I’ve struggled with gambling addiction since I was 18 and I’m now 35. In and out of GA. I just feel kind of hopeless. In so much debt I don’t see a way out. Even if I stop gambling completely I’ve wrecked myself financially already and I don’t see being able to recover from the damage for years. Which makes me less determined to quit because I’m just like “F it” at this point. But I know that’s a horrible way to look at it. My life is this way because of the decisions I’ve made. I just wish I could have a fresh start. Not trying to have a pity party I just needed to vent, I’m having such a hard night. What tools, other than GA, have really helped you stay bet free?

I want to commit suicide more than ever. I have had medical and car expenses come up sicne quitting that wipe out the savings I have left. The lessons god is teaching me are harder than ever and I wanted to end it when I still had $100k, I have $3k now to my name after expenses. Not sure what else to do. No safety net left, Worked hard past all the adversity, being homeless, losing my dad to cancer, almost losing my life twice to aorta artery being knicked in an outpatient surgery to being rear ended by a commercial vehicle stuck in traffic, rape, my best friend to suicide, near misses in shootings downtown Minneapolis, and here I am back on the brink of homelessness and nothingness. I never thought id be here. Keep trying to rebuild finding new work and side jobs etc but keep taking L after L. I am broken beyond the trauma, I am broken beyond belief. I truly don’t know how to keep fighting. I have been fighting my whole life and always end up at the bottom. Ill never forgive myself for getting myself back to nothing. Hanging myself in the woods and walking into traffic feels more peaceful than it ever has. I hope my family can forgive me. I truly cant do this anymore after all ive been through in my 30 years of life. No matter how hard I try to change and better my life, I always fall short. I don’t want to die but I can’t keep living.

Hello everyone,

This is a long post! Hope you enjoy the read

To give you a bit of background: when i entered this community, i was on the verge of taking my own life because of my compulsive behaviour and addiction to trading. If you are reading this and you are in a similar situation, please seek help. You don’t have to go through this alone.

This is the longest streak i’ve had without relapsing in the 7 years since i started trading, and this time i feel like it’s real.

During those 7 years, i made amounts of money that could have allowed many people to retire. But it was never really about winning. It was just numbers on a screen, chasing that crazy rush and dopamine.
i ended up in debt more times than i can count. i would pay it off, get back into debt, and the cycle would repeat. Each relapse became harder and harder.

i nearly lost my wife and children because of my compulsive behaviour. That scared me in a way nothing else had before, because for the first time i truly felt that i could lose everything that mattered to me. But it doesn’t have to be the end of the story.

i went to my first GA meeting on 7th of July, and i still attend weekly. Honestly, it was probably one of the best decisions i’ve ever made. i met people who understand exactly what i’m going through because they’ve been there themselves.

i’ve learned a few things that help me stay clean.
They seem to work for me, so i wanted to share them:

1. Acceptance
i knew i had a problem, but accepting it was the hardest part. i had to admit to myself and to the people around me that i was sick and that i couldn’t control this behaviour on my own.

2. Honesty
You know how deceptive you can become when you have this disease. It loses a lot of its power when you start speaking openly to the right people.

For me, those people are mainly the ones i meet in GA, along with a few selected family members and friends. Sometimes the people closest to you don’t understand addiction and may judge you for things that are symptoms of the disease.

You need to talk. Just make sure you’re talking to people who can actually understand what you’re going through.

3. Finances
i still don’t have control over my finances, and i’m still in debt. i’ve had to accept that. i can’t fix everything as quickly as i would like to, and i can’t use trading to fix the financial problems that trading created.

For me, accepting that has been a huge part of staying clean.

4. i can’t fix everything
You can’t fix everything, and you definitely can’t fix everything at once. This is something i took from the GA playbook. You have to take things slowly, one day at a time.

i’ve also had to accept that i may not be able to fix some relationships. And that’s okay. i don’t blame anyone anymore.

5. Forgiveness
This has probably been the hardest one for me.
It took me almost two months to start understanding myself and forgiving myself, as well as forgiving other people.

Some people will say hurtful things to you. Sometimes that is their own pain talking. Learning to forgive them doesn’t mean that what they said or did was okay. It means you stop carrying it with you….i learned that the hard way.

How do i feel after 60 days?

Honestly… i feel free.Not financially free lol. Far from it. I’m still in debt and i still have a lot of shit to rebuild. But mentally? I feel freer than i have felt in years.

The biggest thing i notice is that i’m actually present again.

I’m more connected to my wife, my kids and my friends. When i’m with them, i’m actually there. I’m not half there while the other half of my brain is looking at charts, thinking about the next trade, calculating how much i could make or trying to figure out how to recover what i lost.That constant noise is slowly going away.

I’ve also started noticing changes in other parts of my life.

At work, i almost got promoted and received a lot of really good feedback from the people i work with. My energy levels are getting much better too. I still have shitty days, but i don’t feel like my entire life depends on whether i win or lose today.

And probably one of the biggest things i’ve learned is that i don’t have to fix everything today. I’m still in debt. Some things are still uncertain. There are problems i literally cannot solve right now and my old brain hates that…. it wants a solution. NOW.

That’s usually where the addiction would come in.
I’ve had some really strong urges during these 60 days. Strong enough that my brain started telling me things like:
“Maybe just one small trade.”
“Maybe use this bonus.”
“Maybe take a small loan and make it back.”

I know that voice now.And i know exactly where it leads.So no...I don’t trade…I don’t take loans to trade….I don’t try to win back what i lost.

And i don’t need to fix my entire life today.

Sometimes the biggest wins of the day is something incredibly boring.
Going home
Picking up my kids
Going to a GA meeting
Cooking dinner
Doing some stupid chores
Going to bed and letting the urge pass

That shit would have sounded ridiculous to me a year ago….Now it feels like freedom.

I’ve also started rediscovering who i am outside of trading.

Cooking has become a huge part of that. I love being in a kitchen, working with my hands, creating something from nothing and seeing people actually enjoy it and i realised something there….Trading gave me adrenaline…But it never gave me freedom…It gave me the feeling that i was in control while slowly taking control of my life away from me.

I’m starting to understand the difference now.

I don’t know what the next year will look like.I still have debt. I still have things to repair. I still have bad days. I still get urges….But for the first time in a very long time, i’m not trying to escape my life.

I’m actually starting to live it.

60 days clean.

That’s it. ODAAT!
Today i’m not trading.
Tomorrow we’ll deal with tomorrow.

Just living life without gambling and it’s great. Not constantly fucking up my brain chemistry, wasting all my time and energy, not sleeping, not spending time with loved ones, oh and not wasting all my money and actually getting somewhere in life 💪🏽

Completed

I’ve lost around 40k this month and I feel so numb. It’s like it doesn’t even feel real. I’m so ready to quit, so ready to be done. But there’s also a part of me that wants to keep going and its saying its okay. Its like im forcing myself to go lower than i am. Has anyone else felt this? Im beyond blessed that i still have a bit of savings and haven’t gone into debt. I feel like this is a make it or break point in my life and if I don’t stop I am seriously going to fuck up what little I have going. Maybe I’m just so utterly blinded by this addiction, idk.

Felt withdrawals today and urges but didn’t react, I can’t any ways money is locked away from me

Finally have hit rock bottom. Been sports gambling for awhile, but could never seem to quit. It sounds stupid, but I have a roof over my head, a loving family, a good job, and I’m going to college for free, yet for some reason I feel the urge to gamble all the time. Today I lost basically all I have and I have nothing really left in my bank and I feel empty. I don’t know where else to go, and I can’t talk to anyone close to me because I could lose so much by admitting to it. Anyways, cheers to night 1 free from gambling. Hopefully this dread goes away, I feel horrible

I am a compulsive gambler since my undergrad 2nd year. I am now 25M, and still gamble.

Tonight, I lost all my savings so far and my net worth is -10k. I had taken loan of 10k to fund the gambling and I lost it too.

It sucks to start again, and my aim now is to get to whole number before even thinking of natural numbers from here on. From my last setback I was finally doing better in life and financially but now this has resulted in a huge setback of almost 2 years of my income and savings.

From someone who has gone through this, and worse, I need serious advice. I need someone to tell me if I don’t stop here, it will ruin me further. And also, I see dead end for me right now but if I dont save next 1 year, missing out on vacations I had planned, all the experiences at 25 that I had planned due to my bank balance in negative, tell me it will be alright

✨

Beautiful day out today. I managed to get out for a walk on my morning break and grab a coffee. I basically just sat by the water and listened to the birds. I feel a lot more calm than I was last week. I managed to pay for my car repair after grinding at work most of the weekend and had an extra $40 leftover. I ended up treating myself to a ticket to see the new Spider-Man movie before it left theatres with a friend. Funny how expensive the movies are now, I spent almost all of the $40 getting the ticket, popcorn, and a drink. It was a great movie and I don't regret treating myself on the one day off I had last week.

Hope you all have a gamble free day today, cheers.

I am 34- young to some, old to others- and interestingly enough, I’ve never liked gambling. Seriously. I rarely would go to the casino, I don’t do sports betting, etc. Well, about six months ago, I learned my state started offering online slots and games through the state lottery that was super easy to play. For some reason, this version of gambling really, REALLY appealed to me, and I was depositing $20 here, $40 there, “just for fun” I told myself. A few months in, I started to use every last dollar that didn’t go to bills or household expenses to gamble.

Well, reality came down on me like a load of bricks this weekend. I had a slightly bigger check than normal, with a few extra hundred dollars I could have used towards debts and other expenses… nope. Not only did I gamble it away on the state lottery app, I managed to turn my $300 into $1,500 and despite constantly telling myself “OK, I need to stop and withdraw at least $1,000, this is great,” I never actually did. I just kept hitting the shiny button in the app until my $1,500 turned to $800, then $500, then $300, then $0.

I have no idea why I didn’t withdraw the money when it could have made such a huge difference AND I could have still had some money leftover in the account to gamble with without feeling guilty. Nope, I just threw it all away, and ever since then (Friday night) I’ve been sick to my stomach thinking about the money and the kind of trance I was in.

I made the decision this morning to self exclude for a year from online and in-person gambling. And in the back of my mind I already feel the “itch” to go back in and try to get that money back again, but thankfully, I literally can’t.

I’m hoping this year will help me build a healthy relationship with the occasional social gambling like I did before I learned of the state lottery app, but right now, I feel like I’ve dug myself so far underground I can’t see the sun. 💔

Hi all,

I’ve been quite a heavy gambler since I was young, and as a result, it has completely distorted my view of money. For example, I’ll think, “Oh, it’s only this much… I’d bet that on one thing”.

Does it ever get better? I hate the feeling of knowing I’m doing the wrong thing and still doing it. I’m chasing losses from literally years ago, and I can’t seem to get rid of this distorted view I have of money.

Gambling has hurt my sleep, health, and relationships. I have made amends for the harm it has caused, but the ability to forget or forgive what I have lost never comes.

I also go through cycles where I comfortably won’t gamble, but then I relapse because of boredom, depression, thoughts of chasing losses, or simply thinking, “If I just win this amount, I can pay for this.” It makes no logical sense because I will inevitably lose. I can rationalise that I will lose, but for some reason, I just cannot break the cycle.

I had a big loss tonight. I feel sick and exhausted.

Any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Today i made 60k from just just 4k and then i applied for withdrawal …but they rejected my withdrawal request saying that there are some issue for withdrawal going on …i controlled my self from gambling that money even after 8 to 9 hours but they still says withdrawal issue ….but then i lost my control and lost all the money i won ..at the last i left with just 1k then i withdrew it .it was a instant withdrawal without any issue ,that means thay wanted me to loose all that money ….in frustration i even lost that 1k what i withdraw…such a dumb ass of me …..i want a strong help so i can stop gambling asap….

Today is Day 16. Not a lot of updates. Unfortunately I get paid every 6 weeks so this has been a hard time for me. I think ill get a paycheck sooner this time though. I have 3 weeks off coming up. Instead of gambling, I am going to do something that brings me meaningful joy. I have been at work now for 13 days with 8 to go. I am going to do my best to continue. I have debts to pay first but ill be okay. I have a lot of catching up to do now.

I know Ive been here before. Many times actually. This is the first time I have truly eliminated all ways to play. I cant even go online and play. Truly a huge relief. I know I'll have urges, but I think this will be the time I actually beat this. Ive given up 8 years of my life to gambling. Time to take control again.

For anyone who is feeling hopeless, this helped me a lot:

The future is not set in stone

31(M), 7 days ago or so I gambled my entire paycheck so I was screwed to pay bills. I had to finally come clean to my dad about it after 2 - 3 years of doing it in secret and ask for his help. he thought i'd be saving this whole time, but i've lost everything i'd ever earned - only keeping just enough to get by.

i really thought that was the turning point being completely broke, missing bills, and confessing to my parents. we even made an agreement that my next paycheck i'd send him everything and i would just keep enough to pay bills and a little for spending.

7 days later and in between those days, i managed to turn a free $300 into $10k. i'd been playing for hours every day. i thought fuck yeah, that means i just recovered my last month or so of gambling losses. divvied up all the funds into my buckets for bills, savings (travel end of this year, hobby costs, emergency fund). then today i spiralled and nearly lost all of it, luckily on the last few bets, it took me back to $12k. i cashed that out about 6 hours ago, went home, and within 2 hours, i was back on the site thinking yeah i'm a little bored, why not just do $500? well that turned into the entire $12k and i'm back to where i was a week ago.

im absolutely numb (shocked?) to the fact that i just wasted a free head start on recovery financially, but i guess thats not how recovery from gambling works. after any wins ever for me, ill always end up putting it back. no matter how gargantuan the win ive had, it always ended in losing everything due to sheer greediness and detachment to the money won. even now im still thinking in the back of my mind how im going to win it back. i know i wont get my $200k back from all the years, but maybe just something decent.

idk i just wanted to vent a bit. i've been working extremely hard the last few months, so i hope it all pays off and as i start building my finances again and the last 2 - 3 years of losses seem like nothing but a few mishaps. moving forward i plan to give my funds over to my dad since ill likely just find another site and another way to gamble again at a moments notice. really hoping i can get over this quickly and take the drive to earn into work and build wealth the real way.

i just hope its not too late and that i dont take more than 5 years to truly enjoy my life and make real progress.

I’ve been (if I’m being honest with myself) probably compulsive gambling since 2022, highs mixed with lows, does this happen to anybody else.

I work on the road and there’s lay-bys I associate with “I won/lost this amount here” . Your toilet reminds you the time you lost or won.

You associate places with gambling, it just totally takes over your life. And you never actually get anywhere with it , there’s sometimes brief periods of being flush with winnings and never lasts more than a month, and this cycle just goes on and on and on.

Sorry for the rant gambling just sucks