I (28) have a really hard time feeling physical attraction to anyone if I don't know them deeply. It's hard for me to approach people irl based on their appearances. I tend to go for alternative looking people and judge their personalities based on that. But I've been very suprised by non alternative people too. I don't wanna approach every single person I see, seems tiring.

I swipe left on 90% of people on dating apps when I can't figure out their personalities. A lot of people don't describe their personalities well. I don't have many matches *maybe* because of it. I feel like I'm too judgemental.

I clicked really haaaard with this one man on Hinge but lost contact because of his personal reasons. I don't know if it was his way of saying he lost interest or if it was the truth. I've been bummed for weeks cause I can't enjoy talking to other people now. Its rare for me to find someone attractive and I got very interested in him.

I am really sad and lonely I guess. Ugh.

As far back as I can remember, I’ve always been drawn to women. I used to brush it off as simply “appreciating” them—their beauty, their energy, the way they carried themselves. I never really questioned what it meant.

Then there was one particular friend I used to have countless sleepovers with. We were incredibly close, and one night, almost randomly, she started watching lesbian porn. At first, we just laughed about it, teasing each other and pretending it was no big deal. But somewhere between the jokes and the curiosity, something shifted.

We started getting a little more comfortable with each other, a little more touchy, and before I really had time to understand what was happening, we had crossed a line neither of us had planned on crossing.

What surprised me most was how natural it felt. I wasn't confused or uncomfortable—I was curious, excited, and completely absorbed in discovering a side of myself I'd never really allowed myself to explore. She was patient with me and, in her own way, taught me so much about what I liked and what I was capable of feeling.

We eventually drifted apart, as people sometimes do, but I'll always have a soft spot for that chapter of my life. She didn't just introduce me to something new; she helped me discover a part of myself that had been there all along.

And for that, I'll always be grateful to her.

I feel called-out. And this is satire, folks.

The apps aren’t the best. I don’t do clubs or bars. Where are people going to meet other for friendship etc?

Im married to a man for 21 years now, im 48. When we met i was dating a woman. I had been dating men and women back and forth. At the time i sought safety and security and when i met my now husband i found that. Now that I’ve grown I’ve changed in ways. I miss kissing women, being i. Love with a woman although i still love my husband and the family we have together. My husband does not want to explore any openess on our marriage. Sometimes i feel i would be better suited with a woman due to interests and emotional likeness.

I’ve been in a dilemma, I’ve been sexually attracted to women all my life, but never went out of my way to do anything about it. I’ve been wanting to hook up with a woman, but I don’t want to offend anyone that’s lesbian or bisexual. How do I go about meeting people like me? I know being up front is the answer, but sometimes I feel like im a unicorn, please help. Also, let me know if anything im saying is offensive. I’m also from San Diego.

Hi everyone! 33 F here. Not sure if anyone will read my post but I will let me nervous clammy little hands keep typing anyway 😂

I am married to a man and we have an open marriage and have been in I guess you’d say a throuple with another woman. And it was FAN TAS TIC! We opted to open our marriage so I could explore that bisexual side I had and never admitted to having..

I have a real love for women who are more dominant and just take the reins on situations. I find power extremely sexy in women and miss having that. Ugh I’m not sure what to do with all these feelings lol.

ive known i was queer for a while. I’ve always had such a lax attitude even as a person that grew up in the church.

I’ve built my identity inside my brain - if that makes sense. Like I’ve never had romantic relationships, but I’ve concluded I like and am attracted to ANYONE i find attractive. I was chill w this. I’m attracted to beautiful people, that was the end of it in my mind. I was satisfied knowing this and was comfortable with the fact that I would probably never tell my direct family.

But now that I’ve started hanging out with this girl im incredibly attracted to - and I sense she might find me attractive too - I’ve become so scared and emotional.

(FIRST TIME HANGING OUT W ANYONE IM REALLY ATTRACTED TO EVER)

I don’t know if what i’m feeling - a bit of panic, excitement, joy, and tears - is because i’ve never truly had to confront my queerness irl, or because im avoidant and have struggled with allowing myself romantic connection in the past.

Probably a mix of both.

All this to say, i feel very overwhelmed with all types of emotions, but most poignant right now is the sadness i feel that im roommates w my little sister - the most important person in my life and the person i trust the most - and i feel like i want to tell her about my first “date” ever, but i can’t jump the gun. I’m scared.

I’m terrified that everything i figured out, thought through, and accepted in my brain is suddenly blowing up and destabilizing because I might be about to begin experiencing a romantic relationship for the first time (a queer one at that!)

Okay, I've rewritten this about seventeen times because apparently introducing myself to strangers on Reddit is terrifying lol.

I'm 36F and very, very new to all of this. I've considered myself straight for basically my entire life, but over time I've started questioning whether that actually tells the whole story.

I've had thoughts and fantasies involving women before, but I always brushed them off because a fantasy doesn't necessarily define your sexuality. Lately, though, I've started noticing women differently in real life too. Sometimes I'll catch myself looking at a woman and then spend the next twenty minutes arguing with myself about whether I was actually attracted to her or whether I just thought she was beautiful.

Apparently my brain requires a full investigation into everything.

There have also been moments where my reaction has felt a little harder to explain away, and that's what finally made me wonder whether I should stop dismissing this and actually give myself permission to understand it.

The problem is... I genuinely don't know what I am.

Bicurious is probably the closest word I have right now, although even using that makes me nervous. Maybe I'm bisexual. Maybe I'm mostly straight but have some attraction to women. Maybe I'll eventually understand this completely differently. I just don't know yet.

And weirdly, being unsure is the part I feel the most guilty about.

I've been reading posts here and almost talking myself out of joining because I don't want to take up space in a community if I eventually discover that I'm not bi. I also never want another woman or person feel like i am just looking for a way for me to answer a question about myself.

But trying to figure it all out entirely inside my own head isn't getting me very far either.

So I'm mostly here because I would love to know that this not a boat I'm in by myself. To read about and discuss the self discoveries either successful or ongoing of other women here and maybe slowly understand myself a little better.

I'm not coming into this with an outcome I'm trying to force. I think I'm finally just allowing myself to ask the question instead of immediately telling myself the answer has to be no.

So... hi. I'm nervous, confused, probably overthinking everything, and very happy I finally worked up the courage to introduce myself.

And if you've ever been in this weird in-between place yourself and are open to sharing your story I would be very grateful.

I’m 32 female, I dated men until I was 25 and then started dating women as well. I spent 3 years confused at what my identity was, thinking I had to make a choice but after time I concluded I simply just like both! I don’t have a leaning to either, I’d say I like them 50/50 equally, I am very much attracted to the person rather than the gender.

After 5 years of dating both, I decided that long term I wanted be with a man and I put my attention on seriously dating men. If I’m honest, this is probably subconsciously due to it being easier in many ways in the world we live in, I want a family one day so navigating that step can be easier, don’t need to have what can be difficult conversations with people, can travel with ease etc, I feel like it’s an easier life.

I date mainly men now but I do speak to women and open for short term situations with women, I’m always extremely clear if I’m speaking to a woman that that I’m just looking for something short term and will only enter a something where the other person is looking for the same thing. My friend asked me what I would do if I started to fall in love with a woman and I said honestly, I would put a wall up and move on from that situation as it’s not what I want long term. I’m not rejecting women because I think there’s anything wrong with being in a relationship with a woman, it’s simply not what I see in my future.

She says that it’s wrong that I’m willing to sleep with women casually, because it makes it seem like I’m using women as though they’re not worth anything more than that. I don’t really understand the difference between that and a man sleeping with a woman who also only wants something short term, though. I’m always completely upfront with women about my intentions from the beginning.

My friend thinks that because I like men and women, but I want to settle down with a man long term that this is homophobic. It’s hard to hear when I’m not homophobic at all, it simply just doesn’t align with what I personally want long term. I spent so many years so confused that to be honest, I finally feel at peace that I know what I want.

We wanted to put it out to see what people thought. Is choosing to only pursue men for a long-term relationship while still being attracted to women homophobic, or is it simply a personal relationship preference?

Another day another Twitter drama involving bisexuality

Early readers on Goodreads incorrectly tagged The Haunting of Lady Death by Maddie Martinez as lesbian. (If you look on goodreads you’d know the tags are community made and not established by the author. There were 2 lesbian tags and 8 wlw tags). Ms. Martinez has been promoting this book as a dark sapphic retelling of the Phantom of the opera a love triangle story.

There is the critique that this feels like a bait and switch because the protagonist lust after the second love interest in this love triangle… which makes sense because it’s a love triangle. I’m not sure how this can be perceived as a bait and switch because spoilers she does end up with the woman at the end.

The second critique I seen is that this book will center around the man and not the protagonist which doesn’t make sense in my opinion but I don’t know for sure because the book is not out until next year.

I understand the desire to have a book represent you specifically, and I understand the confusion when it has a tag that is a part of your identity, but the author did not use this tag so so I’m not sure why people are attacking the author and bisexuals for it. It just feels like people wanted a reason to attack bisexuals and call them disgusting when this was just a misunderstanding on the early readers fault.

Mostly looking for people to commiserate here, but. I after a whole lot of hyping myself up went to a lesbian bar in LA and.... everyone was aggressively mean to me? Like, I get on the dance floor, five feet away from anyone, and another girl on the floor tells me to "back off" of them? I cannot emphasize enough that I wasn't even anyone near them, at least five feet away.

Cut to me dancing alone for an hour until a girl comes up to me. Starts dancing. We're flirting for two minutes. Then she asks me where my boyfriend is because "If you've got an outfit like that on, you must be straight." That and everyone else was just staring straight through me because apparently, I was wearing a mini skirt?

I know, or I have to imagine, not all gay spaces are like this but man do I feel terrible after tonight. Any encouragement welcome

Been wondering lately how hard is it for a bi girl to actually find a girlfriend, especially if you're introverted and not into clubs, parties, or putting yourself out there all the time?

I've had crushes on a classmate and later on a junior, confessed, got rejected, and now I mostly feel embarrassed whenever I think about it. Sometimes I even wonder if I'm the problem.

And here's the confusing part: I grew up with a lot of internalized homophobia, so now I'm questioning whether that has affected how I approach relationships or even how I see myself.

has finding someone been this difficult for you too? How did you get over the embarrassment of rejection?

I posted something similar in another community a while ago, but just discovered this group and thought it might help me get some more advice or even just support? Even though I’m not really deserving of it (please don’t take that as bi people suck, it’s just me)
I’m in a pretty well known religion, and normally love it. There’s a sense of community, I’ve grown up with it, it gives me something to believe in.
But over the last couple of years I’ve realised I’m bi. And it kills me that I can never “know for sure” because if I ever act on these feelings I’ll be kicked out. Most of my friends and family are in this religion. I can’t tell anyone that I like the same gender. I can’t go out and try things because of my guilt and the fear of being found out. I just need to express the fact that I’m not straight somewhere where no one can recognise me and call me out on it.

I don't know about you girls, but as a bisexual woman, I have a need within me to be chivalrous with women. For example, I like to pay for dates with them, take them home to ensure their safety, open the car door for them, buy them flowers, and other things. With men it's different, because with them I share everything, and with them I'm not chivalrous or kind, haha (maybe if you're feminine), but with women I have this need to make them happy and earn a smile, and yes, I'm very much a womanizer. 😂🫠🫠, but I wanted to know from you girls if some of you are like this too? And this post is also that not all women are passive in Sapphic relationships

Husband here, wife is not on Reddit but is invested in approval of this post (if this is not the right subreddit, please redirect me). Both 46, 27 years married (Christian purity culture). I deconstructed years ago, wife rejected our religion when our son came out as gay a few years ago (epic).

I always knew something was there, and through her journey the last few years of facing her past, her bi sexuality is apparent. We are monogamous, and there is not an intense desire for her to physically explore, but I want to make sure she has room to understand this part of her.

The concern is how. I am comfortable with other women flirting with her and she reciprocating within our comfort zone. Is the best path forward is to visit lesbian friendly communities/bars and let her socialize? Thing is, she will not do this with out me present, so how do we navigate this? What does she express to other that we are married and are there for the community and her growth? How do we make sure they know we are not “unicorn hunting?” How do we manage the feelings of the other women she interacts with to show respect to them? How do I show respect in those spaces?  

I just love my girlfriend so much and need to gush about her for a second.

We’ve been together for about a year and a half. We’re both married to men and our relationship exists alongside our marriages, but what we have together is incredibly important to me.

She’s my best friend and confidant, and being loved by her has healed a part of me that genuinely believed I would never get to have lasting love with a woman. I feel completely safe with her. I trust her, she knows me incredibly well, and I feel like I can be completely myself around her.

And sex with her is genuinely incredible. We know each other and each other’s bodies so well, and being desired and understood by another woman in that way has really made everything better.

She makes me feel so secure in my bisexuality. I spent so much of my life wondering whether I would ever get to experience this kind of love with a woman, and now I have a girlfriend who is also my best friend and makes me feel loved, wanted, understood, and complete.

I just really fucking love her.

like seriously. she's hanging out of her car window waving and saying "bye babe" and i'm all like ............ 🫣

i broke u with my boyfriend a year ago, was totally straight until we broke up and i could explore some. but i am deathly afraid of going on a date with a girl, i have a couple times already but i genuinely feel like i scare them away with my newfound curiosity compared to their understanding of their sexuality.

tomorrow i am going on a date with a girl for the first time since May and im so scared. i cant talk to anyone about it because my family is so conservative. my sister is about the only person i can talk to it about but she is saying, “well if it goes well you know you like girls, and if it doesn’t you know you don’t”…she doesn’t understand being gay or supporting someone who is. my family is just not knowledgeable about this and i cant talk to anyone.

how can i not scare away a date or being subtly affectionate or show that im into a date in public? or what do you use as a conversation starter or ice breaker with your dates? it’s all so new and im sure im overthinking everything but, i want something real.