Reflections from the community: 

Good morning, everybody, Hope you are all well.

I thought I would make a wee video to explain to you guys my journey that brought me to Christianity, and opening my heart to our Lord Jesus Christ.

Now I am taking my journey to the next stage, which is me getting Baptised, and letting God know that I have now given him my heart 100%.

I apologise in advance for the camera confidence, I’ve never spoken into a camera before, but I’m sharing this with Christians, and I know we don’t judge haha.

I’m struggling to type this as I just got off the phone after having a very difficult phone call with my pastor.

For context, I am a regular visitor at an SDA church and I am not yet baptised. I’ve been attending for several years now. I don’t really talk with my pastor much; the most interaction I’ve had is a handshake and a “how are you?”
The last time my pastor called me was regarding complaints he was receiving from church members about me singing in the choir without being baptised. It was this whole issue that people were bringing up, and the pastor was expressing the pressure he was getting from it.

Fast forward now six months later, and he calls me out of the blue.

The conversation starts with me expressing my findings from researching Bible history, the issues I was having, as well as my exploration into the Orthodox Church and, overall, just trying to find the right spiritual path. That went on for a bit until the topic which I feel he really called for came up.

He suddenly got a bit more serious and said,

“Off topic, I wanted to ask… you dress very feminine, I mean, and just present a lot like a woman. I wanted to ask what that’s about because I sense identity issues in you.”

Very respectful, very mindful, so I told him candidly about my experiences growing up feminine and gay, how I struggled to accept that I can be a man and feminine, and that I don’t necessarily have to be a woman to be socially accepted.

He responded by asking if it was a choice, the way I present. Idk, it was weird the way he delivered it, but basically he was asking if I felt it was a choice between being feminine and masculine.

And I replied by saying, when I am feminine, I am choosing not to “pretend” to be something else like I was raised to. I’m just existing, and how that presents is feminine. When I feel safe, my guard comes down and those characteristics come out.

Anyway, he went on to ask if I’ve ever acted on it, being gay that is. And I said I was in a committed relationship only once, which I left to follow God.

I expressed how this was truly the most difficult part of my journey, where I had to leave someone I truly loved and cared for because I had a feeling that it was what God wanted. So my entry into the church, when they first met me, was during a very dark period in my life. I was grieving, essentially, but couldn’t tell anybody.

He moved on with no comment and then asked if I was the woman or the man in the relationship. I said I was a man with a man. I was feminine; he was masculine. But again, that was my only relationship.

He then nervously inserted that he wasn’t certain of these things because he thought it was always a woman and a man role-playing in these types of relationships.
I told him that in some relationships that’s true; in others, both may be masculine or both might be feminine.

He then asked if a man approached me now, would I date that man?
I said no, because what led me out of my original relationship was that I felt like it wasn’t where God wanted me. I felt a deep ick, like it was wrong.

Then he asked if I would ever marry a woman.
I said no, because I will always be upfront and honest about who I am, so part of the journey I’ve struggled with is entertaining the possibility of being alone for life.
I think back at how casually I said that, but sitting with it now… wow. That’s actually a really heavy statement…
But I’m so used to it being a topic of debate in the Christian sphere that I didn’t allow myself to process that for too long. Like before, he paused, and then he moved on to the next question.

What followed was more poking and prodding around my identity, how I feel about how I dress, and it basically making people uncomfortable. God, I can’t even type without crying. This is so dumb.

Okay, anyway, so he asked me how I feel about that because he’s apparently been getting a seaaaa of complaints from people concerned about me being in the choir, me showing up looking feminine, and people mistaking me for a woman.

Mind you, what I wear isn’t a dress or anything. At most, it’s black, slightly heeled boots and baggy, high-waisted trousers with random button-ups. I’ll also occasionally wear really baggy shirts with baggy pants, so I look more, I guess, neutral?

But anyway, he was saying people were complaining from both the branch churches I visit during the day.

He was saying that he was only able to put people’s minds at ease when he told them that there was a process of me growing closer to Christ, which is why he allows me to sing in the choir.

But people are observing me looking more feminine than before, and so it looks as though I’m slipping backwards. He starting pointing out the heels, the trousers when the “feminine bangle” I wear on my wrist which is a basic silver wrist band gifted by my dad who isn’t even in the same country as me, so it all felt like knit picks but I understood his point and I felt convicted to revaluate how I’m presenting, perhaps I did get too comfortable.
Mind you, as I’m listening to this, I’m wondering why no one just came directly to me?
I guess that’s a lot of pressure, fear of saying the wrong thing, idk.

He then asks me,

“When people call you miss instead of sir, how does that make you feel?”

I then outlined that I don’t feel offended because I’m not attached to being perceived as masculine. I’m not walking around macho macho and getting offended if someone calls me a girl. Like, I already present feminine, so it’s not an attack on me at all.

I simply correct them and move on.

He paused, looking slightly off-camera in contemplation, then moved on…

He then asked me what I identify as, a man or a woman?
And I just said there have been times I felt it would be more natural to be a woman, as it wouldn’t feel like a constant resistance to fit a mould of what a man should be, which always just felt performative to me when I tried to align with it all my life.

I said I am only just learning to accept myself as a feminine man and to feel comfortable in my skin. I don’t want to pretend or be the opposite of genuine.

There was more back and forth regarding this, where I just asserted that when I first came to church, I was guarded and didn’t relax and just exist, so I performed a bit.
But the longer I was there, the safer I felt. I grew a family-type bond with people in this church, so I let go a bit.
He nodded to that and then said:

“But you do understand that your inward spiritual growth should manifest on the outside, and there are certain presentations that men are guided to present as in the SDA church, so you have to understand it’s a lot of pressure from me when you are performing on stage or in roles where many people can see you and you are dressed feminine. Like I said, there are many people from both churches bombarding me asking me so many questions including…”

(He names people I associate with through the choir and other roles in the church.)

I told him I suspected people were talking about me, as I’ve gotten some hostile treatment. One man blatantly asked me if I was gay in front of church members to get a reaction out of me, and I responded with “yes,” hesitantly, but I did not want to lie anymore.
And I told this pastor this, as well as other times where people would subtly question why my hair was so long, or look at me funny…
It’s insidious, the way this has all built up I was beginning to realise as the pastor even let it slipped that people suspected me when I fist attended a few years back but now it’s less subtle the way I act and present.

He then told me:

“What would you say if I said you couldn’t be in certain spaces like choir etc. until there was evidence of a change from you? What would you say?”

And I just said plainly:

“From day one, when you let me into the choir I was grateful to be there. I had some understanding that positions like that were typically something members partake in, so through every performance, every event we attended and sang together as a choir, every choir practice in the evenings when I’d come back exhausted from work but somehow feel energised after singing, singing was my first love and now I got to direct it to God and with other believers, through all of that I treated it like my last moment, as I knew it was a gift from the start.
So if you did say that, I would completely understand, and I’ve already prepared my heart for that circumstance.”

He concluded and said he would need to speak with elders and so forth, and then prayed with me, praying that I’m guided to the right path and guided to fulfil the identity of who God created me to be.

The last question he asked was if I was okay with him discussing this with his elders to reach an informed decision.

I told him straight up that I’m not hiding who I am, and I’m perfectly okay with him saying whatever he wants from our conversation. I’ve worked hard on acknowledging that this is a part of my story, and I wear it on me with pride.
Throughout this whole call, I put on my usual self: calm, very warm and smiley, right up until he hung up.

Now I’m writing this down so I can reflect on it with clarity later, but at the moment there are just deeply sickening feelings swirling in my chest. Like emotion wants to bubble up, but I don’t understand it. I can’t begin to understand how I’m feeling right now.

How am I supposed to show up to church now knowing what I know?
Knowing everyone’s observing me like a hawk…

I’m exhausted mentally and still haven’t processed what this means moving forwards.
I was already in a bad mental state before the call, but now I have to come to terms with my entire world possibly crumbling apart, as my church is a large part of my social life as well as the job I work at.

Thanks to those who read through this.
I don’t expect many to. This is mainly for my own documentation, per usual on this account, to look back on.

But any insight is welcome, of course.
Take care and blessings to you all.

TL;DR: My pastor unexpectedly called me and asked about my femininity, sexuality, gender presentation and relationships. I was completely honest with him about being gay and my past relationship with a man, which I left because I believed God wanted me to. He then told me he’s been receiving a lot of complaints from members about me looking feminine and being involved in visible church roles like the choir. I explained that I actually became more feminine because I felt safe enough at church to stop performing masculinity. He’s now taking the matter to the elders to decide what happens next, and I’m sitting here wondering how the hell I’m supposed to walk back into church knowing everyone is apparently watching me.

Edit: I am reading through all your comments so don’t take my silence as me ignoring you. I’m just still in a weird emotional state right now and genuinely feel sick. It took a lot out me the conversation alone but also typing this out as accurately as possible as I knew it would be integral to look back on least I ever try to forget it.
Thank you all for your insight and support, I truly appreciate it. Hopefully I can respond to you all when I’m in a better headspace.

No artificial light, the sun makes the church look like this!

@hideeby_art on TikTok

Song: Would you fall in love with me again?
Epic the musical the Ithaca saga.

I saw this video and a tug something deep in my soul. It made me think of Jesus, tending to the lost sheep, returning the stray lambs to his flock and his unconditional love.

Well, maybe I’m not so done on the candles, haha. I think an Our Lady of Fatima and a Saint Clare would really round things out. Maybe a Sacred Heart, too.

Once I add the Last Supper tapestry on the wall there, I’m thinking of adding a few figurines and a small icon or two. I find that these tools really help me focus in my prayer and remind me of the Christlike thoughts and qualities I want to reflect outward to the world.

And before anyone accuses me of saint worship or Mary worship: asking for the intercession of saints and the Blessed Virgin Mary are not worship. Any intercession a saint offers is entirely through the grace of God through our Lord Jesus Christ. The saints are not substitutes or mediators for Christ; they serve to point us toward Him.

If anyone’s interested, I’ll put together a list of Scripture passages in the comments explaining why Catholics believe the saints are alive in Christ and can intercede for us.

Hello, everyone. I am a Christian, but I really like metal. To be specific, sludge metal, like acid bath or sofa king killer. The lyrics don't have any effect on me, and I don't really follow them, I just like the music.

I did try to explore other genres, but nothing hits the same spot as metal. So, I am asking, is listening to metal a sin?

I made a new sub for Catholic women to discuss hot-button topics, news/popular culture, women’s health, and all things Catholicism. This is a safe place to discuss particularly divisive issues, and my goal is to keep the sub politically neutral. We of course expect users to speak to each other with respect and charity, and above all else, remember that they are followers of Jesus Christ. You can join at r/magnificat

Christians of all denominations are of course welcome! But do remember that it is a dominantly Catholic sub, so uncharitable comments towards the Catholic faith will be removed. But we encourage discussion and questions about the faith!

I am a mom to three littles, so I don’t have a lot of time to be on here moderating. If you’re interested in helping me manage the new sub, shoot me a message!

Thanks and God Bless!

I was raised Baptist but I’m considering becoming Catholic. That being said, I’m starting to feel like there’s too much emphasis on “being saved”. Saved from what exactly? Hell? I feel like that’s not the point. Why is that the focus? I mean yeah that’d be nice but I feel like that’s just an entrance ticket to heaven. Why do you want to be in heaven? Just because it’s not hell? Isn’t the whole thing supposed to be about a relationship with Jesus/God? People can’t go to church for an hour yet want to be with Jesus forever? I’ve just been raised with this “are you saved” over and over again. I feel like that’s missing something. I guess that’s why I’m drawn to Catholicism? I’m falling away from this idea of OSAS too. We can’t just say the sinners prayer and go do whatever we want. John 3:16, to believe has to mean more than just saying “yes he’s real and he died for my sins” belief has to equal actions. Am I way off here? We are absolutely saved by grace but our lives have to reflect that, no?

I was sexually assaulted multiple times from the ages of 8-12. The offender was removed from my life and then reintroduced where I was assaulted again.

Now the offender was only a few years older than me and related. I’m struggling because family members are saying he’s changed a lot. His relationship with the Lord and his new wife has changed. He’s not the same person that he was years ago.

Now I know people can change. And I thought I had worked through everything and was ready to be around him again. But I just blew up at his wife and after a talk with my parents, I realized that I’m holding onto a lot of anger, resentment, and hurt.

I’ve done plenty of therapy. But I keep getting told I need to give it to God because this guy is still controlling a big part of my life without even being present.

I’m just not sure where to start.

Let me give you guys a bit of a backstory:

I was raised in a traditional Southern Baptist upbringing. I accepted Christ as my savior at an altar call when I was in the 5th grade and was Baptized soon after. Somewhere around my teenage years I abandoned my faith (I think it was a combination of stress of constantly worrying about Hell, ironic I know, and being bullied mixed with teenage angst and that rebellious streak that most teens get). I almost died at 17 from alcohol poisoning and came back to Christ.

Now I'm a man in my 30s, and I've admittedly been fairly dead in my faith for most of my life. What I mean by that is I haven't been attending church or doing fellowship with people. I have severe depression, PTSD, and anxiety - all diagnosed. I've always been an anxious individual. As a kid I was constantly freaking out about verses like Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit, losing salvation, etc.

I recently wanted to get closer to Christ and all I've found is more anxiety and questions instead of answers. I went to an Orthodox church and had a panic attack - it was my first time in a church in many years. Found that I don't agree with some of their teachings, same with Catholics, and now even some Prots.

The problem I'm having is I hear the Orthobros call people heretics for not believing exactly as they do, in their church, and low and behold the Catholics are doing the same thing. Now I was in a Lutheran church and honestly quite happy with it, because I wanted to take Holy Communion because I was told you have to to basically be saved. Found out they believe you can lose salvation. Something I feel strongly in my heart about. I might be wrong, I know most of you will say I'm wrong, but I can't help what my heart tells me.

Every single one of these sects that I've been to seem to think their way is the only way and I'm sitting here with my hands in my pocket feeling like I'm just eternally damned no matter what I do. The Lutherans basically say that my modern Baptist upbringing doesn't count because apparently being saved isn't a onetime thing - you have to be sanctified or something along those lines. This has really taken the wind out of my sails, for sure. Starting to think maybe I shouldn't go to church and just do my own studies and hope for the best. Because I've submerged myself into this completely and if it's not being called a heretic from the Orthobros, or listening to a Catholic say their way is the only true way, now it's the Prots saying the same exact thing.

I came searching for peace, with a desire to be a better man and get closer to God - all I've found is questions to questions, anxiety, and pessimism. I'm not even freaking out anymore; I've just reached such a state of depression over this whole ordeal that I'm completely numb and wrapped in a blanket of pessimism.

I'm starting to feel like I'm damned no matter what I do. And it's a lonely feeling. All I can hope for is that God won't immediately send me to Hell when I'm dead for not doing Holy Communion, but I don't wanna follow through with a particular sect if it's not the right one, and apparently according to all of them, everyone else is basically wrong.

I'm mentally exhausted and burnt out. I'm numb, depressed, and just blank right now as I sit here and type this out.

I won't give up my faith in Christ, but if I'm being completely honest with you all, I'm honestly giving up on the fellowship thing. I honestly feel like maybe I'm just destined to be a hermit and alone in all of it.

I get the most religious after a few drinks am I a catholic?
In all seriousness I’ve been struggling to find the sect that I believe is the best way to have a relationship with God any advise from anyone in any sect would be appreciated.

Hello, just saw this church while church Hunting, not rlly an Christian yet, although I did started reading parts of the bible, I am pretty aware of how churches are culturally divided nowadays and I’m not sure if there is any red flags since I’m too lazy to do so, and that I’m basically a teen who just heads off to high school, any thoughts or some advice? Thanks.

So I used to be a Mormon, and what made me leave was doing a deep dive into my own church’s history. For most of my time in the Church, I only knew the whitewashed, sanitized, faith-promoting version taught in Sunday School. So now imagine how shocked I am.

I genuinely had no idea how troubled and disturbing so much of the Mormon Church’s history was. The more I learn, the more I’m sitting here thinking, what the actual F?

Polygamy, polyandry, abuse, sexual abuse, child abuse, cover-ups, dishonesty, racism, deception, violence, murder of innocent people, and LGBTQ people being harmed, all while the Church preaches integrity, virtue, honesty, and moral righteousness from the pulpit.

It honestly makes me unable to stomach believing anymore.

is Christianity’s history like this too? 

This isn't me bragging i just don't have will to do anything else and i don't know why It's been harder to get up in the morning i don't draw anymore and most of my day is spent on tiktok and I'm not sure what to do i have to force myself to shower and i have barely any appetite for food some help would be appreciated

I’ve been a Christian for about 6 months, I’m being baptised with my fiancee on Sunday and we’ve both been having bad dreams on Saturday evenings with a similar figure. Mine was a figure with a long slender face and screaming at me before collapsing. There’s a few more details but I don’t feel it’s necessary to add as it is quite graphic. Hers was near enough the same.

I’ve been feeling generally bothered in my day to day life, unrelated to the dreams, it hasn’t affected either of us much. Just something we’re aware of. Just looking for some advice or if anyone else can relate. I can certainly feel it’s getting stronger towards the baptism.

Thanks!

I wrote a book! It’s called “If We Are Going to Heaven, Then Why Is Jesus Coming to Earth?” It is my layman’s attempt to understand the Book of Revelation as part of the Bible’s bigger story of a Father pursuing his kids. I explore prophecy, the return of Jesus, Heaven, Hell, the New Earth, and some science along the way, but the big question is whether the ending is really about escaping Earth, or about everything ultimately being restored. I focus on the good news. Thanks for letting me share.

https://a.co/d/08XkEILF