It might sound crazy as a 28 gay guy, but I have my reasons.

I grew up as the chubbier kid but not the biggest or anything. I carried that into high-school where the trouble started.

One year I joined long-distance Track. When I started losing weight, one of the mean girls who gossiped and bullied others started treating me different, flirting and almost "legitimizing" my existence. That was my experience with The Halo Effect. And it made me feel disgusting.

How could my intrinsic value be tied to how attractive I seemed? And how could that change in one moment?

I grew up with parents who were hardly ever around and with being gay, I feel lonely and isolated. So, for me it's kind of important to have people in my life who care about WHO I AM.

Now, I live in LA and most of the people, especially gay people, only seem to treat you like human if you're attractive, fit, and stay within the gender binary (for expression and behavior).

And I just am getting more jaded over the years. Everything is so transient but also superficial.

I'm afraid if I work on my body, I'll find a partner and friends who don't care about who I am and insist I'm valuable (but I'll never feel like they value me). And my bigger fear is that I'll never be able to find anyone who can see the real me ever again.

The more I sit with this self-dilemma, the more I feel like I see in our society that people only care about the superficial anyway. I'm not saying I don't ever fall into that (or give in to the Halo Effect), but it's pretty grim when you can't just be yourself anymore. You can't be met where you're at or seen for who you are.

So, I protect myself from changing.

I'm a 28 y/o lesbian with zero experience in any way. I kind of gave up hope until I met this girl who immediately got me, we talked like we've known eachother for decades. I decided to not be shy for once and made a move. Turns out she's straight and only wants to be friends.

I have lost all hope. Straight people around me form relationships with people they barely get along with all the time, meanwhile nothing works for me even when I meet the perfect person. It will never happen for me.

I don’t know what to do
Im so lonely
I feel so alone
I go home everyday to no one
To nobody. To nothing.
I’m tired
This is so hard
I’m so lonely.
Nobody has ever wanted me
Why is this so hard.
I can’t keep living like this
Please Help me I don’t want to live like this.
Please help me
Im tired
Please help me
I can’t continue like this
This is too much.

Please help me
Please help me
Please help me
Please help me
Please help me

It feels so alienating. They all experienced teenage love, breakups, going on dates. Now we approach that age where people start building their life together with their partners. When we hangout together, they often talk about love and I'm just... So alone, always alone. I'm lesbian, and I had no luck approaching women in real life or using dating apps (get no matches AT ALL). Meanwhile my straight friends are able to get at least 5 matches a month. It doesn't help that I live in a homophobic country and have no means to escape. I don't have queer friends either. I have no hope left at all. I'm doomed.

How is everyone?

I've learned to accept that due to factors beyond my control, I'm abnormal. I'm always going to sit at the "reject table," even at 23, and no one is sure what space to put me in.

People will understandably try to point out some factor to explain why I've always been alone. That it's because I'm a trans man. I went from being an ugly girl to an okay looking man. Or that it's because I'm gay but somehow invisible to men. It's not like I don't pass for male, I look like a guy but have been doing everything wrong I guess. Maybe either looking too straight or looking bad when I try to look more effeminate. I don't know.

It's probably my personality. I think people know that I was born empty inside. I don't have autism, but am neurodivergent. It makes it hard to explain my behaviors. Even in the once in a blue moon where someone seemed interested in me, I'd try and get to know them, but when I told them I was interested in them, it didn't work out. I would ask other people for advice, but maybe I didn't follow it right or none of those things would work coming from me. I've always taken care of my health, exercised, dressed well, and whatnot.

The best I could do was in highschool, when I was still a "girl." One guy wanted to date me, so I asked him out, but it turned out that he just wanted to be really weird and racist against me, so I had to leave. I'm disgusted that it turned out he was waiting just so he could stop hiding such terrible thoughts.

When I tried to put myself out there again, it had been after years of personal work. I didn't rush into it. I went on the apps and of course had no success. The most interaction I got was from a guy way older than me when I was 21, and he ended up stalking me. In retrospect, it was probably foolish for me to accept that like, but I was curious. Luckily, I never agreed to meet up with him in person, but I can only wonder what would have happened to my safety had I agreed. I'm glad I was in college at the time and had campus security. Ever since then, I haven't felt comfortable using dating apps.

I don't know what to do. Maybe this is my fate, to never be in a real relationship. Of course, it's not really fair for me to ask some strangers online who don't know me what I should do at this point. However, I have nothing to lose so I've always been looking for ways to improve my situation

“Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.”

How does it resonate with you?

Where can I find a nice guy I've literally tried everything

22m here gay and just looking for a serious relationship with a nice guy and literally have no luck anywhere i have tried all dating apps and other platforms it's just gets worse , everyone is just looking for hookups and sometimes just too older guys texting me even married ones , i just kinda feel low and depressed if I'll ever find one i don't like hook ups and always been single

No one tells you how bad ugliness ostracizes you from polite society. Everyone treats me like a ghost, whenever someone does talk to me they lose interest fast or talk down to me. I've never experienced what most normal people get to in their lives. No one wants to be your friend or partner. I can't find anyone hang with. Constant rejection.

The lack of social interaction has worsened my speech so much when I do talk it sounds like broken English or a 10 year old. It's like the universe made an error and is erasing me by not allowing me any connections. No matter what I try to fix it

I can’t make or keep friends/partners for the life of me. I’m always getting rejected. I keep getting blocked and ghosted after showing my face on apps. Ive spent years alone no matter what I do to try and change. I wish it wasn’t natural to want to be with others. The loneliness hurts when can’t connect with other guys at all.

To anyone dealing with the same how do you cope with the loneliness and get rid of the desire?

How is everyone?

I came out to my sister first. She’s bisexual. She has dated women, but most likely, from what she’s told me, will end up with a man. I don’t judge her for it, she is still queer no matter what, but I feel she gave an impression to my parents.

I came out to my dad 8 years ago, too. He got it. But I could tell he hid his feelings.

My mom told her friends I was bisexual. I tried to be, but I’m not. Me and my parents had a complicated relationship. My first therapist called it “emotional parentification”. But that dynamic.. the projection of their trauma & them passing messages through me.. honestly spreading (through me) their apologies about cheating.

I’ve never cheated on anyone. But I never fully trusted anyone, either. It felt like my parents wanted to abandon me, but they wouldn’t, so they’d leave food and money then go stay in a hotel… leavening me and my sister in whatever apartment.

There was even a point where they had apartments hours from each other, and they’d for the essentials, but everything else was our responsibility. After I was institutionalized on my own (I walked in alcohol-withdrawal psychosis to the hospital by my house), I was sent BACK to a rehab and.. well.. it’s a whole thing. I know a lot, but the opioids and alcohol I used to cope help it a lot from me.

All four of us are suffering, I just want to help. My dad is an alcoholic too. I want to get better, but I don’t want to lose my job. Idk, I think we all need inpatient behavior therapy, but it’s a while ass lot; and if I’m the only one to leave, when I come back, I’ll face being there problem.

Does anyone relate? What should I do? I’ve considered joining a company in Alaska to escape, but my main system of support is my co workers.. so. Any advice?

Approaching a year with new therapist. Some thoughts, no AI.

• Just to be heard and seen feels really valuable. I was here, this is what I'm going through, and someone heard me.
• As someone with no social circle, the value of this interaction is increased.
• Similarly, for FAs, the exposure to different thoughts and thinking patterns is more valuable than for other people.
• It is just 1 hour per week, at most.
• It is a luxury. I am grateful to have it.
• Everyone is different, so it may work better or worse for you. Everyone is different!

Even though it's all I ever wanted.

Goodnightzzz

I feel like I get nothing on dating apps. Like at ALL. I’ve been on quite a few for up to months now and only gotten like a few likes, and like I know I’m not the conventionally attractive hourglass twink but I don’t think I’m like… ugly. Yk? My hg got on tinder and within literally an hour she had like 50+ likes, and every guy she swiped right on she matched with. Now she’s dating the man of my dreams and I’m so happy for her but at the same time I’m so jealous. I don’t really know where I was going with this, like, does anyone know of any actually good dating apps that ACTUALLY try to get you to match instead of blocking you behind outrageously expensive paywalls?

I was harassed on the street by a random homeless guy a few nights ago. He chased me for several blocks, at one point physically grabbing me with both arms and stopping me. He was babbling like he was drunk, opened with "hear me out" but just became more insistent and graphic the more I resisted. He made it totally clear that he wanted to get me some place secluded and rape me. I screamed and shouted for help as a cop car passed by, but it was like they didn't see me at all and the guy just kept following me. I tried to lose him in a crowd of people but he kept grabbing my hand and slapping my ass and kept threatening me. I shouted for help more times as I passed through large groups of people along the sidewalk but nobody helped me. I even stopped in front of a bar and pleaded with a bouncer, but he just smirked and told me to call the cops. I went to the security desk of another building as he followed me in and pleaded again, but the guard also seemed amused by all of this. You know, amused by a big androgynous trans woman running scared of an old man off the street who wants to rape her.

Eventually I got away and found somebody who would fucking LISTEN to me, and I gave his description to an officer. The next day, I was too scared to leave my house at all. I just bought pepper spray, I've been holding it tight just to know it's there when I'm in public. I'm so angry at how this happened in a public place where so many people witnessed it and could have intervened, but I felt completely ignored.

How's this for a shitty place to be, I'm woman enough to be threatened with rape before I've ever been on a real date in my whole life, but not woman enough to be seen and loved by a decent person. It wasn't fun, it was really fucking terrifying. I feel even LESS motivation to put myself out there, knowing what's really waiting for me. And as I was thinking over all of this today, as if the universe really wanted to rub it in... A guy I met in a different state when I lived there two years ago walks into my work. I thought he was adorable, but he lost interest in me when he found out I was born male. I vented here last month about my long history with pansexual men, and he was one of them. I wasn't even surprised to see him, because I just expect the universe to pile on the hurt all at once. I once had a dream of seeing him again that ended in embarrassment and body horror. Nice to know I'm literally closer to getting raped by a junkie than being happily in love with a gentleman like him.

How is everyone?

i had this really interesting experience earlier. i got in this socializing discord server as i was searching how to improve my social skills here in reddit. i've been a shut out for a couple of months now and thought of finding a way to perhaps improve it or get back to how i was before. not that i am saying discord is the best way for it but the channel gives you platform to talk to random people through audio chat which ,in my opinion, is a start.

it has been a couple of days and i've had some consistent chat/audio chat partners. all are straight dudes and none of them knew that i'm gay. they didn't asked and i don't feel the need to disclose. earlier, we're having an audio chat with this buddy and a girl he knew joined. i think they've know each other for a while now. they talked and talked and there's only 3 of us in the channel so i felt really left out but it's fine.

what i've noticed is how he dealt and conversed with her. his voice gentled and sounded caring. their exchange of words resulted to giggles and a vibe giving an impression of love. i don't know if that make sense fuck but you know, like how a straight man behave to a very feminine woman romantically. i honestly do not know if they are together as i heard they're just friends but that's not the point. they are also bilingual and they way they switches to flirting in turkish and casual conversation in english is so...hot? or cute idk.

i'm not saying all straight men are like this but damn, i was reeking jealousy when i was listening to them. not because he's with the girl or something related to that but the fact how normal it is for a girl to flirt / have a relationship with a man and it wouldn't be seen as weird in general.

​

Larry Trainor aka Negative Man has the most gut wrenching, heart shattering, tear jerking, soul crushing story. If you haven't seen it yet, I recommend challenging yourself to see if you won't cry. I dare you. I don't cry a lot over TV, but he had me questioning all my life choices all in the first season.

I'm 29, trans woman. I spent most of my early 20s very depressed and unable to get on hormones so I basically never dated, and rarely even talked to people IRL.

I thought maybe things would turn around now, I've been on hormones and I pass reasonably well, I've been losing weight and I have enough money to start dressing the way I want to. I don't think I'm objectively ugly anymore, and I even managed to hook up with a friend once.

But every time I try to do anything more it feels like I just run into this wall. It seems like everyone my age now has expectations and preferences they've built up from having previous partners, I don't have any of that. It feels like I have to date like I'm a teenager, but I'm pushing 30! And the longer I go without a partner it feels like the larger this gap gets.

post title. im stealth male and straight. im 4'11 though so the stealth part is questionable. everyone thinks im a gay man and it makes me want to not exist. i'm in my 20s and it feels like everyone around me in my peer group got to grow up but i didn't. my dysphoria isn't just gender related, it relates to how im perceived agewise too. i feel like other adults treat me like a little kid pretending to be one. it really fucking sucks because when i was young i was one of those kids that got called "mature" for my age.

i want a job and i want a partner. i literally just want someone to love. it isn't fair that i look fourteen and the job market is so slow that i'm unemployed right now. i also got called a good student over and over and was loved by my professors in college. not having a job, living off of my parents money, and not having a girlfriend (a cis straight girlfriend too; sorry trans folks but dating another trans person would just make me dysphoric) is all compounding on me. i journaled about it and i feel like im just going to die in my parents house having achieved nothing in life, surrounded by only my dogs. i feel like such a neckbeard and i can't even grow one.

i'm not looking for some shitty "chin up" type platitudes or for anyone to tell me that bc i look young i'll "be able to date young girls when i'm older" (fucking ew). i just want to know that other people understand. i feel so hideous and i want to stop existing.

I know it's not the most popular idea, but we do have a Success Story tag.

Like many of you, I've been here for years. I was here 10 years ago, and barring madness or death, I'll probably be here 10 years from now. And so if there's a success story every once in a while, what's the harm?

If nothing else, they remind us that things can change. We never know, right? It could happen. 🙂

I'm not looking for sympathy or anything like that. I'm not really sad about it; at least not the way I used to be when I was younger. I'm 56 now. I've been out for most of my life since I was a teenager. I'm Native American. I grew up and spent most of my life in a red state, although I lived in New York City for a short time in my 20s and New Mexico in my 30s. I've lived with depression all my adult life. I'm not a virgin. I've had a fairly active sex life, but I've never had a long-term relationship. Yeah, there's a lot of I's here. I get it. Much of my life has been unfocused with long stretches of aimlessness and immaturity. I have no savings to speak of. I have lost contact or let a lot of my friendships fall by the wayside. I stopped drinking about 8 years ago after getting 2 DUIs almost exactly one year apart. Now, I'm finally behaving myself and trying to assume responsibility for the first time in my life. I had a few opportunities that I did not fully take advantage of in the art world and film industry. If I let myself dwell on those I can really beat myself and consider myself a fuck up. That's my depression. I've had suicidal ideation for over 30 years. It's like breathing to me. Somehow I'm still here. Now I live with my brother and sister-in-law in my mother's house - the place I grew up in. She has Alzheimer's and dementia, which appeared and progressed after my father died of Covid-19 in 2020. I hate my living arrangement. They moved into the house and are taking it over. I finally took initiative and started a low residency master's program last year. I'm about to start the second year. I work full-time too. I didn't get my scholarship renewed for the second year, so I may have to pay my full tuition for the last part, but I'm prepared to do what I have to do to get it done. Anyway, I don't know why, but I needed to post this to get it out. I know you probably don't give a f*** about my whining. Like I said, I'm convinced I will probably be alone from here on out. I don't feel that I deserve to have a relationship with my life time of underwhelming losing streaks. I put on a decent front though. I get along with people in a fairly civil manner. I don't get sad and mopey about it all the way I used to. Being on two antidepressants and twice monthly therapy probably helps me get through the days. I don't rule out checking out early though. It's a comfort to me. (I know, after reading this I don't blame anyone for not wanting to be with a guy like me.) Oh, also, I'm on PrEP and I haven't had sex in months. Humans, we're full of paradoxes and contradictions, right?