High school was rough. Not the kind of rough you see in movies, no dramatic hallway shoving or anything. Just years of people making it clear you didn't belong. Being excluded, getting weird looks, people laughing at things you didn't even realize were different about you. It wasn't one big thing. It was years of small things that eventually made me believe there was something wrong with me.

I stopped trying after a while. Wore dark baggy clothes that didn't say anything, kept my head down, made myself as small as possible. Figured if people couldn't see me, they couldn't hurt me.

College changed things. Not immediately, but slowly. At some point I realized I had to make a choice that keep letting the past define me or actually do something about it. I chose the second. Started going to therapy, got on the right medication, started actually dealing with stuff instead of just surviving through it.

The biggest change wasn't even about feeling better. It was about realizing I had a choice. I could stay stuck or I could push forward and build something new. I chose to push.

Now I look at how far I've come and I barely recognize the person I used to be. I actually take care of myself now. I train regularly, eat properly, sleep well. Not because I have to, but because I finally understand that I deserve to be strong and healthy. I also started wearing clothes I actually like. Picked up a few bold printed gym tees, nothing fancy, just stuff that actually feels like me instead of things that help me disappear.

It takes courage to get up every day and keep going. But that's exactly what I'm doing. Just keep moving forward, one day at a time.

So as arrogant as it may sound. I’ve noticed I have a fear of being perceived as “too cool” or “too charming” and so I dim my light. For example if a woman tells me I’m handsome or something ect and it’s in ear shot of others, or a woman is interacting in a way that it’s obvious she’s attracted to me in eye view of others? I worry they’re looking and going “oh I bet he used to that” or “oh I bet he’s the man” not even in a hater way, more so in a self pity way like man you’re cool af bro I wish I could be like you. Like envy but not hateful type of envy. I have no idea why I feel this way. Sometimes I won’t speak to or even approach people because I feel like I’ll come across as “oh this guy thinks he so cool” type of way. I’m sure I’m very naturally “smooth” or cool (and people have told me so) but that makes me uncomfortable and I have no idea why. I feel like it’s such a stupid problem to have.

I’ve had many people tell me that like “oh I’d never approach you outside of work cause you look like I’d be bothering you or your too cool to interact with” and it kind of hurts my feelings. Sometimes it makes me feel a bit bitter though. Of course I know it’s not a terrible problem to have it’d be like crying about pretty punishment ya know. But I can’t help feeling this way at times. I know it’s a strange insecurity to have. Any advice?

as a 5’11, 17 y/o girl who has become insecure about her height mainly because of social media and the way girls have always treated me, i’m going to list some positive aspects about being tall as a girl and why i am so lucky to be so:

1. I’m unique. At least where i live in, i barely ever encounter a girl nearly as tall as me, and my height isn’t the average in any country, which means that i’m different, and being so is positive. It makes me stand out and be special!

2. They hate us because they ain’t us. Every single person who bothers hating is unworthy of anyone’s time. They’re insecure and seek validation, because if not, why would they bother hating? Everyone who hates does not have a life, and by listening to them i’d just be giving them the attention they don’t have at home. I’m better than them. They’re jealous. Let them bark.

3. Sports and fitness. I’ve been the best at every single sport i’ve tried. Because of my height, im able to run very fast. I also stay fit easily, even without trying to, i never gain much weight or is it noticeable in my body.

4. Elegance. All clothes look good on me. Each time i step outside, i get praise. My legs are super long, so skirts and short dresses look super sexy on me. Even when i go to the beach, or i’m just chilling at home wearing some pathetic pajamas, i look like a barbie doll. I draw attention everywhere i go, which is something that has always made me anxious, since i’m so shy, but it is not something negative. People are curious about me, so let them be.

5. More and better options in dating. I’ve had both shorter and taller than me guys approach me, so i don’t even have to worry. If a guy is insecure? he won’t even bother to approach me bc he’d be too intimidated to even try. In every aspect, i win.

6. Celebrities to look up to. For a long time, i was upset since i struggled to find women around my height in films and books, but when i did my research? i found the most beautiful women i’ve ever seen and surprise, they’re all around my height! Doutzen Kroes, Adriana Lima, Candice Swanepoel, Anok Yai, Jennifer Lawrence, Nicole Kidman, Brooke Shields, Elle Fanning. etc etc etc. And they’re stunning, successful and desired.

7. Job opportunities. I got approached by a modeling agency when i was just a kid, and ever since then, i’ve been approached around 6 more times. My parents finally allowed me to get in the agency when i was about 10. So, even tho i’m studying and want to have a serious job, i’ll have modeling as a side job and a hobby, which does not only give me plenty of opportunities but makes me feel confident in myself. Besides, because of my height, i demand respect, so in any other job i could have in the future, i’ll be seen as a power figure.

8. View in concerts. I had to add this one because it’s so fun. I went to my first concert last year and i could literally see over everyone’s head lmaoo. I was pretty far from the stage and could see the singer perfectly, had lots of fun!

9. I’m cute and feminine. I got this insecurity about being unfeminine online, since i’ve read comments from people saying that tall girls apparently can’t be so. Long story short: that’s nonsense and just a way to cope. I’ve been literally called cute irl, and i’m called beautiful all of the time. Cuteness isn’t tied to height, for example, i find some of the girls i listed earlier such as Elle Fanning and Doutzen to be not only attractive and confident, but super cute. If you have a pretty face, dress girly and act so, then you are those things! And remember than stereotypes are everywhere. I’ve also seen short girls getting called childlike, short men being called feminine, skinny people being called unattractive, fat people being called unattractive. So, even if my issue wasn’t being tall, i’d find another reason to hate myself.

Lastly, i’d just like to remember that social media isn’t the real world. I’ve always been tall, even when i was a toddler, i grew faster than the other kids. Even then, i was happy. I used to be able to make friends everywhere i went to, until i turned 10 and got my first phone. In the actual world, i’ve never been actually criticized, just excluded and treated badly by some insecure girls that even admitted to be jealous of me.

I’m beautiful, i’m special, i’m intelligent, and i’m perfect, and God made me this way because i’m worthy and he loves me. i’m perfect in his eyes, and that’s what matters most.

Jealous and insecure people aren’t worthy of my time. I’ve recently had this urge to fight the people that comment negatively on tall girls online and that kind of stuff, but literally, why bother with them? let them be mad. If that’s their way to cope with how unlucky they were in the genes lottery, that’s okay.

I’d never even thought about changing my body if it wasn’t because of social media, since in my life, i’ve never had any problem with it besides those envious people. The media presses everyone to change themselves, literally no one is safe, that’s why nowadays many girls get esthetic procedures, surgeries and more. I won’t change my body just because of what’s trendy, my body deserves more than that.

Being tall has nothing but pros.

In the orientation they were asking about an email they had previously sent (whether we understood what was expected of us, the email was very vague though), I was joking with the people I had gotten to know and said no I didn't understand. Apparently I was kind of loud, the speaker didn't hear me saying no, but she heard me talking so she handed me the mic. So when she said I'll give you the mic, everyone started staring/looking at me. Never have I ever been on the spot like this (at least 1k students). For the first time ever I was on the spot like this, I was shitting myself internally. Only a year ago, I would've probably refused to take the mic, I guess a lot of people would do that, understandably so. I was sweating but I ignored it. I took the mic (after 50 people had gone through the effort to give it to me), I changed my words completely (to be diplomatic and not confrontational) and said that the email was very clear and detailed (I gave a serious answer). Everyone was laughing legit all I could hear was giggles and laughing, presumably, with me, not at me (I hope not). Afterwards when I was getting to know some people, a girl I was talking to asked me what are your plans so I said I want to be the student union president so she said to be honest, I liked the fact that you are very confident and didn't hide when they handed you the mic, and I can see you being president. I was a bit taken aback, since I'd never met her, didn't know doing something like that would give an impression like that. Another girl was joking (she was the one sat next to me) and said I didn't know you had that inside of you. and for the rest of the day when I was talking to new people they were saying you're the guy who took the mic and they seemed chill about it.

Hey guys, I’ve been friends with my group since high school and we have a few different races in our group. I’m close with them in terms of we discuss our dating and job news. I don’t know if other male groups do this but there are many racist jokes being thrown around and fat jokes. Most of the time I’ve been targeted as I’m the darkest in the group chat. I’m very passive and don’t like directly saying I don’t like those jokes as I feel like I’ll come off too sensitive so I used to insult them back. And now I’m 23 I realised that isn’t the best way to do things and have been ignoring the chat. I feel like a few people in the chat particularly target my looks or even my hands which are wrinkly from eczema, either because they are insecure themselves or I’m the butt of the joke. I’m not sure if they are secretly dissing me behind their jokes. I’ve even mentioned that I don’t like my skin colour and they have turned around and said to not be insecure about it. So it doesn’t make sense to why they are still continuing to make jokes about my skin. Do a lot of guy friend groups operate like this or am I in a toxic group? Thanks.

I am trying to build my self worth so strong that no matter how much your ex-situation ship did not chose you or cheated on you would matter.

Guys please spill your secret to building a strong sense of self worth and you never have to outsource it. So you never have look for it from a partner, parents or friends.

Trying to heal from a situation-ship break up. All kind of tips are welcome.

I have always had self esteem issues all my life. No matter what people tell me, that I'm pretty, smart, funny, I feel like the opposite. Today my self esteem issues caused the guy I liked to reject me. This isn't the first time. I tried dating when I felt more confident but each time lead to rejection which continued to lower my self esteem to the floor. And now he doesn't like me anymore. Every date I try to mold myself into the perfect girl so that they want me, but deep down I'm just depressed and unhappy. I feel so alone and I just want to be loved by someone. I wish I had a partner who would cuddle me every night and still love me when I feel the lowest about myself. I don't like myself and I really don't like being so lonely.

I talk with a lot of people and share my insights. But I know some individuals, especially within my family, who will find a reason to disagree with anything I say. Like sometimes they’ll ask me a question like “You were on a diet before right? Why did you stop your diet?” and you give a reasonable answer, inferring that it was difficult getting protein (btw this diet was meat/fish free, dairy free, gluten free, sugar free. And I’m vegetarian). And they respond with “well not necessarily”. Like what?

Or they’ll ask you about your job and goals, and then proceed to test your logic, saying “really, is that all you care about?”. Almost like they’re tryna test you with a slight smile on their face.

I know that disagreeing is a normal part of conversation, but some people do it all the time. Almost like they’re tryna test find every opportunity to disagree with something I say. Idk it makes me feel small.

Am I doing something wrong? Do others not respect me? I also feel like i’m doing something wrong, because if i were doing something right, they clearly wouldn’t disagree with me as often.

Has anyone here been extremely introverted with strong social anxiety and improved by deliberately talking to strangers on a regular basis? I mean starting small conversations, asking questions or simply forcing yourself to interact more often. Did repeated exposure actually make social situations feel normal over time, or did something else help more?

I think I'm pretty cool and have a lot of good traits but whenever I'm in a group setting or talking to someone I don't know that well I get super self-conscious about everything I say and do. At some point I'm not even honestly listening to the other person, just thinking about what would be the best way to react. I often sit silently because I don't want to say anything cringe and I'm worried that people think that I'm shy or don't have much to say, but that's not true at all. Please tell me how get out of my own head and be more in the moment!

I (31M) have struggled with my self-image for as long as I can remember. I'm short (5'6"), chubby, have a lazy eye, and a plethora of other things that I dislike about myself and tend to focus on. I have had relationships, with my longest lasting 8 years. My relationship with my family is poor, but that's its own mess. I dislike my job, but I feel so inadequate that I talk myself out of pushing myself forward, whether that means going back to school or finding a new career path.

What can I start doing that would help me change my view of myself? I've been on a weight-loss journey since last year, and I'm down from 310 lbs to 217 lbs. I go to therapy every Monday. I write daily affirmations and gratitude lists. I've had some success with training my brain not to be self-deprecating, but I currently feel stuck. This year has been rough for a multitude of reasons, but yeah.

What can I do to build my confidence? I want to date again. I want to have meaningful relationships. I want to get rid of this "woe is me" mindset. Life sucks, but I don't want it to be my personality anymore.

If this isn't the right sub, I apologize.

this entire subreddit is more or less turning into a place where guys who cant get girls somehow manage to blame everything on women, theres still a lot of people on here who genuinely need help with self confidence, which is respectable, but theres an overwhelming amount of incel pricks who believe in hypergamy, the fact that women arent attracted to personality and things of the like and its incredibly damaging to young and impressionable men (and women) who come on this subreddit

I have been going through this Nice Guy syndrome from a long long time. I just recently started reading this book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" and i tried to find some groups that can help me in this journey, where we can share our journey, help each other in reflection and hopefully making positive changes in our life. but i couldn't find any such active groups so I'm thinking of creating one myself. Please share your thoughts, Would you be willing to join if i happen to create one?

I feel like when I speak to anyone, they’ll say anything and my first response is to enter a deeper thought and ask myself “what’s the best response to this?” Which becomes overthinking and leading to me saying not much at all. I’ve noticed I’m not as confident as I used to be. I felt like I could never get close to someone or be myself around people I haven’t met yet.

How can I stop being in my brain so much?

I’m a very anxious and self doubting person. Because I can’t trust myself, I made some poor decisions in my life and I’ve been trying to play catch up with everyone around my age. I know now that it’s not a competition and I’ve been taking my time to figure things out but I still feel like a huge part of me is missing: the confidence and feelings of self worth. I’m seriously my own worst enemy.

I don’t know how to build this confidence, to believe good things about myself when I don’t feel it at my core. It’s hard to smile when I’m not really happy, it’s hard to stand tall when I don’t want to be seen. How do I revert these feelings?

I’ve done my own exposure therapy and go out just to meet and talk to people, I’ve done 1:1s to try to work on social skills. I help out people when I can, I’ve watched affirmation videos but I still don’t really feel it. I know I have to do it more but it also feels like I’m just going into everything blindly.

I was a complete asshole as a kid. I don’t think it was entirely my fault, but I was easily antagonised as a kid and people loved to poke at me and I’d be that one kid who’d crash out in class and teachers and kids parents called me a freak and no one really helped, apart from my mum ❤️. She always stood by my side even tho I treated her horribly as a kid and lashed out all the time. Suspended and was made to moved schools and the new school was much much nicer and I was improving but I then ruined it all by lashing out again and it wasn’t the same since (I was 10-13 at this point). Never kept any friends because of this. I was tested for any mental disorders but was told it was just low self esteem.

High school I mellowed out and rarely lashed out. Instead of school it kinda got channeled into video games and I’d constantly punch monitors and lob my controller and get reaaaallly mad. I stuck to a close friend group. But as time went on something changed and my motivation for everything plummeted. Barely went to school. Refused help of any kind. I didn’t really realise it at the time but I was super depressed and my confidence and everything plummeted. My parents thought it was video game addiction but I think it was something more underlying than just that

Then something changed, idk what but I took acid at 16 and smoked lots of weed and it kinda made me zoom out abit which in turn made me a better person and chilled out, I never get properly angry any more and I’d never ever hit anyone again, even small arguments make me very very anxious and I can’t deal with conflict so I ended up letting people walk over me a bit and push me around abit cuz I didn’t want to feel how I felt growing up. If that makes sense.

But I’m 20 now and at uni, in good shape, lots of good close friends, but something inside of me is still telling me I’m not enough and recently I overthink and overthink that it ruins my sleep and with relationships I can never build the courage to do anything as I still have this image of myself that at I’m a freak and weird even tho I think it’s outdated now. I feel it’s still like internalised in me and I still live life through that lense

If anyone has been through something similar, does it get easier? Does it go away? Cuz at times it really gets to me and I still think I’m still not good enough even tho friends and family are really proud of me for coming a long way.

You see them quite a bit in movies and TV shows (usually older women characters) but how can I adapt this for myself?

Does someone have their own story/ experience to share also?

hey guys. turned out my self loathing side didnt disappear. I thought it ran its course in highschool but it came back (in college rn).

i still have moments where I hate myself. If I’m too ”weird“ or too “anxious”. I get into my head after a social situation and then shame myself, turning my perceived flaws into daggers to shoot at myself with.

I’m 22f, experience social anxiety, and i absolutely hate it. I feel pathetic and constantly wish to be more socially confident and secure. I feel so undesirable, like somethinf is wrong with me, and I won’t be able to find a partner or be successful in my career because of it.

I wish I was someone different.

I hate how stupid I come off as when I’m all nervous and shy. I can’t even maintain eye contact for long and I hate it.

I went on a first date last night and felt so unsexy with how socially anxious I felt. he prob thought I was a weirdo not able to maintain eye contact. I was overthinking throughout the whole date and ended up feeling so drained and exhausted after. I don’t know how to help myself. I’ve been to therapy for a few years (been on a 1-2 yr gap). I study psychology and try to practice exposure therapy/rejection therapy sometimes. I try to meditate, workout, have hobbie, etc. It’s been years and I still experience discomfort, anxiety, and fear in social scenes. I can’t help but feel like something is wrong with me because of it.
I take every guys disinterest, every girls unfriendlyness as a sign that I’m not enough. That something is wrong with me and I’m not worthy enough, interesting enough, cool enough, etc. for them to stick around.
I hate how im wallowing in self pity but I can’t help myself.

just writing freely here and wondering if anyone has some kind words/advice/guidance for me …

hi everyone! my names ali and i'm F and 21 years old! i'm gonna start this off by talking about my childhood. as a child i wasn't really good at speaking to other kids, and that also carried on to middle and high school i barely had any friends. i was really awkward and wasn't great in social interactions. i still to this day can't hold eye contact, don't know what to say in different situations, and I'm also just really insecure and think I look bad in every second.

back in 2022, when i was a senior in high school, i started dating somebody online. which was amazing for me because they never had to see my face and they only could see the good parts of me so I was really happy about that. I started to feel a bit bad because we had been together for a minute and I kept saying no to meeting cause I was really scared. I was really shy and awkward and I know I'm not good with speaking. And of course, feeling ugly and not secure.

we had broken up multiple times because of me not wanting to meet, but he really liked me and I really liked him so we just kept going and he was really patient with me and said he'd be waiting for me until I was ready. Then last year around Halloween we decided to end it for good. At first I wasn't sad but then it started getting to me and then a few months ago by and I feel like I couldn't really do it so around January I decided to talk to him again and we decided to stay as friends.

I feel like it's so much better that way because we can talk as friends, but the pressures of being in a relationship aren't really there. but we also said that maybe in the future, we can meet as friends and just hang out and I still found that scary. Right now I'm not in school and I'm trying to find a job but when I was working before, sometimes it was hard to speak to customers, but I would always push through since it was for work.

So there's a concert in my area, September 26. It's one of my favorite bands performing (gorillaz) and I really really want to go. He told me that he would pay for my ticket if we could go together, but I'm just so scared. Honestly, in conclusion, I'm just here to ask what I could do to get over this fear? Tips on how to be less awkward and manage my social anxiety. And if anybody has the same problem, how they overcame it.

And as for the relationship part, I guess we're just trying to see where it goes. Another hard part is that unfortunately my sister doesn't really like much anymore. because she thinks he did something wrong, but in reality, we both did wrong things in the relationship. It wasn't just him. So I don't know how I'm gonna be able to convince my sister to let me hang out with him and or go back to him if it does happen.

And also, I'm so shy and awkward that my parents don't even know. It took me about two years to tell my mom and my dad still doesn't even know about him and I don't really feel like telling him. I don't think he needs to know unless we do get together. I'm not really good at speaking about crushes and relationships and boyfriends with my parents and or family.

So again, if anyone has some advice, I'd be really grateful. thank you so much!! 🫶🏼

For people who survived through life, who walked on eggshells, and who went above and beyond to justify everything for others and avoid triggering certain people in their lives.

This notion, of normalizing and coming to terms within you that it's not just your right but also a fair expectation by the universe to stand for yourself and for what you want and believe in, does really create some peace and daring in your day to day life.

To know within yourself that won't betray you just to keep peace or smother others' feelings at the expense of yours, is really just like having a super power.

And this is not something you just get, you build and affirm within you.

I grew up made to feel guilty for daring to stand for myself. My hesitations were turned against me to stop me from even opening up about my concerns when I experienced harm. And when both failed, I was gaslight into surrendering my autonomy at self-defense to others who betrayed it ever since. And so I walked on the sides of the walls, because after all I've lost this belief that I can be my own protector, until recently when life triggered its discovery back into me.

I stopped the porn this month since the 16th-18th of August. I've relapsed twice during this time of me stopping (which is bad, I know). But I'm noticing my mind is still healing from me stopping.

Today I told a woman she was pretty. She smiled, came a little closer, said thank you and told me that I made her day. I didn't make a move because I wanted to be respectful and I had things to do. My compliment was not out of lust, but out of pure respect and admiration. But the point is before I stopped the porn I would not have done that at all. I would have just kept the thought to myself, and avoided her presence and any form of eye contact.

So guys keep going regardless if you relapse or not, your brain is still healing. The real world can still satisfy you, and you can become normal again. This is stuff I used to do before porn took over my mind. I hope and pray that more benefits come.

TLDR: Told a woman she pretty today, made me realize my brain is healing from the porn regardless of me relapsing after periods of me abstaining from porn.

If you've ever went from not confident to confident, did you notice changes like going from no attention to some attention or going from some attention to more attention? Similarly, if you've went from confident to not confident, did you notice a drop in attention?

Personally, I'm a woman that doesn't ever get attention in real life, and I always hear from women online to be confident as a piece of advice.

Assuming your looks didn't change (no glow up pr glow down) but only your confidence level did, could you please share how that affected the level of attention you got?

ever since I was a little kid i've always struggled with comparison. my parents constantly compared me to my friends growing up, whether it was looks, intelligence, athletic ability, whatever. I really feel like this has followed me as an adult (im now 22) because throughout college, I constantly felt like i was running a rat race.

in college, I recruited for a job, and when I felt like my best friend had gotten a better job than me, I felt horribly jealous. the feeling subsided, but now that it's postgrad, its gotten worse. I have an amazing job lined up but it wasn't what I wanted to do postgrad, so seeing my friends all land jobs that they feel so passionate about and that compensate them so well has been difficult.

most recently, many of my friends have started personal business ventures, whether it's an app or online business, and they've all been doing well. I just can't stop feeling like i'm hoping for the next bad thing to happen to them and I want to break out of this mindset because theyre my friends!! theyve only ever wished the best for me and idk why I cant for them.

ive tried to focus on myself by surrounding myself by more positive media, starting my own business, and just overall trying to have more positive thoughts but even when I feel better, if I see an ounce of success from a friend I get that horrible jealous feeling again. I just really want to get over this for good