My (32) girlfriend (30) of about a year has recently become very focused on my dating history. We’ve talked about past relationships and the like, but last week she demanded that we go through my social media following one by one and I tell the story of anyone I’ve been involved with before I delete them.

I’m not attached to having them on socials but didn’t agree that she needed to know the backstory to every interaction. We compromise that I delete them while she watches. This still feels a little overbearing but honestly I understand it.

But, she took screenshots of my followers list before I deleted them, then referenced afterwards and found who was removed. She made a list of them and looked at their profiles and Googled (at least some of) them. This feels invasive to me in a way that I don’t really know how to describe.

Related, she’s recently started asking me to compare her to my past long term relationship, a woman I dated for four years until 2022. That relationship ended for emotional and logistical reasons and it’s long in the past - she’s now married and I’ve been in other relationships since.

My gf is convinced that, because I had a close and loving relationship previously, that she is not special to me. This is despite our relationship being defined by a dynamic where I continually show and tell her I love her while she is less openly affectionate.

She needs to know that I love her “more” than I loved my ex which I don’t know how to engage. In so many ways, I do love her more, but I also don’t agree that it’s right to compare relationships in some hierarchy.

Together, these things make her feel like I’m incapable of loving her, and it makes me feel like I’m damaged goods. She hasn’t generally been insecure in our relationship but we’ve started talking about the future more seriously and it seems to have sent us down this rabbit hole.

Homemade focaccia pizza

ETA: thanks everyone for your comments. They have been a bit overwhelming but I’ve read most (if not all?) of them and I think I know what I need to do. I’m sorry to not reply to anyone in particular but just know that I appreciate your advice and concerns

my actual dinner at the Rockies game yesterday, eaten standing over a trash can

My wife (37F) and I (43M) have a what I think to be a happy, very open, communicative marriage. A year or so ago, we were chatting about her sexuality and how she’s always felt a little gay or bi but never explored it. So I said to her, “Well, you should explore it! I’m sure there is a place on the internet with people in your same stage in life, scenario who are probably having the same thoughts.”  And who am I to suppress this? She’s her own woman, we have children, a home and a whole ass life together. Do you really think she’s just gonna throw it all away? And if she is, and she falls in love or something than maybe that’s the way it was supposed to be.  I dunno.  It felt loving, supportive.  And its honestly, how I felt and still feel.  It’s nice feeling confident in where you stand with your partner even during hard conversations like this.  Anyway, we found Feeld.  She made a profile and instantly got a gajillion matches.  She’s kind of a sapphic wet dream.  Punk-y, stylish, beautiful, effortless. She went on a few dates and it was kind of fun – her coming back from dates telling me about “how weird lesbians are” or “we made out but she had the nastiest apartment.”  It was nice seeing her light up, feeling sexy, feeling alive, feeling like a piece of her that was always missing was finally here.   And then one day she said, “why don’t we go on these dates together? Would it be weird?” “Umm, fuck no. it wouldn’t be.” “But I don’t want to trounce on your thing, your discovery” “No, not at all this is what I want.” 

Fast forward a month, and we are just casually dating not one but two gals. Throuples! One was an elementary school teacher (37F) who was/is one of the funniest people around, and the other was an absolute rocket (26F) midnight ballerina/park ranger (lol shout out Colorado) with a sweet gentle soul. Recipe for disaster, right? Well, kinda. 

It lasted for the whole summer and the teacher was also dating someone else at the time and it ended up getting serious and they now live together.  But the park ranger, her and I really hit it off and would chat a lot, and to the point where my wife said “if you guys wanted to hang out just you and her, I am open to that, since you let me explore” and of course I said “Let’s do it.”

So there was some overlap here, this developed the same time we had a weekend getaway with the teacher and we were all talking about it and she pulled me to the side and said “I know she said shes ok with it, but don’t. Trust me.”

Well, I did.  The next week, We spent the day together, just her and I.  We hung out at her place, laughed and connected. We were intimate a bunch and honestly it was great. I genuinely had feelings for her and in another life we may have ended up together.  I still think about her. But…did I leave feeling like it was some unrequited love? No.  Would she have ever held a candle to my wife? No.  Should I have taken the advice of the “teacher”? Probably.

Because later that week, we were all supposed to hang out.  My wife, the park ranger and I – and we did.  Things got hot and heavy and my wife noticed a bit too much chemistry between the park ranger and I and it was making her uncomfortable I could tell. So afterwards what do we decide to do – go to a sex club. Also, awesome but bad idea. I could tell the vibes were off and I had no idea how to get them back. So I tried to f*ck the awkwardness away, it was hot as hell but still weird.  We hung out for a little longer and then went home, and I asked my wife if she could sleep over and she responded with “fuck no, get this bitch out of my house. ” “Will do, babe.”

And that’s the last I saw of the park ranger.

And that’s the last time my wife felt like “exploring.”

I did the thing I didn't want to do. "I don't want to trounce on your thing..."

I let my ego get in the way.

We're happy, still married, just monogamous.

I told her, with complete honesty "You can bang another dude to even up the score, just send me 3-7 pics"

She said "Thats not what it about you stupid fruit"

Anyway, I've never told anyone that story. Sorry if its weird.

TL;DR: Encouraged my wife to explore her bisexuality, we briefly became poly, I got too into one of our girlfriends, ignored a very accurate warning, and accidentally killed the whole experiment. Still happily married. Now monogamous. Learned some shit. 

UPDATE: Just in case, y'all were curious. This was Summer '24 (I said a year or so ago) and we are still married. tbh it was a fun season that we had and it had kind of a silly ending, it really wasn't too serious. If anything it was fun, scandalous, playful thing I did with my wife and we learned a lot about communication, being honest and how thinking with your dingus can mess stuff up.

My wife is from an area with a pretty shallow dating pool. Lots of oil workers, very "traditional" men (work away from home for weeks on end, then drink and go out or buy and play with expensive toys when they're home while wife handles everything, then complain about their family like they ruined their life). That's part of why my wife moved away, and she met me while studying here. One of her friends (we'll call her M) is married to such a man (we'll call him T). She became a SAHM during the tail end of covid. She's been socially isolated by COVID restrictions and her own immune issues, parenting, where they live, and his financial abuse (limiting her "allowance" such that she can't afford to do much). We don't like T. He's a prick. M settled because he's no worse than the rest.

We became parents ourselves about a year ago, and gave all her friends an open invitation to visit and bring their kids. M decided to take us up on it when T wanted to take their kid to a family gathering she couldn't bear attending (that's a whole other story). T took their kid, his sister basically does all of the childcare at these gatherings and she's a great mom which is the only reason M allows this.

So, M visits for a few days. She's never been to our area so we take her on a basic tourist itinerary. I'm functionally a SAHD that has a remote job. My wife is self employed and I support her business in a variety of ways. M watched us juggle our daily lives while hosting a guest. M and my wife went out on their own a few times for meals or day trips. They took our child along for other things to give me space and let me work. It all felt like a pretty basic, low-key visit. We didn't roll out the red carpet, it was business as usual with a third wheel.

A couple weeks later, my wife comes flying through the door saying "M is leaving T! She served him papers and is living with her cousin!". Apparently, her witnessing what a "good" husband looks like (I'm not perfect but I try) was the final straw. She went home and spent the entire day crying before T got back. What she told my wife basically boiled down to her not knowing what it was like to actually have a respectful partner and she couldn't go back to her life after that. She described things I did that weren't anything special for me to do, but were foreign to her, like considering her dietary restrictions when cooking or choosing restaurants, and watching my child while they went out and still managing the household chores. When T left for the fields again, she moved out. He's not contesting her request for full custody. Shocker.

I didn't really do anything and the bar was low with her but it feels validating still.

Anyway, homemade carnitas tacos and green beans.

Had a reservation for us and we got into a stupid argument while getting ready. She ended up saying she didnt want to go anymore and told me to just go without her.

Normally I would've cancelled too, but this time I actually went.

Ordered the mussels she was excited to try.

About halfway through she texted me asking if I seriously went without her, so I sent her a pic of the food, then followed it with "hope they're good."

Could not tell if she was mad, impressed, or both.

She acted normally when I got home so I'll take it that she was impressed lmao.

sad spicy pizza and reupload because reddit cannot properly process my photo

english is not my main language so sorry for any mistakes. i just really need to write this somewhere because i feel like im losing my mind and my chest physically hurts.

i broke up with my ex last winter after a long and toxic relationship. it left me with a lot of trust issues and for the past months i struggled a lot on dating apps. i had matches, but i felt completely disconnected and emotionally numb with everyone. i just thought maybe i wasnt capable of feeling safe or accepted with someone again.

about two weeks ago i matched with this girl. im 26m and she was 25. right away it felt different. we had the same exact humor, life philosophy, same love for adrenaline. we talked for two days straight and exchanged probably more than 500 messages. it felt so natural like we already knew each other for years.

our first date was supposed to be just a quick coffee. coffee turned into dinner, and dinner turned into walking around a park for hours. we laughed non stop and she genuinely looked at me and said she hadnt felt this good in such a long time, asking me to stay a bit longer. i felt the exact same way. i dropped her home at 2am even though we both had work at 9am. the very next day we did the exact same thing. straight to dinner, then walking in the park until 2am on another workday.

after a one day break because i had a work event, she asked if i could take my motorcycle so we could ride together. she was working on getting her bike license too. i am usually so reluctant to take anyone on my back, i basically never carry passengers because it takes an insane amount of trust. but i took her. i have never seen someone look so genuinely happy. we rode to a castle nearby and watched the sunset on a bench, just holding each other. i cannot get the memory out of my head of her hand caressing my chest while i was driving, or me caressing her head while we sat on that bench. i honestly think i fell in love with her right there.

on the ride back into town she told me she was feeling unwell and asked to stop. we parked the bike, ordered an uber, and i took her home. she was feeling so sick and was in such a rush to get inside that i didnt even hug her goodbye. i just took another uber back to pick up my motorcycle. that was the last time i ever saw her face.

the next day she told me she went to the er. the doctors said it was something with her stomach and sent her home with pills. we barely exchanged a few messages because she was resting. the day after that she had to go back to the hospital. she sent me two voice notes sounding so weak, and her last text to me was saying that she misses me and wishes she could see me.

after that, complete silence. for the next two days i sent messages asking if she was okay, asking if i could bring her anything or help. no replies. i checked her instagram and tiktok, zero activity.

on the third day i was so worried that i went to her workplace just to see if someone had news. when i walked in, i saw her photo sitting there with a black ribbon over it. i froze but i managed to briefly ask a coworker who was rushing past, and she told me she died before going into surgery because of severe food poisoning, but she didnt know more. i just stood there and started crying.

it has been a week now and i cant function. i fell harder for this girl in three days than i did in years of my past relationship. the guilt is eating me alive. i feel guilty that i didnt hug her that last night, guilty that i wasnt there with her in that hospital, but mostly i am just devastated that this chance was stolen from us before our story even properly began. we dont even have a single photo together. all i have left are three days of memories replaying in my head on loop, and the voice notes of someone i will never get to see again.

i just hope you get to have the most beautiful ride among the stars now. i hope somewhere out there you know that you were loved, even though i never got the chance to say it to you.

Previous post.

First of all thanks to everyone that commented. I really appreciate how there were some different opinions, all of them helpful in their own way and I really liked to have so many points of view on the subject.

Yesterday, she asked me if I wanted to go out to celebrate to have dinner, and on the way there I proposed that she stop the car to talk for a while and spilled the beans. I told her everything, and focused on how what we agreed on didn't work for me, as the solution only catered to her needs and wasn't good enough for me. I explained how I thought that I'd much rather have both of us giving than just have nothing going on. We even talked about some things that I didn't write in my previous post (the post was already long enough as it was lol), and we decided that in order for our relationship to work we needed for it to change. She agreed.

There was a point during the conversation where I thought we were breaking up. But she came through and explained how she wanted to change (I really felt it later in the evening, i really felt she put more effort into being with me and I think she enjoyed it).

She asked why I was with her when the relationship wasn't right for me and that's something that made me think a lot. I love her and I love us, and even though right now this relationship is somewhat taxing (I feel like I'm giving more than I'm getting) I know it's been better in the past and I feel that it's almost guaranteed to be better in the future. Besides, right now I'm happy, even if my relationship is not the source of the happiness. I can afford to have my relationship "drain me" a little bit, as I think of it as an investment so that it can blossom into something better in the near future. If I were unhappy I would have left a long time ago.

All of that said I won't be as "easy" in the future. If I don't see these changes coming soon, I'll look for love somewhere else, I'm not that dumb.

But everything is looking good now! I've admitted to some of the things I've done wrong and so has she. She's told me she wants to change and make things right, and she's admitted she has neglected me these past few months.

TLDR: She admitted to her mistakes and wants to change. I'll keep around unless I see these changes aren't coming.

Dinner: Leftovers from lunch, meatballs, salad and cold tomato soup. I arranged them fancily because I feel happy.

These are oven baked Pizza Bagels. I left them just a little longer than the box said to get a bit of crisp on the mini-pepperonis. Bottom was not badly burnt doing that. Took it out just in time. I try not to microwave these when I can because they get soft in the microwave. I definitely prefer these the crisp way.

I'm alone for another night and needed to get this off of my chest. I feel like a permanently average man. I've been overlooked most of my life. In some respects, I've used that as fuel to try harder in my younger years. I've studied hard, tried to stand out from the crowd. I broke into a very difficult career and have been working at it ever since. But I'm 36 now and I'm looking at my life around me. My friends are out there with their partners (everyone I know is married, I'm literally the only one I know that's single) doing wonderful things, having amazing lives, and I'm coming home to just indulge in some hobbies, stay up a bit too late gaming, sometimes binge a show, then wake up and go to work. It's gotten worse since COVID where I haven't really changed much from those years where everyone was staying at home.

I'm a very introverted person so this doesn't really bother me personally. But I've been putting myself more out there more and with each passing time, the women I've interact with just lose interest. And it dawned on me that I'm single because I just have nothing to offer anyone. I'm just there and I don't think anyone catches romantic feelings for someone that just exists. I fail at the initial dating stage because I don't stand out, like my friends do.

So it's come back from my past when I was perpetually overlooked. Despite my hard work and my career or whatever interest I've developed for myself, I am still just average. Just some guy. I see women on dating apps ask on their profile "what can you offer me?" or women on this website that asks of men "what do you add to my life?" Honestly? Nothing. All I can do is just be there. I can't entertain you because I'm not funny. I can't buy you things because I'm not wealthy. I can't interest you physically because I'm not attractive. I can't impress you with knowledge because I'm not smart and you're probably smarter than me. I don't have fun outgoing hobbies for you to join me in. I don't even have a large friend group anymore because most of my friends at this point are so focused on their partners and their kids. I'm just some guy and I will probably die alone as just some guy that no one really notices.

People have said to me that I can go out there and become a better person. A more interesting person. This feels like advice you give to a 20 year old. I'm 36. I just am who I am at this point. I must stress that I'm not really unhappy with my life. I like the calm and quiet mundane day to day with some casual interest thrown in here and there. But it's not a life that impresses anyone, and the only problem I have with it is that it's lonely. That's all. So I'm not quite sure changing is really honest with anyone, but if being honest means I'll be alone, then I feel like it's a lose lose either way.

My brother is having a wedding so I'll be seeing my Dad for the first time in three years or so. He lied to me and my family repeatedly about said topic leading up to it and then slept with my very intoxicated now ex-girlfriend of 6 years who he had known since we were quite young, until my Mom walked in on a family trip, which was the last time I saw him.

Not sure if I should see him before the wedding or just briefly say something beforehand day of just to let the emotions out before the actual wedding, or just strongman and pretend nothing happened the whole time.

Uber Eats'ed viet noodles

Previous Post

Last week, I posted about a short term relationship abruptly ending a day after she met my family and it was done via text just an hour after I was with her and was intimate too.

Until this morning, I didn't get much sleep. Maybe 3-5 hours a night. Like many, I tend to replay everything about a relationship when it ends to determine what I could have done differently, but truthfully I don't think I could have done anything differently. I'm also a bit of an over-invester which makes breakups tougher, I take responsibility for that.

I still disagree with the way in which she ended things when she could have talked to me in person an hour prior, expressed concerns before meeting my family, but we aren't perfect. I just hope that she learned from it and while it seemed malicious, she was completely honest and that is always the best policy. For all I know, a previous ex of hers could have been abusive which lead her to fear for her safety. I know she's been in abusive relationships, but didn't inquire for details she didn't disclose on her own. I know I'm not abusive, but experiences like that will shape somebody's decisions and while it's my right to be hurt, their decision was probably not related to their respect they have for me or lack thereof.

I deserved better than that, but that also isn't something I need to hear from her. She knows that and so do I. Regardless, that's not a fun decision to make especially when the person you're dumping was kind to you. I've been there! I do know she felt horrible about it all too, I can confidently say she is an empathetic person who can admit to mistakes. She's a very anxious person too. I did have a therapy session Wednesday where this incident was the focus and that helped a good bit, at least until the next morning.

Last Thursday when I was still overthinking, re-playing, and asking myself why she didn't want to keep things going during the early morning, my cat was acting weird. I took him to the emergency vet and ended up leaving with an empty cat carrier. At that point, it was truly a week from hell. My cat was my everything, he had been with me through so many awful events and my world turned upside down. I'll miss Buster so much. So now I had two rough life events stuck on my mind.

To properly grieve my cat and give him my full bandwidth, I actually decided to message her that I do forgive her for the way things ended (as she told me she hopes that one day I can forgive her) and while I wish it was done in better taste, that I wanted her to know that there's no animosity. She responded and said she appreciated that. We left it at that.

Tbh, I feel a lot better. Some may call me a simp, or say I lack self-respect, but I think life is too short to hate people who are flawed just like I am. One could probably say I absolutely didn't have to forgive her and I wouldn't judge somebody who wouldn't, but I chose to for myself. I cannot see myself circling back if she ever expressed that interest though. She kind of crossed the Rubicon. I've established some new boundaries to bring to future relationships.

I've also reflected. That relationship probably wasn't going to work out for me long-term anyways. I always drove to her area, I always paid for everything and she never offered, she even said she doesn't like driving more than 20 minutes or so and wouldn't want to come see me too often. She was also much more of a homebody than I am, and I tried to convince myself how awesome that is. Clearly when I get back out there, I need to step back more regularly and ask myself if this person is a good fit for me before I get emotionally invested. Again, we're not perfect. The woman I ended things with to be with her exclusively was a better fit and I had the best first date ever with her, I absolutely fumbled that but I take responsibility and will live with the consequences haha hopefully she finds an awesome guy though.

Wouldn't have believed anyone if they told me 5 days ago that today I'd be at peace about the loss of what felt like a great relationship along with my cat who I'll miss forever. There's someone out there for me and I will find her in time and I'm going to get a cat from a shelter soon and give them the best life like I did for my previous one who was much safer in my home than on the streets where I found him.

Gyro rice bowl and a Guinness draft 🙂 life is good, fellas.

My best friend and I basically stopped talking out of nowhere a few months ago. No argument, no big falling out, he just slowly stopped answering and eventually I quit reaching out.

He texted me this weekend asking if I wanted to grab food and talk. We ended up at this taco place we used to go to all the time.

Turns out his girlfriend really didnt like me and kept telling him I was a bad influence, so instead of telling me any of that he just started distancing himself. They broke up recently and now he wants things to go back to normal.

I missed the guy but sitting there listening to him explain it I realized I'm still pretty pissed. Not sure you can just disappear on someone for months and then pick the friendship back up like nothing happened.

Street tacos

BBQ ribs, roasted carrots, potato salad, yellow beans, corn on the cob.

We were together almost 4 years. So many of my best memories and firsts were by her side. Every vision I had of my future had her at the center of it. She was such a massive piece of my life, my world, my identity. She brought me so much joy, added such electricity to my life, made me feel complete. I was totally in love. And I thought she loved me too. She always said she did.

I should have never let myself get attached like I did. Because now that it's gone, I feel hurt on a level matched only by the amount of love I had for her.

She hooked up with some random dude while we were on vacation with our friend group while she was drunk, and again with one of her brother's loser friends a week before she dumped me (with no reason given, just that she "feels" we should no longer be together, but I'd imagine it's a mixture of guilt and wanting to lean into this more low-commitment lifestyle she seems to desire).

Now everything we built is done. I have to pick up the pieces. I have to create a version of my life that no longer requires her in it.

Not sure where else to post this. My best friend since 2010 and I are basically done being friends. He was best man in my tiny wedding, I was a groomsman in his big wedding. We met at a hobby and even though I moved away, we still kept in touch semi-regularly. He would call me on his way to work or I would call him after work once a week or so, we'd catch up, and that'd be that. Eventually once a week became once a month. Then once every few months.

Over the past few years, he's completely soured on the hobby where we met while I've redoubled my participation in it. It's caused him to become this utterly bitter person. The last time I tried to tell him how I was doing in the organization, he basically reacted in a way that made it clear we weren't really friends anymore, we were just two guys who don't have anything in common anymore and we're trying to hang onto a friendship that used to mean a lot. I told him in so many words that I don't think the bitterness and grudge he's holding onto is healthy and he all but told me to shove off.

It had been like 9 months since the last time he called and if he calls again, I don't think I'm going to answer anymore. It makes me incredibly sad because I've got some really cool things coming up that I'd want him to be a part of and I never pictured them without him.

Dinner is fried chicken, green beans, corn, fries, and these really crazy deep fried sugar biscuit things.

ETA: the hobby is LARPing. Massive nerds the both of us, we bonded over essentially outside-D&D.

I am a 28 year old man whose main hobbies include fighting games (and other assorted video games), hanging out with my cats, comic books and bicycling.

either predominantly men-dominated communities, staying inside, or bicycling which isn't exactly a social event (really just riding past other people when I bike alongside my friend).

Dating apps don't work and I certainly wouldn't bother the women in my life with the task of setting me up with someone. Bit of an introvert which doesn't help, but that doesn't mean I can't try.

I just have no idea what spaces to exist in

Green bean casserole 👁👄👁

I’m starting college tomorrow, left my job to work part time at the Dollar General which is really close to where I live.
I’ve worked there a couple times before briefly and under different management.
I used to go in all the time to shop and the assistant manager and I would flirt subtly back and forth.

The flirting went from subtle to texting back and forth being straight about it, and today she pulled me over in the break room and we made out for about two minutes straight.
She wants to make plans and tells me I make her super horny.

Am I in over my head?
The job isn’t that big of a deal for me

Also, I’m 24 and she’s 31.

UPDATE: she took me to show me how to make the store deposit at the bank and pulled into a graveyard on the way back. We hooked up, came back and I clocked out and asked my manager to transfer me stores. I still have my job.
Tbh I wasn’t that into it and it was awkward.
Lesson learned, had my fun, it’s over now.

​

Meal: Fettuccine with seafood and fried tomatoes.

Today my girlfriend of more than 2 years made a big step in regaining to be able to trust again.

We both met in a self help group for divorced/left spouses. Long story short, my wife left me and my daughter for her affair partner after bluntly telling me she always was lesbian and I am the problem.

Got really bad after but with the help of a very observant social worker and a person I never thought would have my back filing a witness statement about the false allegations my ex made to gain custody after the abandonment, I received full custody. Crazy enough, it helped me move on even easier. Only hiccup is my ex dodging child support but honestly, f that.

My girlfriend's husband had multiple affairs and she only found out when he left his account logged in the tablet. She literally saw the affair happening in real time. Talk about ptsd inducing stuff.

Anyway, she has serious trust issues to this day even with therapy. Some things just stay with you.

I knew it from the beginning. But I grew up in a very tight nit household and my parents aren't people who think "privacy". They are literally privacy communists 😅 but they always asked before invading. And they asked a lot. Still do.

Well, for about a year now my girlfriend and her therapist worked on her impulsive need to check but having my parents around (they love her, opposite to my ex) doesn't help, to put it mildly. Adding my own attitude to my privacy, which doesn't exist, my girlfriend had a hard time with keeping her own self imposed boundaries when she got into her own head or was triggered by something.

Today it happened. She crossed out the 31st day on the calendar of the fridge. She is so proud of herself but also somehow mourns the fact that she is like that. The last few days were hard for her. I came home late one day and forgot to call ahead. One time I took the kids to the park with her ex (wild story, but he is admittedly the worst husband but a great father to his kids and actually a great "step dad" to my daughter). This man is a conundrum on legs.

Anyway, we sent the kids to my parents and will celebrate tonight. Because fuck trust issues and fuck anxiety.

As I can't really tell our friends, because some things are private even for me, you lot have to suffer me being proud of my girlfriend. Let's see if she can continue on her self imposed journey. In my mind there will be no failure anyway, no matter if she "snoops" again or not.

Thanks for listening to this stupid guy.

EDIT): thank you so much for al your support and encouraging words. I showed the post to my girlfriend and she likes to let you know that she is really happy that this little progress got do much nice and loving comments.

There are so many comments I can't reply to them all, but thank you all, I appreciate the support.

I will try to answer some of the comments who had questions because I don't want let you hanging.

As for the evening yesterday? Let's just say, parents with more than one week of experience know what happens if you have 4 kids who are all excited and one of them being very sensitive. But we got the dinner time alone before the call came.

Thanks a lot.

https://imgur.com/a/NUA97xj

First post, wrote more than I thought lol

My (23m) best friend (26f) of 3.5 years finally sent me a huge paragraph two days ago saying she's stepping back from the friendship, being close friends and hanging out like we have. I asked for some clarification about whether we would still see each other in group settings, and she said she'd like to avoid that - so it's effectively no contact. Not just being "close" friends, but friends in general.

I was already kind of expecting this since she's been seeing someone for a while. He's 10 years older than her and has a ton of trust issues from past relationships. It was pretty obvious her message was directly requested by him as some sort of ultimatum. She mentioned focusing on her relationship several times. For context, they were an on-and-off situationship for about 10 months and he refused to commit until recently. Part of this is because they have small rough patches every two weeks where he gets in his head about his trust issues. He thinks she's too innocent/naive with guys (part of why I saw this coming), and has said that he doesn't want his girl to get 'handled' by other men.

Meanwhile she has accommodated him to an insane degree, informing him of EVERY interaction she has with other guys to reassure him. There was still an occasion recently where he accused her matter-of-factly of checking out some guy in his car when they were out, even though she was genuinely just zoned out and staring into space (he didn't believe her).

She is extremely head over heels for him and probably the most loyal person I know, almost to a fault. She stayed with her ex (my former friend) way longer than anybody else would when he borderline neglected her. Rose-colored glasses would describe her perfectly. Despite some other issues with the new guy (won't get into them for length reasons but our friend-group does NOT like him), he does treat her really well for what it's worth. Therefore, I know there's no chance she would do something to compromise their relationship. I doubt she would ever argue with him or criticize something he says.

I think I'm just slightly confused about why this is all happening *now*. Her phrasing said we were close friends, but I would disagree. I had already been distancing myself a bit out of courtesy. We talk on the phone a few times a week and text each other (not even every day, and if I'm being honest she reaches out first most of the time). Seeing each other in person has been VERY limited as well. She is at his place pretty much every night, and when we DO see each other it is in a group environment 90% of the time. We hang out one-on-one maybe once every two months?

The most recent time was four days ago, it was random and we hung out for an hour while I accompanied her with some errands (SHE asked ME). It was actually pretty fun, we were laughing a lot and she gave no indication that I would be getting that message in two days. During the hangout, he called her. She told him I was there and asked me to say hi. It was the first time we actually interacted, and I thought it went fine even though it was just a few words exchanged. He had already heard a lot about me from her obviously so it's not like I was a stranger. Personally, I think that actually talking to him and hearing my voice gave him something 'tangible' to assign to me. This probably made the "threat" (lol) I pose real to him and presumably the final straw. Also worth mentioning that when they were still slightly new, he told her that our kind of friendship (guy and girl being good friends) was foreign to him.

Goes without saying, but we were never anything but platonic. I feel like I would be posting in bad faith if I didn't say we used to occasionally get the dating accusations that guy-girl friendships get (the most recent accusations were before she even got with this guy, as even back then we weren't hanging as much as we used to). However, we brushed them off as the ridiculous comments that they were. When I first met her, it was already basically cemented that she was going to date my friend. In other words, there wasn't really a chance for feelings to develop in the first place. I also really hate the pathetic nice guy who waits around for the girl trope, and I did not like that being insinuated about me. I genuinely just really valued the friendship.

Anyway. While I am sad about it, I know this kind of stuff happens so I guess I'm just venting. I took the high road as much as possible in my response so that he doesn't have any reason to prove himself right. I was respectful and walked away guilt-free with my integrity intact. I also know that if he ever starts up with his trust issues again, it will be pretty obvious I was never the problem.

I think I mostly just feel bad for her. I'm worried that pretty soon she will be isolated from everyone, and she doesn't have a lot of people to begin with. Even though I wouldn't have considered us 'close' anymore, I was definitely still the closest friend she had. She has also had pretty bad luck in past relationships. Although she obviously doesn't realize that she could do better than him, he is still comparatively better than anything she's had before. So while I know *she* wrote the paragraph, I don't fully blame her for choosing her relationship. It happens

ikea meatballs and mashed potato !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i put more gravy on the meatballs after pic was taken dw they were not dry

My dinner is baked rice with pork ribs.

Since I (M29) can remember I was always idealizing how a relationship should be, even as a teenager I was pretty romantic. I wanted to meet my perfect person, not even thinking too much about the looks, marry her and have a family. Never had big dreams of being a careerist or getting rich, I just wanted to love and feel loved.
All this went out the window as my teenage years were quite ugly, and my lack of confidence didn’t draw people in, but as I overcame this issue in my adult years women started to approach me and I just welcomed any attention because I was starved for it.

My first gf became a prostitute (meanwhile dating, and wanted me to be okay with it), second one cheated on me and gaslighted me meanwhile she continued doing it, third one was a cocaine addict, fourth one started dating me meanwhile having another boyfriend so I ended things when I figured it out.
Fifth one was the final cherry on top, also had a boyfriend when we met and was just looking for someone for a threesome, only told me this right before breaking up. She was fully economically dependent on me, drug user, sex addict and incredibly jealous. During a trip to her home country she sent me a photo of her dinner without realizing there was some guy’s hand on the table sitting opposite to her, when asked she said it was better this way because that way other guys would not accost her so much on the street, and that if I had gone with her it would not be necessary. She ended up insisting so much on doing WEIRD sexual things that I just had enough. I always knew that the relationship would not last, but I always took pity because she had no one in the country and always needed help.

Right before ending things with this last person someone came my way as a friend first, and was very open about having feelings for me. She helped me see how I had given up on what I wanted, how I just accepted that most people are dishonest and will betray me at some point. So I gave her a chance, which was the best thing I have ever done.
After 4 years of smooth sailing in this relationship we are getting married in a month. My trauma from past relationships sometimes acts up and I freak out thinking this is too good to last, so I feel this strange pressure to over perform and become the ultimate man or something. But she reassures me that she wants me for me.
I guess I just want to tell you guys that even if life has mistreated you, keep trying, work on yourselves, sometimes you just need hope and patience. What you want and need might be just around the corner.
Much love to you all gents and lady lurkers.

Note: This is the mid post of four scrambled eggs, with salsa and two hashbrowns.

To begin this, I’m 24 and have deep issues with anxiety and ADHD. I’ve been managing it with medicine but went off of it 20 months ago after I graduated from college, believing I don’t need it anymore.

This afternoon, I woke up after being stood up from a date yesterday. Slept in horribly, felt like shit about it, and was reminded of an ex I had 8 months ago.

I have zero friends irl as I wasn’t the most outgoing in college, and I have a comp sci major with a bachelors degree in cloud computing and several certifications, which I’ve been applying for jobs in that field for 20 months.

I have a job as a security guard, but I am by myself, at a station with no one else, just pressing a button for the gate to lift and close. I’m grateful for the employment, and some would consider it a dream job, but it is one filled with even more hollow loneliness for me.

I used to have a friend group online, but my anxieties in miscommunicating if I’m even wanted or not, lead me to distance myself from them, which in turn created a self fulfilling prophecy where I was shunted out of it. I was invited into another friend group online, but I feel so distinctly different from them and have little in common. They banter and joke often as a form of familiarity but I’m often referred to as the “token autistic person” jokingly whenever I’m introduced to someone new there. I honestly don’t know what to make of that, since they don’t mind if I’m there but never really invite me to get on call if they’re ever on. I know it sounds stupid wanting to be invited but it would be nice.

Not to mention, one of the people in that current friend group is from the previous one that kicked me out, so it feels even more awkward.

Online drama aside…my frustrations in having no friends irl, no job opportunities in person despite going to job fairs and applying to various locations, and waking up every morning to “zero notifications”, it makes everything suck.

I thank god I have a loving father who cares and checks in on me, in his own boomer way and also helps me out however he can. I know that I can hang out with those my age in my family, but I’m so very different from them. They’re outgoing and passionate, and I’m kind of a recluse with different, nerdier hobbies than them.

I know there are things I can do to improve my life, but at the movement, all reason, all hope, and all motivation feels like it’s being smothered in a lead carpet and I’m so sad sometimes that it gets hard to breathe without choking up suddenly on tears.

I want friends, I want someone to hang out with and chat on a daily basis about stupid small stuff, I want a job in the field I went into student debt for…

…I want to be understood and accepted by peers I don’t have anymore and I don’t know what to do or how to move on. This loneliness is driving me crazy and this can’t be all there is, it just can’t.

Food: fried rice with a side of egg and some garnish to celebrate(?) hitting rock bottom mentally again

Maybe some of you remember my other posts, but had a little obstacle with my gf (now ex). So to summarise the experience, the first few months were amazing and last month and a half she neglected me and it was awful. We managed to talk it out but a week or so ago she told me she has bpd. Yeah not the best thing to keep hidden.... And we sort of mutually agreed it would be better to part ways. Even though I wasn't super attached to her anymore after that month and a half of misery, it still hurts and I feel more lonely than ever. Aside from that I feel lost in life, everything I had planned is basically out the window. So now it's time to work on myself again and hopefully meet someone that will love me back :)

To anyone reading this, hope ya have a wonderful day <3

My girl does jui jitsu and recently there's been a dude there that's been getting pretty obsessive with her and frankly just downright creepy. Several other people have noticed and said as much as well. We talked and I asked if anything unusual had happened recently that may have led to him getting obsessive. She said no happened out of nowhere. I've asked if I could comfort the dude but she asked that I don't.

We'll come to find out right before he started getting creepy she did a photoshoot for his Instagram page that is 100% thirst traps of a whole bunch of different women. Never mentioned anything to me and conveniently left that out when we were talking about what may have started it. She doesn't know I know and so I've asked a few more questions and every answer has been pretty vague. Planning on comforting her today about it. And in my head were over, not even so much the photo shoot but the fact that she hid it and lied saying nothing unusual had happened between them recently.

But I've been cheated on before and my trust issues go crazy at the smallest thing. Honestly am I over reacting or is it time to call it quits?

Coconut sticky rice

Chicken & shrimp alfredo i made

I hate you
I hate you because you dont care about me as much as i care about you
I hate you because all that matters to me is how happy you are
I hate you because you made me feel things im not supposed to feel
I hate you because i cried laughed and felt pain for you
I hate you because its so hard to hate you
I hate you because im happy around you and im not used to being happy
I hate you because i love you so much but i cant love you in any way i want to love you
I hate you because i hate how i let myself not hate you, because for once i didn’t push someone away, for once i opened up and let myself be even remotely vulnerable and you didn’t hurt me for being vulnerable
I hate that i cant hate you, no matter how much you hurt me or how much you do anything that makes me feel like shit
And that between all the alcohol and all the dr*gs, all i really want is to just spend more time with you. I dont want sex, i dont want kisses, i dont want anything but to be with you more than im allowed to be.
I hate that my whole life my feelings never mattered and for once you made me feel like they did.
I hate that i love you, and that im not supposed love you.
More than all this, i hate myself for letting it happen.
And yet i dont regret any of it, id go through it all again because to me you are that special.

Saw a reel on Instagram yesterday talking about how you should use reverse image search to see if the person you’re dating is living a double life. The tone of the reel was comedic but had some real wisdom behind it so I tried it out with the girl I’ve currently been dating for a couple months and, lo and behold, I found her escort listing ad on multiple different sites offering foot jobs and “exotic” massages with a fake TextNow number to contact her. Was completely shocked but am still grateful to God that I found out about this sooner rather than later. Reverse image search is your friend. Always do your due diligence about the people who you choose to interact with. Still a bit heartbroken but more pissed at myself for not being more vigilant. C’est la vie though

Food is some Pesto Al busiate trapanese with some polpette meatballs and a Coca-Cola.