I recently went through a bad experience where I was talking to someone for about a month. Everything seemed well they texted me have a good shift at 8pm at 2am when I looked at my phone he deleted his account out of nowhere after a whole month of talking. I 've just been a wreck since this happened on friday night.

I feel like I need to start therapy again, But tbh DBT and CBT never worked for me, I don't know if talk therapy helps me. My friend has talked to me about EMDR I've looked into it bug wonder if it'll be for me.

I feel like therapy in general never really helped me

I wanted to know what therapy has helped you in the past and really worked? I know i can't only do meds anymore and really need professional help.

Thanks in advance if you reply to this post and take the time.

Anyone else feel weird or wrong for giving out their opinions on things because you’re afraid that they won’t like what you have to say and will end up liking you less? Like it’s easier to be a watered down version of yourself by not sharing everything you’re thinking or adding your thoughts to the convo. My boyfriend would ask me things and I’d feel so weird and worried to give my opinion because I don’t want him to think less of me but when I told him about how I felt he said he wants to know my opinions and thoughts which made me react like “What?? You won’t get mad?? You WANT to know what I have to say??”

Just wanted to know if anyone else felt like this too lol

So I’m 28 yrs old and yes my bpd episodes whatever you want to call them have calmed down bc I used to go absolutely insane over the smallest inconveniences like breaking my one or not having any gas etc. relationship have never really been easy for me because my mind will be coming up with things that are true and my ass believes it till I switch out of it and realize what is actually happening. I want friends but I can be so non social, I’ll look and act like I hate you till you somehow pass the threshold of challenges I’ve thrown at you and gotten to know the real me. I know it gets better with age and it has but now I’m 28 with no friends luckily I have my partner but I put him through the wringer as friends for 7 years and now are 3 yrs in as partners and I still give em hell any advice would be great. Thanks

I don't know if this is a BPD thing or my own flavor of crazy. I find most people boring because we share little to nothing in common or repugnant due to having different values. But on the rare occasion that I do run across someone that I connect with, I desperately want a friendship with them. More than that. I become clingy and possessive. I want them all to myself. I want them to want the same from me.

I've had few friends and relationships and this behavior has ruined all of them. Either because I become too clingy or because I get cold and distant when I fear my feelings won't be reciprocated. I don't like their other friends. I don't like their girlfriends. I don't like their exes. I want all the attention. This is a childish attitude but it's all I've ever known.

I've isolated for a long time but lately I've thought about trying to form connections again. I know the old me will come out. On some level I feel it's for the best even though it may cause a lot of pain. I'm sick of being stuck in this shell. I'm sure I can course correct if things get too spicy.

Say, "Hey, I have a disorder that can cause me to be extremely abusive, clingy, manipulative, and cry waterfalls at the drop of a hat? Oh, you think men crying are not real men? Cool, definitely heard that one before. Why has my longest relationship ever only 4 months? Uhhhh...."

If I mention that to a woman, she will run like she is on fire. This is hypothetical btw. I'm single atm. Honesty (at least in the beginning) does not seem like the best policy here.

Sorry for the long post! Hi! Me (nb23) and my partner (m23) have been tossing around the idea of having a kid, quite frankly both of us have been completely childfree and not wanting one for pretty much our entire life until recentlyish. Im not entirely sure whst changed but both of us are really looking forward to eventually taking that step when we're both ready. However, I would be the one carrying as hes trans we're discussing options, including getting a surrogate if i cant carry. But the thought crossed my mind today that me having bpd might effect the pregnancy with hormone changes and everything. And even later affect our child raising it ( i'm starting therapy and we'll definitely be going on a major healing journey. Before we get serious about having a kid) but still im worried. Do any of you have a partner or even yourself have bpd and have carried/raised a child? How did it affect you?

please help me. i don’t know what else to do i don’t know how to handle this

I’ve been struggling more and more with this for years now.
it’s nearly impossible to feel happy or even just alive until i do something i shouldn’t be doing.

ive been an alcoholic since middle school because of this and im starting to use more substances than usual to cope, it’s also severely affecting the sex addiction i’ve struggled with since i was very young

i’m having urges that i need to suppress or ill end up ruining a beautiful, healthy, 5 year relationship.

i’ve done intense exercise, ice/cold water, rubber band, sweets, sours, crafting with every medium i can learn, inpatient, intensive outpatient, meds, TMS treatment
i don’t know what else to do and im exhausted.

how do people survive this?

Started my first actual DBT session yesterday. We mostly discussed TIPP, since emotional control is one of my biggest ones right now. I have a worksheet to bring back next week, and I've given each skill a try. Temperature, progressive relaxation and intense exercise seem to work best for me. I don't know if I'm doing something wrong, but breathing exercises have always made me feel anxiety in my chest stronger. Either way, the other three had an effect.

The problem I keep running into is feeling better, stopping and trying to move on with my day, and then the trigger immediately entering my mind again. Like a pop up ad. Click out of it, and another one comes. I feel like a dog chasing its tail, which is exactly how I felt about my episodes before. I end up having to repeat skills over and over again for sometimes hours, and it takes enough out of me mentally that I still struggle to get my daily obligations done, which is another big one. Feelings of inadequacy, having so much going on in my head that I can't act on the ambition and adventurous side that I actually don't hate about myself. I tend to do better during the days following my K infusions, but it tends to fade and I would really like to move to biweekly instead of weekly at some point.

Is it supposed to be like this? Am I supposed to feel like I'm just replacing an episode with another kind of roundabout, mentally draining occurrence? I briefly messaged my psychiatrist about it and plan to bring it up in person next week, but wanted to see if anyone else deals with this too. He mentioned recovery not always being linear and it taking time to recognize the nervous system cues. I'd love to do all that I can to achieve that so I can finally address the huge inadequacy trigger.

I am a 27F, and got diagnosed with BPD when I was 22. There are a lot of things that I have done in my past that I feel very very regretful and shameful about. My behaviour and words hurt lots of people and I ruined a lot of relationships.

As soon as I got my diagnosis, I started DBT and I read everything I possibly could (mostly journal articles) about how to remit. When I was 24, my psychologist suggested that I had reached remission. There are obvs still things I find challenging and abandonment is still painful, but for the most part I have really healthy and stable relationships and a strong sense of self. I would like to believe I have changed a lot as a person.

Most people who were in my life pre-diagnosis and pre-remission, are not anymore. For my those I had romantic relationships with, I completely understand why. It has been years now and I still feel really a lot of shame and guilt about the way I treated them and acted. I know I have spent a lot of time working on myself so that I do not treat others in that same way, but I can’t seem to let go or forgive myself for being that way in the first place. Those ex-partners and ex-friends only knew the worst version of me. How do I let go of the past? Do other people feel similarly once they look back on the past? How do others practise self-compassion to their younger selves?

I think I might have bpd because of all the traits I see in myself. But I have an issue when it comes to seeking help. It might be because of my bad experiences with therapy when I was a teen.

I was diagnosed with depression and social anxiety when I was 16, but I went to therapy for only a year and stopped taking meds that I actually needed around the same time as well (I'm 21 rn). I feel like I'm never taken seriously because in day to day life I'm pretty high functioning until everything suddenly comes crashing down and it becomes unbearable. For the same reason I feel like I began downplaying my own issues, because if nobody takes them seriously then maybe it is not as deep as I think.

All of this made it basically impossible for me to search for a new specialist to try and get help. I still feel lost and stuck in the same place as I did when I was 16. I'm scared that when I would eventually talk to someone about why I think I might have bpd they would dismiss it like people did with my other problems before. How do I even bring it up to anyone without feeling like I'm exaggerating?

(I'm overthinking this post a lot but I hope I used the right flair and that it's okay to post it on this subreddit because it's my first time posting anything on reddit.)

my ex friend group grew very distant from me after i told them i feel excluded from the group- and also told them everything they ever did that i didn’t like. It went really badly. now nobody really likes me or talks to me anymore unless i’m he one who makes the plans - and they only say yes to my plans like twice a year. I can’t help but to overthink and ruminate about what they must be thinking and saying about me. And one girl FOR SURE diagnosed me with BPD to the rest of the group cuz she has experience with ex friends with bpd and recognized it in my behaviour. idk how to cope

i'm heartbroken. literally. and i feel like the world has changed. i don't really know how to cope. i'm away from family at the moment. i travelled but i don't know why. i don't know what my purpose is. i just try to stay calm. but i really feel unwell :( i just wanted to vent :(

I crashed out and lost the absolute love of my life. We managed to get to about 2.5 years and a lot of it was really amazing and happy and yet I still succumbed to giving up on myself and failing to find the right therapy etc etc.

We always had problems, but a year a ago I had to move away for work and we had been long distance with a lot of visits, but the loneliness and isolation were really getting to me, and I couldn’t communicated effectively how much I missed her, and I really neglected the shit out of myself.

So when I did visit for her birthday I was almost entirely non communicative and fled, having a full text meltdown. So she left me and it was right, I can’t blame her. she’d been trying with me for a long time and asking me to improve.

We are on good terms, and we texted for a few weeks after the split, but have now gone full no contact until we’re both ready to talk again. We talked a lot about getting back together if I improved but the more I think about it, I think she was just trying to let me down easily and I don’t know if she ever could love me again.

However, she really was the one, easily by a hundred miles, I have had sad breakups before but always been a little relieved? Ive also been more emotional for other breakups because I barely made it to 3-4 months before breaking down, but she stood by me and really put effort in to learn about BPD. So now, I’m devastated. Yes the relationship was far from perfect, we weren’t exactly two peas in a pod at times we were different but we complimented each other so much. I genuinely thought we’d get married, have a family and just walk through life arm in arm.

I am coping by doing all the things I wanted to do for her before but never felt I could, like learn her native language and write her a musical.

My questions are:

1. should I keep on doing these things for myself and in hope of the future? I worry if I don’t then I’ll just go back to my old ways and won’t have proven to myself that I can see something through. They are giving me energy to do good and be creative. But I worry they will be pathetic and I’ll be ashamed of what I’m doing later on.
2. Do I need to move on and convince myself she isn’t the one for me? I’m getting older so I’m scared I’m moving backwards not forwards, I just dont even know if I can trust my own heart?

Any advice helpful here!

I don’t ever really use Reddit but I need advice.
I have a history of self harm which was the result of explosive fights between me and my partner when we were both addicted to drugs. We broke up at the beginning of 2020 but after 3 years and getting off drugs we got back together. For the most part our relationship is amazing in every way however due to both of us having BPD when we do fight (which used to be rare) it’s explosive. When we were on drugs she would threaten to break up with me, I would spiral and end up self harming. I haven’t self harmed in 6 years since we broke up but over the past 7 months or so the fights have been getting more frequent and last night she said she broke up with me only to vaguely imply she changed her mind. This was the first time she had said she was breaking up with me in years and I panicked and self harmed.
She’s still quite upset with me and I’m going to find out tonight after work if she actually is choosing to break up with me or not. I believe like most times in the past she’s willing to talk through this but I’m afraid she will change her mind when she inevitably sees the small cut on my thigh and it brings back the trauma of when we were on drugs together. I would like advice on how to soften the blow and gently be honest with her and tell I self harmed

I (M23) and her (F25)

We were together 8 months, on and off in intensity the whole way through. I have BPD. She’s actually the one who pushed me into therapy and found me my therapist in the first place, and I’ve been in DBT for a while now. Honestly it’s helped, I know my worth more, I’ve gotten better at self love, I can regulate and stay calm in situations that used to send me into a rage spiral. It’s been a long time since I actually had a BPD rage episode, that part I’m proud of.

I used to tell everyone (despite me getting cheated on in my previous relationships) that this is the most secure I’ve ever felt in a relationship. ….One thing that fed my insecurity and i never recovered from it was finding out about a very close male friend of hers about half a year in, name and everything. She’d always mentioned “a friend” like 2 or 3 times whenever she talked about him before that throughout the relationship, so I didn’t always realize it was the same person until it she name dropped him randomly when we were talking about our best friend’s birthdays during a date. For someone with BPD, that kind of slow reveal about closeness with someone else hits a lot harder and faster than it probably would for most people, even when nothing romantic is actually going on.

The relationship itself was rough on both sides too. I did things months back I’m not proud of. I’ve owned all of it, taken responsibility, apologized more than once. But lately it’s felt like I’m being punished for it on repeat. Old stuff dragged back up in every fight, cussing that went past anger into really personal territory, and she even said it herself at one point, that this was tormenting me. Every recent fight ended with me just begging for one moment of kindness, for her to be nice to me for once, and it never came.

We ended things for real this time. She deleted all our pictures, everything, actual goodbyes. Before ,
everytime we broke up or had a fight and got blocked, I used to do anything possible including making new phone numbers, social media accounts to reach her , begging , apologising…
Recently we had a fight and when it started getting disrespectful I started proposing space and drew boundaries to what is acceptable anymore which eventually led to a breakup ..And for the first time in 8 months, when it ended, I didn’t chase. Didn’t call repeatedly, didn’t make a new number, didn’t spiral after her online, didn’t beg like I always used to. I just let it be quiet.

But I still have all our pictures. I can’t delete them, I don’t want to. She erased it like it never happened and I’m just sitting here holding onto what’s left.

I love her, I want her, and choosing myself instead of chasing has been the single hardest thing I’ve ever done. I’m in this miserable, dark place where I know logically this was the right call, but everything in me wants to undo it. I try to act normal, pretend everything is fine but it just lasts for a few mins, and I break down crying again.

Anyone been through choosing yourself over someone you still love, especially with BPD making the wanting feel so much louder? How do you actually survive the part where your head knows one thing and your heart is screaming another.

I feel helpless even tho I’ve gotten better with reminding myself that I have my own life and it doesn’t revolve around another person.

How do you make a friend? How can you be a good friend? I wasn’t able to connect to anyone from school or anywhere I have worked. I talk to maybe two people at this point and I don’t want to worry them with my passive suicidality. My chronic loneliness has taken such a toll on not only my physical health, but my mental health as well.
I can barely remember anything. My body is so weak and cold. I can’t remember the last time a friend or someone just held me, yet at the same time, I don’t want to be held. I don’t want to have that hope of connection, just to have it ripped away because I fuck it all up again in the end.
I’m not making it to my birthday. I’m going to be 22 in a month & have nothing to show for it. I can barely keep a job. I cannot afford to even rent a room. I gave up dreaming about my future YEARS ago. I honestly cannot believe I would ever marry & have children. Or that I even deserve it. I fucking hate myself.

As we all know having BPD definitely comes with big emotions. I have been able to maintain friendships for years upon years, but I have not been able to maintain healthy, romantic relationships until I got married. What has been your guys pattern or struggles with relationships romantically? Or have you been able to sustain a marriage or healthy relationship with a partner?

I'm 25F and generally just unhappy with my life and I'm not sure how to fix it. I used to be extremely goal oriented and achievement motivated. I'm a former gifted kid, if that paints the picture a bit better, but started having mental health issues junior/senior year of high school and started struggling with everything due to mental health and some unfortunate life events. I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, depression, and anxiety around 18 years old, but I'm really trying to avoid using that as an excuse for where I'm at now in life and why I'm so undisciplined and erratic.

I graduated college (undergrad) a few years ago, which was extremely rough at times and I'm glad I finished with a degree at least. I have held a full time job since then. I even worked two jobs on and off for about 18 months post-grad to make extra ground on some personal debt I had accumulated due to coping by spending money in college. I paid off about $13k of a starting $21k balance, leaving me with about $8k left as of today. I'm no longer working two jobs because I'll be starting grad school in the evenings this fall.

I'm overweight and have been for 8 years or so. I know I have an issue with coping with food and it has been relentlessly difficult. Every time I try to lose weight, counting calories just feels like a bandaid solution. The issue is deeper than just simple calorie intake. I really want to have a healthier relationship with food but, like most goals I have, I feel incapable of simply locking in and getting it done because I'm so emotionally driven.

I feel like I'm at the mercy of my mental illness and emotional whims all day every day. There's so much I want to do and experience and achieve in this lifetime but so much of my time is spent keeping my BPD and emotions manageable. I don't feel like myself without goals and achievements. Has anyone else figured out a way around or through something like this? I don't want the rest of my life to be reduced to "just getting by" because I have this diagnosis.

...and he wants to break up with me.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost two years. Its been magical, and I've known he has bpd since the very start.

Unlike most people with BPD he's not afraid of abandonment, i think he yearns for it. He talks a lot of wanting to be alone, hates himself when he misses me, doesn't like depending on anyone to do anything. He could be completely alone in the world and he would be living his best life.

That said, he enjoys my company. Im not his FP, as he has a son, and his son is his FP, but even with his son, he's not supper affectionate.

Today i got up to go to the gym, got home at 9am and tried to take a short nap so i could stay awake till 11pm (when my day ends). When i woke up from my nap i had a few texts from him. He has a few episodes in which he cuts me off completely for 3 or so days. Prefers i do not send him any messages and will not text me back. Hes not cheating (i know some people like to say this) he lives with his son and his sister, rarely leaves home.

The texts he sent me today were asking me to not talk to him and telling me not to make plans to see him on the weekend (what we usually do). Saying he needs to make a decision about our relationship, and that its "not doing it anymore" he blocked me, and said that when he cooled down we would talk. I Haven't tried reaching out in any way.

He also said this doesn't change that he loves me, but if he leaves a way to communicate with me he won't be fair with me, or our relationship.

I don't have BPD, but i try my best to understand whats happening. Before he sent those texts he told me to rest well and everything was fine, we were completely normal, or even better than normal.

I want some advice, from people that can understand him better than i do.

I have always struggled with keeping friendships. I know I give too much of myself too early on, and it usually gets taken advantage of, and I get hurt in the end. I’m also the background person in a lot of peoples lives. I’m no one’s person. How do I stop giving so much so early? Does anyone have recommendations on how to combat the loneliness? I don’t have a family relationship due to abuse, I only talk to my grandma and grandpa. I have about one good friend, my best friend is struggling mentally also and I acknowledge that and I wanna help them, but their behavior is also hurting me. I just feel like I’m constantly the problem. Obviously, we all do things incorrectly at some point in our lives, but I feel like everything I do is wrong. The only place I feel valued is at work. That’s the only time I seen. I’m sorry if this is stupid. There’s no good support around where I live with BPD and I can’t afford to do DBT again as I am 24 and fully on my own. Which is fine, but I have to neglect some things to stay afloat.

This feeling like I don’t matter or that what I have to say is boring or worth ignoring, this feeling is building up a lot for me recently. I am starting to give up on trying to talk to people at work or in general because it just seems like they my not interested, don’t care, or don’t know wtf I’m talking about or trying to say, or it just straight up doesn’t matter to them—- I’m sure it’s my fault for having low conviction bc I don’t want to be in any of these situations in the first place tho…. How is it that everyone doesn’t just gouge their eyes out? They honestly come in to work every day and make the best of it? Maybe they’re the crazy ones….

I was recently diagnosed with BPD and am still learning how to cope. My boyfriend broke up with five months ago, unfortunately it ended on very bad terms due to my own actions. This is actually what pushed me to go back to therapy, where they diagnosed me with BPD. Anyways the breakup was so bad I am blocked on everything and even though a lot of time has passed I still am not over him. I am pretty positive he was my FP while we were together, which is contributing to why I am struggling so hard to get over the relationship. That being said, this is all very new to me and I am looking for advice and support on how to get over your FP when they no longer want to be in your life because of your own shitty actions.

Hello,

Someone I love very much is currently in a relationship with a partner who has BPD. Their partner has broken things off with them multiple times and gotten back together. From an outside perspective this seems like a cycle of abuse to the other person. What advice or comfort can I give my loved one if this continues to happen? I’m not here to judge anyone I’m just genuinely looking for help and to understand why this might be happening.