Posted a few days ago I put my gun to my head. I gave them to my mom and I’m going to a mental hospital today.

Thanks for all the encouragement. I won’t be allowed to have my phone so I don’t think I will be able to reply to everyone.

19 days ago, I decided to get sober. I had been addicted to weed since I was 16, smoking daily for the last three years. I also quit nicotine 10 days ago.
Before this, the longest I had gone without weed was two months. That happened after I had a bad trip on mushrooms that made me seriously reevaluate my life and my relationship with drugs. I eventually broke that two-month streak on Halloween. My girlfriend at the time was smoking weed, and I basically thought, “Why not?” Shortly after that, I fell back into smoking regularly. I even ended up breaking up with her while I was high, which is something I still think about.
I also tried cocaine for the first time on the 4th of July. I only did it once, but looking back, I think it was another sign that I was heading in a direction I didn’t want my life to go.
Alcohol wasn’t as much of a problem for me. I usually drank on Fridays and Saturdays, but I got sick of that cycle. It started to get boring doing the same thing every weekend with the same group of people. I would consider myself a casual partier.
Some days are really good. I feel positive, productive, and healthy. Other days, I feel worthless and irritable, like no one really cares about me.
I feel like I have to isolate myself from all of my non-sober friends. It just doesn’t feel the same being around them now that I’m sober. Being around them doesn’t cheer me up like it used to, and sometimes I feel like I don’t have any real friends who actually care about me. Even with my sober friends, I sometimes feel like they don’t really care about me either. Maybe that feeling will go away with time.
I don’t see myself breaking my sobriety, but some days I get so upset that I feel like hitting myself. I also find myself dwelling on past relationships and thinking about everything I could have done differently. I’m currently seeing a therapist, and while I’ve been on medication in the past, I’m against taking it now.
On top of that, dating at this age can be gut-wrenching. Since I’ve gotten sober, I’ve been ghosted after a date I thought went well and stood up on a date with someone else. Honestly, both of them seemed like the party type, so it probably wouldn’t have worked out anyway. At least that’s what I tell myself to help my bruised ego.
I really want a girlfriend. I think part of what I’m struggling with is wanting that closeness and having someone in my life who genuinely cares about me. At the same time, I know I can’t force it, and the dating experiences I’ve had lately definitely haven’t helped with the loneliness.
When does it get easier?
I feel like I’m doing everything right. Health has been my biggest motivation, and physically, I’m healthier than ever. But on the bad days, I still just want to smoke my feelings away. Is this what it feels like when you’re rewiring your brain and learning how to experience life without constantly having a substance to fall back on?
How can I meet like-minded sober people my age? I have several hobbies, I work, and I’m in school, yet I feel like I still can’t get away from drugs. In college, it feels impossible.
Raw dogging life is hard.

My brother is currently in a 30 day rehab (he's been in multiple). They are pushing my dad to get him into PHP, which is expensive (brother doesn't have insurance right now). I'm interested in him going to an Oxford house. It looks like he'll need to interview in person. I would be willing to drive him to and from the rehab place for those interviews, but I'm wondering how much push back I'm gonna get because we don't want to do PHP.

I will call tommorrow and find out but I just wondered if maybe I can get a heads up on what to expect via reddit.

Also my brother isn't currently employed. My dad and I would pay for the oxford house while he looks for employment, but I wonder how much being unemployed will be held against him.

was sober for 9 months and my toxic relationship lead me to drink again. to kava or not? is it just switching addictions or what