I saw a similar question on the INTJ subreddit and got curious about what INFJs would say.

I’m not married myself yet, but I’d love to hear from married INFJs.

What was it about your partner that made you feel, “Yes, this is my person”?

Was it a particular quality, the way they understood you, how you felt around them, shared values, or something you can’t really put into words?

Curious to hear your experiences. 😊

I’m curious what it is for you. Is it something they do, a change in how you feel around them, or just realizing you don’t connect the same way anymore?

Would love to hear different perspectives.

You no longer feel infatuated with them/you doubt your future with that person or just feel overwhelmed about the relationship all the time.

Recently I just hated having to going through someone else’s mind/emotion that I just completely shut down my own feelings.

I have been doing it on purpose for some while and now I feel so empty.
It’s like a snail being annoyed about carrying its shell the whole time that it decides to abandon it.

I can still feel feelings but I just poked through the thinnest layer. Before I could have poked into the deepest layers of feelings.

Have other people gone through this? I feel like my curiosity is blank and that I’m a fake that I’m no longer considered a infj. I feel terrified and guilty but that feeling or terrified is the terrified feeling of people who aren’t infj so I’m not fimiliar with it.

I might just be blurting out random things people won’t understand but I don’t have high expectations or anything

I’m so overwhelmed I feel like the world will end. I just realized I’m an INFJ and everything came to perfect sense to me of why people never understand me.

I just really want to be back to what I was not some emotionless robot

-Need some help,
Lost INFJ

so somehow caffeine has an opposite effect on me. It gets me relaxed and chill and not alert at all or sometimes no effects at all. Interesting right? but that’s not what I precisely want to share here.
cause most of the time caffeine is like water for me.

However, when I am sleepy I get my confidence level literally among the stars, I wonder why my confidence level increases, I am naturally an agreeable person people pleaser and my self esteem is in the abyss. But somehow being sleepy makes me super confident and ready to confront.

Any body else can relate to that or I wonder if there is any scientific floor for what I feel.

They text me to hang out, I ask for details, they reply after a day and a half, we finally go out, I have a good time with them, I text them later, they take two days to reply back, and so on and so forth.

Why are people like this? I genuinely can't imagine myself being hot and cold like this - this is a manipulation tactic in my book.

I'm this close to declining every invitation to go out and feel at peace on my own at home but I'm too social to imagine myself a hermit. I'm jealous of the older INFJs here who can go a long time without meeting up with people. Teach me your ways.

Dear INFJs, do you manage to stay emotionally detached while getting to know someone? I don't seem to be able to and I often am taken advantage of or end up being hurt. Is there a way to stop this, and is it just me, my emotional immaturity and inability to set and hold boundaries?

I am an INFP (23/M) and I was curious as to what the INFJ creative process was like, as INFPs and INFJs are both depicted as creative types. I write, and for me I start outwards and work my way in. I'll focus on setting and events, characters and their backstories, and specific scenes and themes first before I link them together with the plot. After this I'll basically imagine the finished product in my head before getting to work on actually writing it. Another thing is, is that I'll see myself as the audience, and view myself in their shoes, and focus on what I would want to read. The best way I can describe it is "if I can feel __ emotion, than I know other people will too."

Since INFPs are more inward and focus on how they themselves feel, I am wondering how we differ creatively from INFJs who are more outward and focus on what others feel?

The process of getting to know people seems strange to me due to the fact that everything starts from zero. I have to explain what I'm like, what I enjoy talking about what I don't and somehow make them understand me. If we are talking about something that doesn't interest me or something that I don't care about then I just don't feel motivated to force it. It's weird because I can talk for hours with the right person but with most people I don't really have that urge to interact. I think I'm just socially tired . Maybe that's why I have almost no social life both online and offline. And believe it or not I've actually gotten used to it. It used to bother me a lot especially on days when I would feel lonely but now I think I've just become comfortable with being this way.

Let me know how you infjs feel about it .. do you guys go through the same and like meeting new people ?

M21 INFJ here. Do people often ghost you? This is something I have been noticing recently. Many people who seem like they want to be friends with me at first make excuses and eventually ghoat me altogether. It hurts a lot. Admittedly, I am also someone who ghosts people if they end up being dysfunctional/make me uncomfortable. But at this point I just wish I could meet someone where the friendship won't be one-sided and who won't ghost me.

For the record, people are ghosting me both IRL and online. I am curious if other INFJs have experienced this and if it is because of some trait that we have.

Joined earlier this year and want to leave soon.. i often find it exhausting being around people 24/7 even in my free time i cant have a break, the only time i can recharge is outside the base/barracks. Also so many people have almost no empathy and being cold hearted including passive aggressions. I know its the military, i mean some activities are fun like shooting range week or sport… but thats all. I often feel like iam in prison that i can’t escape.

Since iam in the military i feel mentally drained and dont have much time for myself or my friends anymore which makes me feel sad. I often feel like iam the only different person there which makes it even harder for me.

How do you handle or feel in the military as INFJs?

I have to say- I love your guys' personality type. I can't say I love you guys, because each person is their own unique individual, with different factors acting upon them based on upbringing, environment factors, etc and so forth and blah blah blah. But I love the type.

Honestly, INFJs are the only one's who "get" me. You guys can see a complete weirdo (and no, I am not the "weirdo" in this hypothetical situation lol), and unlike other types, who get weirded out and walk away out of discomfort, you want to get to get to know the weirdo, understand the weirdo, and learn why the weirdo is weird without giving an immediate stamp of rejection or acceptance merely based on a vibe.

You see eccentricity or difference, and it doesn't weird you out. If anything, it makes you curious and makes you want to learn more about something so you can have a more rounded view of it.

You guys are good at seeing past smoke and mirrors, and appearances, and seeing what is really going on underneath the surface with people.

And when you guys trust someone, you are extremely caring and dependable. I have had an INFJ girlfriend, and one of my friends is an INFJ, and both are extremely reliable and there for me when I need it most, followed by my INFP friends.

But I respect the type immensely.

You guys want to understand and study what you don't know, and you aren't super quick to write people off the bat. Your type is the only type who can handle me, a very blunt and direct ESFP, who tells it like it is while being the life of the party. A lot of types can't handle how blunt/direct I am, but your type can handle me.

Much respect. Honestly, if I was going to date any type, it would be an INFJ, for real.

Sometimes when I'm talking to someone I'll get a strong sense of trust, or like I'm going to throw up. And once I've felt it with someone, every time I see them I'll feel it, and it stays the same through years and years. Everyone who I've felt gross about turns out to be dangerous or just in general a bad person, and everyone I feel is trust worthy are awesome people.

Do any of you feel this too? Is this the intuition thing I keep hearing about?

I’m curious about this because I feel like INFJs can be pretty selective about the conversations they actually enjoy. What kind of topics make you genuinely want to keep talking, even after hours?

Hey fellow INFJs, this is something I've picked up on very subtly with a (now ex-)partner, and I am particularly sensitive to this because I have a mother exactly like this, in an unhealthy way. Actually, in hindsight, she kind of triggered something within me related to my childhood, which led to me handling it immaturely and doing the same thing back to her (some form of unconscious mirroring).

I should add that I often do feel responsible for how others feel. However, when it gets put onto me, that's another thing entirely, and that's when I start to push back.

Do you notice this subtly happening with your relationships?
How do you handle it?

Also, is this related to an Fe-Fi dynamic that is playing out?

EDIT:

Yeh sorry for the ambiguous post. I didn't know how to word it. It's not necessarily an action or a word, but the feeling of someone burdening you with their emotions energetically. I'm not talking about dumping emotions or oversharing emotions during a conversation, it's more the feeling of there being an unsaid emotional expectation. It tends to occur with overly anxious people that feel the (unconscious) need to control the other (it's not necessarily abusive, but definitely leaning toward unhealthy). That's the best description I can do right now..

I reflected on some friendships I've had in the past and even family relationships and I've noticed I am just so distant with everyone. And it makes me feel bad for them, every friend I've ever had I pushed away emotionally and I could tell it hurt them. I don't know why I do this, maybe a lack of trust or a need to control. But what hurts the most is the idea that me not integrating an individual into my life in the way the other person wants is somehow leaving them missing something that could benefit them? Is this my ego talking?

What’s something you know way too much about, to the point where you could give a 3 hour lecture on it with zero preparation? 😭

Do you find meaning in things other people typically don’t, like sadness, solitude, difficult experiences or things other people might overlook?

Are there any unusual things you find meaningful and what do you think makes them meaningful to you?

Always the same type. Addicted to drama, almost like I get platonically love bombed and then they try to manipulate me in a way. Telling me who they think I am, saying they know me better than I do and using personal things I’ve told them to manipulate me. Legit just done with this. Did a full on door slam because I could not set boundaries without getting invalidated. I feel so relieved now but good lord I wish I would learn.

Hi, I (female INFJ) am currently in a relationship (soon 9 months) and I am questioning if I should break up. He lied to me several times and I still don't quite know how well our morals fit. I am horrible at communication and also do shitty things in the relationship, no doubt. But I feel like something in me wants to go so badly and another me wants nothing more than to stay with him. This could also be disorganized attachment but yeah...

I just don't know what keeps me in this relationship, he is probably a bit gaming addicted and prioritized that in the last weeks. I feel like shit to be honest.

I just don't know if there are any obvious, telltale signs that could help me out...

IDK. Honoring and indulging my inner child is my favorite way of practicing self-appreciation.

Anyone else?

Confused between Introverted Sensing and Introverted Intuition. All my life I thought I was an INFJ until I took other tests aside from 16Personalities, and results say I am more ISFJ but I have an INFJ tendencies as well.

The main reason I thought I was an INFJ is that I have a strong intuition. I can sense energy, and sometimes I feel like I could predict something. And there are things I kinda knew would happen even without any reasons and just realize what are the probable reasons behind it. However, I also have the ability to pay more attention to details rather than focus on the bigger picture.

What do you think am I?

I’ve been a Christian from a young age, and it was always drilled into me to put others before myself to the point of loss of self. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized love requires you to say no sometimes. Thoughts?