Hi all - posting this to a more appropriate sub.

I recently became a Dad, but unfortunately lost my daughter after 27 days of life due to a hypoxic injury (HIE) suffered shortly before birth. We were able to spend 5 days at home in a hospice type setting with her Mom and golden retriever.

Posting here because sometimes it feels hard to be a Dad with her not being present here on earth. I know she is with us and I feel her soul is in a better place. She is my angel. I will always be her Dad.

Everyone is telling me to talk to someone, join a support group, etc. They mean well. I channel my sadness and anger through music. Currently writing a song in her honor and I created an X account (@SadDadSongs) where I’ll post one song each day about her and include my favorite quote from the song. Feels like one of my versions of therapy. The first song choice was “All Around You” by Sturgill Simpson. It’s been nice to focus on what the 2nd song will be today. Likely something by Billy Strings.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading. Hope you follow my account. If not, I hope everyone is able to find their version of peace. You deserve it.

Today is the start of the BER months. The dreadful summer is behind us. It should have been a beautiful summer, maternity leave with my beautiful baby, instead he passed away in May and it’s just been a constant reminder of what should have been, but never will be. Why did I think today being the 1st day of autumn would make me feel any better? Delusional I know!

I took 9 weeks off work after I lost my baby at 33.5 weeks to a placental abruption and delivered via emergency c-section for my own safety. Today was my first day back. I used to love my job. And I know I still do, but I just don’t care about it at all right now. Every problem at work just seems so petty and annoying. I can’t stand all the people who complain about stupid things. My coworkers are fine. They all welcomed me back and seemed happy to see me. But at the same time they feel like fake friends. They never asked me how I am or mentioned my loss at all. Not only do I feel so exposed, because everyone (dozens) of people know my deepest trauma just happened to me, but no one says anything to me. So I walk around feeling I forgot to put pants on but everyone is too embarrassed for me to tell me. It feels so lonely and like I don’t want to be there and around people. Do I want people to pity me? No. But how do I just pretend nothing happened and go back to stupid work problems that are obviously so insignificant compared to what I just went through?

I got my placenta pathology back yesterday after my baby passed at 26 weeks on 8/21, and finally have an answer of what happened to my baby 😢 At first they believed it was chorio because I almost became septic during labor and had a horrible infection going on in my body, but she passed from Fetal Vascular Malperfusion caused by a hypercoiled umbilical cord. A normal coil index is 0.2 and my cord was 0.6. Because of this, the placenta was completely avascular in some places and there was a small blood clot found on the fetal side as well from the blood flow restriction. I’m so thankful I finally have an answer, but so sad at the same time. I had no idea her cord was like that, and I didn’t see it when I birthed her because I gave birth on my knees facing the bed. By the time I turned around, they already had my placenta and all that away. The pathology report also says the cause of the hypercoiling is unknown. Has anyone else experienced the same cause of your loss ? I didn’t even know this cord incident was possible.

I want to put together a small gift basket for a friend who is expecting a baby after a third trimester loss.

she has completely disassociated from this pregnancy and is terrified about the birth process again. I didn’t want to go super crazy with baby gifts because I know that she’s not fully accepting that this baby will be earthside.

what can I get her that would be helpful. she’s scheduled for a c section in a few weeks. I was thinking of gearing the basket for mom/dad/big sis stuff.

It's been 10 weeks since I lost my son during labour. I've felt frozen in time, but I can feel life continuing around me. Even the buds are starting to bloom around me on cherry blossoms. Winter is over, but I'm not ready to feel the beauty of spring.

The only way I can justify picking myself up and slowly integrating into the world is if I make it mean something. I've always been an impact oriented person, but the things I used to have passion for now feel hollow. I have a huge sense of responsibility that since my son couldn't create his own legacy I must forge that for him.

I can say the greatest way it will mean something is the way I'll show up for my future family. I can no longer fathom complaining about being tired postpartum, or anything regarding parenting for that matter (huge trigger for me at the moment). But in the meantime how do I honour my baby?

What did you do? Both in terms of as a family unit and/or volunteering, donating, sharing their story etc?

We said goodbye Saturday. It was very traumatic for me. 11 days in the NICU. They rolled me in while holding him into like a comfier room and when I opened my eyes and looked at him I had a massive panic attack. I went dead weight and my parents and husband and entire nursing staff on the floor had to get me and take the baby. I wasn’t able to sit in there and watch him turn blue and die. I just couldn’t. It was too much for me.

Now it’s been a couple days I just have 1000 thoughts. I have questions that have been answered but repeat in my mind because of fear.

For context I’m 28. First pregnancy. Went in for an induction, his heart rate dropped, emergency c section and then he came out not breathing, later to find out that this more than likely was a spontaneous genetic glitch in the early weeks on pregnancy that no ultrasound could have caught.

He was 4lbs and 37 weeks.

For those of you who have gone through this, or something similar… is there hope for a day where I can have a healthy baby? They told me I more than likely will have c sections for the rest of any children I plan to have. Which I like the sound of truly but they mentioned a tiny chance of with each c section I could have a Placenta Accreta Spectrum where the placenta could attach to the previous c section scar and could lead to a hysterectomy. The doctor said there’s a small chance but given that a De Novo genetic event happened to me and that chance is like 0.03% out of the population, I’m terrified of something like that happening to me.
Have any of you had repeat c sections? Did everything turn out okay?

Any advice you guys would have for me?
I just feel empty because this child was completely planned and I left my career to fully stay home and be a mom and I was so excited. Now I just feel alone and empty. I’m not alone though I just feel that way because I had him inside me for 9 months and now he’s just gone. 😔

I know that 40% of losses end in never knowing the reason, but how do I find peace with that? We did all the testing we could. My baby had all his chromosomes. Placenta looked fine.

And yet his heart stopped beating.

I’d love to hear from people in the same situation who were able to make peace with the not knowing. And also, how do you consider TTC again with no idea if you’re the cause?

Hello, I dont know if this is allowed. My name is Faith and my daughter Everlyn June was born at 25 weeks with severe IUGR and I had severe pre-e. She made it 3 days in the NICU despite nurses saying she didnt stand a chance.

In honor of her, now that its been some time (8 months) I have set up a business in her honor. However, with this I would like to donate to another loss family for every 2 orders I get. (I have gotten about 7 so far). If you are open to receiving a donation with a candle + some soaps please private message me an address & name 🤍

Linked is my etsy 🥰

https://everlynslight.etsy.com

Hello everyone,

I was told recently by another friend who lost her baby when she was younger that losing a baby is indeed a club you dont want membership. After hearing about everyone's loss and recently experiencing our own loss, I can see why.

However, besides us venting, what has everyone else done in terms of chasing accountability on the doctors' and medical professionals who looked after your baby? I know most cases were likely not the doctor's "fault" but in other cases what were the avenues you took to seek accountability?

The hospital staff have already reached out to us regarding finding out what happened, but I am not hopeful of their findings as there is likely bias and conflicts of interest. Where we live, I can also reach out to an ombudsman, the physician's association and I will likely seek legal counsel on a contingency basis.

Anybody else have luck with any of those avenues? By luck, I mean, did it go anywhere where somebody was actually held accountable, instead of just "Theres nothing we could've done to prevent ypur daughter's death" which is what all the doctors have been telling us and quite frankly, unacceptable.

Signed,

Father seeking accountability

First off, I wish we all were not members of this club <3 

I lost my daughter earlier this year at just shy of 39 weeks. I delivered her vaginally. My period came back about 10 weeks postpartum. Historically, my cycles have been on the shorter side and irregular in terms of length and ovulation day. I am trying to conceive again. Ever since my periods have returned, I have started to experience bleeding around 36-48 hours after I get a positive LH surge on the clear blue digital advanced ovulation tests. It is not light spotting. It is actual bleeding that is red, and I believe it means my uterine lining is starting to shed very quickly after the time I should be ovulating. I had a pelvic and transvaginal scan both come back clear, which is reassuring, but I think that means something is very wrong with me hormonally. 

I had recently been prescribed progesterone to help support my luteal phase which was on the shorter side prior to losing my daugther. My body does seem to respond to this and the bleeding stops after a day or so on the progesterone. But I am very concerned about what this mid-cycle, post ovulation bleeding means for my fertility, as focusing on TTC is how I am surviving the loss of my daughter and the trauma I’ve gone through. Has anyone experienced something similar? I am based in the UK and should have a gynecologist appointment in about 2 months from now. The waiting is torturing me - I feel like my life becomes further “off track” with every unsuccessfully cycle. Losing my daughter was the worst thing I’ve been though, and I’m having a really hard time given that the thing I feel that I need to keep moving forward (becoming pregnant again) is both out of my control and unlikely given my bleeding. 

Thank you.