If you are a Type A person who is used to organizing things or has a high-intensity job, I would say do not get a wedding planner. Definitely get a day-of coordinator to help execute your plan, but do not get a full-service wedding planner.

In my experience, they do not add much value beyond their contacts. Once you find a vendor you trust, that vendor can usually recommend other contacts from their network, so there is no real need to hire a wedding planner.

A wedding planner’s incentives are not aligned with yours. Their incentive is to maintain good relationships with vendors so that the vendors recommend them in the future. This means they are not incentivized to negotiate on your behalf or push the vendors in any way.

The industry itself is not regulated and there are no standards nor governing body. When I was interviewing wedding planners, one of them told me that a particular venue did not negotiate, while another told me that she had gotten she got $10,000 off the minimum from the same venue for the same dates.

My expectation for a wedding planner is that she would help us negotiate pricing with different vendors, read vendor contracts, keep things organized for me, handle the details so I wouldn’t have to. Instead, she just forwarded contracts to me and told me that luxury weddings do not negotiate prices. To me, that meant she was saying yes to everything and not really thinking about what we wanted. This goes to the point about incentives.

Just my two cents for all the other Type A girlies. Had I known this, I would have saved myself months of frustration.

I would recommend getting a day-of coordinator and have conversations with that person about how the day will go. Anyway, I hope that’s helpful. Thanks!

Hope that helps!

Looking for some unfiltered opinions here. I recently got married to my partner of 10+ years and now we are looking to take our next big step to start a family together.

The issue is, I have three weddings in 2027 — 2 in November and 1 in December — all of which are for women that were just bridesmaids in my wedding. When I told one we were planning to TTC she said “make sure you can make it to my wedding.” I would possibly be a MOH to one of these weddings.

I’m having conflicting feelings — am I selfish for essentially setting myself up to miss three weddings if we get pregnant in January? When you search “MOH pregnant” here it is pages of women pissed their person got pregnant before their wedding. How should I be thinking about this?

Hi! I signed a contract with a photographer but I’m starting to have buyers remorse now. The retainer fee is not refundable and the wedding is 9 months away. The photographer is so sweet and talented but I can’t stop thinking about a particular photographer whose style I absolutely love.

Except the one we can’t stop thinking about is 11k for 4 hours with travel, which is quite expensive for us.

Curious to know about your photography experience, buyer’s remorse (if you felt it & what did you end up doing), and how much you spent on a photographer!

Need to just get it off my chest. I'm a month away from our wedding and I'm really feeling the deep bodily fatigue, brain fog, dizziness, nausea, headaches, just everything. The past couple of weeks (beginning of August really) felt like crunch time because September is just packed with other family getaways, work trainings, and work itself that left very little time to do anything. Because of all the deadlines being 2-3 weeks prior to our wedding, it felt like I only had august to complete everything.

I have a whole Excel sheet to keep track of all the tasks, took a week off to time block for tasks, but I noticed my body was slowly shutting down. On top of being a therapist, I was running on empty. I even noticed myself zoning out and thinking about wedding planning during sessions. I broke down to my dog and cried, then broke down to my partner and yelled ugh. He's not the best at planning and organizing so a lot of it was on me, even when I delegated tasks to him. He tries to attend to things, but obvs not to my level of project managing.

Today, I had a packed work day and cancelled everyone last minute because I just felt like my brain was throbbing, my back and arms are constantly sore, I'm having nightmares about last minute details about wedding planning, running late, people not showing up, and feeling like my brain has been so loud with chatter that for the first time while I sat in my backyard that always calms me down, the silence and sounds of nature made me even more on edge that eventually I couldn't even hear the trees or wind anymore. I had two bouts of panic attacks already. I can only sustain an hour max to wedding planning before getting overwhelmed and having an anxiety attack.

I'm super excited for my wedding day, I actually don't feel anxious about it. But I'm more excited for this fucking thing to be fucking done!!!!!!!!! FUHHHHHHHHCKKKKKKKKKK...I cannot wait to have financial freedom again, to be able to save, pay off things on time, to be able to eat out again without penny pinching, to buy a new office chair to save my back, to not out things that we need on the back burner anymore. I am both mentally, physically, and emotionally sick of wedding planning. I hate it with all my heart. End rant <3

My fiancé and I are getting married next September (yay!), and I think we’re having a nicer event than most people in my family would expect us (me) to have.

I mentioned including a dress code on my wedding invitations during a conversation with my mom and she told me it was insensitive to do so, because most people can’t swing buying new nicer outfits.

For context, all I want to make sure of is that people don’t show up in leggings. We’re in New Mexico where things are pretty lax, so I wouldn’t be surprised if people did show up in leggings.

Am I crazy for wanting a dress code? I’m not wanting anything crazy, just a casual attire dress code.

So for the past two years, I've had a very specific dress design that I wanted, that would need to be made overseas. It is what I would consider "my dream dress". However, some of my close friends got married this year and were advising me that the wedding dress really doesn't need to be a big deal, and that as a bride, I will look good in any well-fitting dress whose general silloute and style is my taste. I want to ask brides who've had their wedding or are just about to, how much does the EXACT dress matter? Is this something that is worth putting a lot of effort into? If I get it custom-made, I will need to work with the designer online (she has a GREAT reputation for working with brides virtually and getting a perfect fit), but I also have the option to fly and get fitted once before the wedding to be safe. The cost of traveling isn't a problem and the dress is also well-priced compared to one I could buy in the states (it's 2k-3k). But it's obviously going to be a hassle and I want to know if my wedding dress really is worth the fuss.

I see these post all the times for Brides, but as the groom, curious what are some things you wish you would have done?

These are some special things I have planned -

- I am writing handwritten notes to all the bridesmaids thanking them for taking the time and spending the money to be in the wedding. Also, just showing my gratitude for our friendship

- I am giving my future wife a ring of my grandmothers, and am planning to also write her a separate notes outside of my vows

- I am making sure my groomsmen and I get a little bit of time during the wedding to just hangout outside the reception. It's very uncommon we all get together, so I want to make sure we get some time together.

What are some other things you wish you would have done on your wedding day?

My parents had a very messy divorce 30 years ago, which has always made me weary of the eventual wedding where both sides of the family would be in involved. While everyone will be polite, it will be a chilly reception between the families and an uncomfortable environment for all. (For those who will ask why I am having a wedding - fiance wants one and I will not punish him for my family’s dysfunction.)

I am getting my hair and makeup done for the wedding, and my mom and her sisters will be joining in as well. In a conversation about my wedding, my aunt on my dad’s side was emphatic in her request to join me for hair and makeup. (Context here: I am getting married in May, so this is not a last minute ask by any means. I am also getting married in a state different from where all relatives live, so she doesn’t have a go-to for hair/makeup.)

I’m really conflicted on what to do. It’s one thing for my families to see each other at the wedding, but the getting ready portion will be VERY intimate and too close for comfort with all of them there. I also don’t want to offend my aunt (dad’s side) that I didn’t think to include her or ask her first if I turn her away. There’s no winning here. I just hate this so much.

Advice would be appreciated, especially from those who may be in a similar situation.

Is anyone else experiencing this?? Both me and my fiancé have felt this way about various friends and family members and I need to know it’s not just us lol

My husband and I got married one year ago yesterday and I was getting emotional looking back at our pictures from the day.  I made a lot of use of this sub while planning so wanted to come back and share some pics and shout out our amazing vendors.  The day was truly perfect and I wouldn’t have changed a thing.  Most of our friends and family do not live in Maine, so we really wanted to give them a very Portland-y experience, while also incorporating my Cuban/Spanish heritage, and I think we succeeded!  Happy to answer any questions.

~150 guests, ~$100k, coastal Maine.

We got married at Spring Point Ledge Light, on the campus of Southern Maine Community College in South Portland, Maine

Pictures:  

• We did a first look and private vows at the lighthouse.  Highly recommend.
• Our invitations were designed by an artist I found on one of our local subreddits, u/jadafitch.  We got so many compliments on them!  She did the art and I added the text in procreate.  My engagement ring was my mother’s, but we got both our wedding bands at Springer’s.  Earrings I already had.
• Bits and bobs.  My husband had my ring box custom made on Etsy.  The inside says “let’s get a +2 AC bonus.” Shoes from Kailee P.  online.  I love this perfume but there was so much happening that I forgot to put it on.
• We met playing d&d (through r/lfg - thanks, reddit!) so we rolled for initiative to see who’d read their vows first, and one of the dice bounced out of the tray!  Luckily it was recovered!
• What a backdrop for our ceremony, right? First kiss as a married couple.  Our dog mostly behaved, though he did steal my MIL’s tissues at one point.
• My favorite picture of the whole day.  Our florist, Kate from Kvitka Farm in NH, was incredible.
• Quick moment to say hello to the friends and family who couldn’t join in person but were able to watch from afar.  We got custom goblets from Strongblade.com.
• Our pup looking super dapper in his tux (from Amazon).
• Signature cocktails by The Roaming Speakeasy.  My choice was a spicy margarita and my husband went with a blueberry vodka lemonade.
• Incredible cocktail hour spread by Sensational Paella.
• Our guests enjoying cocktail hour with a beautiful view.
• Roaming Speakeasy bar.
• Paella from Sensational Paella.  We had seafood and vegan options.  We also had a whole pig roast from Mainely Pig Roasts.  I’ve posted a picture here before but some redditors didn’t like it so I haven’t posted again.  But it was delicious!  We asked them to use Cuban flavorings (basically garlic, cumin, and citrus) even though it’s not normally something they offer and they did a fantastic job with that.
• Our cake from Cake Elizabeth.  We had this small pretty one to cut, then sheet cakes in 3 flavors for serving.  We froze this one (except the slice we cut in the moment) and had some yesterday for our anniversary and it held up really well.  We also had gluten free & vegan cupcakes from Ocean House Bakery.
• Our beautiful tent from Revelry.  
• A couple of golden hour photos.  The second one is also a string contender for my favorite photo from the wedding.  I’ll use this chance to shout out our amazing photographer, Brittany Jones from 207 Weddings.  She and our florist, Kate, were our two favorite vendors (though really all of them were great).
• Cheers!  The personalized champagne flutes were an engagement gift from a friend nearly 2 years earlier – it was so nice to get to use them at our wedding.
• Primo Cubano, a local Cuban band, played a set to kick off the dancing.  My entire family is Cuban and even the ones who had traveled up from Miami thought they were fantastic - they actually thought we’d had them flown up from Florida because how is there such a good Cuban band in Maine?!  We did also have a DJ for the later part of the evening - Jay from The Music Man DJ Service.  He was great, played all our requests (even the weird ones lol) and kept everyone dancing all night.
• My husband’s favorite picture.  I’m still wearing a glow-stick from the dance floor in my hair 😂.  We reserved the back room upstairs at Off-Track Pizza in Portland for our after party, it was a big hit.

A few other vendors that I don’t have a specific photo for but were generally all excellent:

• Our day-of coordinator, Renee Strange-Farnham from Strange Events.
• My hair and makeup were by LE Glam from Portsmouth, NH.
• My dress and veil were purchased at Consignment Bridal and Prom in North Andover, MA.  My no. 1 priority was sleeves, and I got them!  Though sadly no pockets.  Alterations were done by Adele Msengo Ngoy at Antoine’s Formal Wear in Portland.  Additional support provided by Aristelle lol.
• My husband’s suit was made for him by 9 Tailors in Boston.  His tie was purchased at Joseph’s of Portland.
• For wedding favors, we gave out chocolate-covered blueberries from Old Port Candy Co.  For our 3 vegan guests, we got assorted vegan chocolates from Dean’s Sweets.
• We and most of our guests stayed at the Portland Regency Hotel.  It’s about a 10 minute walk from our apartment but we wanted to not just go to our normal home after getting married lol.  We really like that the Regency isn’t part of a chain, it’s quite nice, extremely centrally located, and it actually ended up being the cheapest option we looked at, so it was an easy choice.  I do still feel a little bad about making all our friends and family pay for hotel rooms in Maine over Labor Day weekend though. 😬
• We also got a room at the McKernan Inn at SMCC so we had a place on-site to finalize getting ready, leave stuff we didn’t want to transport on the day, and just have a spot to escape to when we needed a quick break.  We signed our marriage license on their porch.
• We had a bus shuttle from NorthEast Charter & Tours take our guests between the Regency and SMCC.
• We rented a bathroom trailer from John to Go.
• The night before, we had a welcome dinner at Three of Strong Spirits (a local rum distillery), with food by Bite Into Maine (and about a million hoodsie cups & frozen lemonades I bought at Market Basket in the weeks prior for dessert).
• The next morning we had a breakfast at our apartment with coffee from Coffee by Design, doughnuts from Eighty 8 Donuts, and everything else from Costco (plus leftover cake and lobster rolls, which we had so, so much of).

And finally, a few little details that we did that I really liked:

• We had our coordinator waiting at the end of the aisle to hand us each a signature cocktail when we walked out after the ceremony.  Saw other friends of ours do this and stole the idea.
• Our honeymoon involved spending a week driving around New Zealand in a camper van, so we printed QR codes to a Spotify playlist and asked all of our friends to add music for our road trip.  It was so fun to listen to what they’d chosen for us the next week.
• We did a Polaroid guest book.  I got teary-eyed rereading it yesterday.
• We had framed pictures in the bathrooms of our dog pooping (no poop visible just the dog in a squat).  Idk we heard of someone else doing it and thought it was funny.  We have one in the bathroom in our home now.
• We last minute paid an unreasonable amount to add a disco ball to the tent above the dance floor.  Worth it.
• Late night snack of hot dogs and popcorn provided by our coordinator and churros by Sensational Paella.

(Third time's the charm if formatting doesn't work this time I give up)

We booked a joint wedding party get away in the summer. My MOH didnt like the proposed idea that we cover it all upfront and then split it amongst all of us, but we stood firm. She argued that "the bride isnt supposed to pay for anything". I get it, but this is how I want to do my wedding. For weeks leading up my MOH would call me in anxiety and anger that I wasn't communicating or organizing anything. I told her if she wanted to do extra stuff, that is a-okay!

Day of, MOH shows up early and can't book into the room... calls me angry, and is more mad that I haven't arrived. I calm her down again. I show up 30 mins before the rest of the party because my MOH is pissed.

The rest of the weekend she is rude to my fiance, telling him to "get out of photos" and "this isnt about you". Saturday afternoon, after I am well into a bottle of wine, she confronts me in the kitchen with "is this what I should expect? This lack of organizing for the whole wedding?". I was floored by this... stayed calm. My wedding is planned and paid for- and she has very little to do anyway! She demanded I apologize to her for the lack of me organizing and communicating with her. She had to "go and do all this stuff and I didnt have to" (aka she made it clear she was buying groceries and then is pissed others brought extras).

This has continued into now, when we sent the breakdown. MOH sent a petty breakdown of food to the cents, and what people ate specifically that she bought.

I am so over this behaviour. I am starting to go into self doubt... am I the wrong one here? I am not sure how to navigate this and I am burning out on wedding plans.. :(

I think its understood that the wedding industry and bachelorette industrial complex is getting out of control. I agree that these destinations need to carefully considered and people should not be pressured into forking over thousands. However, I must admit it is bizarre to see people aggressively go in the opposite direction, shaming/complaining about people simply wanting just a weekend trip for their bachelorette.

In my opinion it is a weird and dated mindset--a lot of social networks and families these days are geographically dispersed, for that reason it often makes sense to pick a fun and reasonably accessible destination. A lot of people live in boring or even hostile regions/states (specifically applicable to immigrants, minorities and LGBT people) that they are itching to escape for a couple days, to somewhere where their party will feel fulfilled or comfortable.

Also, not every destination requires a flight for all parties, weekend trips can be traveled to by car. The concept of a bachelorette trip or a destination wedding is broader and more accessible than what some realize.

Weekend bachelor/ette celebrations are a nice excuse for an adult friend group, often scattered across the country, to take a vacation together for one of life's most meaningful milestones. Many people love to host or take part of friend trips, birthday trips, graduation trips. A lot of us roll in social groups that love travel. Some people project their distaste of group travel onto the topic and assume every bach trip is a hostage situation.

I've read takes that definitely come across as some type of performative practicalism that doesn't really help brides. A mix of hyper-frugality, cultural projection, and general anti-wedding cynicism. I think it causes brides to second guess what they want unnecessarily. A lot of women already struggle with feeling like they do not deserve attention, being celebrated and loved on, or having others do things for them. Women are often socialized to take up less space. For every entitled bridezilla, I'd guess there are at least 5 humble brides who struggle with the opposite issue.

The real issue comes down to poor planning, communication, and lack of consideration. Bachelorette trips are a perfectly fine and often ideal way to celebrate. Modern life is making our social networks feel increasingly fragmented. Group trips, adult sleepovers, whatever you call it, can be a beautiful way to reconnect.

We are getting married on September 11th 2027. We chose the date because it was the perfect venue, the only Saturday in September left and it was either plan a wedding in record time to get married in April 2027 or wait until 2028. I was like 5/6 y/o when the attacks happened, we have no family involved and neither do our guests. We are getting married in MA.

I’m all good with the “never forget your anniversary” jokes but there have been a few comments getting to me. It’ll be 26 years, I understand it’s history. Just looking for advice on how to remember life goes on and a September Saturday wedding is really beautiful.

Hello, due to a family member getting a bad diagnosis giving them 6 months without treatment and up to 2 years with treatment if it works, I need to plan a wedding that will take place before/ around December for under $4,500 . I don't think any venues have openings so either a church or an Airbnb type thing, any ideas are appreciated.

We are planning on taking our friends and family on a 2-hour boat cruise between our ceremony and our reception venues as they are in different locations & the only ceremony slot we could get was in the afternoon. It’s a destination wedding and everyone will be staying for a few days, so no one will be driving or travelling etc. There will be food at breakfast, and food & drinks/lunch before the ceremony around 1 pm, but then not until the reception dinner around 7 pm. We’ll be getting on the cruise at 4. We’re planning on serving sparkling wine on board. Is having no snacks on the boat recipe for disaster? Or should it be fine? Opinions very welcome!!

He was such a hit, everyone loved him! I can’t wait to see all the pics from my photographer!

Also…Rough budget for these?

Thanks!!

Trying to keep it short and sweet as I don't like being the center of attention!

These are my vow:

[His name], to be standing here in front of you after 7 long years of distance feels like a dream I never want to wake up from. The time we had apart makes me grateful for the little things that we now are able to do together, like going on our walks, going out to shops or just sitting down to watch our shows without having to do it through a call or facetime. I know we are both thankful that we are finished with the distance, but I am equally as thankful for it because it shaped us into who we are today. Through that distance, we learned patience and with that patience, we have a better understanding of how to communicate to each other.

I promise that on the good and the bad days, I will never stop loving you. Even if I am being stubborn, I promise to always tell you I love you.

I promise to always be there for you whenever you may need a hug.

I promise to close all the cupboards you leave open and not give you too much grief.

I promise to keep making you laugh even after you drop your tooth brush with all the tooth paste onto my feet.

I can't wait to finally be your wife and work together to create the life we always talked about.

[His name], I choose you as my best friend, my duo in all games, and now I choose you as my husband. I love you so much.

I dropped off my dress at the tailor today. I needed bodice, hem and bustle work done and both bodice and hem is a lot of work (multiple layers, etc)

She said she will be done with the bodice in 25 days (she said to come on 9/25), which is 2 weeks from when I need to pick up my dress. And then I guess she will do hem and bustle within those 2 weeks.

I got a lot of quotes from tailors and debated A LOT on who to choose, and chose this one between the top 2 choices because I can start earlier with this person. But now I’m worried that I can’t see my dress for 3.5 weeks and what if it doesn’t fit right??? It’s so nervewracking :( the other tailor I was considering offers weekly fittings but she’s not able to start until 2 weeks.

Should I ask if I can come by weekly to fit? Is that the standard? Or do I just trust and wait.

So my wedding is taking place on September 26, 2027, out of town in the mountains for immediate family and the bridal party only, with a dinner to follow. Then, a bigger reception the weekend after on October 2, 2027 for 120 people, including those who came to the ceremony. I’m very type A, organized, love planning, and know what I want. My fiance is letting me do all the decor and such with little input because he trusts me and the style he wants is the style I want.

The ceremony is going to be on a mountain, my friend is officiating (he’s never done it before, but we’re working together on everything). The bridal party and our parents will all be staying in an airbnb together and will be getting ready there (it’s very large). The dinner after will be at a restaurant in town later on and there will be pictures in between. The reception is very DIY; we’re having more or less a chicken BBQ style dinner at a fire hall. My friend is DJing, an acquaintance is bartending, and our families and friends will be there the day before and after to set up and tear down decor and such. I am literally making all of my decor/got lightly used items to use for decor from others. I have a rough itinerary already, but it’s obviously still a big event to plan.

We have venues booked, food booked, hair and makeup booked, accommodations for us and the bridal party booked, and obviously DJ, bartender, and officiant taken care of too. We also have a photographer who ended up being someone we also know personally. We’ve saved A LOT of money doing things doing things the way we’ve been doing them and I don’t want to spend a bunch of money on a coordinator if it’s something I can do. So I’m wondering if anyone has done it themselves before? I’d rather not spend the extra money, mostly because it’s not exactly in the budget.

So my partner and I are deep in this conversation right now and I just want to hear some other people’s opinions who have absolutely zero stake in my event.

So I have a brother 10 years younger than me. He’ll be 15 at the time of my wedding. This is the only kid that will for sure be invited to our wedding.

But that also brings up the issue of whether other people will be annoyed at the no kids thing. Tbh I don’t care because there’s a big difference between bride’s brother and distant friend of the groom’s kids.

Now as of right now, we only know 2 people who will be invited who have kids. Unless I decide I actually want to invite my aunts and uncles, but that’s super unlikely because of some family issues.

Friend 1 is best man. I’ve considered making his kids ring bearers because I really like his girlfriend and want both of them there. Plus if we made them part of the wedding party we could still say no kids except those in the bridal party.

Friend 2 is the groom’s friend. We’ve been together for a long time and I have never met this friend. He lives about 5 hours away. We visit his area pretty frequently, but the friend never wants to meet up with us unless we go to his house. We’re usually there to see family and for short periods so it’s never feasible. This friend was asked if he would come both ways. To childfree, he said no. If we include children he said maybe.

My fiance thinks we should include children and if any of our other friends have kids we could just invite them too. He also included that people may be upset my brother is included or the best man’s kids. My partner is also rather uninvolved in the wedding planning, so while he can answer idk to every question, I have been bombarded with opinions. I have reached a point of just not caring for other’s opinions, but this was his first time hearing anyone’s opinion on our wedding so he’s taking it deeply.

I would also like to add that neither of us actually really like kids. I like my brother and the best man’s older kid, but for the most part I don’t like kids. My fiance has absolutely zero interactions with everyone’s kids. He pretends they aren’t there tbh. So I don’t think he really realizes what kids do at a wedding maybe. Every time we’ve spoken about it he kind of just assumed they would just sit at a table.

I love all of these.

I will say most of them are within the same price range, but..

#3 is really cheap and beautiful but VERY heavy, like weight wise. It sits on my hips. She girl mentioned I could ask a seamstress to add in those inside bra straps to help hold it up, any thoughts?

#7 is gorgeous but is $800 more than my budget pre-alterations.

I originally wanted to go very classic and timeless and simple satin, but then I started to gravitate to a little more floral (no lace) for bridal effect.