I am 23. I knew I was trans since 13. Does anybody else have a family who isn’t violently transphobic, but they are the type to condemn/judge trans people, and make jokes about it? So you’re scared that if you come out, your family won’t take you seriously anymore?

Recently, my family have been all closer for a funeral. And there’s been 30+ of my extended relatives home. They all keep talking about how they’re proud of me for wanting to do a second degree in social work (bc in some schools in Canada, you can choose to finish your main BA then do social work as a two year add on. I liked sociology too much to stop after my first year lol). And I feel like all of this proudness and praise would go away if I were to come out

I’ve heard my uncles and grandparents complain about ‘sensitive people’ my whole life. And those sensitive people every time are just minorities. My mom has gotten mad at me in my teen and adult-teen years (18 and 19) for having only queer friends. Even recently, I told her I was excited to befriend this girl at my job but I backed off bc she was up to kind of sketchy behaviour and my mom said: “you should’ve went for it. Maybe then you’d make normal friends.” As if the friends I have, who actually make me happy aren’t good enough because they’re all gay or trans

My dad takes every emotional thing I say as an offence or a joke. I can’t have any heart to hearts with him.

On top of that, I did try to come out to my parents when I was 13. My dad turned super quiet and didn’t say a word. And when I started crying when they told me I’m not trans, they said the most audacious bullshit if me ‘only crying bc I wanted them to get mad at me???’ What?? I was crying bc I was thirteen and being rejected on something that means a lot to me. And I remember the next day, my mom went on this huge rant to me in private about how I’d be an ugly boy, me being short would make me not make sense as a boy, asking me weird invasive questions like ‘so you want a penis?’ Saying I’ll get bullied (this would be a valid question if they just cared about my safety). And I remember that whole week my dad was just snapping at me, telling me stuff like he was sick of hearing from me.

It’s also still relevant to the point that now at 23, my mom shit talks me to my siblings. And I’ve pretended I’ve ’grown out’ of being trans maybe a month after I told her at 13. But I come home with like short flow cuts and shaggy short haircuts and stuff during college breaks. And apparently when I leave, my mom will say horrible things about my hair to my eleven year old brother. So much immaturity happens in this house and it made me feel like I have to choose between being trans and still receiving conditional love from family. My eleven year old brother does tell me these things though and I don’t think he believes them. He’s very open minded.

I’m just so scared that if I come out I’m gonna lose all the interest and love I’ve earned from my extended family. My parents I’m already not close to because we have a horrible relationship. But I don’t want the rest of my family to hate or judge me. I just hate that I might lose so many connections, just for being myself. Does anyone else have a similar experience?

The old man's gotta go chat

He could sort of deal with me being a "lesbian", though he did express his thoughts of how "a woman can never understand how a womans body is like to a man" (what a weird fucking thing to say to your kid man)

But me being trans, that's a completely different beast. It's the traditional "you will never be a man", not aggressively per se but just as "facts". I don't really engage with it and barely see them anyway, but you know

Boy am I glad they had me at an older age, especially since my dad is 9 years older than my mom so I'll have to deal with him for a much shorter time

Everywhere on the internet, even though I put on my bio I self identify as male and what pronouns I prefer, so many people invalidate my gender identity and they dont even perceive me as trans they perceive me as a cis woman. It honeslty makes me wanna kms, i can only hopelessly look at other transgenders and feel like the odd one out and extremely invalid.

On my old youtube I got told to "get a boyfriend". When I responded that I'm an asexual autistic trans masc they replied with "nah". The responses to my Quora posts were completely demonic. I was getting told that I cant be really transgender because I use the wordd "transgender male" and not "trans masc" "trans man" etc or because I am not "crude, unemotional, simplistic" enough to be a "real man" (and these comments were from fellow trans people), so much transphobia and sexual harrassment, both cis women and trans women complaining of harrassment and misogyny but in a female only way, that it is my fault I get bullied in public so much because "my day would be unfulfilled without attention".

On other forums people type the word "woman" under my posts. Who do you think you are my account has demiboy flag pfp and i put my gender and pronouns clear and loud on my bio fgs??

When I go outside in public IRL so many people go out of their way to deliberately be mean to me and misgender me. I get sexualised heavily even though Im a virgin. I feel like i am a local celebrity with all this unwanted (and almost always negative) attention i get from strangers when i go outside. I've had to put up with things like people making jokes about me "kissing the bus driver", calling me a "bike", telling me they wanted me to be their girlfriend, and yelling "hoe" to my house constantly (they somehow know where i live). I actually think i might be a targeted individual with all this harrassment.

Anywhere i go both online and IRL people talk about me as a stupid and hysterical female sex object and nothing else

a lot of the memes i see on my social media feeds like the starter pack ones i always find myself relating to the girl/woman/female only ones and it gives me dysphoria

Using the internet is SH but i feel like i cant stop

It causes me so much pain because (A) i never hear of the same stuff happening to any other trans men and (B) i dont understand why it's happening in the first place, why me, why no one else, what have i done to deserve this

because of the severe dysphoria all this has caused i've felt the urge to change my interests and mannerisms and everything (even when alone) (even to stuff i'd otherwise not really like) (even if whatever i'd otherwise be into was considered stereotypically androgynous/masc enough)

i hear of other trans people complain of getting harrassed for being trans, or being misgendered accidentally solely because of very shallow reasons like physical anatomy. but yall consider yourself lucky you don't have to put up with no one believing that you are even transgender at all no matter how much you tell them or how hard you try and repeatedly categorised as a woman on a soul metaphysical level (as in you don't even have to post selfies that will give away your AFAB physical appearance, people can tell that you are very very foid cis woman just from how you write alone) and theres nothing you can do about it

It used to be that I was either already out to them before we started talking or I just didn’t pass so they knew. But now, I’m at the beginning of a talking stage, and the only thing in my way is being trans. I don’t know when to bring it up or how.

She doesn’t come across as the type of person who’d be transphobic and freak about it, but I don’t know if she’d be okay with dating a dude with a vag. Shes emo and a furry so I don’t think she’d care… but I’m still preparing for the worst. For some extra context, we only met a few days ago and established we find each other attractive, so it’s not like im emotionally attached already. so I’m asking for more generalized advice about dating anyone. It’s more so that it’s something that just occurred to me, I’ve been passing for a while but I haven’t wanted to date until recently.

Anyway, it’s just so daunting. Do I tell people on the first date or before our first date? After? I feel like the convos I’ve heard are so mixed. I’ve heard both that you should disclose it as soon as you even start talking and that there’s no reason to disclose until you’re about to be intimate. I don’t imagine waiting that long since I don’t like being intimate that soon anyway, but it’s still a big worry.

I’d be really sad if this girl turned me away just because I’m trans. It’s pretty obvious that she likes me, but I don’t wanna scare her away by telling her too soon or too late. It also just feels so awkward.. it’s never relevant to the convo. I don’t even know how to bring it up. It’s like I’m a 12 year old coming out to everyone again.

The thought of anyone but especially her rejecting me for it makes me so depressed. I almost don’t even wanna pursue anyone because of it.

yeah title kinda sums it up, I got something because my boyfriend of 3 years and I are starting to get more intimate and Ive always had the worst bottom dysphoria so I got the medium Milo Feelskin from Wet for Her. Off the bat Im already feeling dysphoric as shit, the website is primarily for lesbians and advertised as such, #girlpower. I got this one because of the stroker base and thought, Ive been on t for a year Ive got decent growth I’m sure I could make this work. idk. I try not to be a doomer but I really hate the experience of being transgender. I wish I could just have good raw sex but I cant, Ill never just be able to be myself. I know surgery exists but idk. With all the political propaganda shit about transgender people having mental illness, idk theyre not right, but none of this pretending shit helps me. My binder kills me, tape is okay but it’s such a struggle. testosterone helps but nothing makes me feel not embarrassed, like everyone around me is just humoring me. everything I do makes my dysphoria worse, I just feel like a girl all the fucking time and people do that stupid ass “ohh I couldnt even imagine you as a gorl even pre t” which is such bullshit. I have people who love me and I’m trying not to be so doomposting about it all but I just dont even want to show my boyfriend this, I was so excited for it, I just feel stupid as hell, my body is so unattractive. He loves an idealized version of me. I feel like Ill never feel comfortable in my body.
i dont want to glue a dick on me or get five million surgeries or do vocal training. I just want to be happy in my body. I think about detransitioning all the time. Ive never felt like a girl. Being a guy is all Ive ever known, its such a no brainer to me. I just struggle so much and feel so weird and othered all the time. Idk. Does anyone feel the same or is this post gonna get taken down lmao. sorry mods hope anyone reading this has a good day, my insecurities do not reflect your reality

im currently fighting with Planned Parenthood trying to get the correct information for a referral just to get my T. im really not even in the safest place to start, I just feel like im going to fucking die without it.

I cant even imagine going and seeing my other trans friends right now. I feel like a failure without my hormones. im tired of watching almost every other trans person I know get on with their lives while im just stuck with my conservative family.

I covered up the mirrors in my room because I cant even stand to look at myself right now

I just wanted to come here and vent about my current journey on T. I’ve been on T for a year and unfortunately I’m still getting my cycle. I actually have an appointment with my doctor to switch from gel to shots since I’m at the max dose for gel and am still getting a heavy cycle. But as I see myself getting more masculine the dysphoria of having a cycle just SUCKS.

It’s like “I’m a man that still bleeds and that’s shameful” or I get embarrassed that I have it.
I would never ever have that mind set of any of my trans homies or anyone who still has a cycle. I direct this thought process towards myself.

I know it will get better with time and I need to be more patient with myself. If anyone struggles with this feel free to share your experience. Sometimes getting perspectives of things can help me readjust my own perspective on things!

Hi, I need some encouragement to maybe go to a trans social worker or some kind of trans support service. I don’t really know what it’s called. I’m just really worried. I never been to one.

Even if I’m a trans guy, I feel like my time is over. I’m 22 and 5’0”.

I don’t want to wait years to save up for surgery just to get taller. Meanwhile, I’ll try to work out and lift weights. My face is also very feminine, and even if I cut my hair short, I don’t think I’ll pass.

I don’t want to take testosterone because I’m extremely short. Being short is my biggest insecurity. I told myself I should wait until I can get surgery to fix my height.
Even if I have access to testosterone, I don’t think I’ll take it because I’m afraid I won’t look good as a man.

Im 100% sure on my decission to get the surgery. I dont want to be told I have to be confident and own my height.

I'm out to a lot of people amd i live in a small town so after i came out to few friends it kinda spreaded and now i'm getting mocked almost every day for being trans. It's nothing serious just groups of teens yelling cringe insults from the other side of the street but it's really not anything comftable.

One of the most repeated advices to pass better is to join a sport so you get stronger and gain some muscles - i tried two, which one i quit becouse of the constant mockery but the other one i still go to becouse it's a bit more complicated

It's a self deffence class which i REALLY enjoy and it's also mostly like men around 40 who go there ( i swear it's not as weird as it sounds) but there are two other people around my age amd one of them i know loooong ago from when i was a kid , we werent friends just went to the same school and classes. He was always nice to me during practice so i figured i finally found my sport but i heatd him few times whispering something while pointing at me and i heard very clearly he was calling me "it" (which im used to but it really hurt that i heard it even there since it's like entirelly diffrent social bubble) i enjoy the classes a lot and i noticed i got stronger but now im constantly on edge knowing im sort 9f not welcomed. This happened twice already as i mentioned and i'm just really tired of it. I just want to join sports like any normal teen but seems like im not seen as one anywhere i go.

- sidenote , im trying to get into gym and exercising on my own to atleast get stronger from that if not from sports

mentioned nsfw but it’s so minor that i don’t think it should be tagged

junior year of highschool. what a slog already. every day is boring and i can’t even distract myself with schoolwork because gender dysphoria is too severe.

i have “hope” i’ll start t this year, but i don’t know why i think that when i know my dad probably won’t change. maybe my gender dr can convince my mom, but my dad is hard to read

i’m just tired. i only like being with my girlfriend and friends. being alone with her is perfect. the rest of life is awful and i’m desperately trying to hang on when i’m only genuinely happy 4% of my life.

i want someone to save me but nobody can or will

i want my dad to just be a dad and let me start t. i want my mom to actually get the ball rolling on me starting.

i’ll be like this for the rest of my life

i’ll never have actual sex with my girlfriend

i feel so sick

Hi friends. 29m here! Currently transitioning with a ftm spouse ( he is not transitioning) and I’m having major issues with.. just coming out of the closet I guess. I have a brother ( who has his own family ) and my two parents I haven’t come out too.

Yes, I am transitioning despite not telling them. I’ve been on T for five months, and haven’t seen my parents in person in that time or my bro in close to.. a year ( because I’m gay. That’s.. a large bucket of fish )

I’m basically an outsider through and through. None of my biological family is supportive of me being gay ( ie why I’m not talking to my brother. I wasn’t allowed around the kids unsupervised under the veil of ‘ Christianity ‘ ) and my parents just keep hounding me to mend the relationship I have with my brother.

If he doesn’t fuck with me cause I’m gay hes going to flip when I come out. How do you even prepare yourself to come out to parents that aren’t supportive ??? Like I have serious enmeshment issues with my family, but I hold family and familial bonds very high. Like I want a good family relationship but they’re all very… starkly conservative.

I don’t know- I guess I’m already preparing myself on losing them ( like not wanting photos of my brothers kids who I haven’t seen in.. a year or two now bc it hurts to watch them grow ) but I’m not going to live my life in denial because me being myself ‘ conflicts with their beliefs ‘ and not being allowed around the kids because I’m gay. Like I’m some fucking predator.

I came out as gay already and that was shitty. But I got the “ your always my daughter even if I don’t agree with your lifestyle “ how the fuck do you handle this 😭

Tl;dr
How do you come out to family that is not supportive when you have little to no positive family support.

Hi I've been feeling really down lately and I just need to vent.

I recently broke up with my boyfriend after being together for almost 5 years. We both knew it's going to happen one day because I always knew I'm trans and he always knew he's straight. I really loved him but I just couldn't stand being in this body anymore so I finally decided to transition which ment us breaking up.

We share a lot of friends groups together and I hear about him all the time. He's also in a band so I hear about lots of people going to the concerts and how great it is. I recently met his new gf and I was heartbroken. I knew he's going to start dating again but it still hit me like a truck. We keep meeting sometimes by accident and I can't help but think how much I still miss him and that we could still be together if I could just convince myself I can be a woman.

All of my friends left either for vacation or work and I'm stuck working and trying not to go crazy. I don't have any trans friends and I feel like I can't really talk to anybody because people just simply don't understand.

I have alopecia and because of the testosterone my hair has been falling out like crazy. Now I also have problem with very high blood pressure because of it and I have to take medication for that.

I'm so happy I'm transitioning but also I feel like it's just fucking everything up. I also feel very guilty because my transition is destroying my mom and she's very depressed because of it. I know she'll get over it but it breaks my heart seeing her like this.

Please share some positive transition stories if you have any, I could really use the encouragement to just power through.

Thank you for reading and I hope you're going to have a great day!

I've been out to myself as trans since 2015, but the only thing holding me back from actually doing anything besides dressing masculine, cutting my hair, addressing myself as male to strangers and coming out to my friends-- is my family. Their friends, our relatives, my neighborhood, my coworkers, even my friends' families.

Other people are stopping me from living my life, and because of that I've been stuck in the same spot for 11 years.

I am 25 right now, I realized I was trans at age 14/15. I kept a "trans journal" since I was 15 and while reading it I can see that I've made good progress, though it is minimal considering it's been 11 years. I feel like I've wasted all these years, and I hate that I only started thinking that after it's been repeated to me multiple times ("You should start transitioning now, you're wasting time"). I am too scared to go to a psychiatrist. I procrastinate it because I know once I start there is no going back (there is, logically, but mentally it'd kill me to go back or stop).

Where I'm from, you have to go to a psychiatrist for minimum 6 months, do a 5h long test (it checks if you have gender dysphoria, depression, autism, etc... if you're mentally ok generally), get confirmed for HRT and spend a month just doing a full body examination, full bloodwork, all that. Then you usually get the same dose as everybody else, 250mg every second week, intramuscular shot. Then after 6 months you get a checkup.

The thing is, I know that if I had the support of my family, I'd view all this and be absolutely excited, but because I don't have it and I am still partially closeted, I only feel dread and fear. My friends keep telling me I need to just not care, go and do it, not wait for the "perfect moment" that doesn't actually exist. Idealistically, I'd move out and start everything, but that is a struggle by itself (but now I have a bf who I might move in sometime in the future! But I am scared to tell my parents this too, which sounds idiotic considering I am 25 haha. I am always really anxious to talk to them about anything big/important because I am scared of being dismissed, judged or argued with).

Ever since I've met my bf last year, he has helped me a lot and made me feel more hopeful (his family is transphobic and still misgenders/deadnames him to this day, but they're slowly starting to respect him more. He is also officially 2 weeks on T and I am SO proud. I was with him through almost all of the process and it was not so scary to "experience" this side of trans journey, even from the passenger seat. I was SO excited about everything, even the bloodwork, that I joked how I'm acting like I am the one getting approved for HRT, as sad as it sounds. It made me envious how I'm able to be so happy for somebody else, partially because I don't have the stress of other people's expectations glued to my back.

When I was 16 I accidentally came out to my parents. They both blamed themselves for me "becoming" trans. Mom because she let me cut my hair short. Dad because he "didn't allow" me to wear makeup when I was 12 (I was disinterested in makeup lol). Both because throughout my childhood they paid more attention to my sick younger brother, which somehow meant that I thought being a boy = getting my parents' attention and love? All ridiculous, I know. The sad part was that they never tried talking with me and understanding where I was coming from. They took me to a psychologist without telling me anything. They only discussed this with other people. Years later, when I thought maybe they forgot about me being trans, I overheard my mom talking on the phone with her brother about me, and in short she said that I can do whatever I want once I'm not "under her roof".

As sad as it sounds, that was one of the main reasons why I wish to start my transition once I move out. But it feels so far away. Closer than ever, yes, but still not close enough. I wouldn't be able to relax or feel joy if I started now while living with them -- but I am also not sure if I'm gaslighting myself here.

The only other thing I know is that my dad kind of accepted it/showed that he didn't care too much (according to my mom who's reaction was heavier), while my mom feared for me (because of how trans people are treated, she didn't want me to "be" trans too). Also, when I came out, my dad spoke to me normally, but he just dismissed me being trans and he told me to focus on school, getting a job etc, and not this. He even cheerfully asked if there was anybody I liked, a guy or a girl (to anybody who knows my dad, they'd be shocked, because he never asks about things like that or even shows any interest ngl, so it was weird and sudden). Meanwhile my mom was angry, dramatic, dismissed everything, said she also wanted to be a man and hated her chest until she realized men like boobs (??). So even when I tried talking to her, she dismissed everything angrily and didn't take me seriously. Keep in mind this was all when I was a teenager.

I am scared that even if i start HRT without their knowledge, it'd probably only take 2-3 months for them to notice big changes like facial hair, acne, voice change. I am pretty hairy, my built is a square, I pass most of the time, I have slight facial hair, I know T would hit me good (lol), and I am ironically scared of that only because of my parents. I haven't shaved my legs in two years and during summer I wear pants when I know they're at home! I care too much about what they think of me because I hate the idea of disappointing them, losing them and not having their support that I am too scared to "risk" it. They wouldn't kick me out of the house. What I think would happen is that it'll just be extremely awkward (or my mom would be angry) -- and I don't want to live with them during that time. I'd rather endure it and live in a limbo for a few more years until I'm financially able to move out and survive.

Every time I see somebody who has the same/similar issues as me, or somebody who is a few steps ahead of me but used to be in the same spot, it makes me feel hopeful and less alone.

I just started T on the 29th and my mom is very stressed and scared about this. She's been sharing her thoughts and fears with me and I want her to know it's okay to be scared, to know it's okay to grieve her daughter but it's getting exhausting at this point, which makes me feel bad.

A lot of her fears are based on misinformation and stereotypes, and it's been really hard because I've spent a lot of time trying to unlearn those stereotypes and not to put myself in boxes.

She's said that I'm never going to get a job because I'm trans so I'm never going to move out. Or she said to me "what if you get very obese and can't walk anymore?"

She also brought up that what if her relationship with her new boyfriend doesn't work out and we have to move back in with my abusive dad. Some of these things I feel like is her trying to scare me out of transitioning.

But some of her fears are very valid too like how I might have a harder time in life because not only am I trans but also disabled. Or she's scared that I'm going to regret transitioning one day.

But she's also said some hurtful things to me as well. I told her that I'm not completely alone in this and that I have friends and family who support me but she said "If you have people who support you where are they right now? Where were they all summer?" and that really hurt. She knows I have a hard time leaving the house because of my disability. And a lot of my friends are either busy with work, or can't drive so we can't meet up in person. But I talk to them on the phone all the time.

I've tried to tell her that I am not going to let fear or hateful people stop me from living the life I want, and that even though my body is going to change I'll still be the same, I'll still have the same personality. I was telling her last night how I wished she just loved me for who I am and she told me she does love me for who I am right now and I don't have to add anything extra to myself. She told me to wait until I was 25 to start T but I told I've already have been waiting and I can't wait any longer.

I just wish I didn't have to make everything harder for her and I wish she just loved me for who I am rather then who she wants me to be. If you made it this far thank you for reading. Sorry this was so messy lol.

TW: MENTION OF SH

I have been brutally fighting with my mother, our fights escalate so quickly. i try to distance myself but she always preses the right buttons and gets me mad.
Im trans(ftm) and she’s known since I was fourteen. Now that Ive started hrt and changed my name she suddenly cares, and she hates me more and more, day by day she’s more disgusted by me. She told me that if she could have only one child she’d have a girl (I have to younger brothers) she doesn’t take me as her child anymore and claims I stole her daughter. She adored my “femininity” since I was a child, when I got my period she wanted to take me to a woman festival but I was clearly not into it, anytime I hurt from my period even when I once puked from pain she called me dramatic. She often tells me how feminine I am and that I could never be a man and that I ma the girliest girl of all the girl she knows, but then when I complain about my body hurting from carrying a fridge in my work she tells me “serves you right, you wanted to be a man” It pains me and hurts me, I have always loved her and I’d like to believe I still do but she claims I rejected her, the name that she has given me and such. When we get into fights she doesn’t mind hurting me or threatening me, the most common thing we fight about is the fact that I have a mess in my room. Cleaning my room is often very hard for me, I often work like blue collar job where I move heavy things all day. I leave in the early ealy morning and then I come back very late and Im in no state to start cleaning let alone wash my clothes, when I try begging her to let me go and give me rest she argues that she also works a lot (she is a teacher which I dare to say isnt that physically exhausting compared to moving furniture all day).

One thing I can’t forget to mention is that we are financially struggling, she has been single for almost two years now and we are not able to go on. The rent is too high and we cant afford many things, or my support relevant to the fact that I study in a different city and also need to pay rent for the dorms. That means all of the family members have to work like everyday to somehow make their living, dad is sending alimentary to her but Ive never seen a penny from it although I need it, when Im in the city where I study I often go hungry. There were days when I ate only white rice or dry crackers and my belly hurt from the hunger all the time.

Well If I overlook our financial situation its been really hard for me to stay here, when our argument really escalates I lean towards self harm, I usually just hit myself in the head. I did do it in front of her many times but she would not care at all. I even took a knife but she just assaulted me and took it from me, she slaps my arms many times in a row and then she kneels on me which makes it hard for me to breathe, I have bruises from her hitting me, when I fight back she tells me I am an abuser just like my dad. She threatens me with throwing out my stuff, (she did it a few times) she takes my phone and Im losing door priviliges. I know I can’t live with her anymore, she wont ever get therapy and if she goes mad I won’t be surprised.

I dont know how to make the arrangements to live on my own, the fact that I have to come back from my dorms now and then bounds me to that apartment, my aliments from father goes to her as in to pay for my stay there. I could try to talk with my dad and arrange that the aliments would to directly to me and Id find a place in the university city forever, everything is so expensive though. The dorms are the cheapest and even then I have a problem to pay it off sometimes.

Some time ago she found the syringe I used to inject my hormones, and she told me she had cried for days. Today she told me I smell bad, like nothing because I am nothing and I chose to be nothing and that I am a monster. When I try to defy it she tells me Im wrong. She has played a victim all of her life and I feel like I got it from her too I do often try to get in the victim role when I feel like I did something bad and turn it against. Im trying to fix it though, I want to work on myself and I wanna know what it means to love unconditionally. To love human not for their attributes but simply for their humanity.

(For context Im 20)

I'm gay, mlm, 20. I'm 5'4 or 5'5 idk, and just coming up on 3 months on T. Being short is important in this vent I swear 😭

I really wanted to start dating but don't really have a queer community as I'm stealth, have had no reason to tell anyone I'm gay because I'm not seeing anyone, and moved to a new city a year ago. So I downloaded Hinge.

There are a few guys I've wanted to talk to on there, but I feel like they're all way out of my league because I either look like a 12 year old boy or a masc lesbian. I almost feel pity for them if I message them because it'll be like they're dating a kid.

I've tried talking to other trans men but none I've spoken to have been my type, especially because most of them have been pre t.

The people who message me arent my type, and the people I want to message aren't going to be into someone who looks like a child or is only 5'4/5 😭

I just wish I was taller and felt and looked my age, then I might not feel less than.

Before testosterone my shoe size was an 8½ women's, 7½ men's shoes. And I had NICE boots. Think $300 Danner boots. But testosterone made my feet grow. I had to buy all new shoes. So I bought some size 8½ men's boots. Fit great. Bought some Doc Martens, which only come in whole sizes, so size 9. Comfy comfy boots. Favorite boots.

Today I put on my Columbia size 8½ hiking boots. And they're tight. I feel around, feel the toes through the material, take some steps.

They are too small.

Irritated. But at least these boots need to be replaced anyway. Tread on them is gone. Like absolutely flat on the bottom.

Maybe a few online do. But in real life, I know about 4-5 trans guys. 2 of them make no effort to pass, and when I tired to talk to them they started flirting with each other, not to mention one of them has bright pink hair and was wearing a tight tank top with their bratraps showing. Neither are on testosterone, and when I asked one about dysphoria they said they watch YouTube to help with it (I wish it was like that for me ngl)

One of the other trans people wears heavy makeup, and has shoulder length dyed hair, and has a boyfriend who I went to middle school with and he's racist and homophobic... I decided to not ask them about dysphoria.

I found one guy who is chill, and he's the only one out of all of them that knows I'm trans, but he has much milder dysphoria and doesn't care about passing, although we can sometimes relate

I just feel alone, my dysphoria made me attempt to end my life. I want to find another trans guy in real life who understands what I'm going through and who I can get advice from. I don't care what people do with their lives, it just makes me sad when I think I might be able to find someone I can relate to and I never can. I went to a youth LGBT club in my town, I know every trans guy who is in my friend group or in one close to me, but nobody understands

i’m 2 stages (3 surgery’s) down into my bottom surgery transition. all i need is a fistula repair and to get implants. i just got out of a long 6 year relationship because we just started to grow from eachother. she has been through every surgery with me and i always envisioned myself to be her first once everything was up and running. we have agreed that we want to still be friends and after a long day of missing her i caved and told her so. she said she missed me too and that she’s here for me. in the middle of all of this, out of curiosity i made a humble profile and found her to be on there which was a little jarring. after telling her im not used to such strong emotions she called me and we chatted for 2 hours. i told her all about how i was feeling and she did the same. eventually she accidentally told me that she had hooked up with another guy and it absolutely crushed me. i know i shouldn’t really feel that way since we’re not together anymore but i just envisioned her always being my first and i being hers. i have been in such a rut because i currently don’t have insurance that goes out of state and therefore my surgery process is yet again put on a hold. nothing is going my way in life atm and now with hearing this i feel disgusted, disappointed, and honestly less of a man.

So I reached out to two different surgeons about chest surgery. For more context, I have more limitations than most as I am fat, thus I have to find surgeons with either no bmi limit or a higher one. There are no surgeons like that in my town, but there are several in a city that’s only three hours away from me. So, I reached out to two of them and both are booking CONSULTATIONS for August of 2027. What the fuck. And then they said that after the consult, surgeries would be scheduled for 18-24 months after that. Maybe I was hopeful because of all the people I was seeing online who went to these surgeons and got their consult in 2 months and then got their surgery about 6 months to a year after that. That timeline isn’t bad. But THREE YEARS???????? Maybe that’s what is actually normal, but that doesn’t make me feel better. You mean to tell me that I was forced into this fucking body, forced to perform a certain way for 25 years, and now that I’m finally taking ownership back and making my body a home I’m going to keep hitting walls and keep being trapped by things out of my control? It fucking tears me up inside.

I am currently losing weight at a rather steady pace, so I don’t know if I just keep losing and then reach out to more surgeons since then my options will be wide open. I’m going to keep searching in general, but right now I just need to cry and be angry. I’m so tired of how difficult medical and legal and even social transitioning is. It’s already difficult in general to be trans and deal with dysphoria. My chest and bottom dysphoria are debilitating. And yet. I still have to deal with all of this bullshit. IM SO TIRED. I JUST WANT MY FAT SACKS ON MY CHEST OFF OF ME THEY SHOULDN’T EVEN FUCKING BE THERE!!!!!!!!

Basically I can go stealth online for long until they start asking to see me or hear my voice or shit which I can always tell them I don’t want to but I also feel extremely guilty, like I’m lying to a person who thinks I’m cis like them. I can’t get rid of this feeling, as long as a person doesn’t know I’m trans I feel like the biggest fraud and only feel comfortable when I just tell them even tho it turns weird and awkward real fast, I wish I never felt this way