The replies in this thread are wild. This would get a light chuckle out of me.
Everyone knows he's just flirting. No one thinks they're the first girl he's run lines on. Light ribbing is normal flirting. People are weirdly uptight in this thread.
Knowing this is the secret sauce to getting laid. Too many people trying to be their friend or trying to trick em that they want a relationship. Just find the one that wanna fuck and tell her you wanna fuck. It's not much harder than that.
Decades ago I knew a guy with an artificial leg. He would ask random woman at Walmart if they wanted to fuck. His success rate was low but consistent. All of them that I seen were married women.
People without confidence often mistake confidence for asshole behavior too. I think this is much more common than women falling for people who act like assholes.
I actually think that assholes in general are more common than not, by some small margin, at least in the US. Our culture promotes it. I'm not saying other cultures don't, but I can't speak to that. The incentive to not be an asshole is lower every day, while incentive to be an asshole never faces a downturn.
I also think that people in general are terrible judges of character. You see an asshole or you see confidence, because that's what you want to see. To be able to properly read another person, you have to be accountably introspective, which most people find revolting. People don't want to think, about anything, too hard. Whatever is easy and instinctual is what the truth is, as far as we can tell.
Women falling for men who are assholes, which is not uncommon at all, is an example of this. However, an even better and even more common example is men falling for women who are assholes. Last but most of all, is assholes falling for each other.
Confidence is overrated. Give me someone who is uncertain. Someone who feels like they don't know or understand anything as well as they need or want to. It means they're looking for truth instead of just using it like the nearest blunt object.
I relocated to Japan, and have been here for many years now. I was thinking the other day about the contrast between the way Americans act when meeting new people versus how Japanese people act. I recall that it always felt like a lot of Americans defaulted to a certain type of "outgoing" personality when meeting new people. This always seemed like people acted in a way they think it means to be extroverted/confident, and it came off as slightly obnoxious and always talking. Although I think the reception to that was positive, and thats why people act like that. Perhaps American's just tend to prefer that sort of archetype over a more humble/meek person.
It is one thing that's always struck me as a none American.
I remember covering cultural distance and various business cultures around the world at uni, and one example we were given was British people interviewing for American firms and vice versa.
Broad generalisation but British people when interviewing for Americans come off as weak and unconfident candidates because they don't stress their skills enough, whereas what American candidates see as confidence in their skills the British find arrogant and slightly inauthentic.
I'm not really sure man. I know some Asians who backbite the typical loud American. But having met a lot of Americans here in Taiwan, I gotta say that you/they are so different from each other.
Americans talk with the expectation that others interrupt and carry on the conversations. Most other nations stop and give room or ask questions.
It leads to an imbalance when Americans deal with non-Americans because they keep talking hoping to hit on something people want to talk about but the other person is waiting for them to stop talking.
I think this explains a lot of the "Americans are loud and talk too much" thing. Like yeah, Americans are physically loud but it's also this mismatch that isn't an issue amongst Americans.
>I actually think that assholes in general are more common than not, by some small margin, at least in the US. Our culture promotes it.
Maybe that's one more thing we Filipinos adapted from the US. I'm currently in Taiwan and most of the people I meet, locals and foreigners alike, feel like a breath of fresh air.
This so much, especially in online spaces like this. So many people are fucking doormats because they're worried about coming off as aggressive assholes and they back pedal hard.
Nothing is less sexy than someone with no self confidence. Well, almost nothing. When you can't even advocate for yourself, how do you advocate for your partner?
Confidence is situational and many people do find other people being shy or anxious or vulnerable to be cute.
It's also quite normal to be perfectly able to stand up for yourself, perfectly willing and able to stand up for others, and still be nervous about relationships, approval, rejection, etc. It is deeply vulnerable in different way.
Women who get into non-permanent relationships tend to repeat the "type" of their partner, a LOT. Not 100%, but it's a strong pattern. Doesn't matter if the past partners are, good, bad, kind, mean, clueless, smart... the pattern can be broken, but while dating you're more likely to run into "the pattern" of relationships that don't last.
Confidence, arrogance, and assholeness have so much overlap they are indistinguishable unless you know someone well. In a stranger saying you are attracted to confidence and you are attracted to assholes is basically the exact same statement. This goes for people, it isn’t gender specific.
Women don’t really know what they want confidence help but so does a lot of things, nice teeth, money, looks, fame, the list is endless with women, what confidence does is it gives you a strong belief in yourself which helps you capitalize on the attraction they feel for you, if they don’t have that attraction you could be as confident as a god and it won’t matter.
Having confidence is not the ticket, I had been the same guy my whole life with one exception of two points, I was very fat when I was younger and now in my 30s I’m incredibly muscular, not much changed about me much other then yes I did develop more confidence in myself by like A TON but I’m not constantly fucking women left and right so confidence just helps that’s all only if you had potential before, if you didn’t have potential before or it was always minimal then that’s all it’ll ever be.
The real ticket is to be born really good looking, being even above average is not enough, you want to be strikingly good looking that’s the real ticket
Because it's not. Some of us are average looking at best and still have a lot of success dating. Like u/TheWizSkoop I've been both fat and fit, and I had a great deal of success with women either way. And no, I'm not rich either, very far from it.
That’s cool, I’m glad you guys can get over the fact that you aren’t born handsome, some of us can’t, some of us it it haunts every single day of the week, every waking moment it consumes some people, it’s cool that their are people who are ok out there being less than too someone who’s better looking.
You still can’t argue that people who are good looking get treated a lot better than people who aren’t, yeah maybe it’s not detrimental like it is for me, but for some people like me, once you learn the truth of something you don’t just accept it and go oh well guess I’ll just never be very handsome which means the amount of desire towards me will always be lower than a guy who’s actually striking handsome, yeah no, I’m not cool with that, I like things too be perfect and when shits not perfect I don’t like it, and since very much of life is imperfect I can’t stand a single moment of it, least of how all beauty standards makes others treat you better or worse.
So once again lemme do a little clappy clap for you people who are totally fine being oblivious to the fact that your life may be good, but it would never be as good as it can be if you were born handsome as well on top of it.
I'm genuinely sorry you feel that way and I wish I could effectively help. Unfortunately the world isn't fair and I have my share of things to complain about. But we have to accept that complaining doesn't help beyond regulating emotions a bit. We're dealt the hand that we have and have to make the best of it. Feel free to shoot me a dm if you want to vent
As a now better person this is completely untrue women like assholes, not all of them for both. But that's a fact alot of women like shitty dudes I've got zero play since I started respecting women but I figure when I find one who likes me it'll be the only girl actually worth my time
I’m short af (5’4”), in shape but not what I’d consider objectively good looking.
I wouldn’t necessarily call myself confident but I imagine I come off that way. I’m self-depreciating, funny, and don’t really care too much about insecurities because there’s nothing I can really do about them (I imagine this is what comes off as confidence).
I’ve literally never had a single issue with my height outside of grocery store shelves or clearing snow off of an SUV.
I’ve always stuck with women around my height due to personal preference but people act like being short immediately removes you from 95% of the dating pool and my anecdotal evidence has never once found that to be the case
I think it's more that there's plenty of asshole women out there who end up with the asshole men out there. People are just assholes, doesn't really have anything to do with gender.
I mean.. yeah, i understand the red pill analogy from the matrix. That movie blew my mind when I saw it in the theater. I just don't understand the context in this comment.
Most everyone is vaguely attracted to confidence- especially women seeking men, as there is still an element of hoping the partner will provide safety and stability that the reverse scenario doesn't quite look for.
Unfortunately and inevitably, the people who have the most confidence are often the most stupid and/or selfish. And those with poor experience or esteem fail to avoid them
One of the things about reddit that makes me laugh is all the comments calling guys an incel for saying something rude or sexist. Like yeah, assholes neeeever get laid. Totally.
But in a sense it's true, me and my girlfriends will be like "eat shit and die motherfucker!" To a random guy looking at us weird on the street and 10 seconds after be like "I love you my adorable lil kitten~~" to eachother lol
See people could do well to read that part. Me personally, I have no issues with women that have this attitude… grew up with 12 sisters and just me so 🤷♂️
But yeah if you wanna be an ass you’re gonna get a bitch.
Women generally aren't interested in asshole types. Like guys who "think they can fix her" or who subscribe to the crazy hot scale, some women will endure the assholishness for other perceived strengths.
I probably would if I felt like the guy wasn't being genuine. And I'd appreciate the honesty. It's the "concentrate" part I take issue with. It's patronizing.
We could all be a little less fake, like this guy. Very happy for the 3 people who found the love of their lives on their first date, but that just isn't a reality for the rest of us.
I read "concentrate" in this context as "focus on the fact that you are so lucky as to hear this generic line from me, the arbiter of what God spends his time on, not whether or not I've used the same line to get dates with or fucked by other women"
I read it the same way, but it might be because french is my first language and « concentrate » can also mean « focus » in french and it’s a common saying to say to someone « concentrate toi » as on « pay attention to what I’m saying ».
Many words in french are similar or even the same in french and english, but very few are common looking but means completely different things so sometimes I get caught up on the wrong meanings.
Bruv this is straight out of the man-o-sphere playbook. They think being an asshole is macho and/or want a woman who won't push back on their horseshit and just be totally submissive.
Just a dude, I took it as a lighthearted jab, telling her that she shouldn’t be worrying about what he says to other women, he was complimenting her and she kinda shifted the focus onto an accusation that he’s a womanizer. Call it the fuckboy in me, but this looks more like banter than controlling.
Por que no los dos? It's bantering, but it's also completely waving off her (accurate) assessment that he's disingenuous, and in a pretty patronizing way. Might be the non fuckboy in me, but if it only takes you two comments after "hello" to shoot off a patronizing joke, it'd be a no from me.
Using a canned line is disingenuous if you're using the same one over and over for different women. Being genuine would be, at a minimum, offering her a sentiment that isn't copy-pasted.
Edit: funny pickup lines are the exception, but they gotta actually be clever.
Being genuine means being honest and sincere, per this dictionary:
If people or emotions are genuine, they are honest and sincere
Can't be honest and sincere if you're copying and pasting the same line to everyone. You seem like you're violently...agreeing with the other person? I don't see where your point of contention lies.
Being genuine includes honesty, but it's not an exact synonym. It implies offering something of yourself, something that isn't fake or copied or loaded with an expectation. A little bit of the real you.
That’s a beautiful definition, but I couldn’t find it in any dictionaries. I think you might mean invested? Like he didn’t put any effort into it? Can you explain why funny ones are an exception? Because that edit makes me feel it might just be disingenuous if you don’t like it.
Exactly. He's saying 'concentrate on the fact that you were looking to hook up and liked what you saw'. If he's right, score. If he's wrong, he's happy to bring things to a head and move on in a hurry.
He's telling her "lock in, we can have fun as soon as you get out of your own head"
Who wants to hear a girl say "oh what about all the OTHER girls you've been with" - can you imagine a dude saying that to a woman? She compliments him and he criticizes her for being too good at being flirty? Gross.
"concentrate" as in figure out [that person's] double-speak. Depending how the reader looks at it, it could also be interpreted with hints of over confidence, condescension or nothing at all (meant as clickbait).
Its like a hypnotizer saying yes of course im trying to hypnotize you, now be hypnotized. It's a joke. He was caught, and is making light of the situation.
It’s kinda negging, but only borderline which is perfect. It’s direct enough to be slightly rude but the sentiment he’s expressing is positive overall.
Hes basically saying “focus on what matters” which presumably is that he’s flirting with her now regardless of what he’s said to how many women before.
The word "attractive" pulls a lot of weight there though since it's one of the most subjective terms we have, and a bad personality can be unattractive af
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u/Wooden-Officer2323 1d ago
Basically he just got himself a date by being upfront with his intentions.