I am in the process of divorce with my husband who I have been separated from since July. Thankfully I have never lived with him, but I have been wanting a mutual consent divorce since July which I thought he would agree to. But instead he kept saying he wanted to see me one last time (we last saw each other in February 2026) and he kept saying that I made a promise to help him with his green card application so he could become a U.S. citizen
eventually. I decided to take back my promise because he is the most vile and evil emotionally abusive person ever. I have made this post to bring awareness and to share my story and to also ask for advice on what to do in this situation. I don't want him deported but at the same time he had threatened to blackmail me and wanted to share and leak my intimate videos and photos with him to my friends and family and I panicked and felt so scared. Yet this sick twisted man then tells me he lied and then tells me that he was joking. Idk whether this qualifies as a crime in the state of Maryland. He and I both live in Md in different counties. I won't reveal any information as I feel anxious and embarrassed already and we also got married in secret. I believe he only married me for his green card because he was emotionally abusive to me the whole marriage and I only found out he was undocumented a few days after our wedding back in January 2026. I also was not able to include every single screenshot of the convo so some texts had to be skipped over.

Trying to get over bring called the n word by my wife multiple times during a argument but getting harder to get over the words targeted at me . It just keeps on playing over and over in my head and the last time it happened my mother in law sat in the living room and watched her call me the nword without saying a thing to my wife. Somedays I am good and other days it burns and worst of all my children heard my wife calling me the n word. I am still shocked because I have never been called that and I guess hurts more when I comes from someone you love. Forgive and forget they say but this is tough to get over. How do I get over this replay in my mind.

Is feeling so depressed or just like everything is hard and little to no motivation a normal feeling after an abusive relationship? I just can’t fully articulate the way I feel but existing feels so hard these days following everything. I feel like my brain has been rewired.

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost 10 months (i’m 19 he’s 24). We have had a perfect relationship and this is the happiest I have ever been. The other night i went out with my friends, drank a little too much so i had to uber home early and went to my bfs house. While i was out of it i got a text from a friend from a school club im in asking if i left. The guy that texted me is very short and in general someone i thought my bf would know i would never go for. my bf has also seen this guy before with me and my friends and was not mad about him.

When he saw the text he repeatedly told me to give him my phone password but i was throwing up and clearly not in the space to tell him. He finally used my face to get into my phone and was scrolling through my insta dms of men texting me ( I was not texting them back btw) he kept saying that he knew i was cheating (i never have) just from looking at men texting me. He called me so many derogatory words it made me want to cry. i finally got mad and shoved him, grabbing my phone

After that i don’t remember exactly what happened but he hit me so hard i knocked out. I woke up on the floor a couple seconds later and my mouth was in so much pain. there was blood everywhere. He busted my lip open and my face was swollen for days while the inside of my cheek is busted too and still hurts. While before this happened there has been times where he pushed me or play fought me to the point i pass out. He’s also gotten rlly mad at his friends.

Besides that, I just feel completely confused. He is financially stressed and mentally struggling but I still feel so betrayed. I love him so much and I never thought he would do anything like this. Am I wrong for forgiving him while setting boundaries? Am I wrong for telling my friends and family about it ? Will he do it w? he says he’s getting therapy. Is our relationship even able to work in the future? How can i see him the same way before he did it ? When i think about him it used to be positive now im just sad. But I love him so much and im willing to see if anything changes.

Currently sleeping with a knife under my bed, but trying to stay put.

Has anyone here been financially dependent on a partner as an immigrant and needed to leave? How did you plan despite the obvious obstacles?

I have been in therapy my whole life, so that part is partially covered - this situation is sick to live through. Lately, I've been wondering if I should move money to my secret account. He is very controlling and doesn't let me work. I have no idea what to do. My visa is tied to his financial support.

I'm scared for my life, but I do not want to give up and go back to my country!

I (22 f) have been with my partner (27 m) for 9 years and his abuse has gotten out of control at this point we have 2 small kids together and anytime I bring up a small issues or not even somtimes I can just literally say somthjng he doesn't like such as (you left the pan of high) and literally get cussed and screamed at and beat I get told almost every single time I speak about somthing he doesn't like to (shut the fuck up mental bitch) over and over again until I break down it caused me to have a studder now and I'm can't belive this is the man who is suppose to love and care for me and my kids which is obviously never going to happen I literally made him lunch for work this morning and said can you please put the toilet seat down bc I'm potty training our daughter and I literally get told to shut the fuck up mental or stupid bitch everytime I'm so tired of it at this point I'm just waiting for him to leave or somthing big to happen bc I have no where to go and will not leave my kids with him bc he most likely would go find another woman to come watch them and I have nowhere to go with them.

I’m really really in a lot of emotional pain at the moment. My husband and I have been married for almost a year now, and we were dating for about a year and a half before we got married. I think about the first year we were long distance. I know it’s not very wise to rush into marriage. I won’t go too into detail about why we decided to get married so quickly, but one reason is I really thought he would be a good partner to raise children with because he is very smart and can be so gentle and tender. What I didn’t fully realize until about a month after the wedding though is that he has pretty bad anger issues. I can’t say that I didn’t see any red flags about his anger before the wedding, but I heard a saying once that makes sense in this case: red flags just look like flags when you’re wearing rose colored glasses. After moving in together, I truly thought that over time his extreme anxiety and mood swings and sudden anger would subside. Because when things are good, they are so so good. He is so funny and smart, we have great conversations and there are times that he looks at me and I can see so much love and tenderness in his face. He’s the first man I’ve ever loved, my first everything. I really thought that the pure dedication we both showed our relationship and the constant ways he has showed up for me and been there for me could get us through anything. Especially after we survived a seriously bad mental health episode I had, where my depression was so severe I wasn’t safe to be by myself and he kept me safe. He supported me through getting my medications sorted out and has been supporting both of us financially since I have been unable to get stable employment since moving to his country. I know he loves me very much and really wants to have a life together and raise a family. In so many ways and on so many occasions he has gone out of his way to love and support me.
That’s why it hurts so much when he gets so angry at me all the time. He is really prone to mood swings, and anger and frustration are a default response to a lot of stressors.

He has said things that really hurt my feelings, like that I’m really annoying, that I’m making him sick from how stressed I make him and I’m doing it on purpose, that it’s my fault he’s gained weight and isn’t in great shape like when we first started dating (these are all his words not mine. To me he has only become more beautiful since the beginning of our relationship as I have fallen more in love with him, and I always have expressed my attraction to him and tried to support him in healthy habits to make him feel better), that I make everything stressful and over complicated. And those are all just from last night. Last night truly was a breaking point for me. For context, at the moment we are taking care of some kittens that still need to be bottle fed and helped to move their bowels. As with taking care of infants of any species, this has come with a lot of stress, exhaustion and for me at least a lot of self doubt in my caretaking abilities as I’ve never done this before and I’m trying my absolute best to care for them. My husband absolutely loves cats, has rescued many over the years and he really wants the kittens to be okay. We’ve lost a lot of sleep and spent quite a bit on the kittens already. The stress alongside the kittens throwing off our normal schedule and me flailing to keep the house fed and watered has caused my husband to lose a lot of sleep. It’s been really hard. Everything I do for the kittens is met with criticism and anger. They had a lot of fleas on them and I was really worried about them losing too much blood to the fleas, but my husband was really worried that the bath would be too stressful and I could do more harm then good to the kittens. I just tried to keep combing out any fleas I found. After like two nights though I was just too worried and I grabbed the two most flea infested and bathed them with dawn dish soap and went over them really detailed with the flea comb. My husband was super angry with me and telling me that the kittens were all my responsibility and that it’s my fault if it goes wrong. His criticism was so severe and his anger so strong that I began to really doubt that I was doing what was best for the kittens and I stopped after those two kittens. I had prepared a new warm box for the clean kittens, and the two that had just been bathed were meowing a lot (I guess out of confusion from their new environment and not being with their siblings?) and he kept telling me that they would be too stressed out to have a bowel movement later on and that I may have really hurt them. I was so tired at that point, it was after 9 pm and I had barely any sleep the night before after their nighttime and early morning feedings that again I was so confused and self doubting that I put the clean kittens back with the flea having ones to calm them down and that was also met with a barrage of criticism and honestly mean comments. It’s exhausting how relentless he is when he’s worked up. I was bottle feeding the kittens as he stood over me yelling, demanding to know why I always make things so complicated. I kept calm and just asked him to please give me some space, please stop yelling at me, please stop swearing at me. If I wasn’t in such a good place mentally right now, I know for a fact that I would be having really dark and self destructive thoughts. Because for the majority of the past year we’ve been married, I heavily blamed myself for his anger. I truly did believe that I was being annoying, offensive, or stupid when he would get angry at me. But then as I started to really work on my mental health, helped in large part by consistently with my mental health medication and a long visit home with family, I began to realize some things. One thing being that I’ve moved around to a lot of places, lived with many different roommates from many different places over the years. And no one has ever gotten so angry at me, said such cruel things to me that were intended to hurt me, and actively been cold and uncaring. Except my father. Growing up my father was physically and emotionally abusive to my brother and I. I always told myself growing up that I wouldn’t end up with an angry man, that I was going to break the cycle that my mom had endured with her own father and husband (my father). But I was really naive and blinded by love when it came to my own husband.
I don’t know what to do. He’s so hot and cold, and honestly I’m just trying to ride the waves of his emotions without letting them pull me under. He’s had so many switches between loving me and hating me in just the past 24 hours. I’m happy that at the moment I’m in a healthy spot where I can realize that his emotions and responses to things are just completely out of my control, and that his anger and outbursts show his character not mine. I have been able to let his hostility kind of slide off my back recently instead of immediately blaming myself. If anyone has any advice on how to stay calm and collected in the face of unpredictable anger would be super appreciated.
I love my husband. I think he’s so smart, and thoughtful, and generous and funny. I really could go on and on for ages about how proud I am of his accomplishments, how loved he has made me feel, how he’s the first person to every make me feel loved body and soul. But he really wants a family, to be a dad. And I know that I cannot do that with him. I cannot bring children into the world knowing their father has anger issues. I would love to be a mother. Maybe this sounds like a crazy thing to say, but I love my little unborn babies too much to bring them knowingly into a house with an angry man. I would say that the biggest thing stopping me right now from just grabbing my bags and leaving are our animals. Aside from the kittens, we have a dog and two other cats in our house. I love them all very very much. The thought of never seeing them again truly causes me physical pain. But leaving would mean going to stay with a friend or family member, and no one I know is in a position at the moment to take me and a pet.
I don’t know. Just writing all that out was harder than I thought it would be, and I’m feeling really sad and tired. I just gotta stay focused and positive for myself and the babies. Any advice though would be really appreciated. Am I too naive to think that people can learn to manage their anger?

Hello,

This post has been pre-approved by the moderators (NSFW). I want to call attention to a growing community to raise awareness about surviving life-threatening abuse perpetrated by primary caregivers in childhood, to show how this abuse can continue into adulthood, to identify and prevent fatalities, and to improve treatment outcomes for survivors. After years of research, I have discovered there are no studies on the experiences of adult survivors of this specific pattern of abuse.

This site documents a lifetime of severe financial, psychological, physical, and coercive control within a family system that ultimately contributed to my sister’s death. It offers personal perspective on clear blind spots in the mental healthcare system, and the resources in place meant to protect us, such as Childhood Protective Services and Adult Protective Services.

Please be aware this site contains descriptions of severe parental abuse, psychological trauma, and death. Some content may be triggering, so it is important to prioritize your safety and mental health. If you are able to relate to this content, please consider processing this information alongside a qualified mental health professional.

Reddit played a major role in my own recognition and escape. Posts here helped my early understanding of these patterns, assisting me in breaking free of a future I did not want. It may have been the pivotal turning point for me and the reason I survived a system that consumed my sister. I’m sharing this experience so that others in similar homes may recognize the signs earlier, trust themselves, and find a way out.

The site includes our story, redacted evidence (family messages, witness statements, police statements, and counselor reports), and resources. I’ve since been joined by other survivors, with their powerful stories available in the new survivors’ blog and resources.

If you are a mental health professional interested in researching this topic, I welcome the opportunity to speak with you.

Thank you, Victoria

www.filicidesurvivor.com

I was 17 when I entered a relationship with this 22 year old guy, I’m 26 now but at the time I was just finishing highschool and he of course convinced me to move in with him, alienated me from my family, whole nine yards. I was arrested at 18 after I had to fight for my life essentially, he tried to strangle me, cops believed him instead of me (the newly unemployed, Black, teen) compared to him a 20 something year old EPA (he worked with kids in the learning center and mistreated some, my reports there also went unheard.

Eventually I beat my charges, I have a clear record and no regrets really when it comes to what I did (only regret being not shutting up right away and foolishly thinking the cops would believe me.

That brings us to today, I get a DM from some random new account and guess who it is. Mind you the gap from 17-26 isn’t tiny, I no longer feel a super strong reaction connected to him but I genuinely wonder if he’ll just never leave me alone. I’ve literally been an out and proud Lesbian for years since, no legal grounds for a restraining order since the contact from him is relatively spread out and comes from different accounts. Guess I’ll be blocking for the rest of my life 😩

He got away with it. Everyone believed his narrative and no one cared that he physically assaulted me several times.

They said the problem was that “I just need someone less nonchalant.”

No, the problem was that he was violent, manipulative, and cruel.

He posted about me on social media after the breakup. His mom was constantly calling me and telling me not to tell anyone about the abuse and told me not to tell my family about the breakup.

I got a no contact order and then he went and made counterclaims with someone he knew I was meeting with at my university.

I have him blocked everywhere, but I’ve developed such a strong fear of him that I’m always checking to make sure he’s far away from me.

His post count went up by two and now I’m anxious that he’s posting false things about me again.

He’s more well known than me and more charismatic so everything he says goes. I was so isolated while there. It’s like I’m living in hell.

I’m scared to meet new people because of the lengths he went to in lying about our relationship and I’m states away. I’m constantly in a state of fear. I’m doing everything I can to leave the country.

No matter what I do he always wins. His smear campaign won, he got away with intimate partner violence, he has a following on social media, he got away with posting about me. He wins. My reports and complaints did nothing. I was treated like a monster, while his secrets were protected by fear of him.

I’m 21 and I feel like my life is completely damaged and his is just fine. I lost so many opportunities the last 3 years of college, because I was in that abusive relationship. Now that I’m graduated I feel stuck. I genuinely want to die. I’m sick of the lack of consequences.

I’m reaching out to this community because I feel completely trapped, mentally exhausted, and isolated. I am a literate, peace-loving individual, but I have been made to feel like prey by people driven purely by ego, malice, and control. 😔

​Here is what I have been going through:

​1. Childhood Harassment & Psychological Abuse 🛑

○ ​The Beginning: Back in the late 90s, when I was around Class 5, an old woman in my neighborhood targeted me for no valid reason. Even though I was a normal, playful kid who spoke to her children, she became obsessed with publicly declaring that I was "ignoring" her.

○ ​Escalation & Bullying: Over time, her obsessive behavior turned into open harassment. She publicly humiliated me, threatened to have her local relatives beat me up, and constantly attempted to frame me as a troublemaker.

○ ​Driven into Depression: As I grew into adulthood, her tactics grew more sinister. She actively tried to instigate me into reacting so she could call the police or have me assaulted. To protect myself from taking a wrong step, I stopped going out. I was forced to live inside my own home in severe depression, isolated from the world. 💔

​2. Trapped in a Orchestrated Marriage 💍⚡

● ​The Trap: When her direct harassment failed to break me entirely, she conspired through a relative to get me married to a woman from an uncivilized, troubled background.

○ Domestic Abuse & Destruction: My wife works in tandem with this old neighbor and her network of relatives. They visit my home against my will to irritate and provoke me. When I protest:

○ ​My wife physically assaults me 🤕

○ ​She deliberately smashes costly household items 📉

○ ​She immediately plays the victim card, knowing law enforcement rarely takes male victims of domestic violence seriously.

○ ​The End Goal: They are financially, physically, and mentally draining me to force me out of my own house so her relatives can move in.

​3. Isolation and Inaction by Authorities 🚨

○ ​My mother passed away years ago (this old lady had targeted her as well), and my father lives in another town with my elder brother. Seeing me live here alone, they treat me like an easy target.

○ ​I have filed multiple formal police complaints against every individual involved, but no action has been taken so far. 📄❌

​Questions for the Community ❓

1. ​Childhood Protection Laws: Does the long-term harassment and psychological trauma inflicted on me during my childhood (starting around Class 5) fall under strict child protection or abuse statutes like the POCSO Act, or general criminal intimidation laws? ⚖️

2. ​Protection for Male Victims: As an adult male facing physical domestic assault, property destruction, and extortion by a spouse operating on remote control by third parties, what concrete legal steps can I take to safeguard myself, my property, and my sanity? 🛡️

​I am hanging on by a thread and would deeply appreciate any genuine legal guidance, personal insight, or steps on how to escalate my inactive police complaints to higher authorities. 🙏

I was in an abusive relationship from the age of 19 til I was 24. In those 5 years he financially, physically, emotionally, socially, verbally and sexually abused me. I'm now 30. In the 6 years I've been away from my abusive ex I've tried to date again and I've been in a relationship for 3 years.

The major issue is, nobody has ever made me feel as loved as my abusive ex did. I feel like I've been brainwashed in some way to correlate the abuse with passion and love. My current partner is a great guy, but I feel so unloved as he's so calm and respectful and relaxed. I find that I take this as him not caring about me like my ex did, which is absolutely ridiculous. It's so hard because I catch myself pining for the drama and the excitement of my ex as it constantly felt like we were displaying how much we loved eachother? I can't even really explain it, it's so confusing.

Does anyone else feel like this? Does it get better? I can't spend my whole life missing a man who tried to murder me, right?

​

It's been over a year since I left and I am still so fucked in the head from what happened. I feel like I should be "over it", people don't want to hear about it, I sound like I'm still hung up on my ex. Nobody in my life understands at all, even when I try to talk about it I don't think they even begin to understand. Everything was under my ex's control, when we ate, what I was "allowed" to eat, when we slept, when we had sex, how I spoke, when I spoke. My ex would make fun of my accent, criticise my tone of voice, if I spoke too much I was selfish, if I spoke too little I was manipulative and guilt-tripping. If I was sat with my arms crossed, then I was being passive aggressive, if I was too happy and open I needed to be taken down a peg. I was never told "you can't spend time with people" but if my ex was around, I would be put down, mocked, told to shut up, embarrassed, things I said in confidence were brought up, our sex life was complained about, so I ended up just not spending time around people - my ex would hang out with them alone. Everyone was in on the joke, too, Since leaving I have not spoken to my closest "friends" who I had known for 6+ years. There is no better way to find out who your real friends are - and it turns out I did not have any at all, that still stings. Yes, yes I am better off without them but fuck that hurts too. I have new friends but it takes time to build connections like that, and I have made a fair share of mistakes in trusting the wrong people. I go to therapy and I try really hard to be "normal" but mostly I try really hard to not think about what happened. I don't want to think about it, I don't like to think about it at all. It hurts too much on just about every level possible. Wasted years, false friendships, abuse, sexual assault all the fucking time, no right to my own body, no right to my own life at all. I wasn't even allowed to grieve the death of my fucking uncle, I was not allowed even that. I just feel so hopeless and in so much pain I don't know what to do with it or put it. I do things like creative outlets, go to therapy, I exercise, always hoping the "fake it till you make it" stuff will finally stick but it is so hollow. Everything feels so hollow, I just want it all to be okay, I want to stop having flashbacks and intrusive thoughts and being terrified of my own body, and just feeling wrong all the time in ever way. The worst thing is part of me misses that old life, my old friends I walked away from, the way I thought I was loved. I wasn't but like I just feel so hopeless. I don't know how to keep going anymore.

’m trying to end the relationship with him, justify the break up because I am mad at him for bruising me. He was dismissive of it initially but said sorry later. But I am still upset. But the longer I don’t respond to his texts ( I am forced to see him in anther aspect of my life too) the more anxious I feel about him and if he’ll be upset. I also see him for who he is the longer I stay away, and the thought of him and who he actually is (a predator) makes me so frightened and so scared that the alternative feels so much better. When I have to see him in person in this state, I also then start feeling a little physically nauseous and feel like I’m walking on egg shells.

I then cycle to craving to spend time with him and have him be affectionate and I know he will if we start talking again. It’s crazy to feel this way. It’s like I can’t bring myself to face him - the angry violent man who preyed on me instead of the playful charming goofy guy that he presented himself to me and still can be, and I really prefer that version. I just can’t believe he is using and manipulating me. It’s really scary.

I’m posting this because I’m genuinely trying to understand what my friend is going through, and I’d really appreciate hearing from people who have experienced abusive relationships themselves. My friend was in a relationship with the same man for about 6 years. Their relationship wasn’t bad every single day. They had good memories, good times, and obviously there were reasons she loved him and stayed with him for so long. That’s part of what makes this situation so difficult to understand from the outside. But the bad parts were really bad. He was manipulative, an alcoholic, financially took advantage of her, and would throw things during arguments. There were incidents where he called the police on her while they were in her own home. There were other things that happened over those six years that I won’t get into because I don’t want to expose her personal business. Eventually, she left.
She then started dating another guy and they’ve been together for about 4 months. From everything I’ve seen, this guy treats her incredibly well. He’s supportive, kind, respectful, does things for her, and seems to genuinely care about her. He isn’t perfect because nobody is, but there hasn’t been the kind of behavior that existed in her previous relationship. Recently, she broke up with the new guy, and now she’s seriously considering going back to her ex. That’s the part that has left everyone around her confused. From the outside, it feels like the decision should be obvious: one relationship involved manipulation, alcoholism, financial exploitation, throwing things and other abusive behavior, while the other person treats her with kindness and respect. But I also understand that I’m not the one who lived through six years of that relationship.
Her family and friends have become so worried and frustrated that they’ve told her they would stop talking to her if she went back to him. I don’t think they’re saying that because they don’t love her. They’re terrified of watching her go back into something that they believe could seriously hurt her again. So I’m hoping to hear from people who have actually been in abusive relationships and how I can prevent her from making a bad decision.

Years of sexual coercion, one instance of hitting, emotional abuse. Why does none of it seem that bad to me? Why do I want apologize for leaving and beg her to stay? We're separating i thought that's what I want but god I'm having doubts now. I know it was bad but for some reason being apart feels worse to me. Please tell me I'm being stupid. Any further detail is in my post history. Please talk me out of begging her to stay.

I honestly don't know if I'm being unreasonable here, so I'm hoping for some outside perspective. My husband and I have always essentially shared our finances. We’re married, we have children together, and we've always treated the money coming into the household as family money—not “his money” and “my money.” There have been multiple periods throughout our marriage where my husband was unemployed. During those times, we still had bills, groceries, childcare, kids' expenses, etc., and we got through it as a family. I never told him that he needed to get off my account or that he wasn't entitled to the money because he wasn't currently earning an income. Recently, my husband got a new job that pays significantly more. Around the same time, I went part-time at my job so I could be more available to take care of our children. So yes, I make less money now. But I didn't just decide to work less for fun—I made a choice that benefited our family and allowed me to take on more of the childcare and household responsibilities. Now my husband is telling me that I need to get off of his bank account. And honestly, I'm hurt and confused. Because suddenly it feels like the money is being viewed as his money because he's the one making more right now, despite the fact that we've spent years functioning as a family financially—and despite the fact that my reduced income is directly related to taking care of our children. I'm not saying married couples aren't allowed to have separate accounts. I completely understand wanting some financial independence or having personal spending money. That's not really what bothers me. What bothers me is the “you need to get off my account” attitude. It feels like the rules changed the second he started making more money. And I can't help but wonder: if I had never reduced my hours to care for our kids and was still making what I used to make, would he be saying this? I'm also struggling with the fact that this isn't happening in a vacuum. We've had other issues surrounding money, anger, control, and disagreements about responsibilities in our marriage. So when this happens, it doesn't just feel like a normal conversation about budgeting or financial independence. It feels like another way of establishing power. Maybe I'm completely wrong. Maybe this is a perfectly reasonable thing for a spouse to ask for and I'm too emotionally close to the situation to see it clearly. So I'm genuinely asking: Is this financial abuse/control, or is this just a husband wanting separate finances? Would you be concerned if your spouse suddenly wanted you removed from a shared account after years of shared finances, especially after you reduced your work hours to take care of your children? I don't want validation just for the sake of validation. If I'm looking at this wrong, tell me. I just need some perspective from people who aren't emotionally involved in our marriage.

A closeted gay guy who married a woman fyi. "Have" in quotations. I tell people I'm an orphan sometimes because explaining that I actually did have a father he was just objectively worse than if I'd been an orphan is a bit harder.

You've heard of the father who molests his daughter but I bet you haven't heard that one. Yeah... It's real. No, it isn't fun. I'm currently unemployed (guess why. hint: mental crisis) but when I do get a job I'm definitely hitting up a therapist. What the fuck right

I just wish I'd gone to therapy when I was 19 and not when I'm 23 but I had an phase of having to run away from literally every living human being and be on my own for a while which got in the way of that

I’m 18 and I’ve already had two mentally and physically abusive relationships and since then I’ve just never felt the same like my brain doesn’t work . I’ve became stupid can’t focus on anything . I don’t miss them or anything but I feel like I don’t know how to be a normal person . I feel disconnected from everyone and everything I don’t know how to speak to people anymore I feel like I always hear my abusers voices and even tho they are gone I still feel like they control who I am. I don’t know who I am anymore . I’ve been in a cycle of just drinking since to escape the way I feel everything I do is to escape the way I feel because i genuinely feel like I’m not a real person . I feel like they have forever tainted me, I just feel disgusted in myself . Does anyone else relate or feel the same way will my brain ever recover ? Will I ever feel normal again and not so damaged.

I am currently at a crisis center after being broken up with by my ex (23M) I am 27F. I know the age gap was an issue but he convinced me it wasn’t. I grew up poor with no emotional or financial support and had to work and pay off my bills instead of going to college while I was with another abusive ex. Over 3 years our relationship had gone downhill on both sides. We gave up on each other. I felt like in the end it was abusive and I wanted to leave. I tried to move on with a fling for a week or two after letting things just happen after I refused to leave my ex. I regretted it immediately and wanted to pretend nothing ever happened, but he went through my instagram while I was sleeping and found out. I lied to him to try to salvage the relationship but eventually gave in because he deserved to know and I thought if I told him we could heal together. He made it seem that way and safe. But now 3 months later he says he can’t get over it and wants to leave. I regretted it so much to the point where I tried to commit twice and got sent to the psych ER. I am considering a third time it feels like I can’t live without him. I don’t know what to do. I know it was a toxic relationship but I had hope we could still make it work. He doesn’t want to. I promised to never give up on him. I think I loved him more than he loved me. I think he loved the idea of me. I wrote out a list of everything for the past couple hours I could think of. I promised I would get better for him. If he would just give me a chance. I have bpd and I’m literally trying everything I can to work on myself in desperation. I’m seeing multiple counselling options and therapy options. I quit nicotine cold turkey which he had to help me to ween off of it for months before early in our relationship. I wanted to prove to him I could change.

TW: DV, s*xual, emotional/mental neglect, self-harm, slurs

Hi guys, I just found this sub and decided to go ahead and vent about what I've been dealing with for the past year and a half. Throwaway because I'm nervous. I had posted this last night before bed, but I got scared he'd find it while I was sleeping, so now I'm reposting it. I'm on the very cusp of getting out fully and starting my recovery, but I'm struggling with no contact and needed somewhere to vent. Also as a sidenote, I have been professionally diagnosed with BPD due to traumatic upbringing and abuse. I grew up in a very dysfunctional family, prevalent with neglect and abuse of all kinds. Any advice/support is highly appreciated :) (F, 20s), (M, 20s).

I met this guy last year in December. We started dating a little bit afterwards, and immediately it was wishy-washy. He would go back and forth about if he wanted to date me or not (legitimately stand up during the conversation, walk towards the door, then come back and start crying. This happened multiple times during the conversation). Then we started dating. It was never a good relationship, and all my friends disliked him pretty much from the start.

I was consistently competing with his friends for time and affection -- he'd disappear for a week on a trip and wouldn't text me once, would get upset when I'd call him out on it after. He'd say he wasn't going to take time away from his friends to text me. He'd never take me out on dates besides to bars (said he was too busy to do anything during the day, which I'll admit is true, he worked multiple jobs). He'd complain about having to drive to my apartment (30 minutes), he'd show up late anyway, he'd hold the money he spent on me (somehow, despite never taking me out?) above my head. He would complain about buying me flowers and it'd cause big arguments, telling me that since I asked, now he couldn't do it, and I'd have to wait longer. The only flowers I got, I had to beg for 3 months to finally get them, despite him promising me he would in the first place. I never received birthdays or Christmas presents, either.

I threatened a break up. He told me he'd fix things. He didn't, I broke up with him. Shortly after this, he's getting me flowers, taking me out, etc. Of course it faded. We didn't date again, despite how much I begged him to. Our inside jokes were great, we found each other attractive -- I had never been called "perfect" so many times in my life. He allowed me to express who I was without stifling. If it weren't for him, I would've been alone most of the time (I live alone, I only have a couple friends but they all work full-time). I'm incredibly lonely without him. I feel like I can't leave. I have a compulsive urge to text him everything I’m doing all the time, as if I need his permission or validation to make it a real activity that I’m doing. Anyone I meet now with the prospect of dating feels dull in comparison to him. I want them to already know everything about me, I don't want to start over. But he did stick around for another ~14 months. Due to BPD, I have a major problem with being alone, which kept me in this situation entirely. After the break up is when it gets really bad, specifically in the last couple months.

He continued to only show up at night, as he had done before, saying he can't ever hang out with my during the day because of his work/hobbies. This time, consistently drunk. He'd try to initiate sex, I'd tell him no. if I didn't explicitly say I didn't want to have sex with him before he came over, he'd get mad that he had even come over in the first place. But it didn't matter anyway. When I was sleeping, I would wake up to him groping me (this happened during our relationship, too. He said it had happened with his ex-girlfriend as well, but she enjoyed that stuff). It was a cycle like this. If we didn't have sex before sleeping, he'd grope me. If we did, he wouldn't. I have a lot of sexual PTSD from multiple rape/assaults incidents, which he knew about. It began to be a time for me to disassociate, to not put any effort in, let him do whatever, and then be glad it was over so I could sleep. It was horrible. I had a full-blown PTSD episode once afterwards because it felt like I was being raped again, I threw up after. Also, I couldn't ask him to leave after he was already here. If I did, after he "had driven across town", he'd throw a full-blown tantrum, slam things, and rush out the door and not talk to me for the rest of the week.

I had a former partner pass away within the past year, and I was grieving for months over it. Every time I'd talk about it, he'd get angry and tell me I needed to move on. He'd yell at me, then get mad at me for going quiet. He said I had been through "way worse". He said I always ruined the night by talking about him, or being sad over him, and that he came to my house for "no reason" because now the night was ruined.

A breaking point for me was actually this past Saturday. He had called me on the phone and accused me of having a guy over (I did not, I had just gotten home from work). He decides to come over. We start talking; about how he won't date me again anyway, so why's it matter if I am talking to other people? I begin spiraling as he continues to remind me of all the reasons he won't date me, how I should find someone else (yet, won't let me leave). I go into the bathroom and begin to cut myself. He comes and finds me, says "so now you're looking for attention, huh?", grabs the blade out of my hand, grabs my hair, and throws me on the ground. Screams at me to sit up, then yanks me by the hair when I don't respond. He grabs a wet paper towel to help me, and is taunting me while he's helping me. He says "I dare you to do it again. I'm twice your size.", Saying "I'm so proud of you, this one is really deep. You're gonna get a lot of attention for this one, r*tard. You look like one of those 2010s Tumblr girls." The only thought going through my head are Lana Del Rey's Ultraviolence lyric, "he hit me and it felt like a kiss", as cheesy as that is. In that moment, it really did resonate with me. At this point I'm shaking, disassociated, sobbing, nauseous, everything. Finally he grabs a beer from the fridge, stands over me while he sips it. Then sits down and tells me through tears how much he loves me. Hugs me, kisses me. We get into bed, he attempts to grope me again...I wake up and he's gone.

Any time I brought up wanting to date him, he said he's too busy with his work/hobbies. He says he can't give me what I want, and that I need to find someone who can. He says he's stupid and I'm a very sweet girl, and that I deserve better. He says he can't give that to me. My response was always, why? If I'm perfect and you love me, why can't it be us? Even when he was yanking me by my hair and yelling at me. Even when he was groping me. Even when he taunting and threatening, it was always me asking why I wasn't good enough.

I am exhausted. I am so tired. I don't want anything legal to happen, I just want it to all go away. I'm scared to block him. I'm scared to post this. It hurts like hell to initiate no contact and keep it; I cave after three days. My friends are supportive but I know they're tired of hearing me go back to him. My parents never met him, and that was because I've never felt loved by him, and I didn't want them to see how he treated me. I honestly hadn't realized how bad it was until this Saturday night. I didn't think it would ever get physical, and I could handle all of the emotional stuff because I've been dealing with it since childhood...Thanks for reading my story.

I'm trying to get better on behalf of everyone. Anything welcome ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

I am 30. relationship lasted 5 years. Abuse started 2 years in. Most of it has been mental abuse, one year ago he was physical.

Quick summary:

I had an abortion one year ago where everything was pain, both mentally and physically. He insisted to watch porn while I was crying 2 meters away from him instead of giving me some support. (He kicked my jaw when I told him that his priorities while I was in pain was hurtful)

He treated and talked about me like he was doing charity dating me: him about dating me(a single mother): "I am ashamed dating someone with a child, no one is actually proud about being a step parent" (he never met my child again after that), he kept me a secret from his family, any problem that he caused our relationship was always my fault, he lied a lot, he got mad that I did not trust him, he did drugs while hiding it from me, I asked to take an informed decision about us dating -he lied, I was not allowed to have male friends. If I had sad feelings about things he would get annoyed or angry, he never took accountability -even when he kicked me he never apologized, I even asked for an apology, his reply was: "I have nothing to apologize. I am overall pleased with my performance of our relationship"

____ THE END ____

I've finally broken up. But no one around me knows we have been together since end of last year. Instead I've lived a double life, and now I have no one to talk to.

I have no one to tell. Im ashamed to even tell strangers on the internet, but: I just want someone to tell me they're proud of me or something for breaking up.

Once or twice a week I am grabbed in my sleep, sometimes my underwear halfway off before I wake up, hands down my pants and slap his arms away or being humped. About a month ago I woke up to him on top of me. I felt pressured to go through with it. I don't think it's been penetrative in my sleep yet.

I feel like I'm going to throw up. I've had horrible sleep for two years at this point. Pure panic when he wakes me up in the night. Says he doesn't remember it or denies it. I'm starting to wonder if my bc was tampered with back when I got pregnant. I can't even really remember much back then. Everything is a blur. I never have a libido anymore.

I left an abusive relationship two years ago. It was verbal, emotional, and starting to involve physical threats. I was so isolated and really doubted my own sanity.

For the first year or so after leaving it defined how I saw myself. I felt like a victim, didn’t trust my own decisions and it impacted work/friendships. even deciding what to have for dinner was hard. I was so low, and couldn’t see a future for myself.

Now (after a lot of podcasts/journaling etc) it’s almost the opposite - I’ve compartmentalised what happened and can’t relate the “me” now to how bad things were then.

A friend who knew a little asked me about it recently and I couldn’t stop shaking, remembering the details.

How do you successfully move forward with your life without completing shutting off a whole painful chapter?

My girlfriend abused me during a normal fight, it had happened before and this is the 4th time (at the same time she care for me but she has anger issues) in 2 years of relationship ,when she abused me, I blocked her, after that she keeps promising me that she don't do it again ,now she is continuously apologizing to me for the last 2 days, I don't know what to do , I am confused because on one side there is self-respect and on the other side I love her and I am totally attached with her. I want to know other perspective on this, don't know what to do also we are in LDR so this will takes our relationship at dead-end