I’m a single father to a 2 month old boy. He’s my absolute world, but I do crave some adult interaction. I think it’s been hard for me because a lot of my friends have gone off to college etc and now I don’t have much aid in that regard.

Honestly, I don’t know if this is a great place to put this but I’d just love to have a few people in the same boat I can talk to.

Background:

My son was 2 when his dad and I split and has lived with me the entire time since. His dad moved back east and has prioritized himself and career over his kids which was frustrating but just as well. His dad recently remarried a woman who is well connected faculty and a prestigious university. My son is high school age started his junior year and he made the decision to move with his dad to try to capitalize on the benefits of step moms connections for his future schooling. It was hard for me because his dad has never been supportive of the person my son is and my son is always miserable there but the decision was made with maturity and motivated by future goals. I decided to allow the move and made sure the updated custody agreement allowed for him to return should he decide to. At that time I had said to my son I'd like him to complete a semester because I wanted to deter hasty and emotional decisions.

He left mid July and has been struggling. Some of the things to know is my son is very sweet, sensitive, kinda science nerd and musician. He's not a sports guy and my ex is. And that's what he wants his son to be. My son has expressed a lot of sad feelings to his sister (older, living here) and I talk with him but he kind of down plays it for me. He's supposed to be getting therapy but that hasn't been started so I had already brought that up to his dad recently.

TODAY:

Today I find out he was taken to the ER for being suicidal.

And my ex...? Never told me. No call no text. Nothing.

I texted him. He tells me he was too busy to let me know. I beg your pardon?? Oh he was working so he didn't have time to tell me. I told him that needs to happen immediately from him or step mom and I should be a part of that discharge planning.

I can't tell you how angry I am right now.

Livid. Absolutely LIVID. I'm so ready to take him back home. His sister wants him here. His grandpa. I do. His dad doesn't deserve him.

Thanks for reading.

My 12 year old nibling is with me full-time now and yesterday was their first day of school. I didn't realize how emotional it would make me. I have a remote job but I also have an in person office and can go in when I choose. I chose to go in yesterday because I'm behind on some work and was hoping I could catch up. I ended up keeping my office door closed most of the day because I was sobbing. I was exhausted. Not enough sleep (maybe fell asleep around 11pm) and up at 4:45am to help nibling get ready for school. Their school starts early and so their bus comes early (around 6:45am). I hardly got anything done at work yesterday and I was worried about nibling at their first day. My mom (raised nibling from birth until now) stayed with us from last Thursday until this morning. Her being here was somewhat helpful - with cooking and dishes and just having another adult here so I'm not the sole adult. But she has an awful temper, projects her anxiety onto nibling, and has a generally negative attitude. Before I left for work yesterday she said "you're wearing that??" So it's confusing to have her for here for help, I love her but also she can be very hurtful. And I'm constantly on guard to protect nibling when ever mom goes from 0 to 100 out of nowhere.

Now it's Tuesday and I'm exhausted. I got better sleep but not enough still. Maybe fell asleep around 10:30/45pm and up at 4:55am. When I got nibling to the bus stop, they were feeling nauseous and like they were going to throw up. I suspect maybe anxiety and I feel like I wasn't helpful. I said to take deep breaths, breath the fresh air. Talked with them about their tv show and they lit up a bit. But then once on the bus they were texting me they feel really sick. I said they're probably tired and it can feel like that in your body when tired. I said to drink water and eat their granola bar. They said "trust me, that isn't going to help."

The last 2 year of school when they were with mom they missed school frequently due to nausea (I think anxiety and not getting good sleep). I don't want to set the precedent that nausea means you get to escape whatever is making you uncomfortable. But I also don't want to dismiss her and leave her to deal with it all on her own. I know it's the first week of school and we're both getting used to this new routine. They're also in a new city in a bigger school.

I'm just so exhausted and I start grad classes tomorrow (working toward my CPA) and I'm still worried about when I will get the brain processing power I need to catch up at work let alone take on studying.

I suspect I have ADHD and that thus far in life - I've been able to kind of coast by without medicine because my life was flexible enough. I spent 2 hours down a rabbit hole trying to find a doctor - with no success.

I am just TIRED and EXHAUSTED.

How do single parents do this?? When also working full time, having virtually no support system, and going to grad school, and possibly having ADHD???????