I am in the process of divorce with my husband who I have been separated from since July. Thankfully I have never lived with him, but I have been wanting a mutual consent divorce since July which I thought he would agree to. But instead he kept saying he wanted to see me one last time (we last saw each other in February 2026) and he kept saying that I made a promise to help him with his green card application so he could become a U.S. citizen
eventually. I decided to take back my promise because he is the most vile and evil emotionally abusive person ever. I have made this post to bring awareness and to share my story and to also ask for advice on what to do in this situation. I don't want him deported but at the same time he had threatened to blackmail me and wanted to share and leak my intimate videos and photos with him to my friends and family and I panicked and felt so scared. Yet this sick twisted man then tells me he lied and then tells me that he was joking. Idk whether this qualifies as a crime in the state of Maryland. He and I both live in Md in different counties. I won't reveal any information as I feel anxious and embarrassed already and we also got married in secret. I believe he only married me for his green card because he was emotionally abusive to me the whole marriage and I only found out he was undocumented a few days after our wedding back in January 2026. I also was not able to include every single screenshot of the convo so some texts had to be skipped over.

Trying to get over bring called the n word by my wife multiple times during a argument but getting harder to get over the words targeted at me . It just keeps on playing over and over in my head and the last time it happened my mother in law sat in the living room and watched her call me the nword without saying a thing to my wife. Somedays I am good and other days it burns and worst of all my children heard my wife calling me the n word. I am still shocked because I have never been called that and I guess hurts more when I comes from someone you love. Forgive and forget they say but this is tough to get over. How do I get over this replay in my mind.

Is feeling so depressed or just like everything is hard and little to no motivation a normal feeling after an abusive relationship? I just can’t fully articulate the way I feel but existing feels so hard these days following everything. I feel like my brain has been rewired.

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost 10 months (i’m 19 he’s 24). We have had a perfect relationship and this is the happiest I have ever been. The other night i went out with my friends, drank a little too much so i had to uber home early and went to my bfs house. While i was out of it i got a text from a friend from a school club im in asking if i left. The guy that texted me is very short and in general someone i thought my bf would know i would never go for. my bf has also seen this guy before with me and my friends and was not mad about him.

When he saw the text he repeatedly told me to give him my phone password but i was throwing up and clearly not in the space to tell him. He finally used my face to get into my phone and was scrolling through my insta dms of men texting me ( I was not texting them back btw) he kept saying that he knew i was cheating (i never have) just from looking at men texting me. He called me so many derogatory words it made me want to cry. i finally got mad and shoved him, grabbing my phone

After that i don’t remember exactly what happened but he hit me so hard i knocked out. I woke up on the floor a couple seconds later and my mouth was in so much pain. there was blood everywhere. He busted my lip open and my face was swollen for days while the inside of my cheek is busted too and still hurts. While before this happened there has been times where he pushed me or play fought me to the point i pass out. He’s also gotten rlly mad at his friends.

Besides that, I just feel completely confused. He is financially stressed and mentally struggling but I still feel so betrayed. I love him so much and I never thought he would do anything like this. Am I wrong for forgiving him while setting boundaries? Am I wrong for telling my friends and family about it ? Will he do it w? he says he’s getting therapy. Is our relationship even able to work in the future? How can i see him the same way before he did it ? When i think about him it used to be positive now im just sad. But I love him so much and im willing to see if anything changes.

Currently sleeping with a knife under my bed, but trying to stay put.

Has anyone here been financially dependent on a partner as an immigrant and needed to leave? How did you plan despite the obvious obstacles?

I have been in therapy my whole life, so that part is partially covered - this situation is sick to live through. Lately, I've been wondering if I should move money to my secret account. He is very controlling and doesn't let me work. I have no idea what to do. My visa is tied to his financial support.

I'm scared for my life, but I do not want to give up and go back to my country!

I’m really really in a lot of emotional pain at the moment. My husband and I have been married for almost a year now, and we were dating for about a year and a half before we got married. I think about the first year we were long distance. I know it’s not very wise to rush into marriage. I won’t go too into detail about why we decided to get married so quickly, but one reason is I really thought he would be a good partner to raise children with because he is very smart and can be so gentle and tender. What I didn’t fully realize until about a month after the wedding though is that he has pretty bad anger issues. I can’t say that I didn’t see any red flags about his anger before the wedding, but I heard a saying once that makes sense in this case: red flags just look like flags when you’re wearing rose colored glasses. After moving in together, I truly thought that over time his extreme anxiety and mood swings and sudden anger would subside. Because when things are good, they are so so good. He is so funny and smart, we have great conversations and there are times that he looks at me and I can see so much love and tenderness in his face. He’s the first man I’ve ever loved, my first everything. I really thought that the pure dedication we both showed our relationship and the constant ways he has showed up for me and been there for me could get us through anything. Especially after we survived a seriously bad mental health episode I had, where my depression was so severe I wasn’t safe to be by myself and he kept me safe. He supported me through getting my medications sorted out and has been supporting both of us financially since I have been unable to get stable employment since moving to his country. I know he loves me very much and really wants to have a life together and raise a family. In so many ways and on so many occasions he has gone out of his way to love and support me.
That’s why it hurts so much when he gets so angry at me all the time. He is really prone to mood swings, and anger and frustration are a default response to a lot of stressors.

He has said things that really hurt my feelings, like that I’m really annoying, that I’m making him sick from how stressed I make him and I’m doing it on purpose, that it’s my fault he’s gained weight and isn’t in great shape like when we first started dating (these are all his words not mine. To me he has only become more beautiful since the beginning of our relationship as I have fallen more in love with him, and I always have expressed my attraction to him and tried to support him in healthy habits to make him feel better), that I make everything stressful and over complicated. And those are all just from last night. Last night truly was a breaking point for me. For context, at the moment we are taking care of some kittens that still need to be bottle fed and helped to move their bowels. As with taking care of infants of any species, this has come with a lot of stress, exhaustion and for me at least a lot of self doubt in my caretaking abilities as I’ve never done this before and I’m trying my absolute best to care for them. My husband absolutely loves cats, has rescued many over the years and he really wants the kittens to be okay. We’ve lost a lot of sleep and spent quite a bit on the kittens already. The stress alongside the kittens throwing off our normal schedule and me flailing to keep the house fed and watered has caused my husband to lose a lot of sleep. It’s been really hard. Everything I do for the kittens is met with criticism and anger. They had a lot of fleas on them and I was really worried about them losing too much blood to the fleas, but my husband was really worried that the bath would be too stressful and I could do more harm then good to the kittens. I just tried to keep combing out any fleas I found. After like two nights though I was just too worried and I grabbed the two most flea infested and bathed them with dawn dish soap and went over them really detailed with the flea comb. My husband was super angry with me and telling me that the kittens were all my responsibility and that it’s my fault if it goes wrong. His criticism was so severe and his anger so strong that I began to really doubt that I was doing what was best for the kittens and I stopped after those two kittens. I had prepared a new warm box for the clean kittens, and the two that had just been bathed were meowing a lot (I guess out of confusion from their new environment and not being with their siblings?) and he kept telling me that they would be too stressed out to have a bowel movement later on and that I may have really hurt them. I was so tired at that point, it was after 9 pm and I had barely any sleep the night before after their nighttime and early morning feedings that again I was so confused and self doubting that I put the clean kittens back with the flea having ones to calm them down and that was also met with a barrage of criticism and honestly mean comments. It’s exhausting how relentless he is when he’s worked up. I was bottle feeding the kittens as he stood over me yelling, demanding to know why I always make things so complicated. I kept calm and just asked him to please give me some space, please stop yelling at me, please stop swearing at me. If I wasn’t in such a good place mentally right now, I know for a fact that I would be having really dark and self destructive thoughts. Because for the majority of the past year we’ve been married, I heavily blamed myself for his anger. I truly did believe that I was being annoying, offensive, or stupid when he would get angry at me. But then as I started to really work on my mental health, helped in large part by consistently with my mental health medication and a long visit home with family, I began to realize some things. One thing being that I’ve moved around to a lot of places, lived with many different roommates from many different places over the years. And no one has ever gotten so angry at me, said such cruel things to me that were intended to hurt me, and actively been cold and uncaring. Except my father. Growing up my father was physically and emotionally abusive to my brother and I. I always told myself growing up that I wouldn’t end up with an angry man, that I was going to break the cycle that my mom had endured with her own father and husband (my father). But I was really naive and blinded by love when it came to my own husband.
I don’t know what to do. He’s so hot and cold, and honestly I’m just trying to ride the waves of his emotions without letting them pull me under. He’s had so many switches between loving me and hating me in just the past 24 hours. I’m happy that at the moment I’m in a healthy spot where I can realize that his emotions and responses to things are just completely out of my control, and that his anger and outbursts show his character not mine. I have been able to let his hostility kind of slide off my back recently instead of immediately blaming myself. If anyone has any advice on how to stay calm and collected in the face of unpredictable anger would be super appreciated.
I love my husband. I think he’s so smart, and thoughtful, and generous and funny. I really could go on and on for ages about how proud I am of his accomplishments, how loved he has made me feel, how he’s the first person to every make me feel loved body and soul. But he really wants a family, to be a dad. And I know that I cannot do that with him. I cannot bring children into the world knowing their father has anger issues. I would love to be a mother. Maybe this sounds like a crazy thing to say, but I love my little unborn babies too much to bring them knowingly into a house with an angry man. I would say that the biggest thing stopping me right now from just grabbing my bags and leaving are our animals. Aside from the kittens, we have a dog and two other cats in our house. I love them all very very much. The thought of never seeing them again truly causes me physical pain. But leaving would mean going to stay with a friend or family member, and no one I know is in a position at the moment to take me and a pet.
I don’t know. Just writing all that out was harder than I thought it would be, and I’m feeling really sad and tired. I just gotta stay focused and positive for myself and the babies. Any advice though would be really appreciated. Am I too naive to think that people can learn to manage their anger?

I am currently at a crisis center after being broken up with by my ex (23M) I am 27F. I know the age gap was an issue but he convinced me it wasn’t. I grew up poor with no emotional or financial support and had to work and pay off my bills instead of going to college while I was with another abusive ex. Over 3 years our relationship had gone downhill on both sides. We gave up on each other. I felt like in the end it was abusive and I wanted to leave. I tried to move on with a fling for a week or two after letting things just happen after I refused to leave my ex. I regretted it immediately and wanted to pretend nothing ever happened, but he went through my instagram while I was sleeping and found out. I lied to him to try to salvage the relationship but eventually gave in because he deserved to know and I thought if I told him we could heal together. He made it seem that way and safe. But now 3 months later he says he can’t get over it and wants to leave. I regretted it so much to the point where I tried to commit twice and got sent to the psych ER. I am considering a third time it feels like I can’t live without him. I don’t know what to do. I know it was a toxic relationship but I had hope we could still make it work. He doesn’t want to. I promised to never give up on him. I think I loved him more than he loved me. I think he loved the idea of me. I wrote out a list of everything for the past couple hours I could think of. I promised I would get better for him. If he would just give me a chance. I have bpd and I’m literally trying everything I can to work on myself in desperation. I’m seeing multiple counselling options and therapy options. I quit nicotine cold turkey which he had to help me to ween off of it for months before early in our relationship. I wanted to prove to him I could change.

I was in an abusive relationship from the age of 19 til I was 24. In those 5 years he financially, physically, emotionally, socially, verbally and sexually abused me. I'm now 30. In the 6 years I've been away from my abusive ex I've tried to date again and I've been in a relationship for 3 years.

The major issue is, nobody has ever made me feel as loved as my abusive ex did. I feel like I've been brainwashed in some way to correlate the abuse with passion and love. My current partner is a great guy, but I feel so unloved as he's so calm and respectful and relaxed. I find that I take this as him not caring about me like my ex did, which is absolutely ridiculous. It's so hard because I catch myself pining for the drama and the excitement of my ex as it constantly felt like we were displaying how much we loved eachother? I can't even really explain it, it's so confusing.

Does anyone else feel like this? Does it get better? I can't spend my whole life missing a man who tried to murder me, right?

Years of sexual coercion, one instance of hitting, emotional abuse. Why does none of it seem that bad to me? Why do I want apologize for leaving and beg her to stay? We're separating i thought that's what I want but god I'm having doubts now. I know it was bad but for some reason being apart feels worse to me. Please tell me I'm being stupid. Any further detail is in my post history. Please talk me out of begging her to stay.

I honestly don't know if I'm being unreasonable here, so I'm hoping for some outside perspective. My husband and I have always essentially shared our finances. We’re married, we have children together, and we've always treated the money coming into the household as family money—not “his money” and “my money.” There have been multiple periods throughout our marriage where my husband was unemployed. During those times, we still had bills, groceries, childcare, kids' expenses, etc., and we got through it as a family. I never told him that he needed to get off my account or that he wasn't entitled to the money because he wasn't currently earning an income. Recently, my husband got a new job that pays significantly more. Around the same time, I went part-time at my job so I could be more available to take care of our children. So yes, I make less money now. But I didn't just decide to work less for fun—I made a choice that benefited our family and allowed me to take on more of the childcare and household responsibilities. Now my husband is telling me that I need to get off of his bank account. And honestly, I'm hurt and confused. Because suddenly it feels like the money is being viewed as his money because he's the one making more right now, despite the fact that we've spent years functioning as a family financially—and despite the fact that my reduced income is directly related to taking care of our children. I'm not saying married couples aren't allowed to have separate accounts. I completely understand wanting some financial independence or having personal spending money. That's not really what bothers me. What bothers me is the “you need to get off my account” attitude. It feels like the rules changed the second he started making more money. And I can't help but wonder: if I had never reduced my hours to care for our kids and was still making what I used to make, would he be saying this? I'm also struggling with the fact that this isn't happening in a vacuum. We've had other issues surrounding money, anger, control, and disagreements about responsibilities in our marriage. So when this happens, it doesn't just feel like a normal conversation about budgeting or financial independence. It feels like another way of establishing power. Maybe I'm completely wrong. Maybe this is a perfectly reasonable thing for a spouse to ask for and I'm too emotionally close to the situation to see it clearly. So I'm genuinely asking: Is this financial abuse/control, or is this just a husband wanting separate finances? Would you be concerned if your spouse suddenly wanted you removed from a shared account after years of shared finances, especially after you reduced your work hours to take care of your children? I don't want validation just for the sake of validation. If I'm looking at this wrong, tell me. I just need some perspective from people who aren't emotionally involved in our marriage.

A closeted gay guy who married a woman fyi. "Have" in quotations. I tell people I'm an orphan sometimes because explaining that I actually did have a father he was just objectively worse than if I'd been an orphan is a bit harder.

You've heard of the father who molests his daughter but I bet you haven't heard that one. Yeah... It's real. No, it isn't fun. I'm currently unemployed (guess why. hint: mental crisis) but when I do get a job I'm definitely hitting up a therapist. What the fuck right

I just wish I'd gone to therapy when I was 19 and not when I'm 23 but I had an phase of having to run away from literally every living human being and be on my own for a while which got in the way of that

I’m posting this because I’m genuinely trying to understand what my friend is going through, and I’d really appreciate hearing from people who have experienced abusive relationships themselves. My friend was in a relationship with the same man for about 6 years. Their relationship wasn’t bad every single day. They had good memories, good times, and obviously there were reasons she loved him and stayed with him for so long. That’s part of what makes this situation so difficult to understand from the outside. But the bad parts were really bad. He was manipulative, an alcoholic, financially took advantage of her, and would throw things during arguments. There were incidents where he called the police on her while they were in her own home. There were other things that happened over those six years that I won’t get into because I don’t want to expose her personal business. Eventually, she left.
She then started dating another guy and they’ve been together for about 4 months. From everything I’ve seen, this guy treats her incredibly well. He’s supportive, kind, respectful, does things for her, and seems to genuinely care about her. He isn’t perfect because nobody is, but there hasn’t been the kind of behavior that existed in her previous relationship. Recently, she broke up with the new guy, and now she’s seriously considering going back to her ex. That’s the part that has left everyone around her confused. From the outside, it feels like the decision should be obvious: one relationship involved manipulation, alcoholism, financial exploitation, throwing things and other abusive behavior, while the other person treats her with kindness and respect. But I also understand that I’m not the one who lived through six years of that relationship.
Her family and friends have become so worried and frustrated that they’ve told her they would stop talking to her if she went back to him. I don’t think they’re saying that because they don’t love her. They’re terrified of watching her go back into something that they believe could seriously hurt her again. So I’m hoping to hear from people who have actually been in abusive relationships and how I can prevent her from making a bad decision.

I’m 18 and I’ve already had two mentally and physically abusive relationships and since then I’ve just never felt the same like my brain doesn’t work . I’ve became stupid can’t focus on anything . I don’t miss them or anything but I feel like I don’t know how to be a normal person . I feel disconnected from everyone and everything I don’t know how to speak to people anymore I feel like I always hear my abusers voices and even tho they are gone I still feel like they control who I am. I don’t know who I am anymore . I’ve been in a cycle of just drinking since to escape the way I feel everything I do is to escape the way I feel because i genuinely feel like I’m not a real person . I feel like they have forever tainted me, I just feel disgusted in myself . Does anyone else relate or feel the same way will my brain ever recover ? Will I ever feel normal again and not so damaged.

TW: DV, s*xual, emotional/mental neglect, self-harm, slurs

Hi guys, I just found this sub and decided to go ahead and vent about what I've been dealing with for the past year and a half. Throwaway because I'm nervous. I had posted this last night before bed, but I got scared he'd find it while I was sleeping, so now I'm reposting it. I'm on the very cusp of getting out fully and starting my recovery, but I'm struggling with no contact and needed somewhere to vent. Also as a sidenote, I have been professionally diagnosed with BPD due to traumatic upbringing and abuse. I grew up in a very dysfunctional family, prevalent with neglect and abuse of all kinds. Any advice/support is highly appreciated :) (F, 20s), (M, 20s).

I met this guy last year in December. We started dating a little bit afterwards, and immediately it was wishy-washy. He would go back and forth about if he wanted to date me or not (legitimately stand up during the conversation, walk towards the door, then come back and start crying. This happened multiple times during the conversation). Then we started dating. It was never a good relationship, and all my friends disliked him pretty much from the start.

I was consistently competing with his friends for time and affection -- he'd disappear for a week on a trip and wouldn't text me once, would get upset when I'd call him out on it after. He'd say he wasn't going to take time away from his friends to text me. He'd never take me out on dates besides to bars (said he was too busy to do anything during the day, which I'll admit is true, he worked multiple jobs). He'd complain about having to drive to my apartment (30 minutes), he'd show up late anyway, he'd hold the money he spent on me (somehow, despite never taking me out?) above my head. He would complain about buying me flowers and it'd cause big arguments, telling me that since I asked, now he couldn't do it, and I'd have to wait longer. The only flowers I got, I had to beg for 3 months to finally get them, despite him promising me he would in the first place. I never received birthdays or Christmas presents, either.

I threatened a break up. He told me he'd fix things. He didn't, I broke up with him. Shortly after this, he's getting me flowers, taking me out, etc. Of course it faded. We didn't date again, despite how much I begged him to. Our inside jokes were great, we found each other attractive -- I had never been called "perfect" so many times in my life. He allowed me to express who I was without stifling. If it weren't for him, I would've been alone most of the time (I live alone, I only have a couple friends but they all work full-time). I'm incredibly lonely without him. I feel like I can't leave. I have a compulsive urge to text him everything I’m doing all the time, as if I need his permission or validation to make it a real activity that I’m doing. Anyone I meet now with the prospect of dating feels dull in comparison to him. I want them to already know everything about me, I don't want to start over. But he did stick around for another ~14 months. Due to BPD, I have a major problem with being alone, which kept me in this situation entirely. After the break up is when it gets really bad, specifically in the last couple months.

He continued to only show up at night, as he had done before, saying he can't ever hang out with my during the day because of his work/hobbies. This time, consistently drunk. He'd try to initiate sex, I'd tell him no. if I didn't explicitly say I didn't want to have sex with him before he came over, he'd get mad that he had even come over in the first place. But it didn't matter anyway. When I was sleeping, I would wake up to him groping me (this happened during our relationship, too. He said it had happened with his ex-girlfriend as well, but she enjoyed that stuff). It was a cycle like this. If we didn't have sex before sleeping, he'd grope me. If we did, he wouldn't. I have a lot of sexual PTSD from multiple rape/assaults incidents, which he knew about. It began to be a time for me to disassociate, to not put any effort in, let him do whatever, and then be glad it was over so I could sleep. It was horrible. I had a full-blown PTSD episode once afterwards because it felt like I was being raped again, I threw up after. Also, I couldn't ask him to leave after he was already here. If I did, after he "had driven across town", he'd throw a full-blown tantrum, slam things, and rush out the door and not talk to me for the rest of the week.

I had a former partner pass away within the past year, and I was grieving for months over it. Every time I'd talk about it, he'd get angry and tell me I needed to move on. He'd yell at me, then get mad at me for going quiet. He said I had been through "way worse". He said I always ruined the night by talking about him, or being sad over him, and that he came to my house for "no reason" because now the night was ruined.

A breaking point for me was actually this past Saturday. He had called me on the phone and accused me of having a guy over (I did not, I had just gotten home from work). He decides to come over. We start talking; about how he won't date me again anyway, so why's it matter if I am talking to other people? I begin spiraling as he continues to remind me of all the reasons he won't date me, how I should find someone else (yet, won't let me leave). I go into the bathroom and begin to cut myself. He comes and finds me, says "so now you're looking for attention, huh?", grabs the blade out of my hand, grabs my hair, and throws me on the ground. Screams at me to sit up, then yanks me by the hair when I don't respond. He grabs a wet paper towel to help me, and is taunting me while he's helping me. He says "I dare you to do it again. I'm twice your size.", Saying "I'm so proud of you, this one is really deep. You're gonna get a lot of attention for this one, r*tard. You look like one of those 2010s Tumblr girls." The only thought going through my head are Lana Del Rey's Ultraviolence lyric, "he hit me and it felt like a kiss", as cheesy as that is. In that moment, it really did resonate with me. At this point I'm shaking, disassociated, sobbing, nauseous, everything. Finally he grabs a beer from the fridge, stands over me while he sips it. Then sits down and tells me through tears how much he loves me. Hugs me, kisses me. We get into bed, he attempts to grope me again...I wake up and he's gone.

Any time I brought up wanting to date him, he said he's too busy with his work/hobbies. He says he can't give me what I want, and that I need to find someone who can. He says he's stupid and I'm a very sweet girl, and that I deserve better. He says he can't give that to me. My response was always, why? If I'm perfect and you love me, why can't it be us? Even when he was yanking me by my hair and yelling at me. Even when he was groping me. Even when he taunting and threatening, it was always me asking why I wasn't good enough.

I am exhausted. I am so tired. I don't want anything legal to happen, I just want it to all go away. I'm scared to block him. I'm scared to post this. It hurts like hell to initiate no contact and keep it; I cave after three days. My friends are supportive but I know they're tired of hearing me go back to him. My parents never met him, and that was because I've never felt loved by him, and I didn't want them to see how he treated me. I honestly hadn't realized how bad it was until this Saturday night. I didn't think it would ever get physical, and I could handle all of the emotional stuff because I've been dealing with it since childhood...Thanks for reading my story.

I'm trying to get better on behalf of everyone. Anything welcome ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

I am 30. relationship lasted 5 years. Abuse started 2 years in. Most of it has been mental abuse, one year ago he was physical.

Quick summary:

I had an abortion one year ago where everything was pain, both mentally and physically. He insisted to watch porn while I was crying 2 meters away from him instead of giving me some support. (He kicked my jaw when I told him that his priorities while I was in pain was hurtful)

He treated and talked about me like he was doing charity dating me: him about dating me(a single mother): "I am ashamed dating someone with a child, no one is actually proud about being a step parent" (he never met my child again after that), he kept me a secret from his family, any problem that he caused our relationship was always my fault, he lied a lot, he got mad that I did not trust him, he did drugs while hiding it from me, I asked to take an informed decision about us dating -he lied, I was not allowed to have male friends. If I had sad feelings about things he would get annoyed or angry, he never took accountability -even when he kicked me he never apologized, I even asked for an apology, his reply was: "I have nothing to apologize. I am overall pleased with my performance of our relationship"

____ THE END ____

I've finally broken up. But no one around me knows we have been together since end of last year. Instead I've lived a double life, and now I have no one to talk to.

I have no one to tell. Im ashamed to even tell strangers on the internet, but: I just want someone to tell me they're proud of me or something for breaking up.

Once or twice a week I am grabbed in my sleep, sometimes my underwear halfway off before I wake up, hands down my pants and slap his arms away or being humped. About a month ago I woke up to him on top of me. I felt pressured to go through with it. I don't think it's been penetrative in my sleep yet.

I feel like I'm going to throw up. I've had horrible sleep for two years at this point. Pure panic when he wakes me up in the night. Says he doesn't remember it or denies it. I'm starting to wonder if my bc was tampered with back when I got pregnant. I can't even really remember much back then. Everything is a blur. I never have a libido anymore.

I left an abusive relationship two years ago. It was verbal, emotional, and starting to involve physical threats. I was so isolated and really doubted my own sanity.

For the first year or so after leaving it defined how I saw myself. I felt like a victim, didn’t trust my own decisions and it impacted work/friendships. even deciding what to have for dinner was hard. I was so low, and couldn’t see a future for myself.

Now (after a lot of podcasts/journaling etc) it’s almost the opposite - I’ve compartmentalised what happened and can’t relate the “me” now to how bad things were then.

A friend who knew a little asked me about it recently and I couldn’t stop shaking, remembering the details.

How do you successfully move forward with your life without completing shutting off a whole painful chapter?

My girlfriend abused me during a normal fight, it had happened before and this is the 4th time (at the same time she care for me but she has anger issues) in 2 years of relationship ,when she abused me, I blocked her, after that she keeps promising me that she don't do it again ,now she is continuously apologizing to me for the last 2 days, I don't know what to do , I am confused because on one side there is self-respect and on the other side I love her and I am totally attached with her. I want to know other perspective on this, don't know what to do also we are in LDR so this will takes our relationship at dead-end

I started to think that I was just a casualty in his life.

Cause the person he is with after me he treated her much much better than me. He can with her but cannot with me. He does everything willingly for her but cannot with me even if I beg on my hands and knees.

Cause even the people he sees on the side while he was with me he treated them much much better

Cause even the online girls and girls who do sex stuff online are chosen more than me, he even got violent defending them FROM me if I dare to have a saying of it. Strangers. Who posted their pics to the internet. Is chosen much more than me.

Cause his "female friends" and "female co-workers" are also treated much better than me.

He always said that I was there with him or not doesn't make any difference for him.

His life would always be ok no problem even if I don't exist.

so I am just a casualty. Treated like shit cause it's me. But everyone else is treated nicely. He never said a SINGLE sorry towards me. Not even once.

Even trash is treated with more respect and decency.

I found a theoretical paper on women who can't leave and the misunderstandings they face, but it's not what I'm talking about. I'm looking for a general guidebook or checklist of practical tips to help me brainstorm.

My situation is my husband is abusive and I don't feel confused or hurt, just traumatized. I became sick with a disease after we met and stopped working. I've slowly been feeling more and more trapped as time goes on.

Sadly I've become very sick with cancer unexpectedly and it's making the abuse feel mentally hard for the first time. I can't square away money. He tracks it and affords none for myself. That's why I'm feeling scared for my future. I can't get a job because I'm disabled and don't have a resume references (it's been too long since I worked those jobs) or recent job experience. I am responsible for all the domestic chores and with my condition I have little energy left to shower or cook for myself afterwards.

I would appreciate help with: practical advice and finding a job. Disabled job agencies and government employment programs don't offer remote work and the private market is too competitive because I have no formal education beyond highschool. I don't feel comfortable telling people my story, to try and get a private employee to take pity on me, because my husband is a local figure and people might tell him what I said. Unfortunately, last time I told people about my abuser, they told him and things got so much worse.

Lastly, does anyone have any solutions for these issues? 1) There's no shelter space in my city, for 3+ years straight now. 2) The rent-to-income housing program will only let me join once I'm single and the wait is 15+ years. 3) I can't rent a room with the amount disability provides ($400/month). 4) How to pay for school when you're technically high income but recieve none of the money and don't qualify for loans?

Thank you. Please don't cross post or screenshot this. I'm nervous posting it.

Hello,

My relationship ended January this year. He ended it, he left, I begged and cried. He just went ghost on me, which was not something new, as he has ghosted me (or given me the silent treatment) previously (many times) for up to 2-3 weeks.

Our arguments escalated over nothing, it could be that he thinks my manicure looks like erotic underwear (his words) or me following my female colleague online and him wanting me to unfollow her and the rest of my friends because he thinks they are wh0res.

He’d call me names when he was mad, he said I deserved them, but not entirely deserved them because he was still being so kind to me. Some of the things he’d call me were -

-sl2t

-demon

-satan himself

-Satan’s child

-worse than Jezebel

-“I am love you are hate and evil”

-“I am second best after Jesus, I am the light you are darkness”

-dead animal

-miserable creature

-trash

-waste of time

-monkey brain

- stupid little naive wh0re

-chimpanzee

-deer in heat

-opening your legs wider and wider every day

-satanic lesbian

Honeslty there’s much more but these are some of the ones that stand out to me.. he’d get triggered from just me wanting to go to the gym with my mum (he didn’t allow me, even tho he worked at a gym for almost 2 years), or wanting to hang out with my colleagues (both male and female, we are college students living in dorms) . I’ve invited him but he rejects. I’ve sent screenshots of my chats, my locations, my emails, my gallery, passwords, but he never cared about that.

Eventually I ended up alone. No friends. No one knew about this. His FALSE accusations kept getting worse. I’d be accused of having sex with 20 men in my dorm room. I call him, I send videos of me studying alone- HE IGNORES IT and SWITCHES TO ANOTHER ACCUSATION. Then he started accusing me of being a lesbian because I was polite to female friend who is a lesbian …

He didn’t allow me to listen to certain music because it’s satanic to him. There was one song I was asking him if he can listen to it- it’s called Dreamers - Embody . He said NO because the song is about having an orgy………… you can listen to the whole song yourself and tell me if I’m not ok for missing that.

He also accused me of raping him, being physically abusive , trying to make him go blind, trying to murder him, stabbing him, converting his family to satanism, of being a witch and having done witchcraft on him so he can’t move on from me (but he moved on pretty quickly while I ended up in therapy) , accused me of being satan himself who came to destroy his life… said it was cheating because I had sex with my first bf (and he is my second bf) and STILL I can go on and on. But this post is too long .

I didn’t do any of those thing. I didn’t try to kill him, never stabbed him, never raped him, never forced him to do anything against his will. I was not a perfect gf but I know I loved him truly. I fought till the end. At some point his words came too much and I said I was suic1dal and he said

“the wh0re won’t take responsibility once in her life but she will take the easy way and end her life, manipulative wh0re”

Months have passed. I know I should not be thinking about him. Everyone tells me that. My mum is mad at me that I didn’t tell her any of that.

After the break up I saw him going out, posting his pictures while he made me delete all of my pictures and social media presence, saw him befriending people he used to call satanic and lesbian, saw him going out, being happy. I keep asking myself - will he change for the next one? Is it my fault that he treated me this way? I feel so much guilt.

If I was more confident and had self respect maybe he wouldn’t have treated me like this and we’d still be together. Because , after all, we still had good times. Genuinely good times and I genuinely loved every minute with him. I worked and it feels like now that he left, I was just taken advantage of. I feel used . If he treats the next one better then what does it say about me? It’s all my fault. If I had been stronger , I wouldn’t have been in that situation .

Do they change?

I’m 22F and he is 27M and We started dating over a year ago now. I can’t fully blame him for having me on drugs but he is the person who introduced me to them and got me hooked on them to where I feel stuck. When I met him I had a job and was sober besides weed but I was going through a horrible loss I lost my only sibling my sister died of a fake pill for the longest I felt like it should’ve been me . Now I’m on a very hard and hard to get off drug and financially dependent on him he sold me a dream and I was so utterly stupid I did and still do know better. He started abusing me mentally and physically only a few months in and I felt so trapped and stuck I ended up emotionally cheating on him after he tore up the whole house broke everything (I stay with him) pulled out guns and broke me down to nothing. I still feel so guilty and he reminds me everyday I shouldn’t have done that and I wouldn’t ever again to anyone I just feel so stuck and alone he’s made me feel like nothing . He just broke my windshield the other day because I saw everything he’s been saying about me in his phone it was horrible stuff to everyone. I need advice / help . I sound like a victim loser I know I do I just want to be me again 😔