I'm almost 40, and lately I've been thinking a lot about what I've actually built with my life.
I've spent most of my adult life doing creative work. I worked as a screenwriter and writer for years, and now I make video games. I've had some successes along the way, so it's not like I've accomplished nothing. But I've never had the kind of success that makes this lifestyle sustainable.
And I'm starting to feel the cost of it.
I work a lot just to make relatively little money. I spend a lot of time worrying about projects failing. Because I don't have much money or free time, my life outside work isn't particularly exciting either. There are hobbies and things I'd love to do, places I'd like to go, but I keep postponing them because there's always another project that needs my time and money.
I'm also reaching the age when I'd like to be able to help my parents if they need it. Fortunately they don't right now, but that might change.
And probably the hardest part is that I want to have a family of my own, but at the moment I don't feel like I have the financial stability or resources for it.
So lately I've been considering something that would have sounded depressing to me ten years ago: maybe I should just get a normal, stable job.
Something predictable. Something that pays reasonably well and doesn't require me to constantly gamble several years of my life on whether a creative project succeeds.
The strange thing is that I don't think I've stopped being a creative person. I still love making things. Maybe I always will. I'm just starting to question the assumption that creativity also has to be my career.
Maybe writing and making games could become things I do in my free time instead. And maybe having a stable income would actually give me more of a life, rather than less of one.
Has anyone here gone through something similar? Especially people who spent years trying to make a creative career work and eventually chose stability instead. Did it feel like giving up? Or did it actually make your life better?