r/nottheonion • u/novagridd • 5h ago

Thailand's Prostitution Patrol on High Alert as 5,000 US Sailors Drop Ship After 200 Days at Sea

fashiontimes.co.uk

16.5k Upvotes

1.0k comments

r/nottheonion • u/drytoastbongos • 16h ago

Baby goats from traveling petting zoo test positive for rabies

boston25news.com

10.0k Upvotes

476 comments

r/nottheonion • u/DonkeyFuel • 2h ago

EV Renter Hit With $418 Charging Bill After Using Dealer's Public Charger

thedrive.com

539 Upvotes

75 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Select-Blood-7896 • 8h ago

Cedartown Police Department has confirmed that one of its officers was involved in the fatal shooting of a miniature donkey, HeeHaw

primetimer.com

1.6k Upvotes

90 comments

r/nottheonion • u/AlwaysBlaze_ • 5h ago

B.C. boy bitten by rattlesnake his father picked up: 'We made a few mistakes'

theprovince.com

728 Upvotes

120 comments

r/nottheonion • u/ChocolateTsar • 4h ago

Sacramento school board members consider their own pay raises amid budget crisis

abridged.org

466 Upvotes

25 comments

r/nottheonion • u/duckanroll • 10h ago

Russian veteran tells schoolchildren to study the Kalashnikov rifle ‘so that the whole world speaks Russian’

novayagazeta.eu

1.4k Upvotes

70 comments

r/nottheonion • u/maytag_dishmaster • 7h ago

The 1st Fat Marmot Week winner is a 'special boy who likes to eat rocks'

cbc.ca

454 Upvotes

10 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Personmanwomantv • 6h ago

Man died after ‘Everything’s Unmissable’ sign fell at festival, say witnesses

belfasttelegraph.co.uk

307 Upvotes

29 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Efficient-Freedom517 • 1h ago

Repeat offender charged in multiple 'butt sniffing' incidents arrested again in Glendale

abc7.com

• Upvotes

26 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Jazzlike-Platypus947 • 11h ago

Police Officer Faked Missing Persons Closings to Avoid Heavy Workloads: Investigation Results

news.sbs.co.kr

325 Upvotes

5 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Efficient-Freedom517 • 6h ago

Kansas City Chiefs may have ruined Jack Pyburn’s plan to make big money at LSU by giving him a job in the NFL

kotaradio.com

114 Upvotes

10 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Real_Suntan_Superman • 1d ago

Andrew Garfield wanted Michael B Jordan as Peter Parker’s male love interest in a wild Spider Man idea

tribune.com.pk

4.7k Upvotes

274 comments

r/nottheonion • u/NicolasCageFan492 • 23h ago

America 'not at war' with Canada, insists U.S. Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent

cbc.ca

2.1k Upvotes

331 comments

r/nottheonion • u/rootedchrome • 21h ago

4 arrested for illegally harvesting 200 pounds of palmetto berries, Florida deputies say

wfla.com

1.1k Upvotes

64 comments

r/nottheonion • u/He-Who-Reaches • 1d ago

Woman wakes up to bat trying to crawl into her mouth: 'I was screaming repeatedly'

kcra.com

2.5k Upvotes

261 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Jessicas_skirt • 1d ago

Moscow Says Europe Is ‘Shooting Itself in Foot’ With Russian Tourist Ban

easternherald.com

2.5k Upvotes

328 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Altay360 • 27m ago

Florida police used a fake Flock camera in a sting, then charged a man with three felonies for destroying it

techspot.com

• Upvotes

6 comments

r/nottheonion • u/andrewedufresne • 1d ago

Rabid baby goats prompt North Carolina mobile petting zoo scare

abcnews.com

1.5k Upvotes

66 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Real_Suntan_Superman • 1d ago

Poland’s Serial Pizza Prankster Faces 8 Years in Prison

oddee.com

432 Upvotes

17 comments

r/nottheonion • u/MADDOGCA • 1d ago

Argument over green chile enchiladas ends in deadly shooting

krqe.com

4.7k Upvotes

288 comments

r/nottheonion • u/PauloPatricio • 1d ago

Saskatoon defends $297,000 plastic rock art project

sasktoday.ca

547 Upvotes

67 comments

r/nottheonion • u/duckanroll • 1d ago

Russian Human Rights Council head calls for campaign to scare teenagers away from online crime recruiters

novayagazeta.eu

257 Upvotes

50 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Kidcouger • 1d ago

Live catfish slow traffic on Los Angeles freeway

ktla.com

453 Upvotes

9 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Embarrassed-Pace-755 • 2d ago

Man accused of stalking ex for 13 years had human skulls, John Wayne Gacy brain in a jar, authorities say

actionnews5.com

9.2k Upvotes

345 comments

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1. Do not alter headlines; copy and paste.	The title of all submissions needs to match the article headline exactly. Copy and paste from the main headline only, do not include anything beyond the primary headline such as byliners, subtitles, flavor text, quotes from the article, news outlet, location, cross post tags, (video) tags, and so on. Do not use the “suggest title” option for posting as it often does not match the headline. As a matter of fairness, any submission with an altered title will be removed. The only exception is that, if an article has a title in all caps, you may change the capitalization to title case, but everything else must remain the same.
2. Submit only if “Oniony”.	Please consider submitting your article to /r/OffBeat or similar subreddits unless it truly reads like The Onion wrote it. The title and article itself must both be "Oniony". This can be highly subjective; you are encouraged to upvote articles that should be here and downvote those that should not. Moderators can also remove posts at their own discretion under this rule. More here
3. Must be a news article.	Submissions must be in the form of a news article. Videos are only allowed if they are accompanied by a complete text article. Editorials, blogs, twitter posts, image galleries, tabloid stories, youtube videos, meta posts, static images, articles with fewer than 5 sentences, and so forth will be removed.
4. Use original, reliable sources.	Find the source of your story before you submit it, simply by checking for references or googling the subject to locate the original piece. Websites that frequently re-host viral news stories or contain misleading information are on automatic removal. Blogs are not reliable sources.
5. Do not repost similar articles.	Check the sub for your story before you submit it; if it’s already here then please vote and comment there instead of posting another version. Similar stories will be removed and frequent re-posters will lose their posting privileges. Do not delete and repost your own submissions without approval.
6. No satire articles.	Even if they are technically from a source other than The Onion, any article submission written as satire or even true stories written in a satirical manner are not allowed. Please note that some major news outlets have satirical sections, such as the Borowitz Report on the New Yorker, which are also not allowed. Meanwhile, AVClub, while owned by The Onion, is not satire and is allowed. If you'd like, you can use a tool like http://realorsatire.com/ to see if your submission is from a known satirical website.
7. No tabloid journalism.	Do not post tabloid news stories, or articles that source from tabloid news outlets (TheSun, Mirror, Dailymail, People, TMZ, etc).
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