We talked with GF about having a dog for a long time, I always wanted a couch potato dog because we're not that active. For ethical reasons we didn't want to buy but went with the shelter option.

The process took forever, so deep in my mind i thought it became an "abstract project", until it wasn't and things moved very fast.

Now we have a 5 month old reactive, anxious, tornado of a shelter puppy bringing havoc on our appartement, my mental sanity and (i'm starting to believe) our relationship.

I want out, but i don't know how to do it ... i was the "dog person" .. now i'm tired, lack sleeping. We only talk about the puppy, we go nowhere because the puppy is car sick and throws up as soon as it moves, i worry that i'm starting to resent him and also resent her.

He is clearly used to having a garden access in his temporary home, now he is stuck inside with us and deeply attached and anxious.

I also worry that i'm a monster for wanting to abandon a rescue and either way this goes our relationship would suffer.

Anyway, homemade pasta with veggies.

I feel like I probably have to give some context first since I'm aware not everyone is familiar with poly relationships:

So my partner and I have been together for 5 years now. We both considered ourselves poly before and were both happy to start a poly relationship, where we know it's fine if we get feelings for other people, even if neither of us were like... specifically planning for it. Just being aware that it would be okay as long as we communicated well about it was super relieving. Due to our relatively busy lives and time consuming hobbies, neither of us really had much time to date, tho. My partner hadn't dated anyone else since for most of our relationship and I "only" started a second relationship developing out of a friendship, but there we only see each other like once every 1-2 months since we also live a few hours apart and neither of us is each other's main relationship.

Until a few weeks ago, when my partner went to a friends birthday party where they met a guy they really clicked with. They started texting a bunch and then last week he invited them to his place for the weekend. They were very excited to go and I was looking forward to a chill weekend all by myself.

Well, they didn't actually have all that great of a time. I feel like I shouldn't go into the details too much, but they basically came back rediscovering a bit how much they appreciate me, our relationship, how I treat them and how I act towards them. They're a bit unsure how they want to proceed with the new guy, but I have since been joking a bit that whenever they feel unsatisfied with something in our relationship, they should go on a date or a weekend getaway with someone :D

___

Breakfast was Egg Benedict with Bacon, Avocado and Salad.

It's late night and I took up my comfort food of milt and little heart cookies.

I was always 5/10 growing up. Never confident. Met someone during high school but after 5 months of courtship turns out she was already in a relationship with someone I knew.i was desperate for her ig so she found easy cheating me.

Started hitting gym and got into shape.

Started college, met someone who became close intensely within a month. But she was never ready to commit and I was insecure. One fine night I found her galighting me. I dropped contact and moved on. Did not hurt until 3 months later I saw her dating someone else. My heart just sanked inside my body and I was so afraid to even walk out of my dorm anymore. That moment I felt my entire body burning and I ran 32kms crying here and there.I begged some closed ones money to go back to my home to never return. Those people asked me to not abandon my degree.

Its been 3-4 year now and I am 24. I think I will remain single most of my life. I got to know world is really ugly and I am too too sensitive. I even broke deep friendship where I was gamed once. Considering what relationship and marriages are right now, idts I would ever love again.

Now I just see beautiful faces and kind heart, I never ever feel like the way I felt for a person before all this happened. Part of me has accepted it as reality but another part of me just to see why has this got so sad.

Should say devastated obviously.

Horrible food because I feel horrible.

I met a girl a few months ago via this site (not this account though, don’t waste your time).

We hit it off instantly but I assumed it would just be friendship. There was an age gap (25 v 35) and I didn’t want to be predatory plus different stages of life seemed incompatible.

Feelings developed on my side. I assumed I was alone in that and didn’t act on it for the reasons above. Friendship was enough.

Now shes told me shes back with her ex and that more was on the table and I didn’t go for it. The sinking feeling is real.

I feel broken though inside. Destroyed. I still think I was doing the right thing though but it doesn’t help.

Fml

She is actually the best person you could ever hope to meet. I wish life was different.

Steak dinner I made a few days ago, was a little rare but still fire. Always better to be on the rare side

I've had much more pressing issues in the last few weeks that have been weighing more heavily on me, but a little thing I've been rediscovering that's been like salt in the wound is my apathy, and sometimes dislike towards children and animals.

As a kid I never thought anything was cute. I don't know if this was a familial, patriachal, "boys can't have emotions" thing that I was brought up with, or if I just really am that way, but it's carried into my adulthood. I had to learn what things were cute and heartwarming, like romance or sacrifice in movies or something, and while I can kind of understand it now and feel genuine emotions towards it, I just cannot with kids or pets.

Like why do people look at them and go "omg it's SO CUTE" and start rubbing and hugging them for 5 minutes? Like I just do not get it, they are loud and annoying and are often times completely out of your control and can destroy anything you have. Obviously this goes without saying that I've never wanted a child or a pet in my lifetime.

I feel like a sociopath writing that last paragraph but I just don't get it. Obviously I hate seeing others get hurt and suffer and that includes them, but I just don't like being around either for more than 5 minutes. I hope there's some other people out there that feel like me cuz it sucks how society has kind of accepted this type of stuff as endearing and I seem to be on the outside.

I’m (20M) my grandparents are in their early 70s and I’m the oldest grandson on my mothers side and my grandparents are actually the spitting image of “Boomers” they have 4 houses and rent 2 of them and just let the other one sit. When I was growing up they really weren’t involved in anything because they still had their jobs. My grandpa was an only child and from his uncles he’s received 7 inheritances they are very VERY well off. I have 2 twin brothers and a sister all super close in age and they aren’t involved with them either but my aunt and uncle have kids and they are like 4-13 and they just adore them,my mom told me they “didn’t wanna be grandparents when I was young but now they do” which is very true. My brothers and I collect coins and my grandpa has a lot of coins cause he inherited them I needed one penny one steel penny to fill my book and he wouldn’t give me it. Cause they were his “I’d have to wait to get them” like after he dies. I look pass it cause I have a grandfather on my dads side that is amazing he would sell his wife’s ring to help me out he’s 83 years old and I love him so much cause I know what that’s a good grandfather. I just needed to rant to someone other then family

P.S first time posting on my throwaway account I’ll be active. LMK what you guys think thanks 🙏

https://imgur.com/a/NUA97xj

First post, wrote more than I thought lol

My (23m) best friend (26f) of 3.5 years finally sent me a huge paragraph two days ago saying she's stepping back from the friendship, being close friends and hanging out like we have. I asked for some clarification about whether we would still see each other in group settings, and she said she'd like to avoid that - so it's effectively no contact. Not just being "close" friends, but friends in general.

I was already kind of expecting this since she's been seeing someone for a while. He's 10 years older than her and has a ton of trust issues from past relationships. It was pretty obvious her message was directly requested by him as some sort of ultimatum. She mentioned focusing on her relationship several times. For context, they were an on-and-off situationship for about 10 months and he refused to commit until recently. Part of this is because they have small rough patches every two weeks where he gets in his head about his trust issues. He thinks she's too innocent/naive with guys (part of why I saw this coming), and has said that he doesn't want his girl to get 'handled' by other men.

Meanwhile she has accommodated him to an insane degree, informing him of EVERY interaction she has with other guys to reassure him. There was still an occasion recently where he accused her matter-of-factly of checking out some guy in his car when they were out, even though she was genuinely just zoned out and staring into space (he didn't believe her).

She is extremely head over heels for him and probably the most loyal person I know, almost to a fault. She stayed with her ex (my former friend) way longer than anybody else would when he borderline neglected her. Rose-colored glasses would describe her perfectly. Despite some other issues with the new guy (won't get into them for length reasons but our friend-group does NOT like him), he does treat her really well for what it's worth. Therefore, I know there's no chance she would do something to compromise their relationship. I doubt she would ever argue with him or criticize something he says.

I think I'm just slightly confused about why this is all happening *now*. Her phrasing said we were close friends, but I would disagree. I had already been distancing myself a bit out of courtesy. We talk on the phone a few times a week and text each other (not even every day, and if I'm being honest she reaches out first most of the time). Seeing each other in person has been VERY limited as well. She is at his place pretty much every night, and when we DO see each other it is in a group environment 90% of the time. We hang out one-on-one maybe once every two months?

The most recent time was four days ago, it was random and we hung out for an hour while I accompanied her with some errands (SHE asked ME). It was actually pretty fun, we were laughing a lot and she gave no indication that I would be getting that message in two days. During the hangout, he called her. She told him I was there and asked me to say hi. It was the first time we actually interacted, and I thought it went fine even though it was just a few words exchanged. He had already heard a lot about me from her obviously so it's not like I was a stranger. Personally, I think that actually talking to him and hearing my voice gave him something 'tangible' to assign to me. This probably made the "threat" (lol) I pose real to him and presumably the final straw. Also worth mentioning that when they were still slightly new, he told her that our kind of friendship (guy and girl being good friends) was foreign to him.

Goes without saying, but we were never anything but platonic. I feel like I would be posting in bad faith if I didn't say we used to occasionally get the dating accusations that guy-girl friendships get (the most recent accusations were before she even got with this guy, as even back then we weren't hanging as much as we used to). However, we brushed them off as the ridiculous comments that they were. When I first met her, it was already basically cemented that she was going to date my friend. In other words, there wasn't really a chance for feelings to develop in the first place. I also really hate the pathetic nice guy who waits around for the girl trope, and I did not like that being insinuated about me. I genuinely just really valued the friendship.

Anyway. While I am sad about it, I know this kind of stuff happens so I guess I'm just venting. I took the high road as much as possible in my response so that he doesn't have any reason to prove himself right. I was respectful and walked away guilt-free with my integrity intact. I also know that if he ever starts up with his trust issues again, it will be pretty obvious I was never the problem.

I think I mostly just feel bad for her. I'm worried that pretty soon she will be isolated from everyone, and she doesn't have a lot of people to begin with. Even though I wouldn't have considered us 'close' anymore, I was definitely still the closest friend she had. She has also had pretty bad luck in past relationships. Although she obviously doesn't realize that she could do better than him, he is still comparatively better than anything she's had before. So while I know *she* wrote the paragraph, I don't fully blame her for choosing her relationship. It happens

ikea meatballs and mashed potato !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i put more gravy on the meatballs after pic was taken dw they were not dry

Hello everyone.

My girlfriend and I have been going out for almost 5 years. We started dating when we were young, and I am at a stepping stone of the new chapter of my life whereas my girlfriend is still at school while working part time jobs.

Recently, I have realized that I would not be able to marry her. Not because of her looks, not because of her personality, but because of our compatibility and how we are so different socially, mentally, and financially. She comes from a lower class immigrant family, and while I am also an immigrant, I am from a financially stable family. We also grew up poor, as my parents started their lives with a huge debt, but they have successfully made it through and are living a good life. My gf’s family on the other hand, were always poor. They could not keep their marriage and got separated, making my gf’s mom a single mom raising their children, and is currently in a debt that she cannot pay off by herself. My gf had to help her mom with the bills, groceries, and more, and she started working since the legal age to work.

Because of this, she struggled a lot facing trauma, sickness, and more, and while she tries so hard to hide them from me, I could always see the darkness behind her eyes. Constant anxiety or worries that consume her thoughts everyday, and I had to remind her every time that she was not alone, and that she had me, when she thought that she was. She did eventually get better over time, but still had a lot of worries. She also acknowledged these things and promised me that she would change. I always encouraged her to think things positively, having positive conversations about our future.

Recently, my parents had a conversation with me about her and our relationship, and they just wanted us to break up because of how disappointed they were of her parents, and that my girlfriend might be using me to get out of her situation. I know that she is not, and that I love her for who she is, yet I also know that marriage might not be the best option for both of us. Sure, it’s easy for me to say that I can accept her for who she is even after getting married and embrace and support her; but I don’t think I can also help her change, because she never showed me enough evidences that she would. Worst thing is, I still love her and I’m still living with her, but I am leaving soon to another country for a year.

I know I shouldn’t be feeling this way, but I also feel pity and endless amount of guilt for her, that I have to leave her in this situation and be selfish. I still love her for who she is and she tries so hard to believe that everything, including our relationship will work out. But I think it’s time to make a decision but it is really hard.

What would you do in this situation? When should I tell her that we should break up? And is it selfish of me telling her to break up with me?

Dinner is just the homemade pasta

Edit: I didn’t specify, but I am at an age where I am still dependent on my parent’s financial aid.
Also, her mom wants her to support her indefinitely, does not have any plan for retirement, yet she doesn’t want her other daughter to support her. She favors my gf’s sister. She’s given a lot of support to her for any monetary aid, but not to my gf. She treats us worse than how she treats her other daughter couple.

I think I actually did it, guys! I think I finally got a match that isn’t just a scam! I matched with this really pretty girl who seems genuinely fun to talk to, and we have a surprising amount of interests in common. I’m trying not to get ahead of myself because part of me is still thinking, “Okay… is this too good to be true?” But we’ve been talking pretty much all weekend, and so far I’ve really enjoyed getting to know her.

She does seem a little shy, though, and I don’t want to come on too strong or accidentally make her feel pressured. I want her to know I’m interested while still giving her the space to get comfortable and letting things develop naturally.

She’s also originally from Vietnam (she’s only been in the USA for a week), so I’m aware there could be some cultural differences when it comes to dating, communication, flirting, expectations, etc. I definitely don’t want to make assumptions about her just because she’s Vietnamese, but I’d love any advice from people who have experience with that.

Basically, how do I keep showing her that I’m interested without overdoing it? And if anyone has general advice for navigating the early stages of dating someone from a different cultural background, I’m all ears. I really like talking to her so far, and I’d rather take my time and do this right than rush things.

white bread bc i don’t have the energy or appetite for anything else right now

edit: i don’t want advice. i chose that flair for a reason. i do not want advice. there’s nothing anyone can say or do

i’m honestly not even sure where to start. this is going to be ridiculously long. there’s so much on my mind rn and i doubt anyone’s gonna bother reading all of this

i grew up always having terrible self esteem mostly because i was on the heavier side. my immediate family would joke about it , friends would joke about it and classmates would too. the end result was that with time it made my social anxiety worse with time — to the point that i’d hesitate and overthink every social interaction and always think “they’re gonna make a ‘fat’ joke or they’re probably at least thinking about how fat you are”. despite my own mother being part of the reason as to why i wasn’t confident, she’d always tell me to be more confident and always compare me to one person or another, whether it’s a family friend, a cousin or whoever. not only when it came to confidence but other factors too like grades and whatever.

by the time i was 15 i hit around 93 kilos. i avoided looking in the mirror as much as i could because i hated looking at myself. then when i was 16 i decided to finally lock in and take my eating habits and exercise more seriously and yeah i mainly just walked 10-15k steps daily and counted my calories. this was working, i started losing weight and yeah roughly around that time, i started talking to this girl online (i’ll call her “T” i guess) who went to the girls branch of my high school (conservative school so the guys and girls were segregated past the 4th grade) and yeah we became pretty good friends. i was chill with her as well as a bunch of her friends and honestly i cannot verbally describe how nice it felt.

for context i’ve always felt very disconnected from my family, i’m the youngest, my elder sister takes after my mom WAYY too much. as in she’ll get visibly frustrated and tell me off over the most minor things like spilling water or anything even if i immediately move to clean it. i’m an adult and she’s still like this. it’s like having a second mother. i remember i tried talking to her normally once, just talking about stuff and i mentioned something about me feeling my mom is too controlling and for whatever reason she went ahead and decided to tell my mom which ended up with me having a really fun convo w my mom (insert sarcasm here). it’s really weird, i don’t know how to describe it properly but she legitimately seems like she should’ve been born in the previous generation because her thoughts, ideologies and everything sync up with my mother in so many aspects

then there’s my elder brother. we can talk but it’s always very stiff and awkward. i’m pretty confident he’s on the spectrum and not diagnosed. it’d be too lengthy to try to go into more details as to why but i only talk superficially with him like “this new game is coming out” and stuff like that.

for the above reasons i’ve always felt very isolated whenever i’m with my family so when i became friends with “T” it was nice in the sense that i could just talk about general stuff, how my day was going and all of that and we used to talk to each other a ton, she’d make it a point to send “good morning” messages every day. we’d talk for hours a day sometimes. as the months went by, my self esteem started getting a lot better and in general i felt lighter (both literally and figuratively).

now, over time i started developing feelings for her and yeah i decided not to say anything because i knew how it was gonna end up and that i should just keep my mouth shut. things kept going alright and one day she suddenly announced she was going on a date with another guy. i congratulated her but despite trying to bury how i felt, it still stung. we started talking way less and mentally i started going right back to where i was before, unable to look at myself in the mirror , disgusted with even being sad about it because in my head, i knew what i looked like and i knew there was chance to begin with. id cut down over 20 kilos and despite the weight loss it made no difference. one time when we were talking i talked about how in general i felt horrible and had no one to talk to and she said something along the lines of “then find someone to talk to” and that “no one would magically appear”. that was probably the first confirmation of the distance that’d grown

eventually she broke up w her bf, more months went by, i started feeling even worse, we didn’t talk much and i felt like id lost someone i considered my closest friend at the time. i’ll admit i was definitely leaning on her too much. she was probably exhausted and she had every right to be. one day when we were talking she suddenly told me that the love was one sided and that i’d find a better girl than her. i remember freezing because that came out of nowhere. i asked her how she knew and she told me that i made it pretty obvious

even now, 7 years later i feel disgusted with myself with how i responded. i initially said i was sorry, then after a bit i thought about how distant she’d gotten and everything and how it didn’t even feel like we were friends anymore and i accused her of not even caring. it was an insanely stupid thing to say and i regretted it as soon as i sent it. the following messages from her went along the lines of “you’re being so selfish right now” “never message me again” “see you never”. i kept apologising and saying i didn’t mean it. she told me to stop repeating myself and kept saying “goodbye” in between me apologising. finally after she said “don’t you know what goodbye means” i finally stopped. i ruined a close friendship with someone i really cared about. i texted her the next day saying i was sorry and this time she said she was sorry for having said too much the night before. and yeah, just like that, it was over

for the next year i kept reminiscing over it, i felt disgusted with myself and at this point i genuinely hated myself so much. some nights when id think about it i’d feel overwhelmingly guilty and out of sheer self directed anger id cut myself because the way i saw it, i deserved it

id think about it every night, cry some nights, cut myself some other nights and eventually texted her to ask why she’d become so distant. she told me that i was really repetitive and i was making things really hard for her. i said i was sorry and then yeah the convo ended there i think. the more i thought about it the more i realised she was right, i’d always ask the same questions, everyday, hoping to just strike up a convo and yeah i can see that getting insanely tiring. she had every right to distance herself. in the end, that one conversation made me feel worse about myself, i’m not trying to victimise myself, i deserved it and i know i did. things continued as is and i generally became more bitter as time went on. i swore to myself i’d never let anything like this happen again

Time goes on and then in 2020 after my graduation and before college started i was pretty much free, id mostly play a couple of games on my laptop and some gacha games. i kept hearing about Genshin which had released around the time and id downloaded it and was too lazy to actually play it. then one day when i was on insta swiping through stories i saw that someone i knew who i’d only spoken to a handful of times but somewhat gotten along with (i’ll refer to her as “H”) had posted something that seemed to be genshin related on her story and i asked about it. she mentioned that she’d just started. id already planned on playing it at some point so the idea of potentially starting the same game with a potential friend and playing co-op, looking forward to future updates and stuff sounded like a ton of fun so yeah i ended up starting the game too

we’d talk about it, play co-op and help each other with the world bosses and stuff, hop on discord calls and screen share our summons on the game. if anything, it was insanely refreshing to actually bond with someone over a shared interest and besides that we started talking about other stuff too, some of the games we’d played as kids, random personal shit etc and we became good friends. this time i made sure to never make her feel pressured in any way i did with T, not messaging too much, not worrying or stressing over anything, not responding too fast, organically talking every couple of days. when my uni started i invited her to a discord call with my group of friends in uni while we were playing skribbl.io. she joined and yeah everyone had a good time, she seemed to be getting along with everyone else and i even added her to a group with the rest of my uni friends so we could all play stuff together on group discord calls despite her being in a completely different country (for uni, otherwise we lived in the same city). i was happy seeing her become friends with the rest of my friends and i wanted her to feel like a part of the group

fast forward a few months and yeah by that point i had a crush on her and one or two of my friends could probably tell and teased me about it until i admitted it. though i made it clear that i didn’t think i planned on telling her. i was terrified of ruining the friendship and thought she’d probably not feel the same way. we still went on as normal for another 2 months or so and yeah it felt like she was giving mixed signals sometimes, like during a discord call if she referred to anything as cute i’d say something like “haha just like me fr” and she’d straight up agree sometimes. i was insanely conflicted. it felt good to have a healthy friendship with someone who actually seemed like they enjoyed my presence and liked talking to me. sometimes i’d wake up and see she’d sent a wall of messages excitedly talking about something and i remember how happy it made me feel, though it made me feel even more conflicted about telling her or not

then one day while we were talking i finally admitted it. she said that she really liked me but didn’t know if she liked me like that yet. i said i was sorry and that i knew it came out of nowhere. she told me not to apologise and she was glad i told her. she said she wanted time to think about it and that she didn’t want things between us to get negatively affected in any way and i agreed and felt slightly relieved. it was a bit weird for like 2-3 days but we went back to normal, talking like normal, still hopping on discord calls, this time it felt more freeing and id even subtly slip in jokes about having a crush on her every now and then. i did ask once to make sure i didn’t make her feel uncomfortable in any way and she told me it didn’t. after a month she told me she still hasn’t thought about it much and i said she can take as much time as she needs and that i didn’t wanna pressure her bc i genuinely didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable in any way shape or form

then things went on normally and then around 1-1.5 months later during a convo she told me she had something she wanted to tell me. “i think i like you too”. after that she was flustered and said that she wanted to meet in person once we were both back in the same city during our summer vacations and i agreed

after that yeah, we only got closer. she kinda hinted once that she wanted flowers and i was absolutely down to get her flowers. i was really excited to meet her in person despite the summer vacations being months away at that point. id think about what i’d wanna say, i ordered keychains of all her fav genshin characters and planned to surprise her with them one by one. the different ideas of all kinds of diff things i could do to make her happy made me feel giddy and even when my day was going absolutely dogshit for one reason or another id remind myself that we’d be seeing each other soon and it always made things easier

then during november 2021 i remember one day she invited me to a discord call to watch her play omori. we ended up spending 12-15 hours on call, taking breaks to go get food or whatever. the same thing happened the next day, only that it went on for 16 hours and would’ve gone longer but her power cut out. i remember going to sleep happy those days though because i’d spent 2 years convincing myself i’m ugly, repulsive, detestable etc. now i finally had someone who actually seemed like they wanted me to be around, enjoyed talking to me etc. not just her but my entire friend group was great though she mattered to me the most. id felt better than i ever had when it came to having a way higher self esteem, becoming super chatty with most people despite being an introvert my entire life.

then things went weird not even a week after. whenever i’d have something i’d wanna yap about id go and text her and she’d do the same. it was never a big deal it one of us was busy because for once there was no overthinking, things felt organic and all of that. i messaged her and i remember she left it on seen. i didn’t think much of it and assumed she was probs just busy. 2 days pass and nothing, but she’s talking in our group chat? i assumed she meant to reply and forgot and remember saying smth else and again, the same thing happened, i was left on read but she was interacting w the group. again i shook it off and didn’t say anything because maybe she has her reasons??? it was only after an entire week that i texted and asked if everything was fine? whether id said or done anything to upset her because she read and ignored everything i said for a week while being somewhat active in our mutual groupchat. she apologised and said she was busy with stuff and didn’t mean to hurt me in any way and i remember feeling kinda guilty, worrying i was overthinking or pressuring her into having to respond to me when i always wanted it to be smth done of her own volition like it’d always been up to that point. i said i was just overthinking things and that i didn’t want her to feel forced to reply when she was busy or smth and yeah, things were fine for a few days i think

then she went back to being barely responsive. i kept convincing myself i was overthinking it and after another 2 weeks or so i asked again bc it was just so weird. we’d spent 12-16 hours on call two days consecutively and not long after she’s suddenly super distant. i asked again if everything was fine and things played out the same. that she was busy w stuff. i waited from december until feb. we hadn’t even had a 10 min convo for SO long. it always felt like she’d be more responsive in the groupchat and barely as much with me. i voiced how i felt and said i was really confused w the distance and everything and at the time i had supplementary exams (because i failed my finals) coming up and both things compounded together and i felt horrible. she said she was sorry and that she was just busy with her cousins wedding stuff at the time and then offered to call me bc she said she was worried about me. i instantly again felt guilty and felt like a piece of shit and just told her i’d been feeling shitty recently and not to worry and to just enjoy herself. id convinced myself that things would go back to normal eventually and that we’d meet in person too.

march came, i asked again, same thing, april came and we FINALLY spoke again properly. we talked on call for like an half an hour during which she said she’d missed talking to me. then she went to go do something and then called me again. i remember feeling so relieved and happy. it’d felt like everything had gone back to normal. but the weeks following the call it went back to barely any contact, yet she’d be interacting with one of my other friends on the genshin groupchat we were in. i kept shrugging it off as me overthinking. then one day, and yeah i feel really shitty for admitting this but i joked about blocking her or something, id made the same joke before but admittedly this time i did it just to see whether she’d react a certain way bc i felt like a pathetic insecure little bitch and i just wanted some confirmation things were okay. it went horribly, she said smth along the lines of “if that’s what you want” and i remember my heart sinking and i said “nahhh i wasn’t serious” and then she just said “i’m blocking you” and then cut the call and blocked me.

i was panicking, i texted on insta bc she hadn’t blocked me there and kept apologising, i even texted on a group we had with another mutual friend apologising and yeah practically begging her to hear me out. she asked me to please stop texting and yeah i did. i tried again the next day, she ignored me. this went on for 3 days. i was so stressed out and anxious that i could barely sleep because of how short of breath i felt. i tried calling again and this time she picked up, before she could get a word out i kept apologising and she said it was okay, that she overreacted and she’d talk to me properly in a bit. she unblocked me and told me she was sorry and that she’d reacted badly that day because it was her grandmothers death anniversary that day (she’d passed a year prior) and that she knows id made the same joke multiple times before. i said i didn’t know and that i was really sorry and swore to be more careful. we talked and she said she was gonna make it up to me somehow but it was a surprise (this is impottant for later)

fast forward, nothing gets better. she’s still insanely distant and clearly interacting more w a mutual friend while mostly leaving me on delivered. id freshly gotten held back in my first year of med school because i was forced into this dogshit field by my parents and no matter how much i begged they didn’t let me quit. i hated every aspect of my life, i spent most of my days bedrotting, i started losing my appetite, eating anything would make my stomach feel weird and almost hurt. id mostly just sleep, wake up, go back to sleep, wake up, sleep and repeat. it was around this time that one of my really close friends (i’ll call her M) who would always check up on me, sometimes even beg me to please eat something if id mentioned i hadn’t eaten anything for an entire day, told me that “H” and her were casually talking when “H” had mentioned that she wanted to get me flowers and have them sent to me as a surprise (this was the secret surprise she had planned for me to make up for things). then one day suddenly she told “M” that she couldn’t because she was broke. “M” found it weird but i just dismissed it as a genuine excuse

meanwhile nothings gotten better between me and “H”. she backed out saying she’s not ready for a relationship but said she still wanted to meet me. she’d even left our main groupchat. in the week or 2 after she’s still super distant and no matter how much i ask why, what had changed, i never got a straight answer. id waited for over 4-5 months by that point waiting for things to get better. she’d just say she was busy and she said she spent her entire day talking to her parents abroad over the phone. apparently for hours upon hours a day. i even asked and she said “yes”. so i knew she wasn’t being honest with me which hurt ALOT. she then randomly told me as well finally about the surprise flowers and i interjected and said smth like “yeahh i know. you said you were broke” and said it was fine. then she acted confused and said that wasn’t it at all and that she tried but she didn’t know how to handle it online (we were going to uni in 2 different countries but lived in the same city back then. which is why we hadn’t met in person). at this point i was confused as hell and i asked “M” about it again and she insisted that she said she couldn’t because she said she was broke. i asked “H” about it again because i was insanely confused bc it’s such a small and simple thing that it makes no sense to lie about it. she kept saying “wtf???? i told ‘M’ wtf???”. she’d never talked like that before, and even i could tell she was lying

then 3 days later she changes her story and suddenly it’s “actually i had them sent but no one picked them up”. that makes NO sense. she didn’t have an address, didn’t have the local number i use here or anything. i didn’t say anything and after a few days i kept thinking about how over the dumbest thing she kept trying to throw one of my closest friends under the bus and accuse her of lying to me. over the stupidest, most minute thing. i texted her saying i was done and didn’t want anything to do w her again. she said something about how she’d miss me and yeah i remember regretting ending it so much. i texted her the next day saying i was sorry, saying i still wanted to see her to which she replied “i think it’s best we don’t meet”. i apologised to her, told her how much she meant to me and said goodbye

i wish i’d let things go there. i really really wish i did. a month or 2 after i could never stop thinking about it. i hated that she’d started lying to me instead of being honest, i hated her for blocking me for 3 days and ignoring me when i was begging her to unblock me in a gc and then casually talking about other stuff with our mutual friend in the same gc, but most of all it made me so angry that she basically accused one of my closest friends of lying to me. again, over the stupidest thing. i read the receipts. i knew who was being honest with me. i knew who was checking up on me without me asking them to. i didn’t let things go. “H” was still in a couple of group chats and i went ahead and kicked her out of all of them. i didn’t even let things go there. i hated myself for being nice to her when i ended things so to remedy that i texted her and told her that i was glad to be done with her bullshit and blocked her. it was childish. i know. i genuinely regret it

the next day “M” texted me and said that what i did was wrong, that it just wasn’t mutual and that’s it, that “H” texted her about how sad she was, that i shouldn’t have done anything i did and that “H” told her that she was worried going to abuse any photos i might have had of her and upload them online and try to cause her problems + also that she (“H”) was never going to forgive me even if i apologised

at this point i didn’t know how to feel. being told that it basically wasn’t as deep as i made it out to be and that it was just “not mutual” felt like a slap in the face. the photos thing weirded me out bc i only ever had some of our chats screenshotted, it’s not like she ever sent nudes nor did i ever want her to. our convos were never sexual or anything so it didn’t make sense. the only photos she had were the ones she posted online on her then public account. despite this i was insanely conflicted, on one hand i felt like it didn’t make sense and on the other i felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. i would never try to ruin anyone’s life like that, i always swore to myself i’d never be one of those guys. but the fact that i had possibly potentially made a woman out there feel unsafe, made me feel sick to my stomach. i texted “H” a big paragraph apologising for everything and she blocked me in response. which is fair. it makes sense. for an entire week the guilt was eating me alive over the photos comment and then i finally realised that it doesn’t make sense. i would never put anything out there, there was never anything to put out there, she had a public account where she posted herself. i felt like she tried to drive a wedge between me and my friend “M” and i remember worrying that M would never speak to me again which thankfully wasn’t the case

it’s been over 4 years since then. i’ve tried reaching out to her twice over the course of those 4 years and gotten no response. it makes sense why she wouldn’t bother and i want her to be happy so i stopped trying. i still think about her everyday. i wish i acted differently, i wish i did things differently. i hate myself so much. i hate looking at myself in the mirror, i hate having my photo taken, i hate seeing myself in photos. i’m legitimately objectively an ugly person, i don’t even know why i bothered putting my feelings out there for anyone. i wish i could cut my face off. i ruined everything myself. i cut myself because i feel disgusting and angry at myself for everything that happened. i know i’m mentally ill but i wish i knew exactly what it was that was wrong with me. either i am or i’m just that pathetic. i tried so hard to change as a person but no matter what i’ll always be a piece of shit. i’ve gotten held back twice in medical school and i’m completely alone. no matter how much i try to bury my thoughts and just not think i still see her show up in my dreams sometimes. whenever i lay down to sleep i can’t help but think about everything all of my friends that i actually got along with graduated and i’m still stuck here. doing a degree i want nothing to with. i mainly only got along with the people who grew up overseas like me mainly bc of the language barrier and just because we actually had stuff in common. i’ve tried finding people but there’s no one here, i don’t even have family to fall back on, instead i feel completely isolated when i’m at “home”. moreso than i do shut up in my dorm room all day.

i know i’m not a victim in any way. i’ve genuinely been a shit person and the only person i blame for my problems is myself and myself only. it wouldn’t even impact anyone much at all if i was gone. it would be so much easier if i died in my sleep

Chicken & shrimp alfredo i made

I hate you
I hate you because you dont care about me as much as i care about you
I hate you because all that matters to me is how happy you are
I hate you because you made me feel things im not supposed to feel
I hate you because i cried laughed and felt pain for you
I hate you because its so hard to hate you
I hate you because im happy around you and im not used to being happy
I hate you because i love you so much but i cant love you in any way i want to love you
I hate you because i hate how i let myself not hate you, because for once i didn’t push someone away, for once i opened up and let myself be even remotely vulnerable and you didn’t hurt me for being vulnerable
I hate that i cant hate you, no matter how much you hurt me or how much you do anything that makes me feel like shit
And that between all the alcohol and all the dr*gs, all i really want is to just spend more time with you. I dont want sex, i dont want kisses, i dont want anything but to be with you more than im allowed to be.
I hate that my whole life my feelings never mattered and for once you made me feel like they did.
I hate that i love you, and that im not supposed love you.
More than all this, i hate myself for letting it happen.
And yet i dont regret any of it, id go through it all again because to me you are that special.

Just some bananas I had.

Will try to keep it short: my (40M) GF (33F) has recently become irrationally jealous of my friendship with a female neighbour. I get along with said neighbour like I do with any other neighbour (neighbour talk, + the ocasional chat about this or that topic, that I would have with anyone, regardless of gender or marital status). This particular neighbour is single and good looking, but there have been 0 attempts at anything from either side, or any chat that might be interpreted as something else, nothing. She is fully aware that I am in a long term relationship with my GF, and has met her once or twice.

GF is fully aware she is blowing this out of proportion, and she feels bad because of it. She knows that, rationally, she has no reason to suspect anything (I have never been unfaithful or deceptive to her) - it's a fully irrational thing, but she just can't help herself. I already told her I would dial back my interactions with said person, not because I feel like I am doing anything wrong (and she agrees), but because my GF's mental wellbeing is more important than building a friendship with someone I just met. I've also told my GF I can show her the messages I exchange with said neighbour at any time she wants, if it helps calm her anxiety down. She usually says no because she doesn't want to be that type of GF (neither do I), but eventually she gives in, I guess because again, this is an uncontrollable thing for her, and it does help calm her feelings down.

This is kind of a first for me, because a) my GF has never been the jealous type, we started off as long distance for the first few years of our relationship and we were both fine with it, and b) I've dealt with jealousy where the two people have different perspectives on it, but in this case we both agree it is unjustified and irrational, but she just can't move past it

So I guess advice is welcome. thanks!

(edited to fix a typo)

Burger and fries from catalina island's airport restaurant

My friend and I have been close for almost 10 months and we hang out a lot (mostly one-on-one but sometimes in a group). My friend has very specific things she wants from a partner (particularly a lot of space- as in no contact for days on end while she just wants to be alone). She also has a lot of male friends since she doesnt like to deal with the drama that her female friends tend to have. In January she got with this guy who she knew in high school and seemed to cater to her needs, and I was very happy she found someone that she was satisfied with. Everything was going well until about 2 months ago:

She brought up to me that he had become dependent on constant validation from her ("promise me you wont leave me," "are you cheating on me?" etc...) even though she constantly has to remind him that she is faithful (and she is). Sometimes she has a talk with him about the issue and it seemed to ease out for a little bit before becoming a problem again (this happened two or three times). He had also become quite clingy, always wanting to hang out with her, which is something that she fundamentally does not want in a relationship.

In spite of all this she has been very patient with him, and she keeps bringing up that he is like this because of his trauma with his family and past relationships. He also doesnt have any female friends so he might not understand that people of different genders can be platonic friends. This is also his longest-lasting relationship. It seems that shes still happy with him so I dont think much of it- if shes dealing with it then its fine, right?

Anyway, one day we're hanging out, and its getting late but I enjoy talking with her so I suggest a quiet spot with a view and she accepts and we're just chatting. She then misses a text from her bf and he drives to where we are parked using the life360 they share. He calls her and is very upset so we drive to where he parked and she goes home with him and tells me later that he thought she was cheating on him with me (I want to establish that I have zero romantic interest in my friend whatsoever, but he doesnt seem to realize that). Apparently they have a long talk about trust and it seems to be resolved. I originally chalk up the incident (and his relationship issues) to a combination of a lot of major unfortunate circumstances, and I move on.

Now fast forward to about two weeks ago and we're hanging out during the day and I drop her off at her house before dinner after we were out for about two hours. She texts me later saying that her bf got really upset and that she can no longer hang out with me one-on-one. We call and I make the point that he needs therapy and that time/patience is not going to fix this issue. I say that if she keeps feeding his needs that it will just get worse and he will become more controlling, and that if he refuses therapy and continues not to listen to her then she needs to gtfo. She insists that she will give it time and that hopefully it will get better and that we can still be friends in the meantime.

I dont really know what to think or do because I want to be there for her and support her, but now her drama and bullshit has spread to me and it appears that I am powerless to do anything about her issue, and I worry that she does not understand how abusive her relationship is (and will not understand until its too late).

We have not spoken since that last phone call.

my actual dinner at the Rockies game yesterday, eaten standing over a trash can

My wife (37F) and I (43M) have a what I think to be a happy, very open, communicative marriage. A year or so ago, we were chatting about her sexuality and how she’s always felt a little gay or bi but never explored it. So I said to her, “Well, you should explore it! I’m sure there is a place on the internet with people in your same stage in life, scenario who are probably having the same thoughts.”  And who am I to suppress this? She’s her own woman, we have children, a home and a whole ass life together. Do you really think she’s just gonna throw it all away? And if she is, and she falls in love or something than maybe that’s the way it was supposed to be.  I dunno.  It felt loving, supportive.  And its honestly, how I felt and still feel.  It’s nice feeling confident in where you stand with your partner even during hard conversations like this.  Anyway, we found Feeld.  She made a profile and instantly got a gajillion matches.  She’s kind of a sapphic wet dream.  Punk-y, stylish, beautiful, effortless. She went on a few dates and it was kind of fun – her coming back from dates telling me about “how weird lesbians are” or “we made out but she had the nastiest apartment.”  It was nice seeing her light up, feeling sexy, feeling alive, feeling like a piece of her that was always missing was finally here.   And then one day she said, “why don’t we go on these dates together? Would it be weird?” “Umm, fuck no. it wouldn’t be.” “But I don’t want to trounce on your thing, your discovery” “No, not at all this is what I want.” 

Fast forward a month, and we are just casually dating not one but two gals. Throuples! One was an elementary school teacher (37F) who was/is one of the funniest people around, and the other was an absolute rocket (26F) midnight ballerina/park ranger (lol shout out Colorado) with a sweet gentle soul. Recipe for disaster, right? Well, kinda. 

It lasted for the whole summer and the teacher was also dating someone else at the time and it ended up getting serious and they now live together.  But the park ranger, her and I really hit it off and would chat a lot, and to the point where my wife said “if you guys wanted to hang out just you and her, I am open to that, since you let me explore” and of course I said “Let’s do it.”

So there was some overlap here, this developed the same time we had a weekend getaway with the teacher and we were all talking about it and she pulled me to the side and said “I know she said shes ok with it, but don’t. Trust me.”

Well, I did.  The next week, We spent the day together, just her and I.  We hung out at her place, laughed and connected. We were intimate a bunch and honestly it was great. I genuinely had feelings for her and in another life we may have ended up together.  I still think about her. But…did I leave feeling like it was some unrequited love? No.  Would she have ever held a candle to my wife? No.  Should I have taken the advice of the “teacher”? Probably.

Because later that week, we were all supposed to hang out.  My wife, the park ranger and I – and we did.  Things got hot and heavy and my wife noticed a bit too much chemistry between the park ranger and I and it was making her uncomfortable I could tell. So afterwards what do we decide to do – go to a sex club. Also, awesome but bad idea. I could tell the vibes were off and I had no idea how to get them back. So I tried to f*ck the awkwardness away, it was hot as hell but still weird.  We hung out for a little longer and then went home, and I asked my wife if she could sleep over and she responded with “fuck no, get this bitch out of my house. ” “Will do, babe.”

And that’s the last I saw of the park ranger.

And that’s the last time my wife felt like “exploring.”

I did the thing I didn't want to do. "I don't want to trounce on your thing..."

I let my ego get in the way.

We're happy, still married, just monogamous.

I told her, with complete honesty "You can bang another dude to even up the score, just send me 3-7 pics"

She said "Thats not what it about you stupid fruit"

Anyway, I've never told anyone that story. Sorry if its weird.

TL;DR: Encouraged my wife to explore her bisexuality, we briefly became poly, I got too into one of our girlfriends, ignored a very accurate warning, and accidentally killed the whole experiment. Still happily married. Now monogamous. Learned some shit. 

UPDATE: Just in case, y'all were curious. This was Summer '24 (I said a year or so ago) and we are still married. tbh it was a fun season that we had and it had kind of a silly ending, it really wasn't too serious. If anything it was fun, scandalous, playful thing I did with my wife and we learned a lot about communication, being honest and how thinking with your dingus can mess stuff up.

Baked salmon and feta pasta with cherry tomatoes and spinach

About 3 weeks ago, my roommate pulled me aside and told me that my girlfriend had visited her ex behind my back. We have been dating for almost a year now and I am so in love with her (or at least I was). Of course I was in shock and told my girlfriend to call me immediately.

After I established that I needed a break with no contact to decide what I wanted to do, I caved in and decided to give her another shot. She claimed that she only visited him to see the cat that they raised together, but I have a hard time believing it.

It’s not even about the cat to me, it’s about her deleting text messages and hiding that she visited her ex for more than a month with no intention of telling me. When I told her that I wanted to stay together, she said on her own accord that she would delete all photos of him from her instagram and camera roll and never mention him again. Lo and behold, today I looked through her Instagram and found pictures of them together.

To make it even worse, she cheated on her ex with me before we became official. Also, I have been cheated on in the past and she knows I have trauma from that.

I have been trying really hard these last few weeks to forgive her, but it’s really hard. I just play situations in my head of what could have happened when she went to his house. The trust and sense of safety that I had with her has been completely destroyed and I don’t know how to repair it.

I honestly was planning on marrying this woman, we have so much in common and always have so much fun together, she’s my best friend. However, now I’m having doubts as l don’t want to waste my time marrying a cheater and regretting it in the future.

Any advice is appreciated as I’m really stuck in a hard spot here.

Edit:Timeline of events to avoid confusion
1. -1 months: she cheats on her bf with me
2. 0 months: we start dating
3. 9 months: she goes to her ex’s house behind my back to “see the cat”
4. 10 months: I find out that she went to her ex’s and confront her
5. 11 months: present day

​

I just lost a dream job because I can't wake up on time. I have 6 alarm clocks and still managed to oversleep. I moved states for this job, and I only started on june 8th. Now, what am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to tell my friends and family? This is humiliating. Im 21, I already felt like a failure, and I have no one to blame but myself.

Jar of creamy peanut butter.

My wife is from an area with a pretty shallow dating pool. Lots of oil workers, very "traditional" men (work away from home for weeks on end, then drink and go out or buy and play with expensive toys when they're home while wife handles everything, then complain about their family like they ruined their life). That's part of why my wife moved away, and she met me while studying here. One of her friends (we'll call her M) is married to such a man (we'll call him T). She became a SAHM during the tail end of covid. She's been socially isolated by COVID restrictions and her own immune issues, parenting, where they live, and his financial abuse (limiting her "allowance" such that she can't afford to do much). We don't like T. He's a prick. M settled because he's no worse than the rest.

We became parents ourselves about a year ago, and gave all her friends an open invitation to visit and bring their kids. M decided to take us up on it when T wanted to take their kid to a family gathering she couldn't bear attending (that's a whole other story). T took their kid, his sister basically does all of the childcare at these gatherings and she's a great mom which is the only reason M allows this.

So, M visits for a few days. She's never been to our area so we take her on a basic tourist itinerary. I'm functionally a SAHD that has a remote job. My wife is self employed and I support her business in a variety of ways. M watched us juggle our daily lives while hosting a guest. M and my wife went out on their own a few times for meals or day trips. They took our child along for other things to give me space and let me work. It all felt like a pretty basic, low-key visit. We didn't roll out the red carpet, it was business as usual with a third wheel.

A couple weeks later, my wife comes flying through the door saying "M is leaving T! She served him papers and is living with her cousin!". Apparently, her witnessing what a "good" husband looks like (I'm not perfect but I try) was the final straw. She went home and spent the entire day crying before T got back. What she told my wife basically boiled down to her not knowing what it was like to actually have a respectful partner and she couldn't go back to her life after that. She described things I did that weren't anything special for me to do, but were foreign to her, like considering her dietary restrictions when cooking or choosing restaurants, and watching my child while they went out and still managing the household chores. When T left for the fields again, she moved out. He's not contesting her request for full custody. Shocker.

I didn't really do anything and the bar was low with her but it feels validating still.

Anyway, homemade carnitas tacos and green beans.

Had a reservation for us and we got into a stupid argument while getting ready. She ended up saying she didnt want to go anymore and told me to just go without her.

Normally I would've cancelled too, but this time I actually went.

Ordered the mussels she was excited to try.

About halfway through she texted me asking if I seriously went without her, so I sent her a pic of the food, then followed it with "hope they're good."

Could not tell if she was mad, impressed, or both.

She acted normally when I got home so I'll take it that she was impressed lmao.

You can give me advice or just read along but I think I just need to finally get rid of this because it’s holding me back from growing. Im 20, turn 21 in January next year. Never been in a relationship before. I grew up with very strict parents not allowing me to be with girls. I got kicked out when I was 18 and I had to start my life from 0. I’ve never had a crush or liked someone until recently. It felt weird but I went for it. She was a co-worker of mine and the vibes were just unmatched. We hung out 4 times outside of work had countless long conversations in the parking lot and text regularly. I decide to shoot my shot and she said she has a gf but appreciates the friendship. I was extremely broken and felt led on and let myself go for a while. To cope, I go on dating apps to try and get matches and some female attention. I match with a few and hit it off good over text and we agree to go on a date. I was stood up. This hurt extremely bad but not as much as being friendzoned but my morale and confidence was at an all time low. I try one more time and met the sweetest girl on a dating app. Again, trying to cope. I was stood up again. I was so broken on the drive home I genuinely was sobbing so hard I could barely see. On top of that the co worker that friendzoned me I was still close with even though she did that to me just because of how much we got along. She’s quitting and going to the marines. I feel extremely broken, lost and confidence at an all time low with nobody. I’m a very charismatic, positive and confident person but I’m very down on my looks rn. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong or what I have to change but I think I’m just going to stay to myself for a long while. Thanks for reading. Banza pasta with Alfredo sauce and chicken.

My girl does jui jitsu and recently there's been a dude there that's been getting pretty obsessive with her and frankly just downright creepy. Several other people have noticed and said as much as well. We talked and I asked if anything unusual had happened recently that may have led to him getting obsessive. She said no happened out of nowhere. I've asked if I could comfort the dude but she asked that I don't.

We'll come to find out right before he started getting creepy she did a photoshoot for his Instagram page that is 100% thirst traps of a whole bunch of different women. Never mentioned anything to me and conveniently left that out when we were talking about what may have started it. She doesn't know I know and so I've asked a few more questions and every answer has been pretty vague. Planning on comforting her today about it. And in my head were over, not even so much the photo shoot but the fact that she hid it and lied saying nothing unusual had happened between them recently.

But I've been cheated on before and my trust issues go crazy at the smallest thing. Honestly am I over reacting or is it time to call it quits?

Coconut sticky rice

These are oven baked Pizza Bagels. I left them just a little longer than the box said to get a bit of crisp on the mini-pepperonis. Bottom was not badly burnt doing that. Took it out just in time. I try not to microwave these when I can because they get soft in the microwave. I definitely prefer these the crisp way.

I'm alone for another night and needed to get this off of my chest. I feel like a permanently average man. I've been overlooked most of my life. In some respects, I've used that as fuel to try harder in my younger years. I've studied hard, tried to stand out from the crowd. I broke into a very difficult career and have been working at it ever since. But I'm 36 now and I'm looking at my life around me. My friends are out there with their partners (everyone I know is married, I'm literally the only one I know that's single) doing wonderful things, having amazing lives, and I'm coming home to just indulge in some hobbies, stay up a bit too late gaming, sometimes binge a show, then wake up and go to work. It's gotten worse since COVID where I haven't really changed much from those years where everyone was staying at home.

I'm a very introverted person so this doesn't really bother me personally. But I've been putting myself more out there more and with each passing time, the women I've interact with just lose interest. And it dawned on me that I'm single because I just have nothing to offer anyone. I'm just there and I don't think anyone catches romantic feelings for someone that just exists. I fail at the initial dating stage because I don't stand out, like my friends do.

So it's come back from my past when I was perpetually overlooked. Despite my hard work and my career or whatever interest I've developed for myself, I am still just average. Just some guy. I see women on dating apps ask on their profile "what can you offer me?" or women on this website that asks of men "what do you add to my life?" Honestly? Nothing. All I can do is just be there. I can't entertain you because I'm not funny. I can't buy you things because I'm not wealthy. I can't interest you physically because I'm not attractive. I can't impress you with knowledge because I'm not smart and you're probably smarter than me. I don't have fun outgoing hobbies for you to join me in. I don't even have a large friend group anymore because most of my friends at this point are so focused on their partners and their kids. I'm just some guy and I will probably die alone as just some guy that no one really notices.

People have said to me that I can go out there and become a better person. A more interesting person. This feels like advice you give to a 20 year old. I'm 36. I just am who I am at this point. I must stress that I'm not really unhappy with my life. I like the calm and quiet mundane day to day with some casual interest thrown in here and there. But it's not a life that impresses anyone, and the only problem I have with it is that it's lonely. That's all. So I'm not quite sure changing is really honest with anyone, but if being honest means I'll be alone, then I feel like it's a lose lose either way.

19M. I have adhd, anxiety, depression. I lack social skills, For fuck sake I cant even keep eye contact talking to family, let alone go socialize with people try to find a career that wont drive me crazy. I failed after high school. I try and try and try and end up in the same spot I started trying in. I got one job earlier this year and they let me go because work has been slow for the company, the one and only time I was able to get a job which paid amazingly I was 18 making 33+ an hour. Everything was finally going great for once in my life I felt like my parents were proud of me. After I got fired I didn’t know what to do, I started smoking weed and told myself I wasn’t going to abuse it. I was very wrong once I start I do not know how to stop unless I cant afford it. I pretty much have been spiraling from a weed addict to a feeling like imma have a manic episode for the past couple months. If it wasn’t for my girlfriend I literally don’t know where I would be right now. But now I’m trying to turn everything around my dad is going to lose his job soon but I don’t know how to start looking for a job. Only reason I got my last job was cause of my family’s connection to the company. I try indeed I get no replies or maybe the here and there online interviews where they ghost you right after. How do I build myself up, how do I stop letting my adhd control me. I am unmedicated. how do I become a better person? Where can I start? Any tips help, I just want to become better as quick as possible. For dinner a subway sub from a couple days ago

Edit: I appreciate the replies I have gotten this early, Im going to respond to most of them later when my mental clarity is a bit better I haven’t slept yet. But thank you everyone, and Im going to try my best to quit weed it helps a lot when I’m stressed but Im realizing its like a double bladed knife that stabs you in the back when you need it the most.

My (32) girlfriend (30) of about a year has recently become very focused on my dating history. We’ve talked about past relationships and the like, but last week she demanded that we go through my social media following one by one and I tell the story of anyone I’ve been involved with before I delete them.

I’m not attached to having them on socials but didn’t agree that she needed to know the backstory to every interaction. We compromise that I delete them while she watches. This still feels a little overbearing but honestly I understand it.

But, she took screenshots of my followers list before I deleted them, then referenced afterwards and found who was removed. She made a list of them and looked at their profiles and Googled (at least some of) them. This feels invasive to me in a way that I don’t really know how to describe.

Related, she’s recently started asking me to compare her to my past long term relationship, a woman I dated for four years until 2022. That relationship ended for emotional and logistical reasons and it’s long in the past - she’s now married and I’ve been in other relationships since.

My gf is convinced that, because I had a close and loving relationship previously, that she is not special to me. This is despite our relationship being defined by a dynamic where I continually show and tell her I love her while she is less openly affectionate.

She needs to know that I love her “more” than I loved my ex which I don’t know how to engage. In so many ways, I do love her more, but I also don’t agree that it’s right to compare relationships in some hierarchy.

Together, these things make her feel like I’m incapable of loving her, and it makes me feel like I’m damaged goods. She hasn’t generally been insecure in our relationship but we’ve started talking about the future more seriously and it seems to have sent us down this rabbit hole.

Homemade focaccia pizza

ETA: thanks everyone for your comments. They have been a bit overwhelming but I’ve read most (if not all?) of them and I think I know what I need to do. I’m sorry to not reply to anyone in particular but just know that I appreciate your advice and concerns

I met a girl a week ago through a mutual friend. First person ive met outside of a dating app in a very long time. I thought we had hit it off. It seemed like she was interested in what I had to say, asked my opinion on things, she gave me her number, and she even would find excuses for a touch. Last weekend, I invited her and our mutual friend out shooting and we had a great time.

Later that day I asked if she'd wanna get drinks/dinner so I could get to know her more. Nothing. Left on read. I was blocked this evening. Struggling on what the fuck happened.