r/TheOnion • u/TheGuvnor247 • 7h ago
Jets Hope To Sell More Merchandise With New ‘Philadelphia Eagles’–Themed Jerseys
447
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r/TheOnion • u/TheGuvnor247 • 7h ago
Man Watches In Silence As Wife Reveals All The Things She Brought Home From Store That Aren’t Cheez-Its
403
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r/TheOnion • u/TheGuvnor247 • 7h ago
‘Wall Street Journal’ Defends Decision To Publish Peggy Noonan–Generated Article
226
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r/TheOnion • u/TheGuvnor247 • 7h ago
Activists Decry Meat Industry’s Practice Of Separating Calves From Their Cool Uncles
54
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r/TheOnion • u/Sarkos • 14h ago
The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Larry Ellison
86
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r/TheOnion • u/TheGuvnor247 • 1d ago
Nation’s Quiet, Gangly Kids In Cargo Pants Announce Plans To Be Freakishly Good At Cross Country
1.4k
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r/TheOnion • u/orangebromeliad • 1d ago
HHS Replaces Childhood Vaccination Schedule With List Of Recommended Animal Bites
845
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r/TheOnion • u/sd_glokta • 1d ago
Indiana Offers Tax Breaks To Attract Religious Doomsday Cults
251
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"...a 30% tax credit for all qualified expenditures, including stockpiled firearms, ceremonial cloaks, surveillance equipment, proselytizing pamphlets, and bulk purchases of matching Nikes."
Gotta have the Nikes#Nike_Decades).
r/TheOnion • u/TheGuvnor247 • 1d ago
Dept. Of Interior Sets Aside 2.3 Million Acres For Future Trumps To Enjoy
500
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r/TheOnion • u/LoveMeSexyJesus • 1d ago
When I Die, Feed Me To Something Majestic
theonion.com
140
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r/TheOnion • u/TheGuvnor247 • 1d ago
Iran Releases Video Threatening Barron Trump
174
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r/TheOnion • u/andmario_com • 2d ago
Politician Discusses Secret Of Saying One Thing And Doing Another
279
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r/TheOnion • u/TheGuvnor247 • 3d ago
Red Sox Fan Throws Back Son Who Caught Yankees Home Run
636
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r/TheOnion • u/TheGuvnor247 • 4d ago
Sophie Cunningham Claims Any Woman Who Averages More Than 8 Points Per Game Should Not Be Allowed To Play In WNBA
3.7k
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r/TheOnion • u/TheGuvnor247 • 4d ago
Trump Posts Disturbing Video Of Himself Twirling With Knives
939
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r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 5d ago
Fed-Up Rockstar Cancels ‘GTA VI’
3.0k
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‘You Fucking People Don’t Deserve It,’ Says Studio Head In Wake Of Leak
r/TheOnion • u/TheGuvnor247 • 5d ago
Lawyers Say Andrew Tate Rented Brother To Appear Loved Online
2.1k
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r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 5d ago
Trembling RFK Jr. Tells Dominatrix To Use Processed Foods On His Balls
1.2k
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r/TheOnion • u/TheGuvnor247 • 5d ago
Rest Of Fantasy League Losing Patience With Player Who Has Other Things Going On In His Life
575
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r/TheOnion • u/V33G33 • 6d ago
Dolly Parton Troubled To Find God Illiterate
2.5k
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r/TheOnion • u/sd_glokta • 5d ago
Study Finds Sexual Satisfaction Highest Among Nerds Covered In Lipstick Marks With Glasses Askew
917
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r/TheOnion • u/aresef • 5d ago
Trump Pushes To Rename Sexual Attraction To Children ‘Americaphilia'
1.5k
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