So as arrogant as it may sound. I’ve noticed I have a fear of being perceived as “too cool” or “too charming” and so I dim my light. For example if a woman tells me I’m handsome or something ect and it’s in ear shot of others, or a woman is interacting in a way that it’s obvious she’s attracted to me in eye view of others? I worry they’re looking and going “oh I bet he used to that” or “oh I bet he’s the man” not even in a hater way, more so in a self pity way like man you’re cool af bro I wish I could be like you. Like envy but not hateful type of envy. I have no idea why I feel this way. Sometimes I won’t speak to or even approach people because I feel like I’ll come across as “oh this guy thinks he so cool” type of way. I’m sure I’m very naturally “smooth” or cool (and people have told me so) but that makes me uncomfortable and I have no idea why. I feel like it’s such a stupid problem to have.

I’ve had many people tell me that like “oh I’d never approach you outside of work cause you look like I’d be bothering you or your too cool to interact with” and it kind of hurts my feelings. Sometimes it makes me feel a bit bitter though. Of course I know it’s not a terrible problem to have it’d be like crying about pretty punishment ya know. But I can’t help feeling this way at times. I know it’s a strange insecurity to have. Any advice?

In the orientation they were asking about an email they had previously sent (whether we understood what was expected of us, the email was very vague though), I was joking with the people I had gotten to know and said no I didn't understand. Apparently I was kind of loud, the speaker didn't hear me saying no, but she heard me talking so she handed me the mic. So when she said I'll give you the mic, everyone started staring/looking at me. Never have I ever been on the spot like this (at least 1k students). For the first time ever I was on the spot like this, I was shitting myself internally. Only a year ago, I would've probably refused to take the mic, I guess a lot of people would do that, understandably so. I was sweating but I ignored it. I took the mic (after 50 people had gone through the effort to give it to me), I changed my words completely (to be diplomatic and not confrontational) and said that the email was very clear and detailed (I gave a serious answer). Everyone was laughing legit all I could hear was giggles and laughing, presumably, with me, not at me (I hope not). Afterwards when I was getting to know some people, a girl I was talking to asked me what are your plans so I said I want to be the student union president so she said to be honest, I liked the fact that you are very confident and didn't hide when they handed you the mic, and I can see you being president. I was a bit taken aback, since I'd never met her, didn't know doing something like that would give an impression like that. Another girl was joking (she was the one sat next to me) and said I didn't know you had that inside of you. and for the rest of the day when I was talking to new people they were saying you're the guy who took the mic and they seemed chill about it.

High school was rough. Not the kind of rough you see in movies, no dramatic hallway shoving or anything. Just years of people making it clear you didn't belong. Being excluded, getting weird looks, people laughing at things you didn't even realize were different about you. It wasn't one big thing. It was years of small things that eventually made me believe there was something wrong with me.

I stopped trying after a while. Wore dark baggy clothes that didn't say anything, kept my head down, made myself as small as possible. Figured if people couldn't see me, they couldn't hurt me.

College changed things. Not immediately, but slowly. At some point I realized I had to make a choice that keep letting the past define me or actually do something about it. I chose the second. Started going to therapy, got on the right medication, started actually dealing with stuff instead of just surviving through it.

The biggest change wasn't even about feeling better. It was about realizing I had a choice. I could stay stuck or I could push forward and build something new. I chose to push.

Now I look at how far I've come and I barely recognize the person I used to be. I actually take care of myself now. I train regularly, eat properly, sleep well. Not because I have to, but because I finally understand that I deserve to be strong and healthy. I also started wearing clothes I actually like. Picked up a few bold printed gym tees, nothing fancy, just stuff that actually feels like me instead of things that help me disappear.

It takes courage to get up every day and keep going. But that's exactly what I'm doing. Just keep moving forward, one day at a time.

Hey guys, I’ve been friends with my group since high school and we have a few different races in our group. I’m close with them in terms of we discuss our dating and job news. I don’t know if other male groups do this but there are many racist jokes being thrown around and fat jokes. Most of the time I’ve been targeted as I’m the darkest in the group chat. I’m very passive and don’t like directly saying I don’t like those jokes as I feel like I’ll come off too sensitive so I used to insult them back. And now I’m 23 I realised that isn’t the best way to do things and have been ignoring the chat. I feel like a few people in the chat particularly target my looks or even my hands which are wrinkly from eczema, either because they are insecure themselves or I’m the butt of the joke. I’m not sure if they are secretly dissing me behind their jokes. I’ve even mentioned that I don’t like my skin colour and they have turned around and said to not be insecure about it. So it doesn’t make sense to why they are still continuing to make jokes about my skin. Do a lot of guy friend groups operate like this or am I in a toxic group? Thanks.