Your silence your avoidance it speaks volumes, and it's louder than any words you could've said. It hurts more than anything because I truly saw you as my future my forever. But now I see you as my lesson. A lesson to love myself first and foremost to put my own heart above someone who clearly doesn't care.

having no one to go too
no one to talk too
no one to tell you it’s ok
It’s having No one but yourself
Such a shame for such a broken lass

Going through divorce.

I was the one who initiated for many reasons.

She wants to stay together, but I knew it wasn't meant to be for two years.

Then, I met **her**. She's not perfect... But she's kind, sweet, caring, beautiful, and attractive in ways that make my lungs cease to function.

So I told her how I feel.

She said she's interested in intimacy.

But nothing more.

And I should be happy, but I'm devastated.

It takes me back to the original heartbreak I've suffered that brought me here.

Either I settle for someone I don't really love, or I fall for someone who cannot love me.

I'm fucked up. I've broken hearts and I deserve this heartbreak for having hurt another.

I know, many people say, you sure will find someone compatible again, there are still other men out there that you can love just as much one day and who would never leave you.

Maybe. I know that you can fall in love again in the future even if you can't see it now. But sometimes, you're just not able to find someone as compatible again. Sometimes you just can't top that.

It feels impossible to imagine dating someone else or entering a relationship even if I'm in love just because I will never reach that level of compatibility again.

Yes, there sure are good and loving men out there.

And yes, maybe someone in the future will share the same humour and also likes hiking.

But I will never be able to find someone who's complementing my soul in the way that my ex did. I just won't. And I will always feel like there's something missing because I've already experienced the biggest level of compatibility.

I will never be able to date someone else if back in my mind, I just have the thought that I've already found the Man of my dreams and experienced a soul tie and probably the biggest love of my life.

Life had different plans for me when he lost feelings in the end of our relationship. Life's not fair.

It's easy to say that "it's not the love of your life if they left you". But maybe he was my biggest love. Even if I love again in the future, no-one could possibly ever be this compatible.

I don't know how other people manage to distract themselves right after a breakup (when they were dumbed). I'm just bedrotting 24/7. I tried so many activities but can't really finish them or don't even start them. I don't feel any joy and I don't feel any motivation do to anything other than bedrotting.

All I do is lie down, scroll on my phone and hoping that I'll just feel better the next day.

Playing a computer game is awful and boring, watching a movie.. way too much effort. Exercising is good but really hard to do when you're very miserable.

Even when I have a moment when I don't cry, I just feel indifferent and I don't see any reason to try an activity if the don't bring me joy anyways.

Maybe I can go for a walk. But even that doesn't really help or feel good. I just do it to feel at least a little productive.

I really don't understand how others can paint, learn how to knit, have fun in cooking, go to the cinema and find so many ways to distract themselves.

I said it. It's almost a guaranteed 100% chance that your ex is coming back. The moment you start feeling like you’re finally moving on, your ex will throw a breadcrumb, a subtle sign that they're actually missing you. They honestly almost never truly move on from you. When they've told themselves they fell out of love with you, it was just BS. The attachment feelings were just dormant when they first broke up with you. If you want your ex to come rushing back, it's simple: just go no contact,work on yourself(or at least pretend to), and act like you forgot their existence.They’ll come rushing back, I swear.

However, just because I say that there's virtually a 100% chance your ex will come back, what realistically are the chances that a healthy successful reconciliation would come to pass? 

You see, exes come back for one main reason: to fill a void. They generally come back thinking that you do not have standards, that you were always an easy option on the table when life didn't go as planned.. They came back because they believe you have no self-respect. They came back because they believed no growth and ongoing self-evaluation was needed to have another chance with you, despite the past. Oftentimes, exes can't sit with themselves. There's so much that’s going on in their mental context, but because they aren’t equipped with the self-compassion and courage to examine themselves, they use you as a tool to look away from the mirror. 

Almost nobody realizes that happiness and satisfaction from a relationship are garbage values, because they are extremely volatile to change and subconsciously causes them to see roadblocks in relationships as something to dodge, ignore, or break up over. A true partner that sees relationships as opportunities of emotional growth and self-discovery never reaches out to an ex to fill a void.

Here’s a sad reality: the better your ex was as a partner, the lower the chances they would reach out after a breakup. This is because humility ,self-compassionate, and craving for emotional development over gratification faces adversity as an opportunity while the weak and mentally dependent go back to their exes to fill a perceived emptiness. Rejecting an ex isn’t merely self-respect;it’s also the best way to demonstrate respect for your ex’s needs, even if it's the exact opposite of what they want.

If you’re thinking that working on yourself will make a successful reconciliation, think again. Your ex also needs to be just as committed as you are to change and grow.Commitment to change doesn’t just mean getting ripped, expanding your social circle, and eating healthier. It means gaining mastery over your inner world instead of getting mastered by it.

We went on four dates. I (M34) thought we connected so well. I felt so at ease next to her (38), it's like I just felt like I was with someone who I would be so happy to be a part of my life. The "dates" felt more like hang outs though, so after the fourth "date" I told her I wanted to keep things romantic, and she told me she wasn't in a place to date and wanted to remain friends. Of course I accepted that and we just parted ways with a friendly hug, and that was that. And now it's been a month, with no connect whatsoever. Sure, she likes my stories, but that isn't communication and overall doesn't mean anything. Sure I get a hit of dopamine seeing that she still "sees" me, but it honestly still hurts that that is all I will get.

I keep telling myself to "grow up" and "move on", but the feelings are still there and I just cannot stop thinking of her, no matter how much of a "grown ass adult" I may be. Every cool thing I see I want to tell her about, every cool place I go I just think about how much I would want to take her there. I hate how now I am playing this whole nonchalant no-contact game, even though I don't want to. It's so freaking immature and petty and I hate it. Though whenever I tell myself to just "grow up" and "reach out" to her, there is just this overwhelming voice in my head that's like "lol you only met four times, she doesn't like you dude, she's probably already seeing someone else. Just move on". If I reached out and asked her to hang out, she would likely say yes, but what would I even be doing there?

It's funny, because at first I was like ehhh we'll see wear this goes, but hey we could be good friends maybe. After seeing her for the third time I totally fell for her though. I just wonder though what I would even tell her. When we last saw each other after hanging out for the day, we walked to my car ready to part ways, and it was just just going to be a casual friendly "ok cool, well it was nice seeing you, yeah see you around! Bye!" but I "manned up" and was just like "so do you want to make next time an actual date? No pressure of course, we don't have to." And she smiled but looked kinda caught off guard like she didn't know how to respond, but yeah she was like I just don't know if I'm really in a place to date right now, because I'm so busy, but I still want to be friends with you. And so I said totally fine, we hugged and parted ways. I want to tell her how I feel, but I feel like what else is there to even say to her? And so I just stay distant...

And so that's what we do, and it's just back to the apps...

It's come in waves, never really leaving though. Just goes from extreme crippling to painful to everywhere in between. I still love him with my whole heart, there isn't a time that I think of him that I don't end up in tears. He was my person and we loved each other so much and I get that he doesn't anymore but I've never stopped. He's been with someone new for over a year, she's getting the person I need so desperately. I just want to get him back, please...

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

I miss you, even though you don't deserve that. I've been feeling this sense of withdrawal and loneliness these past few days, and I was doing so well before this. I was getting over it. I know what you did was ridiculously toxic, but in moments like these, we tend to remember the good things and forget everything that made us feel awful, right? I hate it. So I'm trying to remind myself.

You would disappear for an entire day or two, saying you felt too bad to be on social media or didn't have the energy to socialize, while somehow still having energy to watch movies with your ex in the middle of the night. Most of the time, I was the one reaching out and trying to fix things, even when we were just friends. And looking back, you rarely seemed genuinely interested in what was happening in my life. I could tell you I had an exam and you wouldn't even ask me later how it went. I would ask about you, your interests, how you were feeling, what you needed, and somehow everything always seemed to revolve around you.

What hurt even more was watching the things you supposedly didn't have the energy to do with me suddenly become possible when your ex was around. You started showing up on the social media platform we used every day again after adding her back, while with me it had felt like talking to me was an obligation.

And when I finally couldn't take it anymore, after repeatedly asking for more presence, attention and consideration, you reduced it to me "freaking out." You even compared me to your ex, implying that she knew how to understand when you needed company or space, as if I hadn't spent all that time trying to understand you. Then, when I contacted you one last time and asked whether you still cared about our friendship, all I got was a cold "yes." Days went by, and you did absolutely nothing.

That's what I need to remember when I miss you. Not just the connection, the good moments or the person I wanted you to be, but how lonely and anxious I actually felt trying to keep you in my life... and I don't want to feel anxious anymore whenever something reminds me of you. I don't want movies, songs, people or random things to bring all of this back. I miss feeling at peace.

I just can’t seem to take my mind off this situation so here I am sharing this shitty experience to somehow make sense of it and maybe get some opinions. Sorry in advance for the long read, this is the full story with full context.

I’m 21F and he is 30M.
6 months ago at the end of February, I matched with my most recent ex on Facebook dating. I was just over 2 months out of a 1 year 8 month relationship and not over my previous ex (unhealthy, I know) so I began to surf some dating apps to try to get myself to move on and received a like from Ray (not his real name but that’s what we’re going with to make this simple). I immediately noticed he was much older than me, but he lived in my town and had recently started a membership at the gym I work at so I thought “you never know what could happen” and matched with him.

Ray messaged me almost immediately and from the first few messages we had pretty much an instant connection. On the first night of talking we stayed up for hours talking about pretty much everything until the early morning on a workday. From that conversation I learned that we had different backgrounds but similar interests and personalities, however the first giant red flag was that he had recently gotten out of an 8 year long relationship where he was a step father and raised her son during that time. Literally 10 days before matching with me, recent. His side of the story was that their relationship had gotten sour years ago, she financially took advantage of him, and they were living as roommates until she decided to kick him out after an argument on Valentine’s Day and cut off all access to her son. Ray told me he was “over her” because they’d “basically been broken up for over a year” and all he really cared about was not getting to see his step son anymore.

Ray expressed clear interest in me and didn’t seem to mind the age gap, though I was a little skeptical about pursuing him and I definitely had a voice in the back of my mind telling me this wouldn’t end well. But considering I don’t have nearly as much life experience as him and I didn’t want to assume his feelings, I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and went ahead with pursuing him. We also had open conversations later on about rebounding where he assured me I wasn’t his rebound and that he would be upset if he was mine.

We met in person 4 days after matching when he came into my gym to work out. We talked and I sat by him while he worked on each machine and after he was done we went to the Tim Hortons across the street and spent the next 3 hours straight talking just like we did the night we matched. I found myself quite attracted to him and I felt like while we had much different life experiences, our overall values aligned and we still had a lot to talk about. 2 days later we had our first proper date where he took me to the movies and held my hand/kept sneaking glances at me the whole time. When he drove me home, he kissed me twice in my driveway and we made plans for a second date 5 days after that. On our second date he took me to sit by the beach where we cuddled and talked for a bit, he also kissed me again, then we went to eat at a popular pub in town.

Because he had been kicked out of the home he lived in with his ex, Ray moved back in with his parents and was staying in a cluttered unfinished loft above their garage. He was reluctant to invite me back to his place since he had no bathroom or running water up there but I assured him that I understood his situation and I wasn’t judging him, so we went back to the loft to chill and watch a movie. He apologized profusely when I finally saw the place, it was messy and a lot of bugs since they mainly used the space for storage but I tried to be as empathetic as I could given the circumstances. We sat on his bed which was in the middle of the room and he put on his favorite anime (he’s a huge nerd which was one of the reasons I liked him) and shortly into the episode he started kissing me again and we ended up having sex.

We continued to spend weekends together but I noticed that his texting was slowly starting to get dry but again, continued giving him the benefit of the doubt and was also trying to learn to heal my pattern of anxious attachment so I didn’t read into it a lot. He works full time for his parent’s landscaping & pressure washing business, has his own plow business on the side, and also went to a MTG group on Friday nights so I thought he did have good reasons to be more distant when we weren’t hanging out, even when he’d apologize for not texting as much. During our time together he would make a point to spend his days off (Saturday afternoon-Monday evening) with me so I was happy and had no reason to think he wasn’t into me. After we slept together, I wanted to put a label on us and when I brought it up Ray suggested that our relationship started on our first date (March 2nd). We had spent about 2 weeks together at this point before he introduced me to his parents, his mother in particular I hit it off with really well, so much so we quickly started spending 1-1 time together and she added me on Facebook.

Things were seeming really good and before I knew it a month flew by and I was starting to fall in love again. Ray’s 30th birthday was coming up (April 13) so I went all out for him and spent a good bit of time and money getting some very personal gifts for him since he had told me his ex would never get him much for any of his birthdays. I got him a bunch of MTG cards, a MTG youtooz figure, his favorite chocolates, I even got him a custom Marcus The Worm mug since he loves Marcus and would constantly send me Marcus reels on messenger. On the day of his birthday, Ray moved out of the cluttered loft and into a smaller but clean trailer he bought off his parents, since in there he’d have running water and a bathroom. I helped him move his blankets and pillows to his new bed, I unloaded his groceries and organized his pantry, and spent two hours wiping down the walls top to bottom helping him make the place liveable. After we were done cleaning we went to dinner with Ray’s parents and we had a nice private evening together in the trailer where he opened his gifts from me and we watched YouTube until we fell asleep.

We hung out one more time the weekend after his birthday where I spent a whole day with Ray’s mom,
though Ray did seem a little distant and was on his phone a lot, we still had sex and he kissed/hugged me goodbye on the last day I saw him, saying he’d see me on the next weekend. Over next few days he started getting super dry over text and would leave me on read for hours at a time. On April 25th, 5 days after I saw him last and 12 days after his 30th Ray sent me this out of nowhere when I asked if we were making plans for the weekend:

“I'm sorry [Astro], your a great person, but I've been thinking nonstop for days, and I'm not ready for a relationship, I'm not over [ex] at all, I can't give you the same, not now, I really wish you the best, and I hope you find absolutely everything you need to make you happy, I'm sorry, truly, i am sorry”

I left him on read and immediately messaged Ray’s mom to let her know what happened, and thanked her the 1-1 time we spent together and for being so kind to me. I responded to Ray’s text the next morning stating my disappointment in him for not being honest and using me as a rebound but he left me on read and unfriended me by the end of that week. By the next week he blocked me everywhere and hard launched a completely new woman that he began dating 5 DAYS after telling me he wasn’t ready for a relationship. I did some stalking as one does and immediately noticed the new girlfriend’s pfp matched the profile I seen in Ray’s recent chat log while he was on messenger during our last night together. Another thing that shocked me was that she, like his ex, also has a child, which was interesting because he had told me when we met he didn’t want to date a woman with kids because he “was already a step dad for 8 years and wanted to have his own child”.

The new girlfriend (we’ll call her Whitney) didn’t hold back to document their relationship on her very public Facebook account, where I got to see the diamond necklace Ray bought her for Mother’s Day, “family” outings with him and her daughter, nights of her cooking for him in the same trailer I helped clean, and her trip to the city with Ray’s mom even though we (Ray’s mom and I) were supposed to do a city trip together. I ultimately decided to block Whitney for my own sanity but kept Ray’s mom on my Facebook since she hadn’t unadded me, however she did stop speaking to me.

That brings us to now, 4 months after Ray ended things with me. Ray’s mom posted Whitney’s 30th birthday on her Facebook, which led to curiosity getting the better of me and I stalked Whitney’s page again to find Ray popped the question. I also decided it was time to block Ray’s mom. Whitney made a long public post on her page talking about how they were “meant for each other” , how they grew up together and “found their way back to each other”. As far as I know they never dated, just went to school together. He never talked about her at all even though he told me about all of his exes. Regardless of how they got involved I just can’t wrap my brain around how a grown man can go from being in an 8 year relationship and raising a child, to messing with someone almost a decade younger, spending 7 weeks sleeping with me and selling me a future he knew he didn’t want with me, to getting engaged to someone completely different and trying to raise a whole new kid, all within half a year. I wish I knew what his reasoning was or what the fuck happened because even after all these months, I’m still completely bamboozled with this entire situation to the point I have to get it out because it’s driving me nuts to make sense of.

Anyways if you got this far, thanks for reading. I apologize for how long of a story this is considering how pathetic it is but at least it’s out of my system now. Hopefully I can stop feeling like the obsessive bitter ex and move on, karma will catch up eventually I suppose.

Edit: to prevent confusion here’s the timeline so you know how quick everything progressed.
Feb 14th - Ray gets kicked out and broken up with
Feb 24th - Ray and I match on Fb dating
Feb 28th - Ray and I meet irl
March 2nd - Ray and I’s first date/first kiss
March 7th - Ray and I’s second date and when we first slept together
April 13th - Ray’s birthday
April 20th - the last day I saw Ray
April 25th - Ray dumps me
April 30th - Ray gets with Whitney and unfriends me
May 10th - Ray hard launches Whitney and blocks me
Aug 29th - Ray and Whitney get engaged

In about two weeks maybe a little over, you'll start looking for me. You'll scour every inch of the places we used to go, every hidden spot we shared. You'll check every crack, every corner, every shadow, hoping to catch a glimpse. But I won't be there. I'll be gone, completely out of reach, and no matter how hard you search, you won't find a trace of me

My now ex-boyfriend and I started talking in March. He messaged me, and conversation came easily because we had a lot of the same interests. I want to preface this by saying that I’ve never been very comfortable with physical touch. I’m fine with things like holding hands and hugging, but kissing and anything that could potentially lead to more has always made me uncomfortable. When we had our first kiss, I didn’t really enjoy it, and I felt like it didn’t go very well. But because it was our first kiss, I didn’t think too much of it at the time. I’m also not very good at receiving compliments or expressing affection and emotions, so I didn’t know if what I was feeling was just because I’m naturally not very affectionate or if it was some sort of gut feeling about the relationship and maybe I just haven’t found the right person for myself yet.

I wanted to be as open and honest with him as possible, so on our next date, I brought it up. I ended up getting emotional because I hated that I felt this way and felt like there was nothing I could do to change it. He told me that the last thing he wanted was to make me uncomfortable and that he was completely okay with going at my pace. I thought that if I gave it time, I would eventually become more comfortable with him and that my body would stop tensing up when we got physical. I thought maybe I would naturally become more affectionate and lovey-dovey as our relationship developed.

After a group hangout with some of my friends at my house, everyone left and he stayed to help me clean up. We ended up kissing and eventually we were laying down with him on top of me. I really didn’t enjoy the kiss, and my body was tensing up a lot. He asked me afterward if I was okay or uncomfortable, but I was embarrassed and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, so I kinda just brushed it off and said I was fine. I also noticed that he would use terms of endearment like “my love” and call me his forever girl or wife. We never said “I love you” to each other, so hearing things like that sometimes caught me off guard and I didn’t know how to handle it. 

I had a trip to Europe planned with my family where I would be gone for a month. Before leaving, I knew I would obviously kiss him goodbye, but I was trying to think of ways to make myself more comfortable with physical affection. One thing I tried was putting music on while we kissed, and it helped a little. While I was in Europe, we texted every day. There were times when I could have called him, but I didn’t really want to. I’m not saying that to imply that I didn’t care about him because I know he was genuinely just trying to talk to me. A lot of the time, our calls didn’t feel like they would have much substance because he would be bored at work and ask me about things I had already told him over text throughout the day.

About a week and a half into my trip, he told me he missed me, and I responded by saying that it hadn’t been that bad because we were still able to text every day and had called a few times. I didn’t mean that I didn’t miss him at all because I did, but I realized that I didn’t feel like I missed him to the same extent that he missed me. That message made me start thinking about our relationship as a whole. I thought that, if anything, I should have been missing him more because we couldn’t see each other in person. We were also still relatively early into our relationship, so I thought I should still be in that honeymoon stage where I would be excited to talk to him and miss him constantly. Instead, I was thinking about how my body tensed up whenever we kissed, how uncomfortable I sometimes felt with terms of endearment, how difficult it was for me to reciprocate affection, and questioned if I felt the same intensity of emotion that he seemed to feel toward me.

What made it harder was that he had done nothing wrong. He was kind, respectful, honest, patient, and supportive. He never pressured me physically and had told me that he was completely okay with going at my pace. I started thinking that he deserved someone who could reciprocate his feelings more naturally and that it wasn’t fair to keep him in a relationship while I was unsure about how deep my feelings actually were.

During the last week of my trip, I thought about everything and eventually came to the conclusion that I should break up with him. I wanted to be honest with him rather than stay in the relationship hoping that my feelings would eventually change. The day after I got home from Europe, we had the conversation. I told him pretty much everything I had been thinking, and he was understandably devastated. He told me that he never saw my lack of affection or physical touch as a problem and that he liked me exactly the way I was. I told him that I genuinely didn’t know how to change the way I felt and that, even if it wasn’t a problem for him now, I worried about what would happen a year into the relationship if I still wasn’t able to express affection or be comfortable physically. I didn’t think it was fair for him to have to deal with that while I was still unsure of how deep my feelings ran. He also pointed out that we hadn’t been together for that long and that I didn’t necessarily need to have everything figured out already (we started talking in March and started dating in May). I understand what he meant, but I felt like I should have some idea of whether my feelings were becoming deeper than simply enjoying his company and thinking he was a really good person. He really didn’t want to break up, but he never guilt-tripped me or tried to force me to change my mind. He respected my decision even though it hurt him.

We ultimately broke up. I told him that I still cared about him as a person and that if he ever needed someone to talk to or just needed to get something off his chest, I would be there for him. I mentioned the possibility of staying friends, but he told me that he couldn’t look at me as just a friend. I told him that if we were meant to be together, then maybe we would eventually find our way back to each other (I know that sounds cheesy, but I genuinely mean it).

When I drove home after the breakup, I didn’t really know how to feel. The next morning, I woke up around 5 AM with a pit in my stomach and a heavy feeling in my chest and ended up crying. Part of me wonders if I should have waited longer to see whether my feelings changed. At the same time, I keep coming back to the fact that I wanted to be honest with him, and I didn’t think it was fair to keep him in a relationship while I was unsure about how deeply I felt. He doesn’t deserve to be strung along while I try to figure myself out, especially when his feelings for me seem so much stronger than mine were at the time.

We continued texting after the breakup, and we both told each other that if either of us needed space, we could say so. The truth is that I don’t want to stop talking to him. I genuinely enjoy his company, and I like talking to him. But, I knew that continuing to text each other constantly and acting almost like nothing happened probably isn’t good for either of us. I feel like I won’t be able to figure out how I actually feel if I never experience what it’s like to have some distance from him. I told him that I don’t want to cut him out of my life, but if taking a step back is what I need to do so that I don’t keep hurting him, then I’m willing to do that. I also told him that if I need to go through some pain and miss him for a while in order to understand how important he actually is to me, then I have to accept that as the consequence of my own decision.

Since then, I’ve been questioning whether I made the right decision. It's only been two days since the breakup, and I need to let some time pass because I don’t want to rush into any decisions. I told him that if we were to get back together, I wouldn’t want to do it for the wrong reasons, like me just missing talking to him, and he doesn’t deserve to have his feelings hurt back and forth.

How do you determine if your feelings can lead to love? How do I know if I just miss his company and talking to him or if I actually miss him and have deeper feelings? I don’t know if my problems with physical touch stem from the fact that this is just how I’ll always be as a person and I just need to find someone who will work through it with me and understand, or if I just haven’t found the right person to make me open up in that way. How will I know if I made a mistake or not?

I lie awake.
Distant angry voices of the past echo in my head.
I keep hearing them as they keep me awake.
Afraid of the monsters in my head.
Afraid of the pain that lies ahead.

I lie awake.
Memories that haunt and destroy everything in their wake.
But again I learn that all my friends were fake.
That their patience was thin and their ego’s as thick as cake.

I lie awake.
Alone in silence I must take.
These bitter pills to keep my smile a fake.
Not know how that this time it’s going to make or break.

I lie awake.
Fear and emptiness is now my make.
How much more must I take.
Until there is no more and I break.

Hey, I don’t even know where to start. I’m 23 and I just want to be loved.

The last couple of years have been a complete collapse for me. I went through severe depression (diagnosed by a doctor), lost several people close to me, and got kicked out of university. I felt absolutely terrible. I stopped making music, I couldn’t even play my favorite games because every failure hit me so hard that I’d start hating myself and thinking I was a loser. I still feel that way sometimes.

I’m broke, short, not athletic, and not particularly attractive. I’ve never had a normal relationship with a woman, and for some reason women just don’t seem interested in me. The only times women have actually shown initiative toward me, they ended up using me, and they used me really badly. I don’t understand why. I try not to hurt anyone, so I don’t understand why people treat me like that.

My last attempt at a relationship was three years ago. I tried really hard to stay in touch with her and keep the conversation going, but when I started doing really badly and stopped initiating, she never messaged me even once.

A lot of people say that you need to get your life together first, become healthy and strong, and only then look for a relationship. But I’ve seen people with problems similar to mine, or even worse, find a partner while they were still struggling and then get through it together much more easily. So why do I have to carry everything on my shoulders alone?

And honestly, I did go to a doctor. I really tried, and I’ve gotten better. This year I went back to university and graduated. I’ve lost weight, I’m trying to get rid of my acne, and I’m forced to look for a job (otherwise my family will literally starve lol).

I used to have so many hobbies, but for the last three years I basically did nothing. I didn’t have the energy or motivation for anything. Now I’m slowly trying to get back into life, doing what I can, and… I’m still nobody’s choice.

I try to tell myself that sooner or later things will get better, but more and more often I feel like I’m just a loser who’s destined to be alone and that things are only going to get worse.

I know a relationship like that is a very huge potential for something unhealthy and codependency which I never wanted.

But sometimes you just accidentally fall in love with someone and you have a happy relationship with them and even without looking for it in advance and trying to solve your problems on your own, this relationship happens to help you so much with many things and gives you a new perspective in life.

I (30f) was really unhappy with my life before I met him, didn't really know what to do with my life and felt a little depressed and the relationship with him (lasted for one year before he broke up with me) changed so much for me, even though I never looked for someone to solve my problems, it just happened.

Because of him, I:

- found a new city I'd like to move to (I hate the city I live in now and we wanted to move together soon)

- finally saw a perspective in life and felt excited about my future and had so many new dreams for the future that I was excited to fulfill

- found new hobbies that we shared that finally brought me joy again

- made so many friends in his city, I had been feeling lonely for a long time and realized that my friends don't really care about me

- finally felt excited to cook my own meals because I hate to only cook for myself

- found the best and closest friend I ever had (him) who accepted me the way I am and who motivated me to do more with my life and follow my dreams and have boundaries

- my depression that I had since i was 12 completely disappeared and I've never felt so motivated to change my life and became the best version of myself

- felt genuinely happy for the first time in my life

- felt like I've finally found the person who I wanted to spend my life with and even saw me having a family one day (which was never the case before)

Now that he's gone, I not only suffer from severe heartbreak because I really really loved him but also all the things and circumstances that had the power to solve my problems and fix my mental issues are gone aswell.

All the progress I made over the past 12 months has disappeared and I'm back to being unhappy and depressed, I hate my city, my new friends (in his city) are too far away, I can't continue my new hobbies anymore (due to the location) and I'm on my own again.

It's hard if you unwillingly became so codependant and your partner became such a huge part of your life and especially your future and you now have to create a whole new future.

How did you manage to find a new perspective?

So I used to be great friends with this girl i worked with, she actually escalated things into a relationship , but I fucked it up. Took full accountability at the time, explained id need space from her as I couldnt go back to just being friends, she got with someone else very soon after. Just kept things purely professional after that which she didnt take well somehow, she'd sometimes seem sad about it, other times seem like she found my feelings hilarious.

Its been years since then and since I left that workplace. Been doing really well this year just to revieve a follow request and my heads all over the place about it. Idk what it means? We were very close at one point sure but most of the time weve known each other has not been on what id call good terms.

Idk, wish I didnt but checked her profile and seemingly her and that guy aren't together anymore, I kinda wish they were, easier for me that way, any thoughts?

This is the second day in a row that I’ve woken up from a dream about her, and they’re so painful that it affects my whole day.

I know they’re only dreams, but when I wake up, the grief feels completely real again.
I’m trying to focus on myself, stay busy, and keep moving forward, but this heartbreak feels like it has gotten into every part of me.

It affects me physically. I feel it in my chest, my body, my sleep, and my energy. It affects me on a nervous system level. I feel constantly unsettled and exhausted, like my body still hasn’t accepted what happened. And mentally, I feel completely worn down from thinking about her, replaying things, dreaming about her, and carrying all of this every day.

Sometimes I genuinely get scared that this heartbreak is damaging my heart, my body, and my nervous system in a way I won’t fully recover from. I know that might sound dramatic, but that’s how overwhelming it feels. It doesn’t feel like I’m just sad. It feels like my entire body has been carrying this loss for months and is getting exhausted from it.

It’s been almost seven months since the breakup, and I’m just so tired. I wish I could turn the intensity off for a while. I don’t want to erase what we had or pretend I never loved her. I’m just so tired of this heartbreak tearing me down.

I just want it to stop.