Since Reddit is anonymous, I want to ask this honestly, specifically to women.
I’ve noticed something over the years that I can’t quite figure out.
Sometimes I see men who don’t seem particularly willing to compromise, sacrifice, or go out of their way for their partner, and yet they seem to be deeply loved and desired. Sometimes they can even be a little emotionally unavailable, dominant, or what I would personally describe as “toxic.”
And then there are men who are extremely giving in relationships—who genuinely want their partner to be happy, support her ambitions, give her space to be unapologetically herself, and are willing to make sacrifices for the relationship.
I’m naturally much more like the second kind.
When I fall in love with someone, I become very submissive to her—not because I’m trying to win her over or because I think I have to earn her love. It’s just how I naturally feel when I genuinely love someone. Making her happy, accommodating her, and seeing her be herself actually makes me happy too.
But sometimes I wonder if that very quality makes a man less attractive.
I’m not talking about having no boundaries or becoming a doormat. I mean genuinely caring deeply about someone and being willing to put their happiness high on your list.
So I’m curious about the women here:
Is there actually some truth to the idea that a man who is a little harder to please, less accommodating, or even somewhat emotionally unavailable can feel more attractive than a man who is openly devoted and giving?
Or is this just a pattern I’ve personally noticed because of the kind of relationships I’ve encountered?
And if you prefer a very giving/submissive partner, what makes that attractive to you?
I’m genuinely interested in hearing women's perspectives on this, especially from those who have experienced both kinds of relationships.