last time, he lashed out and said how much he’d been cooking for us this week because I had a hard job week and he offered to take over cooking. So yeah. No problem with the cooking until I bring up an issue.)

So tomorrow, it’s our anniversary. I bought him gifts and wrapped them but I just cannot get myself to make a card. It feels like I have nothing to say. I just feel emotionally unsafe after our fight and it’s hard to find anything good to say to him after that.

What do i do? Should I still make a card?

Hello,

Someone I love very much is currently in a relationship with a partner who has BPD. Their partner has broken things off with them multiple times and gotten back together. From an outside perspective this seems like a cycle of abuse to the other person. What advice or comfort can I give my loved one if this continues to happen? I’m not here to judge anyone I’m just genuinely looking for help and to understand why this might be happening.

i had a pretty bad split almost two months ago now on my closest friend, someone who i thought would be with me for the rest of my life over him deciding to leave me as a second choice on my birthday.

i won’t bore everyone with the details but pretty much the conversation afterwards was about how i feel as if he doesn’t put enough effort into our friendship. i always plan hangouts, i always am the one asking to see him and he constantly cancelled plans on me hours before we were supposed to see one and other.

it got exhausting, so i stopped, then, i pretty much never saw him.

the final straw was on my birthday he told me he’d come if his other plans didn’t end up happening, so i tried to communicate my feelings on why he doesn’t put any effort into our friendship which i thought meant a lot to BOTH of us.

it just went in circles, just like every serious conversation we have and it felt like he was purposely ignoring what i was trying to communicate and like he was using the same excuses which contradicted what he would say in a previous message, etc etc.

regardless it’s been almost two months since then, im still going through the process of being extremely angry at him and wanting to completely remove him from my life, to being depressed and suicidal over the situation then repeat.

i don’t know what to do. communication doesn’t work with him, i dont want to remove him from my life but i also know i’ll continue being upset and splitting on him like i have for the past year due to 0 effort on his behalf.

i’ve communicated what i want and still haven’t received it and now im just stuck in this cycle and it’s really fucking me up. any advice would be greatly appreciated..

sorry if this post is all over the place, i don’t really know how to use reddit :(

Hey, it’s been close to 5 months since me and my ex broke up.
Everyday without her has been a struggle.
The reality is, I still have feelings for her, but I know we won’t get back together, and that if we did, it probably wouldn’t be healthy.
Yet, she’s the only girl I want.
Ive tried everything, I’ve talked to other girls, I’ve gone out a lot, done therapy and it still feels like we broke up yesterday.
If anybody has been in a similar situation, please give me some advice

Hi, I was recently diagnosed with BPD after initially having a bipolar 2 diagnosis. My symptoms were sort of overlapping and me and my psychiatrist put the pieces together after trying 5 different antidepressants and having awful luck. I’m now on 200mg Lamictal and 2mg of Abilify with 50mg of Vyvanse for ADHD as well. Recently I’ve started to have a lot of hallucinations in my sleep that cause awful panic attacks and leave me so exhausted during the day. I have experienced these episodes in the past but for a while they stopped and I thought that we finally got my anxiety under control but they’ve been much worse and more back to back since starting up again. I’ve also been feeling like the Vyvanse wears off so quickly and that contributes to the exhaustion too. It’s been so terrible, I feel like I haven’t slept in ages. I start school in 2 weeks and I’m trying to get this all sorted before then so I’m not adding any more stressful emotions on top of this. I really do feel the Abilify has been completely life changing in the best way but since I’m having trouble with sleep, my mood is starting to shift drastically more often again. Have any of you experienced this kind of thing while taking these medications? Was there anything that could be done about it without taking any of the meds out of the equation?

i have bpd and bp i was diagnosed with it last year. since then i attended my psychiatrist appointments where i got prescribed abilify which for awhile didnt do anything until they increased my dosage, then it worked but the side effects made me extremely tired and irritable and i just felt like i was on auto pilot i felt drained and like i wasnt in my body like i was viewing myself from outside of my body i felt like i wasnt in control of myself. after that i stopped taking it (i feel like it should be important to note that at this time i had js started smoking weed but i didnt tell my psychiatrist at this time) but with my meds i was always on and off them it depended on how i wanted to feel but if i did take them they were consistent until i stopped. fast forward to this year i met my boyfriend. me and my boyfriend are long distance and he knows everything about my mental health and how poor it is. we've only been dating for four months and around the end of the first month i decided to continue taking my meds but now with my boyfriends help because ive learned from experience that whenever i like someone it never ends well for both of us. but after awhile i stopped taking my meds because they werent affecting me whatsoever, i felt the same way i would feel if i wasnt taking them. I know that because and ive lashed out on him countless times on my meds, even though they're supposed to be somewhat of a mood stabilizer, I know that abilify is for my bipolar not for my bpd but i was told by my psychiatrist that it would help with my bpd, i probably shouldve stated this in the beginning. Even so, I felt like it wasnt working, if anything i felt more unstable. Lately Ive stopped going to my appointments they even closed my case for my therapy because i wasnt going, only because i really didnt like my therapist and i told my psychiatrist and she said she'd do something but nothing changed. So I started giving up on myself. As the days went by I felt like I was becoming more and more unstable, so much so that if my boyfriend didnt come home the time he said he would I wouldn't talk to him, I'd be furious at him and refuse to talk. Everyday I feel myself getting worse and almost everyday we fight or argue because of me, because I dont want him around his cousin or because he didnt hear something I said, anything small I somehow found something to argue about. Ive gotten better with talking to him why im mad, but there are days where I just cant and ignore him for hours. Me and my boyfriend almost broke up today. Today was really bad, I just lost control of myself and called him horrible names and said horrible things about him and his cousin I ignored him while he begged me to talk to him, and I just kept going and going. It was like I felt no remorse for anything, I didn't feel guilty or bad about the things i said, I wanted him to feel the hatred I felt towards him in that moment. All because his cousin offered him a job at where she works. I already dont like her because of their relationship, the things they talk about or how close they are, I resent it. He knows I dont like her so he even distanced himself from her. I just dont know what to do anymore, I feel horrible. I keep hurting him over and over again and I just dont know what to do anymore.

There has to be something I can do, anything to at least stop these episodes from happening so often. Is there anything you guys can do to help? Anything at all, I cant keep hurting him like this. I really need someones advice because I dont know how much longer I can take myself. Im so exhausted of being trapped in my own mind, I'm exhausted and I need help. Please tell me what I can do, any advice or tips would be appreciated and helpful.

Also sorry that this came out so long, I didnt mean it to but I have no one else to turn to. This was kinda rushed and in the heat of the moment so I'm sorry if there are any misspellings or anything. This is also my first time posting so Im sorry if I did anything wrong.

I keep dumping my friends because i dont know how to accept that they are in relationships. Many of my friends are taken(s/o), and usually when im hanging out with them, i love that its just me and them. Only me and them. But as soon as they mention, or be around their s/o, i just hate them immediately. I complain about how bad their relationship must be, about how relationships are so complicated, and more. I dont mean what i say, i want to be happy for them, i really do, but it feels like im being replaced almost instantly when they mention their s/o. Ive been friends With them longer then they've been dating their partners and when they hold hands or kiss or anything with them in front of me, i just degrade them or myself or the entirety of relationships. But to me, they're pure, nice, kind, and MY friend, but with their partners, to me they're evil, traitors, rude, and have betrayed me. I dont know what to do. I feel sad being lonely because i keep pushing them away.

I work the night shift. So I sleep during the day. I just started a glp-1 so my stomach has been doing its thing.

Sunday, I woke up briefly during the afternoon to introduce the contents of my stomach to the world. In other words, throw up until it hurts. I then crawled back into bed and promptly went back to sleep for work. That was the end of it. Or so I thought.

Yesterday, while I was trying to sleep they found some stuff I apparently missed wiping up yesterday and instead of, say, asking me about it. They both take turns waking me up. Telling me to “do better” just assuming the worst without even asking me what happened.

I was pissed then and I’m pissed now and I’m itching for a fight in the worst way. I can’t let it go. It’s like they just choose to see the worst in me.

So I thought I’d do some opposite action and talk about my feelings.

I was diagnosed with bipolar II and BPD in March of this year. Since then, I’ve started taking medication, including lithium, and recently began DBT.
I told my family and closest friends relatively quickly, and they have been incredibly supportive. I also told my ex. But after receiving my diagnoses, my first reaction was to give up on the idea that I could ever have a stable, serious relationship.
Since then, I’ve been casually dating, having hookups, and entering situationships that I usually end pretty quickly. That is completely unlike me. I think I convinced myself that I should never seriously date again, so keeping everything temporary felt safer.
The only person I’ve truly tried to be with is my ex. I begged him to come back and told him that I was taking medication now and that things could be different. But he didn’t come back.
I’m beginning to understand that I do want a steady and stable love life. At the same time, the idea of dating someone new terrifies me. I’m afraid that once someone learns about my diagnoses, especially BPD, they will judge me or abandon me. Right now, even putting myself back into the dating pool feels too vulnerable.
But I also realize that continuing to hope my ex will return is slowly destroying me. He is the only former romantic partner who knows about my diagnoses, which makes him feel familiar and safe in that specific way. But he may not actually be the right person for me. Like there are multiple dry facts that make him pretty much horrible match for me and bunch of people who are not aware of my diagnosis call me a settler and are very surprised I even try to get him back. Additionally, that relationship involved experiences that may have contributed to, or seriously worsened, many of my BPD symptoms.
For those of you with BPD, bipolar II, or both: how did you start dating again after being diagnosed? When and how do you tell someone about your diagnosis? How do you handle the fear that they will abandon you once they know?

I'm 25F and generally just unhappy with my life and I'm not sure how to fix it. I used to be extremely goal oriented and achievement motivated. I'm a former gifted kid, if that paints the picture a bit better, but started having mental health issues junior/senior year of high school and started struggling with everything due to mental health and some unfortunate life events. I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, depression, and anxiety around 18 years old, but I'm really trying to avoid using that as an excuse for where I'm at now in life and why I'm so undisciplined and erratic.

I graduated college (undergrad) a few years ago, which was extremely rough at times and I'm glad I finished with a degree at least. I have held a full time job since then. I even worked two jobs on and off for about 18 months post-grad to make extra ground on some personal debt I had accumulated due to coping by spending money in college. I paid off about $13k of a starting $21k balance, leaving me with about $8k left as of today. I'm no longer working two jobs because I'll be starting grad school in the evenings this fall.

I'm overweight and have been for 8 years or so. I know I have an issue with coping with food and it has been relentlessly difficult. Every time I try to lose weight, counting calories just feels like a bandaid solution. The issue is deeper than just simple calorie intake. I really want to have a healthier relationship with food but, like most goals I have, I feel incapable of simply locking in and getting it done because I'm so emotionally driven.

I feel like I'm at the mercy of my mental illness and emotional whims all day every day. There's so much I want to do and experience and achieve in this lifetime but so much of my time is spent keeping my BPD and emotions manageable. I don't feel like myself without goals and achievements. Has anyone else figured out a way around or through something like this? I don't want the rest of my life to be reduced to "just getting by" because I have this diagnosis.

I think I have Qbpd but I am not sure I know I am young I am 17 I don’t really have told anyone because I don’t know if I am exaggerating I have been seeing a psychologist for some time because i felt like I needed it (my family wanted me to go too because I am very antisocial more than before I had depression but not too bad I got better in a few months having someone to talk made me feel better but I have currently no friends I am scared to talk to people because I don’t see any reason why anyone would want to talk to me I certainly wouldn’t and overthink that they may do it to laugh at me or something and push away the few people that say hi to me although I really want friends I may have some trust issues from family trauma that everyone in my family seems to get cheated on once at least and my family has seen it affected me too I don’t know how to trust people I am too scared to get hurt but at the same time I want someone to come and talk to me and keep talking to me even when I push them away i know crazy right hope to not take to much of anyone’s time thanks

TLDR: still in parents house that gave me bpd and am trying to find the motivation to get myself out of here. I am hopefully about to start a full time to get out and just need the skills for right now to get though the beginning of full time without feeling overwhelmed and to help with getting out of bed so I don't get kicked out early.

So I am currently living with my parents who are the ones who gave me bpd but the lack of motivation has literally kept me from leaving:/ I know tons of people are like if it's that bad just leave but living in the US in a state that minimum is 7.25 and I have other limitations it's reallll hard. I have a part-time job that I've had for about a year. 2-4 days a week in a field that I like. I am about to apply for a full-time job at another place that is in the same field and actually pays a little better. It has benefits so it's a step towards getting out of my parents’ house. But they keep trying to put all these restrictions on me even though me, my bf, and brother all pay $400 each for rent already so moving out isn't such a stretch for all of us. They want me up and in common living areas by 10am which is somewhat reasonable but I always work 3-11pm and I want time to unwind after work and don't like doing much before work. Plus it's the only time I feel safe to do anything because of how unsafe I feel when my dad is awake and I can't hear him because of the daytime loudness. Also they expect me to cook regularly and clean the common house areas (kitchen, living room, upstairs landing, bathrooms and dinning room) daily split between my bf, brother, and I. Regardless I def want out but I need help with motivation to get out of bed besides work for money which I'm almost always 5-30 mins late to anyways. Any tips on motivation while still stuck in the situation that gave you the issue? It would be very much appreciated. I just have lower motivation in general even at work and it's starting to weigh on me heavy with my parents involved. I'm in therapy but I won't say anything about suicidal thoughts because I don’t want to go to the psych ward again, because it just gives me debt and my parents don't care.

Edit: tldr up top

So, I am starting to know someone. He knows about my BPD and also studied a little bit about it while he was doing his nurse degree. We talked a little bit about how it affects me, etc. And he seemed comprehensive.

First thing is, nothing happened between us and I don't know if me liking him is reciprocated.

I was dumped from a relationship few months ago and it was very retraumatisig as I felt this other person abandoned me after knowing about my struggles. And I was deeply in love for the first time in ages but he wasn't.

The thing is I am scared as hell of falling in love again and suffering as i did then. I've had many issues over the years and a SA. And I am scared that when this person knows about me they will leave or even that they won't approach me because of this.

I am not acting out really as much as I did over the years because of therapy and will to get better. But I had a rough time this year after the breakup and nearly commited s\* for the first time.

We've had already a couple of situations where I was triggered and he handled them pretty calmly, but I am struggling with not messaging him every time I get this triggers. I'd like to manage being quite for a while until the wave pass and I can let things go. When I calm down it just doesn't make sense. Now I am starting to feel things and I don't know how to handle rejection again this soon xD

please help me. i don’t know what else to do i don’t know how to handle this

I’ve been struggling more and more with this for years now.
it’s nearly impossible to feel happy or even just alive until i do something i shouldn’t be doing.

ive been an alcoholic since middle school because of this and im starting to use more substances than usual to cope, it’s also severely affecting the sex addiction i’ve struggled with since i was very young

i’m having urges that i need to suppress or ill end up ruining a beautiful, healthy, 5 year relationship.

i’ve done intense exercise, ice/cold water, rubber band, sweets, sours, crafting with every medium i can learn, inpatient, intensive outpatient, meds, TMS treatment
i don’t know what else to do and im exhausted.

how do people survive this?

ive been trying really really hard to get better and self regulate and not split and be a better friend and be happier with myself.

it’s so hard because i hold back so much and i regulate and i avoid so so so many explosive crash outs but all that anyone sees is when i DO crash out. it feels like im getting nowhere.

i tried so so so hard today to have a good day and do things that made me happy. i ate, i went for a walk, i journalled, i reviewed stuff id learned in therapy. and then i got super anxious and kept blowing things out of proportion when talking to my best friend.

they werent and still arent mad at me but it felt like they HATED me with every text they were sending. And i just kept spiralling more and more and i feel like im running out of chances. im scared that my friends are getting exhausted of me and the times that i do freak out. but they dont know about all the times that i work SO hard to keep it together.

im scared that all of the effort im putting in is pointless in the end because i still get upset and freak out and have these conversations where i am just so deeply terrified of being abandoned and hated. i cant imagine how hard it is for my friends and i cant imagine what they think of me for it.

i feel like im going crazy.