Say, "Hey, I have a disorder that can cause me to be extremely abusive, clingy, manipulative, and cry waterfalls at the drop of a hat? Oh, you think men crying are not real men? Cool, definitely heard that one before. Why has my longest relationship ever only 4 months? Uhhhh...."

If I mention that to a woman, she will run like she is on fire. This is hypothetical btw. I'm single atm. Honesty (at least in the beginning) does not seem like the best policy here.

I'm sure this has probably been asked before, but I'm asking anyways. What jobs have you held the longest/what was your favorite? I struggle so much with holding down a job or finding any career I want to pursue. The thought of having any job for my whole life makes me want to die. I'm currently working part time as a barista but it's not really enough to cover my bills. But it's the only job I've been able to hold for months. I've tried so many different paths and I always end up quitting and failing miserably. I wish I had the energy and motivation everyone else does. Everything is so exhausting all the time and I'm so burnt out but what can I do? I can't just not work, so I just keep hopping from place to place and I don't know what to do. I've considered trying to find a full time barista job since I've been able to keep this one for a bit, but I live in a pretty small town and there are no options available.

Just learned that they removed “chronic boredom” (last used in DSM-3) and replaced it with “chronic feelings of emptiness” (as many are aware of it now) in ‘94 for the DSM-4.

I genuinely just thought that being bored sucked THIS bad for everyone, but holy hell, now I know that it just sucks even more for us.

P.S. it was removed due to it not being as “distinct” compared to other conditions like ADHD, depression, etc. but a lot of other clinicians have debated the fact that it shouldn’t have been removed from BPD’s diagnostic tools. I kinda agree too.

Anyone else hate this sucky boredom feeling?

How do you make a friend? How can you be a good friend? I wasn’t able to connect to anyone from school or anywhere I have worked. I talk to maybe two people at this point and I don’t want to worry them with my passive suicidality. My chronic loneliness has taken such a toll on not only my physical health, but my mental health as well.
I can barely remember anything. My body is so weak and cold. I can’t remember the last time a friend or someone just held me, yet at the same time, I don’t want to be held. I don’t want to have that hope of connection, just to have it ripped away because I fuck it all up again in the end.
I’m not making it to my birthday. I’m going to be 22 in a month & have nothing to show for it. I can barely keep a job. I cannot afford to even rent a room. I gave up dreaming about my future YEARS ago. I honestly cannot believe I would ever marry & have children. Or that I even deserve it. I fucking hate myself.

every single relationship i will ever have will never be healthy because im naturally a horrible person who drains everyone around them. i wish i could say it isn't my fault but it is. even if i was neglected abused hit and yelled at that doesn't excuse me for being the person i am now. i will feel horrible clawing guilt over every single mistake I've ever made no matter how small or big but that still doesn't make me a good person. i might say sorry apologise and want to take accountability but it will never be enough to feel clean of all of the horrible things ive done. i don't want to be dependent on the people around me but i can't seem to take care of myself. i don't want to seek reassurance for every single thing but i can't validate myself so im forced to beg people to tell me im not horrible even though i know it's true. when i hurt others it makes me want to die but i always end up being inconsiderate somehow. ive been told im selfish my entire life and no matter what i do i still end up selfish. ive been told im too much my entire life and no matter what i do i still tire people out. no one says it but i know they feel like they're walking on eggshells around me. when someone tells me i did something wrong i can't stop crying and they feel like they can't tell me anything. im just meant to be a horrible selfish monster and i hate it.

Anyone else feel weird or wrong for giving out their opinions on things because you’re afraid that they won’t like what you have to say and will end up liking you less? Like it’s easier to be a watered down version of yourself by not sharing everything you’re thinking or adding your thoughts to the convo. My boyfriend would ask me things and I’d feel so weird and worried to give my opinion because I don’t want him to think less of me but when I told him about how I felt he said he wants to know my opinions and thoughts which made me react like “What?? You won’t get mad?? You WANT to know what I have to say??”

Just wanted to know if anyone else felt like this too lol

I am a 27F, and got diagnosed with BPD when I was 22. There are a lot of things that I have done in my past that I feel very very regretful and shameful about. My behaviour and words hurt lots of people and I ruined a lot of relationships.

As soon as I got my diagnosis, I started DBT and I read everything I possibly could (mostly journal articles) about how to remit. When I was 24, my psychologist suggested that I had reached remission. There are obvs still things I find challenging and abandonment is still painful, but for the most part I have really healthy and stable relationships and a strong sense of self. I would like to believe I have changed a lot as a person.

Most people who were in my life pre-diagnosis and pre-remission, are not anymore. For my those I had romantic relationships with, I completely understand why. It has been years now and I still feel really a lot of shame and guilt about the way I treated them and acted. I know I have spent a lot of time working on myself so that I do not treat others in that same way, but I can’t seem to let go or forgive myself for being that way in the first place. Those ex-partners and ex-friends only knew the worst version of me. How do I let go of the past? Do other people feel similarly once they look back on the past? How do others practise self-compassion to their younger selves?

I don't know if this is a BPD thing or my own flavor of crazy. I find most people boring because we share little to nothing in common or repugnant due to having different values. But on the rare occasion that I do run across someone that I connect with, I desperately want a friendship with them. More than that. I become clingy and possessive. I want them all to myself. I want them to want the same from me.

I've had few friends and relationships and this behavior has ruined all of them. Either because I become too clingy or because I get cold and distant when I fear my feelings won't be reciprocated. I don't like their other friends. I don't like their girlfriends. I don't like their exes. I want all the attention. This is a childish attitude but it's all I've ever known.

I've isolated for a long time but lately I've thought about trying to form connections again. I know the old me will come out. On some level I feel it's for the best even though it may cause a lot of pain. I'm sick of being stuck in this shell. I'm sure I can course correct if things get too spicy.

I think I might have bpd because of all the traits I see in myself. But I have an issue when it comes to seeking help. It might be because of my bad experiences with therapy when I was a teen.

I was diagnosed with depression and social anxiety when I was 16, but I went to therapy for only a year and stopped taking meds that I actually needed around the same time as well (I'm 21 rn). I feel like I'm never taken seriously because in day to day life I'm pretty high functioning until everything suddenly comes crashing down and it becomes unbearable. For the same reason I feel like I began downplaying my own issues, because if nobody takes them seriously then maybe it is not as deep as I think.

All of this made it basically impossible for me to search for a new specialist to try and get help. I still feel lost and stuck in the same place as I did when I was 16. I'm scared that when I would eventually talk to someone about why I think I might have bpd they would dismiss it like people did with my other problems before. How do I even bring it up to anyone without feeling like I'm exaggerating?

(I'm overthinking this post a lot but I hope I used the right flair and that it's okay to post it on this subreddit because it's my first time posting anything on reddit.)

my ex friend group grew very distant from me after i told them i feel excluded from the group- and also told them everything they ever did that i didn’t like. It went really badly. now nobody really likes me or talks to me anymore unless i’m he one who makes the plans - and they only say yes to my plans like twice a year. I can’t help but to overthink and ruminate about what they must be thinking and saying about me. And one girl FOR SURE diagnosed me with BPD to the rest of the group cuz she has experience with ex friends with bpd and recognized it in my behaviour. idk how to cope

I don't really know what I'm trying to say. I just need to get this out because I genuinely don't understand what's happening in my head.

I have BPD, and lately I've realized how little I trust my own feelings.

A few months ago I lost my friend group because I felt my boundaries weren't being respected. Around the same time, I was recovering from a terrible breakup and a 2-month depressive episode where I barely left my house.

There's a guy I've known since 2018 through that friend group. We were never particularly close, but last year we started hanging out occasionally as friends. After my breakup, we started seeing each other more. In August, my city had a cultural month with free exhibitions, movies, theater, etc., and we have very similar interests, so I ended up going to almost everything with him. We saw each other around 23 out of 31 days.

He's kind, mature, funny, listens to me, and I feel comfortable around him. Somewhere along the way I started feeling attracted to him, but I kept rationalizing it: I'm probably just attracted to him because I'm not used to being treated well.

He often talked about the women he dated and how his “type” was independent, extroverted women who lived on their own. I'm basically the opposite, so I never thought I'd be someone he'd be interested in.

Then a few nights ago, he told me he had developed feelings for me.

I fucking panicked.

I immediately told him he was confused, that he only knew the fun version of me, and that eventually he'd realize I'm too much, too intense, too difficult, or too exhausting.

He insisted he wasn't confused. He said he knew my struggles and still liked me.

And somehow, that scared me more.

I've been in situations before where someone says they understand me, that I'm different, that they've never met someone like me. Eventually, they realize what being with me actually means, and I'm “too much.”

So it feels safer to believe someone doesn't really like me than to believe they do. If they're confused, they'll eventually figure it out and leave. That's predictable. But if they actually like me, then I have something to lose.

He eventually said he wouldn't pursue anything and that we should see each other less because his feelings would only grow. He reassured me he wasn't going to stop talking to me.

But when I got home, I cried because I realized how terrified I was of losing him.

And now I don't know what I'm feeling.

I don't know if I genuinely don't want him, or if I'm pushing him away because I'm afraid of getting attached and eventually being abandoned.

I use dating apps. I go on dates. I want intimacy and connection. But at the same time, I feel like I already know how every relationship will end.

I want someone to love me, but I'm terrified of being loved. I want someone to stay, but I assume they'll leave.

I'm in therapy and I know I rationalize my feelings constantly because I don't feel safe trusting them. I've stayed in situations that hurt me because I was afraid of being alone, so now feelings themselves feel dangerous.

I think that's what I'm struggling with most: I don't know how to tell the difference between protecting myself and sabotaging myself.

Has anyone with BPD experienced this? How do you know when you're genuinely not interested in someone versus when you're pushing them away because you're terrified of what might happen if you let yourself care?

Started my first actual DBT session yesterday. We mostly discussed TIPP, since emotional control is one of my biggest ones right now. I have a worksheet to bring back next week, and I've given each skill a try. Temperature, progressive relaxation and intense exercise seem to work best for me. I don't know if I'm doing something wrong, but breathing exercises have always made me feel anxiety in my chest stronger. Either way, the other three had an effect.

The problem I keep running into is feeling better, stopping and trying to move on with my day, and then the trigger immediately entering my mind again. Like a pop up ad. Click out of it, and another one comes. I feel like a dog chasing its tail, which is exactly how I felt about my episodes before. I end up having to repeat skills over and over again for sometimes hours, and it takes enough out of me mentally that I still struggle to get my daily obligations done, which is another big one. Feelings of inadequacy, having so much going on in my head that I can't act on the ambition and adventurous side that I actually don't hate about myself. I tend to do better during the days following my K infusions, but it tends to fade and I would really like to move to biweekly instead of weekly at some point.

Is it supposed to be like this? Am I supposed to feel like I'm just replacing an episode with another kind of roundabout, mentally draining occurrence? I briefly messaged my psychiatrist about it and plan to bring it up in person next week, but wanted to see if anyone else deals with this too. He mentioned recovery not always being linear and it taking time to recognize the nervous system cues. I'd love to do all that I can to achieve that so I can finally address the huge inadequacy trigger.

As we all know having BPD definitely comes with big emotions. I have been able to maintain friendships for years upon years, but I have not been able to maintain healthy, romantic relationships until I got married. What has been your guys pattern or struggles with relationships romantically? Or have you been able to sustain a marriage or healthy relationship with a partner?

I don’t mean in a “emotional numbness” or not feeling all emotions way. I mean, I feel anger instead now. I don’t cry except for when I’m angry or overwhelmed. I don’t grieve by feeling sad or depressed, just this rage and constant hum of anger. I feel like a lot of people with BPD are depressed a lot of the time or feel sad but I just don’t and idk if anyone else feels like this. just rage in human form I guess. I can’t really find anyone talking about this

I know I'm doing better, my therapist has told me and even outside of that I've noticed I'm doing better. There's so many things I can do now that I haven't been able to in the past regarding interpersonal relationships due to emotional dysregulation.

I've worked hard on that, managing the external symptoms. Now all that's left is the internal issues.

But even when a situation that occurs isn't my fault (by the jury of peers outside the situation, and my therapist), I get told it is because I'm the one with the diagnosis. People will create narratives in their head of my intentions and paint me as a monster when those thoughts haven't even crossed my mind.

I sometimes feel I've worked so hard on minimizing my impact to others I've unintentionally swung into minimizing my own feelings. Then when I try to express them, people don't hear me. And when they do, it's all in my head and I'm the problem.

No matter what, it's diagnosis first. Ignoring the work I've put in and am still putting in (remission is the goal, always).

I'm trying to not let it color the new image of myself and who I can be, that I'm only starting to see but it's hard. Especially when it's people closest.

I'm really good about accountability. I am ok with saying "Hey, I was wrong", "Yeah, I see where I could do better with x, y, z". That's the only way we grow, to accept our faults. But why is it always accountability for me, and no one is willing to accept that interpersonal relationships often take more than one person to exist. I don't exist in a vacuum as much as it feels like it some days.

Why can't anyone just acknowledge that "oh yeah, actually I did mess up there my bad" without it being turned on me in a "but you were the reason that I did this thing that hurt you because you're the problem" type way?

What to do?

...and he wants to break up with me.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost two years. Its been magical, and I've known he has bpd since the very start.

Unlike most people with BPD he's not afraid of abandonment, i think he yearns for it. He talks a lot of wanting to be alone, hates himself when he misses me, doesn't like depending on anyone to do anything. He could be completely alone in the world and he would be living his best life.

That said, he enjoys my company. Im not his FP, as he has a son, and his son is his FP, but even with his son, he's not supper affectionate.

Today i got up to go to the gym, got home at 9am and tried to take a short nap so i could stay awake till 11pm (when my day ends). When i woke up from my nap i had a few texts from him. He has a few episodes in which he cuts me off completely for 3 or so days. Prefers i do not send him any messages and will not text me back. Hes not cheating (i know some people like to say this) he lives with his son and his sister, rarely leaves home.

The texts he sent me today were asking me to not talk to him and telling me not to make plans to see him on the weekend (what we usually do). Saying he needs to make a decision about our relationship, and that its "not doing it anymore" he blocked me, and said that when he cooled down we would talk. I Haven't tried reaching out in any way.

He also said this doesn't change that he loves me, but if he leaves a way to communicate with me he won't be fair with me, or our relationship.

I don't have BPD, but i try my best to understand whats happening. Before he sent those texts he told me to rest well and everything was fine, we were completely normal, or even better than normal.

I want some advice, from people that can understand him better than i do.

Me F41(UK) and partner M42(Ireland) have been LD since the start of relationship 18 months ago.

We did actually close the distance and I moved in with him in February. Unfortunately the move triggered a lot of symptom regression for me. I struggled massively with the change. My symptoms were triggering my partner to the point that I had to leave.

I moved back to the UK in July. I am living alone with significantly less income than I had pre moving in together. I am dependant on benefits and I lost a lot of historical income protection due to starting a new claim. My rent is also £200 higher than in February. Basically I used to be pretty comfortable financially for a solo living disabled person and now I can just about cover rent (except I can't because unfortunate coping mechanisms cost money). This is relevant because financial insecurity is a massive trigger and is significantly worsening my health.

Relationship: we are still together. I am committed to this guy. I absolutely want to improve my symptom management and find a way to live together sustainably.

For his part, nothing about his life has changed since I moved out. Same apartment, less costs because he's now sharing rent with his sister (she moved into the second bedroom after I left). He visits me for around 3 days a month currently. He's happy with this I think.

I'm pretty miserable. I found the whole being asked to move out situation massively triggering. All my mental health stuff is worse. Regular flashbacks. Coping mechanisms are worse. I have a shopping addiction issue I'm desperately trying to improve. I have eating disorder and self injury stuff. I can't sleep enough to cope with anything. And I can't be open with him about this because he doesn't have the capacity to help and he gets upset which makes me feel worse.

I miss him. I wish I'd done a better job at living together while I had a chance. I don't know what to do with myself with no plan to live together again.

Support I'm using:

I attend weekly in person support group and a couple of zoom groups.

DBT skills all the way.

Talking to my partner as openly as possible but trying to step back when we trigger eachother.

Progress I'm making: shopping addiction is improving from its worst. Not perfect, but I'm having spend free days and keeping an accurate record of my spending, which does disgust me into trying harder tbh. And I'm selling stuff on vinted to try to compensate for my slips. At this point I'm actually covering my spending, but know that's not sustainable and I'll continue to work on cutting out the comfort spending.

Basically here because its late. I can't sleep and I can't call anyone. I guess I'd just like to be heard and hear from anyone who can relate to feeling hopeless and still trying their best to improve the situation.

I recently went through a bad experience where I was talking to someone for about a month. Everything seemed well they texted me have a good shift at 8pm at 2am when I looked at my phone he deleted his account out of nowhere after a whole month of talking. I 've just been a wreck since this happened on friday night.

I feel like I need to start therapy again, But tbh DBT and CBT never worked for me, I don't know if talk therapy helps me. My friend has talked to me about EMDR I've looked into it bug wonder if it'll be for me.

I feel like therapy in general never really helped me

I wanted to know what therapy has helped you in the past and really worked? I know i can't only do meds anymore and really need professional help.

Thanks in advance if you reply to this post and take the time.

My husband is bipolar and has borderline personality disorder. I knew this dating him and marrying him, I love him anyway and I can look past his episodes. We got married 3 months ago, and leading up to then he was medicated, stable, and doing really well and making me feel loved and safe. He was being conscious of his health, exercising a lot and was overall much happier. We both were. I am also currently 30 weeks pregnant with our first baby. After we got married he slowly started smoking weed and drinking again, and quit taking his meds. Since then it’s been a downhill spiral. He makes me feel like I don’t do anything right and I have to walk on eggshells to try and not upset him.
About a month ago, he went through my laptop on my Google Photos and scrolled down to about 4-5 years ago, before I met him, and found an old screenshot of innocent texts between my ex and I. There was also an old screenshot of a guy’s instagram page that I had gone a date with once. This was years before I met my husband. But since then he’s been kind of horrible to me. We got into a huge fight about this same situation about a year ago, because he went through all of my photos in my phone, and I hadn’t deleted old pictures of my exes from high school. Not because they meant anything to me, i don’t care about them, I just never thought to delete them since they were from years ago. I don’t really think about my past or my exes so I had kind of just forgotten they were even there. He brings it up everytime he’s upset at me. He tells me I broke his trust, he doesn’t love me the same, I changed, and ever since then he’s stopped doing nice or special things for me. He acts like it is on the same level as cheating. He tells me he should have left me because of it and I don’t respect him or our relationship and all kinds of other cruel things. I understand him being upset or having his feelings hurt about it, and I have apologized to him over and over for a year now and have tried to make things up to him, but every time he gets into an episode, he brings it up.
When he found the old screenshots that I had forgotten to delete about a month ago, he actually kicked me out of our house, while I’m pregnant, and made me go stay with my parents. My parents were obviously furious so they intervened, told him he needs to get his shit together and get medicated again and go to therapy. He eventually agreed once he calmed down a little. He has had to do daily check ins with my dad, and my dad offered for us to move in with them and sell our house. My husband hated our house and wanted to sell pretty much as soon as we moved in, so he was on board with that idea immediately. We just moved all of our stuff to my parents this past weekend, my husband has been taking his meds again for about a week now, and has had about 3 therapy sessions. All of that seems to be positive, but when he does to therapy it puts him in a mood. He always comes back upset at me. I feel like all he does when he goes to therapy is talk shit about me and make his therapist think I’m a horrible person and I don’t treat him right. I try to talk to him about it but my husband just points out all of my flaws, all the things that I’ve done that have hurt him, and tells me I don’t treat him right. I’ve never done anything to purposely hurt him and he is constantly telling me I need to work on things and change, which I’m trying.
I just feel like my whole pregnancy has revolved around his episodes and his mental health, and I have almost no support from him, I feel like I’m doing it alone. I tell him I love him and I need him and a lot of times he flips it back on me telling me I don’t emotionally support him or respect him and I hurt him so he doesn’t want to give me what I need. I don’t know what to believe. Because when he’s stable and happy he makes me feel so safe and loved and happy and he’s my best friend. Other times he completely stonewalls me or tells me how bad of a wife I am. Our whole relationship I have just constantly been trying to be the best partner I can be to him, I am always loving and affectionate, I always want to talk to him and spend time with him and do the little things for him, but none of that matters while he’s in an episode, all he sees is all the wrong I’ve done. I’m just so worried about losing him and losing the family we just started to create. I know this is so long but I am getting so desperate and I just need someone to give me any kind of advice.

So I’m 28 yrs old and yes my bpd episodes whatever you want to call them have calmed down bc I used to go absolutely insane over the smallest inconveniences like breaking my one or not having any gas etc. relationship have never really been easy for me because my mind will be coming up with things that are true and my ass believes it till I switch out of it and realize what is actually happening. I want friends but I can be so non social, I’ll look and act like I hate you till you somehow pass the threshold of challenges I’ve thrown at you and gotten to know the real me. I know it gets better with age and it has but now I’m 28 with no friends luckily I have my partner but I put him through the wringer as friends for 7 years and now are 3 yrs in as partners and I still give em hell any advice would be great. Thanks

I was diagnosed with bipolar II and BPD in March of this year. Since then, I’ve started taking medication, including lithium, and recently began DBT.
I told my family and closest friends relatively quickly, and they have been incredibly supportive. I also told my ex. But after receiving my diagnoses, my first reaction was to give up on the idea that I could ever have a stable, serious relationship.
Since then, I’ve been casually dating, having hookups, and entering situationships that I usually end pretty quickly. That is completely unlike me. I think I convinced myself that I should never seriously date again, so keeping everything temporary felt safer.
The only person I’ve truly tried to be with is my ex. I begged him to come back and told him that I was taking medication now and that things could be different. But he didn’t come back.
I’m beginning to understand that I do want a steady and stable love life. At the same time, the idea of dating someone new terrifies me. I’m afraid that once someone learns about my diagnoses, especially BPD, they will judge me or abandon me. Right now, even putting myself back into the dating pool feels too vulnerable.
But I also realize that continuing to hope my ex will return is slowly destroying me. He is the only former romantic partner who knows about my diagnoses, which makes him feel familiar and safe in that specific way. But he may not actually be the right person for me. Like there are multiple dry facts that make him pretty much horrible match for me and bunch of people who are not aware of my diagnosis call me a settler and are very surprised I even try to get him back. Additionally, that relationship involved experiences that may have contributed to, or seriously worsened, many of my BPD symptoms.
For those of you with BPD, bipolar II, or both: how did you start dating again after being diagnosed? When and how do you tell someone about your diagnosis? How do you handle the fear that they will abandon you once they know?

Sorry for the long post! Hi! Me (nb23) and my partner (m23) have been tossing around the idea of having a kid, quite frankly both of us have been completely childfree and not wanting one for pretty much our entire life until recentlyish. Im not entirely sure whst changed but both of us are really looking forward to eventually taking that step when we're both ready. However, I would be the one carrying as hes trans we're discussing options, including getting a surrogate if i cant carry. But the thought crossed my mind today that me having bpd might effect the pregnancy with hormone changes and everything. And even later affect our child raising it ( i'm starting therapy and we'll definitely be going on a major healing journey. Before we get serious about having a kid) but still im worried. Do any of you have a partner or even yourself have bpd and have carried/raised a child? How did it affect you?

please help me. i don’t know what else to do i don’t know how to handle this

I’ve been struggling more and more with this for years now.
it’s nearly impossible to feel happy or even just alive until i do something i shouldn’t be doing.

ive been an alcoholic since middle school because of this and im starting to use more substances than usual to cope, it’s also severely affecting the sex addiction i’ve struggled with since i was very young

i’m having urges that i need to suppress or ill end up ruining a beautiful, healthy, 5 year relationship.

i’ve done intense exercise, ice/cold water, rubber band, sweets, sours, crafting with every medium i can learn, inpatient, intensive outpatient, meds, TMS treatment
i don’t know what else to do and im exhausted.

how do people survive this?