Married my husband under the assumption that he was a good man and didn’t really have any of my dealbreakers.

Well I just found out yesterday that one of my dealbreakers was broke by a man I’ve been married to for a year.

His Facebook is full of girls. I told myself I never want to date a man that has a social media following full of girls, he knows this, and I would never put my husband in the same predicament. To me, it just gives off disloyal and lustful vibes.

This was an issue i literally confronted him about week two of us dating and told him if he doesn’t want to fix it that’s fine but I will no longer pursue this relationship. Until yesterday I was under the assumption that it was fixed. I confronted him about it, he said “well these are all people I know.” But they’re all half naked, posting gym photos or workouts and you haven’t talked to these people in years. It doesn’t matter what they’re posting, the dynamic makes me uncomfortable, and I’ve voiced this since day one.

I’ve made so many huge sacrifices to be with this man, moved 3000 miles gave up a good location and a job didn’t even have a wedding so we could get eloped and he can’t even unfollow girls he hasn’t talked to in years. Like every sacrifice it’s time for him to make it’s an argument. The biggest sacrifice I’ve asked of him (clean up your social media) he didn’t even do. I don’t think I’ve literally asked him to ever sacrifice anything bigger and I couldn’t even get him to do that. But I’m supposed to continue sacrificing the things I want to do to make our marriage work.

Hello Reddit. I am 34 (F) and my husband is 33 (m). We have been married 4 almost 5 years and I am honestly struggling. He is nice to me, funny, faithful he is handsome he is a great dad but i am just so unhappy. I am highly motivated in my career and life. I work out I am in shape I am on the promotion track for work I enjoy to travel and hike. I cook full meals I try my best to clean with my hectic schedule. I simply cannot get him to match any of that. I can’t even get him to do equal shares of household duties no matter how much I beg him. He barely likes to travel he won’t help me around the house consistently. He’s extremely unreliable. I beg him to do small tasks for weeks before I finally snap and then he does it because he feels bad. For example what has me on edge this time is a generator. We bought one it doesn’t work and I asked him to call the company. i work 9-5 and they are only open 9-5. Two weeks after asking multiple times I took a half day at work and called. It took me 15 min…. I got the form and printed it but I need him to remove the gas. It’s been 5 days since and he still hasn’t. This is a constant in my home. At what point do I just leave ? It will honestly make my life harder. And my sons will be hurt just because I am unhappy with my mediocre life. I feel like I will wake up and be 50 and realized my whole youth was gone.

It's never enough for my soon to be ex wife.

After her "I got a lawyer", "Don't touch me", "Don't be sticky person", "I want to live alone", "We will never be together", "You are not completely normal person, you have psychological problems", "Don't live in a fantasy we will be together" and many more good phrases about my identity.

She has a new job starting today and I helped her to set her laptop up yesterday. It's Windows, I know, it's not macOS, dear, that you loved before. But it was your choice to change a job, not mine.

I know how stressful first day is. But it's my morning now. We live in a separate rooms for a while so I went jogging. Returned, told exactly when my meeting at work will be.

She didn't say anything. Went off to drink a coffee before my work and returned home to pick up my laptop. She was angry at me.

I was told I'm inconsiderate man. And I always was like that. She wanted to check her new laptop and set up additional things and I wasn't with her.

And another one - "you live your own life".

Dear, I made a breakfast for us today. I helped you to setup important apps on your new laptop. I was here. I communicated where I was going and when my meeting is. You could say something "Please be with me, let's check again my new laptop" and I could have stayed.

She didn't say anything. And somehow... I was wrong. Again. I apologized. Said that I could have been more caring in that way.

But on the same side - dear, you proposed a divorce 7 weeks ago, you blamed me that I'm not a normal person, you don't want anything with me. It's really hard to play in that weird guess game what you want.

Yes, I am trying to live my life now, it was painful. Dear, you don't know that I had suicidal thoughts I shared only with a close friend and a therapist. Dear, you don't know I already found a method how I would do it quick and mostly painless. Imagined what I write in that paper to friends and police.

It was really dark time. And now something changed. I started running, cried a lot, rediscover my passion for a photography. I made a photoshoot with one actor you refused to even see. And it was good. I couldn't believe in that, but it is.

I started approaching other women and men to get new contacts. I ran more than 10km recently.

It's really fucking difficult to reach your standards of care and not being... inconsidered man

So the title kind of says it all. I (37F) am divorcing my husband after I found out about him being at minimum emotionally unfaithful again with the same person. We have been together for 12 years and I am absolutely devastated. That being said, this sounds dumb, but I don't want him to be left completely screwed. I know how much he relies on me. We share a car, we work together, we have two children. For the sake of our children I don't want this man to be living in the streets. And I hate him with everything I have but I will always have love for him. After he pays for daycare every two weeks he only has a couple of hundred dollars left. I pay for everything else. But I want to be able to give him ample enough time to save up for a new place to live and some stability... Honestly, not for him. But for our children. Is it stupid? Everybody in my life is going to hate this idea. Please somebody give me some positive input.

Seperated on 8-9. My friend showed me today My STBX popped up on her fb as a suggested friend. He has divorce as his marital status which is whatever, but kicker is his profile and cover pics. His profile Pic is a picture from MY uncles wedding. He took a Pic that had me, him, and his dayghter from a previous relationship and litterally had Ai remove me from the Pic. He did the same thing with his cover Pic.

Been together almost 8 years, married 7 years and im just edited away like ibdont exist. Wtf?!?!

Were both still in the home its taking a toll on my mental health and now its like I never even existed. I dont know howbmuch longer I can keep picking myself up.

I’m 28 female, my husband is 33 male. We both got tested to see if there is any biological reason for our lack of intimacy and he was prescribed viagra. Honestly sex between us sucks and it’s very rare we have sex. Maybe once a month because we know it’s “time” but honestly I think I’m put off from having sex with him now. I just want to cheat on him because he isn’t willing to put in more effort he doesn’t really like making out or cuddling or oral. I feel like I made a mistake and rushed to get married. We started couples therapy to help build our bond but even after a few sessions my therapist is trying to figure out what the root cause is. I guess he was more reserved than I was with his past and he didn’t have any girlfriends and stuff and I had a good handful of boyfriends but I’m at a point where I don’t understand people with really low libidos or men who don’t crave sex like he doesn’t really give me sexual energy at all. It’s almost like dealing with a shell of a person. I get thoughts about cheating on him because he says he doesn’t want an open relationship but if he’s not giving me what I need in our marriage what do I do. I do not condone cheating nor have I ever done that but I’m going mental a little because I feel like I’m not living life to the fullest. I can’t leave him just yet because I wouldn’t be able to financially survive on my own so I’m slowly just saving money.. but I work for the state and I’ll never make a lot of money. I’m scared to get divorced but I’m not completely stupid. I have my bachelors degree and I’m a legal assistant. But I don’t have an interest in going to law school. Maybe it’s an unspoken agreement between us that he pays for most of the bills and I just be with him to fulfill his requirements of having a wife and eventually have kids (even though I told him I won’t have kids with him until I feel emotionally stable in our relationship) we’re both Indian so we kind of did a somewhat introduction/dating arranged marriage. I wish I knew about his sexual habits before getting married because we just dont align in that department . And another thing to add - I sponsored him to live in CA. He had his work business visa where owning a business helped him stay in America but he NEVER TOLD ME BEFORE GETTING MARRIED HE NEEDED ME FOR A GREENCARD. We have a dog, bought a house, and overall have a “paper perfect” stable life but I feel betrayed deeply. I feel used and it doesn’t even feel worth it if I can’t get that type of sex or intimacy. He’s literally just now learning how to cook and clean and he’s been trying to show more effort in the marriage to make it seem more bearable living with him but I just think I’m over it. I don’t know who to trust. It’s not like he’s uneducated or anything but it seemed shady how fast we got married and we have bad sex and he rarely wants sex. So many issues and not enough benefits. Sure I get a house and a dog but I want more.

Thrown by my ex wife of 2 years, while our children were with her. Ballon’s, cake etc. along with the kids friends as well as a teacher from their school. And we live next door to eachother

Background: We're both 34, we've been together 16 years, married for 11 of those. We met when we were 18. We have 3 children together, 12, 10, and 8 and the youngest is Type 1 Diabetic.

I can't remember the first time I felt abandoned by my husband. I remember so many times feeling that way, but not the first. Even when he was home, I felt alone. I asked for divorce the first time probably around 2020. I had been trying to keep our life together for so long and I felt so alone. He put in some work, but i dont know when it stopped.

He and I both had crappy parents. We were both raised by toxic people who didnt know how to love us or themselves.

I started asking years ago for him to go to therapy, he wouldnt. Finally I told him if he didn't thay I couldn't continue, I needed to see that he could work on himself. I needed him to try to be better for us- me and the kids, but for himself too. He went to a couple sessions before quitting. Just enough to pacify me. That's how it keeps going. It builds and builds and builds.... i break and he jumps to action long enough to repair enough to keep me going. It doesnt last. I keep asking for help. Ive been asking for help for years. Asking to be loved, to be considered... but also we have three kids and I'm breaking trying to be everything for them. We've been talking a while now about this and today, when i told him i wanted to do a trial Separation he told me how he's trying so hard. He wakes up and thinks about me and making me feel loved. He thinks about it as he falls asleep. He goes about his whole day thinking about it and it weighing on him. He wants to do therapy, he doesnt care how hard or how embarrassing it it, he says. He wants to make it work.

Isn't that sad? That he says he's trying so hard and I cant even tell? How is that fair to either of us? Does that make sense? Why is he trying now? Now that I'm ready to try to move on, ready to start letting go. Ive been holding on so long and I'm sontired and I'm so hurt... why now? None of this has been a secret. He's seen me struggling, ive told hum I'm unhappy. For YEARS. Now he wants to work? What if it fades again? What if he tries just long enough and then stops again? What am I supposed to do??! I dont want to be divorced, I dont want to share custody and holidays and birthdays and celebrations. I dont want to be a single parent. I dont want any of this...

I want to be happy. I want to move forward and i feel like he's dragging me down over and over again. We're on this roller coaster and I want off but he keeps saying "try it again, it gets better!!" I dint even want to get off... i want him to work with me for real.

I don't know what to do.

TLDR: I'm tired. Now he wants to work on it and says he'll really try. Why wasnt he trying before? I dont even know if half this post is logical or understandable. 16 years is a long time, so many things have happened. Too much for one post.

Update for my previous post about my husband wanting a divorce. Tldr: he got more and more anxious as time went on, until he dropped a bomb on me and asked for divorce before he left.

Previous post

Okay, so where do I even start? Perhaps something easy. I live in Europe, so it works differently here. Getting lawyers and all that stuff involved is not usually a thing. Also the advice given was much appreciated, and I am very glad I could write it all off my chest. So thank you all.

This is already hard... anyway, we talked, he came over for a bit and it was short. I just told him I wouldn't kick him out and that he was welcome to stay. We could buy a cheap ikea bed and toss it in the guestroom. Done. Because he meant it when he said he still wants to help with the kid. He still seemed very out of it here. Very dissociative in a way. I left after and told him he could stay home if he wanted to.

Then later, day after, we had another talk. He slept at home, I didn't. And he asked me to come over, which I did. Being able to think it over for a night, I came over stupidly hopeful. I just wanted to get past this. I realized i really did not want to throw away 10 years of a good relationship for this. So I brought it up carefully. Saying exactly that. And he seemed so relieved, he said he wanted that too. That he wanted to be there, wanted to be with the kid. He wanted it all, the kid, the life we could have. Me. He cried then. First time I've seen him cry *ever*. It was bizarre but also heartbreaking.

I was completely right about it. That this was a mental break down.

Now here's where it all goes to utter shit. You all were right, well.. half right. He did not have a full blown affair, not emotional, nothing. But he did cheat on me. Once. The same day he dropped the divorce bomb and he left. He went to a friend and was completely out of it. So left again, aimlessly driving until he called this girl from the sport he plays. He only knows her from there. And he went to her.

That's when it happened, he went inside, they made out and then they had sex. But it wasn't long, he says, because the moment he started... he knew it was wrong. He had this moment of clarity and immediately stopped, got dressed and left. He stopped at a parking place outside the city just to puke his guts out. But he knew what he had done would probably break everything. But he did tell me. He said he couldn't keep it a secret and it was eating him alive. Which showed. He was completely pale, like sickly, shaking.

He went on a two hour walk the day after that happened (so after divorce day) and only could see me and the kid... and him standing there left behind. He told me he fell to his knees there and wanted to take it all back. He said he didn't know what the hell had happened to him, why he said he wanted a divorce, why he never talked about it sooner. He didn't understand. All he knew was like he felt in a trance and couldn't stop the destruction. And he hates himself for it.

He didn't ask my forgiveness, he didn't beg for me to stay or make that choice. The only two things he really begged for were 1: "please please please don't take my baby away from me." And 2: "can I please be at his birth?" That was the most important. And I said yes, which made him completely break down.

Now for me... yes I'm utterly and completely broken. Cheating is and always will be the worst thing someone can do in a relationship, to me. And he did that. Which was insane. I keep crying. I see a picture of us both, I cry. I see him, I'm okay and then suddenly I'm not and I cry. My whole future, everything I wanted feels like it's been ripped away from me. I am not sure if I can forgive him, even if I desperately want to. Everytime I see him I am reminded of what he did and it feels like I'm grieving for a life I'll never have. Even if I'm able to forgive him, it will never be the same again.

Some questions people may have (just a guess): How do I know he didn't have a full blown affair? First of all, he told me and I believe it. Second, I checked his phone many times during pregnancy because he was *so* distant that even I got worried. But there was never anything there. And this man is *not* tech savvy, trust me. And the fact that he immediately told me because he couldn't hold it in at all.

edit: no he didn't have cheating behavior before. never worked late, never was suspicious with his phone. never did anything sneaky. i believe him. he has blocked her. he's leaving his sport.

Why let him stay? Because I still love him a lot even if I hate him rn. He wants to help with the baby. He wants to be here through it all. Helping in every way he can, because he realized how much of a fuck up he is. And what he did. He does not understand why he did what he did and he wants to take it all back.

Sleeping arrangement: separate bedrooms now. We went to ikea to buy the bed. Its set up and ready to go. Oh speaking of which, we went to an electronics store first and he bought me an Ereader i wanted to buy for myself. Yeah... this man is at his wits end.

Everything he said before: the excuses he used why he wanted the divorce and saying he doesn't love me were all a lie.

This man is in extreme crisis and he will get the help he needs. But that doesn't excuse his behavior. Especially not the cheating. I am not sure if I'll ever be okay after this. My life has crumbled around me, everything I thought was going to happen... will change.

I want to forgive him so so bad. I want to move on. But everytime I just... break. I woke up just now, looked at the empty side of the bed and cried again. I don't want this. I never wanted it like this. The only future I wanted was with him.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading this. <3

That's it. I want to be angry. But I miss my wife, who doesn't want to be my wife anymore

I don't feel like I have a choice. They have emotionally abused and neglected me for seven years. Despite this, instead of telling our kids that mommy and daddy have come to the agreement that we must split up, SBXW insists I tell them it's my choice alone. This is such bullshit.

My wife and I are likely divorcing after she discovered I cheated early in our relationship, before we were married or had kids. I take responsibility for that and understand I hurt her deeply. For almost two years now, the relationship has been a cycle of her saying she wants a divorce, then deciding to “try,” then pulling away again. During that entire time, I’ve continued trying to make things work.

I moved states with her and our kids, leaving behind my job, family, and life because we were trying to build a new future. I cook, clean, take care of the kids, feed them, handle parenting responsibilities, and support her while she works, one of her non negotiable was that she would get a job since she doesn’t trust me. She said she would try for one year to make this work but than decided a month into living here she was absolutely done.

I’ve apologized countless times, answered questions about what happened, written her letters, and tried to show her through actions that I regret what I did and that I love her.

The confusing part is we can get along great as co-parents. We laugh, cuddle, and recently were even intimate. But whenever we’re “trying” to be in a relationship, things eventually go back to the cheating. She consumes a lot of social media content about infidelity and moving on from a cheater, and almost any disagreement can become about something I did years ago.

For example, I recently went to a job interview because she wanted me to get a job ASAP. So that i can have money to move out, The interviewer was a woman, and she immediately asked if she looked like the woman I cheated with. When we tried discussing a parenting plan around my overnight work schedule, she accused me of going to work to be around “little girlfriends.” She will say this in front of our 3 year old daughter and doesn’t mind getting into arguments in front of the kids.

When I say I can’t keep having every conversation turned into accusations about something from years ago, she says things like, “You just don’t like hearing how you ruined this family.”

At this point, I genuinely don’t know what else I’m supposed to do. I know I caused the original damage, but I feel like I’m constantly trying to prove myself while she has already decided she can’t forgive me. She is also demanding I do extra work around the house and is very picky on certain tasks and if they don’t get done she get enraged.

Am I doing too much at this point? Where is the line between taking accountability for what I did and continuing to stay in a cycle where I’m repeatedly punished for it? Am i wrong for not keeping up with the house that she wants me out of?

Please be brutally honest. I’m not claiming to be innocent here I know what I did but I’m starting to wonder if I need to stop trying to save something she has already decided is over.

For context, I am going through a somewhat ugly divorce. My STBXW has made many horrible accusations (all false) and done everything she can to try and hurt me.

I've been paying all of the bills for both the house (where she still lives) and my apartment. My kids split time between the two. Between supporting both homes and paying the ever increasing legal bills, my finances are quickly falling apart. I haven't been in my home in seven months and have maybe 10% of my personal property (including some clothing). My lawyer filed a temporary motion back in June to get this all addressed, but the courts do not move fast. Yesterday we finally had the hearing on it. She brought up some BS in the hearing that was quickly shot down by my lawyer and the PGAL. It was all really uncomfortable to sit through. I won though. I get to pay only a small portion of the house expenses and I get to retrieve my stuff. And the court really came down on her about her attitude, lies, and delay tactics.

But, I don't feel like I won. This feels...like a pyrrhic victory. I didn't want to have to do this to her. I gave her numerous chances to avoid it over the last two months. But she forced me to do this. I still care about her. I can't shut off 15 years that quickly. I know she's livid, frustrated, upset, etc. And I don't want her to be, despite everything she has done to me over the last few months. I just wanted this to end peacefully and amicably.

I barely slept last night. And I'm feeling really depressed right now. Everyone's telling me that this was a great victory and that the end is in sight. But I feel like I just destroyed someone I care about. I know I will get past this. But right now...it feels like I'm actually the monster she thinks I am.

Nobody cheated or lied or anything. But after almost ten years of marriage (our anniversary is in a couple of weeks) and having been together since 2009, it’s done. The bedroom had been dead. The emotional communication broken down. So many feelings hurt. We had a daughter and it wasn’t enough. We survived a late miscarriage and it wasn’t enough. I got sober and it wasn’t enough. We lived through all that and so many good things and so many bad things and so many perfectly whatever things and now it’s done. I didn’t want it to end, after so much thinking this year. I wanted to fight again. But because things were not moving I had to be the one to research and serve him papers. He at least went to the courthouse with me. But he was well and done and couldn’t even bring himself to get sad over all of this.

I’m not perfect. I’m a mess. But was it truly so awful being married to me that not a tear could be shed for all of it? I feel so foolish for being so devastated today as he sat there stone faced in the car and told me that “I would get through this eventually”—like he had processed all of this behind my back, in another worse life where we didn’t even try.

I was never enough. And all I am is a fool.

I’m in Oklahoma and trying to figure out how to leave a 24-year marriage without making decisions that could hurt me financially for years. I need practical advice about housing, divorce, temporary support, and whether attempting this without an attorney is a terrible idea.

My husband and I are still living together, but the marriage is over. We have three adult children, so custody and child support aren’t involved. Our twins recently left for college.

My husband currently brings home approximately $9,400 per month, although I haven’t been able to verify the exact amount because he became angry and refused when I asked for his pay stubs. I currently have no established independent income. I’m trying to return to part-time merchandising work, but it pays around $10 an hour, and the available hours fluctuate. Even if I receive 20–30 hours most weeks, I would probably earn around $1,000 per month.

I have a bachelor’s and master’s degree in social work and have worked during the marriage, but I have also spent significant periods raising our children, managing the household, and dealing with physical and mental-health problems. My husband’s position is basically that I am capable of working, so he shouldn’t have to support me. I understand that I’m expected to work toward supporting myself. I am not asking to remain permanently dependent on him. However, I cannot go from virtually no income to independently paying rent, deposits, utilities, transportation, food, and everything else overnight.

Housing is the immediate crisis. I have poor credit, a prior eviction from 2022, very little money, no current verifiable income, and a nonviolent federal financial felony that creates an additional background-check barrier. I’m a Cherokee Nation citizen and have contacted several housing authorities and community agencies around Ada, Shawnee, Seminole, Tecumseh, and Wewoka. The programs I’ve reached either have closed lists, waits of one to two years, nothing available, or requirements I cannot currently meet. Some landlords will count court-ordered alimony as income, but that doesn’t help me until support is actually ordered.

A realistic bare-bones monthly budget for living separately is around $2,500–$2,700. That includes rent, utilities, food, transportation, insurance, and basic expenses. The vehicle I use is a 2015 GMC Acadia with a payment of about $345 per month, but the loan is in my husband’s name. I will also need deposits, moving or storage costs, and basic household necessities just to get established.

My husband seems to believe that any financial assistance should happen entirely on his terms—meaning he might choose certain bills to pay rather than provide a fixed amount that I can budget and use to establish my own household. He also appears to think that because I could potentially work, he won’t be required to help me transition at all. Discussions about this go nowhere because he treats his own opinion as though it is already the court’s decision.

I had been preparing to file pro se as the petitioner and request temporary spousal maintenance, temporary use of the vehicle, allocation of its payment and insurance, moving/setup expenses, attorney fees, and an equitable division of property and debts. I may qualify to have filing costs waived or deferred. Neither of us currently has an attorney.

My questions are:

1. Is there a practical or legal advantage to filing first in Oklahoma, especially if I need temporary support and temporary orders quickly?
2. Is this too complicated to handle pro se, even if the marital property is relatively limited?
3. Can I ask the court to order my husband to contribute toward my attorney fees when I cannot afford to hire one but he earns substantially more?
4. How is someone supposed to retain an attorney when she has almost no money of her own? Are there Oklahoma legal-aid programs, limited-scope attorneys, payment arrangements, law-school clinics, or other options I may be overlooking?
5. Are there Oklahoma housing programs or organizations specifically willing to work with people who have low income, a previous eviction, poor credit, and a felony record?
6. Can temporary support include money for a security deposit, first month’s rent, utility deposits, moving/storage expenses, or continued access to the vehicle?
7. Would court-ordered temporary support give me usable proof of income for an apartment, or do landlords generally require a longer payment history?
8. How do I make my husband understand that his personal belief that I should immediately support myself does not automatically decide whether he has a legal obligation to help after a 24-year marriage? Is it pointless to keep trying to explain it, and should I simply file and let the judge address it?

I know nobody here can predict exactly what a judge will order, and I’m not asking Reddit to be my lawyer. I’m trying to determine what I should do first, what resources I may have missed, and whether hiring an attorney needs to become my highest priority before I file or sign anything.

Please be direct, but I would especially appreciate advice from Oklahoma family-law attorneys, people who have requested temporary spousal support, housing workers, or anyone who has navigated housing with similar barriers.

I (34F) married my husband (34M) 5 years ago, we now have a daughter that is the center of our world. 3 years ago, we decided to purchase a renovation project, the logic was that I would be able to support us financially for a year as I have a great job and salary while my husband worked on the house renovation.

Fast track to 3,5 years later, I am still the only one supporting financially and my husband has grown cold and distant and downright cruel, he doesn't have any interest in me and spends 90% of our conversations speaking about himself or out daughter and makes it very challenging for me to feel important. It's almost like being a strong, successful person has really affected his ego.

I have taken care of every single bill for the past 3.5 years all while maintaining a high stress job and a life. I found myself playing both roles being primary caregiver, primary (only) earner and still expected to pick up most of the cooking and cleaning and was already beyond exhausted and I see how stupid I was to accepting taking all of this on.

To add insult to injury, In April, I found Instagram messages between him and a random girl he met at a festival, he was very invested in the conversation and asked her about her love life and invited her to join him and his friends on a festival they were attending. I confronted him immediately which he denied having any romantic involvement or interest and reassured me that he loved me and wants to try staying together for the sake of our daughter. Not for our marriage, just for her.

Since then, my curiosity got the best of me and I have, out of all places, found his real intentions in a chat he was having with Claude about how he feels trapped in our marriage and doesn't love me and finds me extremely annoying. He's been actively seeking other women and is attracted to other type of girls. He said that since my body changed after being pregnant, he has no desire to he with me and if it wasn't for my daughter he would leave me without a doubt. He also mentioned he did an Acid trip (LOL) and woke up from it thinking he has been on autopilot and woke up in a marriage and life he doesn't want.

He goes on to say that he is not sure what he wants to do, although it is clear from his conversation and says that he can't just leave as he's financially dependent on me.

Reading this genuinely hit me like a bus, I have been unable to sleep and eat properly, I've had elevated anxiety and genuinely just not knowing what to do.

I am worried to ask for a divorce and essentially ruin my daughter's life. I am also worried about staring over at 35. I am worried about making a move I will regret.

I am worried he will claim half of what we've got which is what I've paid for.

Help

Advice for someone in Houston. Came hike to find that my wife took the kids while I was at work. Went to police to file a report, got texts saying the kids are safe and she took them because of previous related domestic violence. That is untrue and am worried they are a fl if they risk because they have Japanese passports. Her lawyer sent a message saying not a flight risk but I want to file an emergency petition first thing in the morning. I do not have a lawyer, how difficult and how is an emergency petition enforced?

My narc husband has been abusing me much more after ny pregnancy.

I've had enough and I'm planning my exit. Unfortunately they will most likely award him 50% custody, is it worth it to leave or stay and try to protect my baby?

Thank you

I am married to an emotionally dismissive avoidant man. When I was in my early 20s, I was a people pleaser and I learned how to mold my life around his emotional needs (or lack of). I got really good at walking on eggshells and keeping the peace and apologizing for things just to break the tension. I mistook our trauma bonding as a spiritual connection. L

Now in my mid 30s, I’ve gone to three years of therapy and I’m at the point where I can see we are not necessarily emotionally compatible. His actions over the past decade have hurt me significantly and I feel like I am at the end of my rope with what once was an Unlimited pool of forgiveness., I have recently started expressing where I’m at, and I’m asking him to try and meet me halfway. While we have just started therapy, it feels like he really just wants to make all this go away as fast as possible. Expressing this need has been a major inconvenience for him.

Here is the curveball, I am pregnant with our second baby. I know I will get a lot of crap for this. But if you were to have asked me six months ago, our relationship seemed to be afloat, but a lot has happened since then. I think being pregnant again has brought up a lot of old emotional wounds I had buried deep within myself trying to make things better that occurred while I was post partum the first time.

He supports me financially. I am a stay at home, mom. When I quit my career him and I were both making the same amount of money (300k). Money which was never an issue for me now feels like it will be. I’m not sure I can jump into the same career. I once had so that makes me a little nervous, but I’m also not afraid? We live in Manhattan though, which is outrageously expensive even if you make decent money. Neither of us come from money.

I think right now my plan is to try and keep the peace till this new baby is about 18 months old. The first year and a half is truly difficult and I can probably fake it a little longer. Our life is relatively peaceful when I live on the surface of my emotions.

What do you guys think? What would you do in my position? Am I just kicking the can down the road? Is there anything wrong with that?

Planning to divorce my husband! Long story short! I like communicating. So I sat him down and told him how this relationship feels like having a roommate around/ business partner. No romance, I do shores, work and study etc. He works too, and he cooks some times. He’s not a bad person but his hygiene disgusts me. I have OCD. He knows it. So this morning after my morning shower, i was making my morning tea… he comes, he didn’t shower yesterday, not showered this morning, teeth un brushed, and wants to have s*x. Then i told him, maybe to shower first, then he said, he will shower later afternoon.

Maybe I am the problem..?

Ok I’m a 38f, married to 42m, my lawyer has stated I need to take inventory of everything. Problem is, my husband is a machinist. We have 6 garages/barns full of things I don’t even know what the names are- and I have to find the value as well. Does anyone know how someone goes about this accurately?

Examples:

22ton log splitter
HUGE HEAVY lathe
2 f150’s both broke but fixable
Machine operated trailer
Cherry picker
Wood chipper

Do we inventory:
Chainsaws
Power tools $100 and under…

Any guidance would be appreciated

I’ve been married with my wife 3yrs together 5. The beginning was blissful. I sold a home had 100k profit, making 80k a year in my financial services job, newly single shared a son with a good mom we hat didn’t have chemistry, but amiably raising our son.

I met “Lana” she was blonde blue eyed looked a bit like that lead in bring it on. Early 40’s. Red flags there but I was smitten and rushed too quickly.

1) She had just left her husband and still married looking to meet men but was separated and living in TX while her ex she left was IL. (red flag after 15 years you need decompression time)

2) She had 3 young kids from age range 3-11 and left her ex who never was a drunk and moved her in with his parents after many failed jobs and being an alcoholic. I still hadn’t met them they were visiting the dad. (Young kids is a LOT to take on 1 sure 3 is serious baggage). I overlooked it i was “in love”.

3) After 60 days knowing her she had. it money for rent and cried. Being the idiot rescuer type I helped her with rent and my own took a loan out for 5k she was supposed to pay to get her caught up. (Anyone who can’t afford rent after just moving to her new place has 3 kids and no job real job outside gig work, red flag)

4). Alcoholic know it all ex, creating all kinds of drama and me stupid enough and going all in knowing i’d deal with his drama (fast forward 3 years from when we met and he’s in the wind to avoid child support now 40k in arrears).

5). Being the sole financial supporter of the whole family and outside of gig jobs she never worked a real job more than a year and when she did never offered to pay any bills at all outside an occasional cell phone or power bill.

6) I have exhausted all my money, savings, etc into a now failed business from 2023-2026 And now that the money is gone she blames me for putting her in “financial ruin” when she never wanted to work and whe she did never contributed at all toward housing/rent/utilities/car/insurance it’s all been on me for 5 years.

She was in financial ruin when we met so, ironic that she blames me when i kept a roof over her head, pawned jewelry, maxed cards, 4 pays etc to stay afloat.

She has no concept of household bills she’s never fended for herself let alone with her kids since a guy be it her ex the alcoholic or me or some other guy she lived with prior to get by.

The rose colored lenses are off and I’m done. It saddens me her kids and i are close and I’ve stayed longer
than i should have because of them but no more. I’ve been used and tired of it. I’m not blaming her, I had a choice to see the red flags the once pretty lady is now late 40’s.

She finally got a job it’s almost an hour away and expects me to get kids since i’m closer but has no plans to help with expenses. She never told
e her plan to work kept it all secretive. I know her plan is to save up her money then move out is her plan.

My plan is divorce. The lease i have was mine before marriage. I’ll give her fair notice to move and after she can leave or go through court to have her removed the legal way. We have zero assets nothing but debt, mistakes and regret.

I rescued her from an alcoholic ex she feared would kill her, he’s just vanished to avoid paying child support so i doubt he’s the killer type, it was a sympathy ploy he hasn’t communicated in over 2.5 years enjoying what I soon will. The freedom of being single to rebuild my life.

Once i’m single again my finances will
come back naturally, I was forced to ch7 buy my debt kid is low so in two years i ca buy a house again. Our limited years married means she won’t get alimony and thank god we have no kids.

This is more a rant, if you’re a step dad that can relate hats off for trying.

I’ll never marry again.

No warning. I thought it was a manic outburst due to some reasons he has been struggling(including losing his dream job that brought us from Florida to Indiana 2 years ago this month). I have been the main financial provider our entire 5 year relationship so I am not concerned about finances on my own.
This is my second marriage and I really thought this was my happy ending. The little things like getting the silly decorations with your new last name on it when you get married, the gifts, etc. they ALL got thrown in the trash.
It feels like he doesn’t care. He says it’s because I wasn’t emotionally “soft” enough for him to come to me with his feelings. And that he is tired of never being good enough for my expectations.

I don’t know if I should try to stay here in Indiana because my 12 year old son wants to and he likes the schools here, or go back to Florida where I will have friends and family but financially it’s more of a struggle.

Things you would have never been interested in if it wasn’t for him enjoying them, now you catch yourself watching them on your own and thinking to yourself..wtf

I left home due to abuse and filed for divorce, my spouse sent me "I love you letter everyday" and begged that I should go back, and following email used to be threatening or dragging the case etc.

Now, finally she retained attorney, and now my attorney mentioned, that she has told her attorney that I took a large sum of cash from her when I left.

Wow! I have no words. True picture of saying "I love you". I have never taken a dollar cash from her, but I am just amazed. She cannot prove, hence "large sum of cash".