Got my first adult "crush" and in trying to figure out how to feel things i guess. Had a lot to say 😭

TW: SUICIDE, HOSPITLIZATIONS, MENTAL HEALTH

CONTINUED

Being in there definitely was rough and I hated every minute of it, but it was exactly where I needed to be. I didn't have to like it; I just had to accept the fact that I was in there for my own safety.

These were my thoughts as I was slowly able to process all the thoughts that were going in my head.

Had it not been for the people that I met in there, Nurse Jane, and my therapist and psychiatrist, I wouldn't have been able to leave that place the way I did.

Now. Next step is to do ECT and just continue journaling as I get through this next big step in my life.

It is nice to be able to share these things somewhere, where I don't feel like I am shoving it down my friends and family's throat. For example, if you guys take the time to read this, it is because you wanted to, not because I forced you haha.

Sorry for the bright colors, I may swap to an actual pen at some point 👀

I legit was struggling today. feeling like some of my friends dislike me (I have no real reason to believe something like that ). But the feelings were strong and I felt like I was just in a rut, going things over and over. During my time reading the bible this morning I got distracted again and had the impulse to just submit, and say ”yeah they don’t like you very much, but it’s not a big deal. just get over it, you will always be alone, but it’s not the end of the world. It makes sense why people don’t want to be close to you. It’s not their fault.” etc.… That has been my coping mechanism in the past at times. again, in reality I had no information that would back up this feeling. As I sat there working through these emotions, I had the impulse to write down ”Your friends don’t hate you” I felt immediate relief. The rest of my day has been so much better since then. It’s on my to-do pad so I’ve naturally glanced at it throughout the day.

has this type of thing helped anyone else? the difference for me today was huge. Instead of wallowing, I actively started reminding myself of what I thought was actually true. That I’m not perfect, but amazingly I am accepted, and loved by quite a few people, and how amazing that is.